Oh, NO! Gaye I am so sorry to hear you have to take a leave from your dream! I do hope this will only be temp and you are able to pick up where you left off from shortly. I am so sad you were even faced with having to make the decision. I wish there were some thing I could say or do to make things better. The old style siamese has lost some one very special, and I hope it's not for long. I don't think I could be more upset that you have made this decision then if it was me that had made it, I truely am at a loss for words.
I hope you can find an outlet for your love of these wonderful cats, like solaritybangles, after she made the decision to stop breeding after meeka lost her kittens, she went another way with her love and awareness of the breed by doing a project, mabey you can still find a way to spread your knowledge and share their awareness with others, in a way that isn't as time consuming as breeding. It will help ease your mind of not being able to breed, and still get your very important message and knowledge out there.
Take care of your self, the sooner you do the sooner you may be able to get back to breeding. I will be looking forward to hearing you are feeling well, and getting a new girl to start your passion back up with!