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Have you ever really wanted....

post #1 of 21
Thread Starter 
something but knew you shouldn't do it?????


I've been having a really hard time lately. My good friend is pregnant and I can't seem to get away from people having babies everywhere. I've posted a bout wanting a bigger family before, but I know it's not the right time.

I really want this but I feel like I need to be responsible first and put my wants second. My responsibilities are finishing university to give my son and family a better life, to get to a healthy body weight first and finacially we could be better off. I just know that if I put off having a baby, I'll have to wait until I've got tenure, which normally takes about 2 straight years of fulltime work (I'm going to be a teacher), so my first son will already be 10 before I would even consider getting pregnant again based off of responsibilities. I don't know what to do.

Have any of you ever been through something like this before???
post #2 of 21
what does your significant other think?
maybe if you balanced everything out right you could add to your family. dont give up hope just yet! lots of familys juggle school, work, kids, realtionships. As long as you find a little you time I bet you could do it.
Remember to take care of yourself first, your health is important!
post #3 of 21
Thread Starter 
My husband is indifferent. He wants another child, but it makes no difference to him when that happens.

It's just gotten harder because I thought I had made up my mind and then my friend got pregnant and it's stirred these feelings up again. And then at christmas, my mom, who has always said I should only have 1 child started making comments like Telaryn needs someone to play with, when are you going to have another baby, etc. Also, Telaryn isn't a baby anymore. He'll be 4 on the 30th, so I don't know, maybe I'm just missing the baby years??
post #4 of 21
Yep. Going through the exact same things! I was on depo for 3 years because we had decided we wouldn't have another till we could have more $ in our pocket. Then we decided screw the first plan lets just do it anyway. So I went off Depo and waited for my cycle to come back. Now were back to the first plan and Sierra will be way too old by the time were able to have everything we want. So I figure she's just going to be an only child. I told hubby go get snipped but he hasn't done it yet.

So I'm patiently waiting for a mistake.
post #5 of 21
well...ask your 4 year old too! lol
Your not some silly teenager who think babies are cute and only wants a baby to dress them up in cute clothes lol...your already a mother so you know what you have to look forward to. I would say your looking at the situation better then you think you are. Spend a few days really thinking about another baby and do the math...add that baby right in your monthly budget and your weekly schedule and see how the baby fits! You can do it!
ps...gotta love those grandparents lol!
post #6 of 21
Thread Starter 
I did want my children to be close in age so that my husband and I could have a good chunk of our middle aged years to just be a married couple and perhaps travel and such, but it most likely won't work out this way.Anyways, a lot of people tell me I have plenty of time, which I do, but I just don't feel my age if that makes sense. My best friends are 34, 36 and my youngest friend is 25. I don't know...thanks for letting me vent though!
post #7 of 21
This would take some soul searching for me, and definitely include your hubby. Let him in on your feelings on the matter, for sure. Really, if you wait until you can "afford" your second child, you may be waiting forever, as all kids cost $$$!!! Don't feel pressured by comments your mother is making...these are things that grandmas say, undoubtedly! And maybe you could chip in and offer to babysit your friend's new baby when he/she arrives, so you can get an idea of what juggling two little ones will be like! Just a thought...but really, you'll know when the time comes to have your second child. Follow your .
post #8 of 21
Not about something serious like that but I do want a newer car, but really shouldn't get one because mine works just fine, its just ugly
post #9 of 21
Definitely talk it over with your hubby. If you're serious about this, see how much he is willing to put in.

I would either do it soon (before you graduate) or wait until your tenure. Personally I wouldn't do it during your first 2 years of teaching. But overall it's up to you and your hubby.
post #10 of 21
I say talk it over with your Hubby and try to met on middle ground.
post #11 of 21
i understand sweetie. i'm going bonkers right now wanting to get married and start a family and although i'm happy for my friends and loved ones who are now getting married and staring their families.....i must admit, it upsets me a little sometimes. It seems like EVERYONE of my friends is getting married and all but meI just feel like everyone is getting on with their lives but me I'm sure in due time we'll both find the things we really want in life...but i definitely understand how it can get frusterating and upsetting pm me if you need someone to talk to.
post #12 of 21
Thread Starter 
Hmm I really thought about my schedual. If I got pregnant right away, I'd have the baby at good timing because next year is not that bad. I'm taking spring/summer sessions so next year I only have 4 classes a sem instead of the 6 I'm doing now. The only problem with this, is that I'd like to get to my goal pre-pregnant weight first.

If I weight even just 9 months, I'd have the baby just before or during internship and internship is intense. Not enough time to have the child I already have. So if I do have more children, logically I have to weight until tenure. I'll hopefully get a full-time position right away...I'm willing to relocate to pretty much anywhere LOL!

Well I'm not on birthcontrol right now...actually I haven't been for a full year now so if I'm ment to get pregnant I will.

Thank you all for your advice and great comments!
post #13 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by IloveSiamese View Post
Hmm I really thought about my schedual. If I got pregnant right away, I'd have the baby at good timing because next year is not that bad. I'm taking spring/summer sessions so next year I only have 4 classes a sem instead of the 6 I'm doing now. The only problem with this, is that I'd like to get to my goal pre-pregnant weight first.

If I weight even just 9 months, I'd have the baby just before or during internship and internship is intense. Not enough time to have the child I already have. So if I do have more children, logically I have to weight until tenure. I'll hopefully get a full-time position right away...I'm willing to relocate to pretty much anywhere LOL!

Well I'm not on birthcontrol right now...actually I haven't been for a full year now so if I'm ment to get pregnant I will.

Thank you all for your advice and great comments!
It will happen when the time is right sweetie. you and your family will figure it out
post #14 of 21
I was 11 when my brother was born and it was SUCH a good experience for both of us, growing up with that age gap. You sidestep the whole sibling rivalry thing and the older one gets to help out and have some responsibility (which, I seriously would not put Andrew down for his first 18 months of life) and the younger one has a role model (2 years ago, when Andrew had to do a school report on his hero, he chose his big sister!). Oh, and my mom was 41 when she had Andrew. He's nearly 11 now as well!

...just saying
post #15 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by lionessrampant View Post
I was 11 when my brother was born and it was SUCH a good experience for both of us, growing up with that age gap. You sidestep the whole sibling rivalry thing and the older one gets to help out and have some responsibility (which, I seriously would not put Andrew down for his first 18 months of life) and the younger one has a role model (2 years ago, when Andrew had to do a school report on his hero, he chose his big sister!). Oh, and my mom was 41 when she had Andrew. He's nearly 11 now as well!

...just saying
That's a very good point! There is also a significant age gap between my sisters and I and it worked out lovely!

My oldest sister Monica is 18 years older than me (i was a suprise.) she had her first baby- my neice terra, when i was not even a year old- so i grew up with my niece

my sister kimmy is 9 years older than me

and my sister debbie (on my dad's side, not my mom's) is 8 years older than me

It's worked out lovely for all of us
post #16 of 21
My worst ordeal of wanting something I shouldn't have deals with sweets, so I am sorry that I am not going to be of much help to you, though if you need a chocolate... Let me know!!
post #17 of 21
If you wait until you can afford it, you might never have another baby. The good Lord will give you one when he thinks the time is right for all of you. I hope you do whatever makes you and your family happy.

My children are 21 months apart, and I am glad that I had them close together. They are now 29 and 27 and they are still real close.
post #18 of 21
I say go for it if you really want to, but a family is a family no matter what the age difference. My sister and I are like best friends, and we're nine years apart. Actually, it worked out better for us...

She's pregnant right now, and all the baby clothes shopping and nursery talk has made me think about babies. It's infectious! Maybe that's why you have the twinge right now? Like how people whose friends are all getting married suddenly want to get married more than ever?
post #19 of 21
Me and my sisters are all almost exactly a year apart. Except for baby Sarah.
Theres Anna 28, Elizabeth 27, Me 26 and Sarah 18. Me and my 2 older sisters are very close. Me and Sarah not so much. She bugs me.
post #20 of 21
If people waited until they could really afford it or were ready for children no one would have any. But this is a decision you and your family has to make as to whats better for your situation. But there sometimes can be more riskd with waiting sometimes.

My husband got fixed after our last child and I still get the baby thoughts once in a while thats usually when i get another cat lol. I had my 3 children within 5 years. Seemed like i was forever preg. But every situation is different it worked out for us I was able to stay home with them untill my youngest started kindergarten. Then I went to work.

You will figure out what works hang in there.
post #21 of 21
Thread Starter 
LOL I was talking about it with my pregnant friend today and she keeps encouraging me to just do it LOL I'm so tempted haha.

I think I'm going to do some research. Men can take paternal leaves for up to a year...but I'm not sure the exact details....BUT I'd give myself until about August to get to my "goal" weight, then get preggers hopefully with in a couple months of "trying" and then have the baby about Mayish, which would give me 4 months before internship and then Kyle could take 8 months off of work to take care of the baby while I'm in school. Then the baby would be just about 1.5 years old before I need to get a job. I could probably manage that!!!

Welp, I'm off to find out more about the regulations surrounding mat/paternatiy leave.
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