Just need to vent...

phenomsmom · Jan 16, 2007

Well i have decided that I am no longer cooking his meals or washing his clothes. That is that. We have already discussed the problem. He seems to have forgotten already. So we will see if this solves the problem. I have my fingers crossed!

luckygirl · Jan 16, 2007

Originally Posted by Anakat

I hope when you all have sons you remember this !!!
I have two grown up sons, they were doing their own washing and ironing by the time they were 12, they can both cook and clear up after, the younger one has now taken an evening job so that he can do the child care in the day. They were informed very early that having a dangly bit was no excuse for uselessness

OMG that is hysterical! A "dangly bit"?!

That is priceless my friend!!!

2dogmom · Jan 16, 2007

You wanna cure him fast? Tell him you read somewhere that most men would rather come home to an unmade bed and a happy wife than to a clean house and a tired, tense wife and ask him if it's true. Betcha that shuts him up.

gailuvscats · Jan 16, 2007

[Well i have decided that I am no longer cooking his meals or washing his clothes. That is that. We have already discussed the problem. He seems to have forgotten already. So we will see if this solves the problem. I have my fingers crossed! /QUOTE]

Good for you, go on strike until he appreciates what you do. If he brings it up, "say oh did you want me to help you with that"? Make him ask you to do stuff. and ask nicely, and say thank you when it is done. Better yet, ask him if he would like you to show him how to do it. You can even tell him you are on strike until he appreciates what you do. It doesn't have to be an argument, just live with him as you would a female roomate. You wouldn't do her cooking and cleaning. Just do things that are convenient for you and when you feel like it. You are not his mother.

sneakymom · Jan 16, 2007

I can completly relate to the argument. I've had it in my house too many times.

I take care of a lot of the things around here (ie cleaning), shuttle the kids to and from extracurriculars, AND manage to keep my grades up in school (I am planning on getting a BSN within the next few years).

Last year was a killer year for school. I took A&P, and it is NOT an easy class. I can't tell you how many times I yelled, screamed etc for some help around here. And it's not like my kids are little either- I've got an almost 10 year old and a 13 year old. Nobody wants to help- they want ME to do everything, yet "Oh yeah mom, this is SO COOL that you're going to school"

This year isn't shaping up to be much better. I've got microbiology this semester, and though the stuff I'm learning is a lot easier (at least it seems so, it's only the 2nd week of classes so we'll see) but it looks like it may be just as much work as A&P is. I realize dh has to work some LONG hours b/c he's been recalled to active duty Navy for the last 7 months (and I am hoping that he doesn't get called up for another year, that's half the stress right there) but it's not like I do NOTHING all day either. Well, I did last week, but it was only the 1st week of classes, and I didn't HAVE anything to do- yet.

I just give up. When I came home yesterday (dd had a BYO rehersal for a concert next week, and yours truly had to drive her to rehersal b/c if you miss more than 2 rehersals a year you can get kicked out of it) , he had said he was gonna do some laundry. He was playing a video game, and dd# 2 was watching That's So Raven. She has seen (actually they both have) EVERY SINGLE EPISODE of that stupid show a million times. It's not that hard to sit and fold clothes while you're watching a repeat of something

So what did I have to do? Play drill sargent and make sure everyone helped me with the MOUND of clothes that needed to be folded. Because there was just NO WAY I was going to do it all.

I wish I had some advice to give you. I guess all I can say is that I"m in the same boat here, and it's getting pretty old pretty fast

crittermom · Jan 16, 2007

Some men are just that way. My hubby WAS that way, until he made a comment and I did NOTHING for the next day. I mean I didn't even cook--we went out.No laundry.........nothing.Now, he doesn't say a word.

phenomsmom · Jan 16, 2007

Well i just got off the phone with him. He has been working on the dirt bike all day. So we will see if anything is done around the house today. I am just going to let it go for now. But by the end of the week if nothing is done I am really going to be upset.

kiwideus · Jan 16, 2007

I am sorry that this is happening to you. I guess I am quite lucky that my hubby gets in my way helping me with everything I do.

I have begun teaching my son to clean up after himself and put his laundry away and his dirty clothes in the hamper - never too young to start.

I do have to ask you, is it worth sticking with Lee in the long run if it makes you so unhappy?

phenomsmom · Jan 16, 2007

Originally Posted by Kiwideus

I
I do have to ask you, is it worth sticking with Lee in the long run if it makes you so unhappy?

Yes. I know once he realizes what a pain it is to come home and fix dinner and do laundry and clean cat boxes and clean up the kitchen and every other little thing that needs to be done before bed, he will start pitching in and appreciating what I do. His mom has done everything for him his whole life. Atleast I pray that is how it will work out in the long run.

kiwideus · Jan 16, 2007

Originally Posted by Phenomsmom

Yes. I know once he realizes what a pain it is to come home and fix dinner and do laundry and clean cat boxes and clean up the kitchen and every other little thing that needs to be done before bed, he will start pitching in and appreciating what I do. His mom has done everything for him his whole life. Atleast I pray that is how it will work out in the long run.

Ahhh that makes a lot of sense. I hope that he gets that its not easy doing everything by yourself.

I better get my son started early to do things himself rather than getting me to do it all for him!!!

I hope everything works out for you.

babyharley · Jan 16, 2007

Oh hun - didn't you guys have this argument a few weeks back too?

John is the same way, he doesn't complain when its not done tho-but his mom also did everything for him when he was livnig at home -so he's completely incompitant when it comes to cleaning up. I learn to live with it. I do the cleaning on a daily basis, so I know its done the way I want it done...but when I go back to work(hopefully soon!) he's really good about cleaning when I'm busy.
He's gotten a bit better-so I can't complain.

I hope you and Lee work out your differences tho!

phenomsmom · Jan 16, 2007

Originally Posted by babyharley

Oh hun - didn't you guys have this argument a few weeks back too?

John is the same way, he doesn't complain when its not done tho-but his mom also did everything for him when he was livnig at home -so he's completely incompitant when it comes to cleaning up. I learn to live with it. I do the cleaning on a daily basis, so I know its done the way I want it done...but when I go back to work(hopefully soon!) he's really good about cleaning when I'm busy.
He's gotten a bit better-so I can't complain.

I hope you and Lee work out your differences tho!

Yep. Last week I think. Lee will help out some but not enough. I still end up doing more than my fair share.

babyharley · Jan 16, 2007

Originally Posted by Phenomsmom

Yep. Last week I think. Lee will help out some but not enough. I still end up doing more than my fair share.

Does he feel that its a 'womans' job to do this kind of stuff?

phenomsmom · Jan 16, 2007

I don't thinks so. I just think he thinks it is someone elses job.

babyharley · Jan 16, 2007

Originally Posted by Phenomsmom

I don't thinks so. I just think he thinks it is someone elses job.

Have you tried making a chore list? And dividing up the work?

lunasmom · Jan 16, 2007

Originally Posted by Phenomsmom

I don't thinks so. I just think he thinks it is someone elses job.

If you have a spare change, could you hire a maid (not an everyday one but a rainy day)?

i'm almost to the point of doing that...just to get a good cleaning once in a while.

rockcat · Jan 16, 2007

The guy made a comment that he shouldn't have, but maybe we could cut him a little slack.

Just some things to keep in mind:

Once you accept a chore, it is yours to keep. If you do the dishes after dinner every night, it becomes expected. If you are always the one to check the mail, soon you will hear "honey, did you check the mail yet?"

Pick your battles. What is important to you? Do you want to spend your precious time together fighting? Obviously, you don't want to be walked on and treated as a servant, but sometimes comments can be ignored, or even joked about. As Dr. Phil says, "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?"

happyhendrix · Jan 17, 2007

Yeah it might just have to do with how some guys are raised.

Jeff cleans, changes the litter and works and does a lot!

I make a little more than him and am a full time student. I think we are equal.

He may not tell you that though!

Just need to vent...

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