Just need to vent...

phenomsmom

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Nov 17, 2005
Messages
10,462
Purraise
11
Location
In training
I know I have been venting a lot lately. I am just so stressed. Lee and I had a fight yesterday. I was off of work for MLK Day and he was working with his dad. I did a little shopping since Sears was having a huge sale and came home and ate lunch and watched Gray's Anatomy until about 3:30. I had been doing laundry and cleaning up the bedroom. I put together the end tables my mom got me for Christmas. I was cooking dinner for Lee and he came home. He asked me what I had done today and I told him as I was getting ready to run the garbage out. I shut the door to the laundry room and open the door to the garage and I hear Lee say "Atleast I didn't ***** about the kitchen being messy or dinner not being done". He didn't mean for me to hear it I am sure. Later he said he was joking. I was really mad. I still am. The thing is I had been busy. I did alteast 4 loads of laundry, cooked his dinner and it was cooling on the stove so he could eat it, the bedroom was clean. I just don't understand. I don't get why he acts like that sometimes. He knows it bothers me a lot when he does and says things like that. I just had to go lock myself in the bedroom where I knew he wouldn't bother me. He doesn't ever apologize when he knows he hurts me. he just goes on like he doesn't care. I am just so frustrated with him.
 

angelkitty

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Aug 11, 2006
Messages
1,409
Purraise
1
Location
Indiana
I'm sooo sorryy.. :hug:

I know how this went,, me and Steven fought all last night about stupid stuff..

I had class till 10pm, and went to work at 8am,, so I was going all day long,, at lunch he had said since he was off all day long he would make dinner.. Well I got home after picking up my daughter from my parents since he's not feeling wonderful and he had just put the food in the oven.. He said he forgot.. Whateveerrr,, it was 10 at night, and I hadn't eaten since noon.. Needless to say we fought the rest of the time...

Then I went to feed the cats,, and their litter box (self cleaning ones) was almost empty and so it was gross.. MY GOSH,, he was home all day,, and he hadn't done a thing..

Needless to say,, we fought all night long,, from that point..
 

gailc

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
May 18, 2004
Messages
11,567
Purraise
13
Location
Wisconsin
With me not working this time of year sometimes I don't "do" alot during the day. Once in a while Neil brings it up but it isn't worth trying to find a temp job for 8 weeks that would pay enough to make it worthwhile. Even though he has a good job I try to reduce our expenses this time of year.
Sometimes I don't think guys think we can sit around and relax like they do say when they are watching sports on TV. Plus sometimes They might not realize that "housework" is work too and that it cane take longer than one thinks it does. I a running errands to at least 8 different places today-to be that is "housework" too as if I don't do it - its not going to get done.
Do you every tell him that saying stuff like that bothers you???
 

luckygirl

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
May 4, 2006
Messages
7,932
Purraise
1
Location
in a pile of open toed shoes!
omg I hate that! I get that kinda crap too sometimes..... if you need me to come down there and give him a swift kick in the you know what I will!
Tom thinks cause he can't see what I've done, I haven't done anything.....like I cleaned under the couch & in the cushions & behind the entertainment center.... he doesn't count any of that, and he'll say what did you do all day?! Ummmm, well I didn't hang out with my friends playing video games that's for sure!
Or, here's a concept, I did laundry and actually put it away....
as opposed to leaving it folded in the basket for the world to see like he does.
 

kittylover4ever

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
May 10, 2004
Messages
21,696
Purraise
16
Location
Ohio
People can be so insensitive some times........I'd tell him how I felt.......I work hard around my house all day when I'm home.....there are times when I tell myself, "Susie, just sit down and relax".....when I'm stuck here at work, I think about all these things I COULD be doing if I weren't stuck here at my desk doing nothing........

People who don't clean I don't think have any idea how long it can take to clean........they probbably just think a swipe of a dust rag and we're done!
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #6

phenomsmom

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Nov 17, 2005
Messages
10,462
Purraise
11
Location
In training
I understand that he gets mad when I try to relax a little when I have a holiday. I mean when he doesn't work becuase of the rain or something I expect him to pitch in around the house and maybe cook dinner or something instead of spending the ENTIRE day on the dirt bike or with his buddies.
 

lunasmom

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 7, 2005
Messages
8,801
Purraise
12
Location
Jersey Shore
Totally understand...B does that with me too from time to time. Well actually once a month.

Last time he complained because I didn't get enough soda from the store (he has a sick Dt. Dew addiction) and I just snapped back because I was sick of hearing "Oh if you cared for me..." I told hiim if he doesn't like it, then he can get his own soda.

I don't care if its joking or not...if you're joking make it sound like a joke. Laugh with it. When you say you joke, but its in the same manner you would whine about, that's where I draw the line and say "That's a sick sense of humor".
 

angelkitty

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Aug 11, 2006
Messages
1,409
Purraise
1
Location
Indiana
Originally Posted by Phenomsmom

I understand that he gets mad when I try to relax a little when I have a holiday. I mean when he doesn't work becuase of the rain or something I expect him to pitch in around the house and maybe cook dinner or something instead of spending the ENTIRE day on the dirt bike or with his buddies.
Well he should do some housework, and cook dinner and clean.. He's just as capable as you!!! When my husband was layed off a few years back.. He thought he was a man's man who didn't do that.. He since changed his tune... Alot of nagging and complaining later of course..
 

emrldsky

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jun 27, 2006
Messages
2,335
Purraise
2
Location
Nuh uh...might give me away!
I've learned that most men respond to a well thought out, reasoned response. Tell him that whether he was joking or not, what he said did hurt your feelings and that you feel he owes you an apology. Telling him he made you angry is not the same as telling him he hurt you. Most men I've known respond more the the second of the two.

If that doesn't work, then he's really thick-headed, and I'm sorry that you're dealing with it.
 

gailuvscats

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 30, 2006
Messages
2,283
Purraise
34
Location
philadelphia
It is definitely a man thing. And guess what, it is womens fault that it continues. Woman were brought up as second class citizens until world war two, when they had to be the bread winners, then after the was they were supposed to go back to serving men. We have been trying to break out of this mold ever since, but if mothers of son's keep perpetuating the myth that they are better than girls, it will never change.

It is not just the womans fault, I should say it is society, because there are a lot of subtle messages that men are better, but I do think parents, and mothers have a major influence.

Men just think they are entitled, we need to break this mindset, and the start would be to teach your sons they are not superior to women.
 

fwan

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 5, 2004
Messages
13,279
Purraise
2
Location
Australia
I had the same problem with Ben, He would only complain when the clothes werent washed, our washing machine was down in the basement and i was always scared to go down there at night time, So when i told him to go and pick it up he wouldnt he told me i had to get over my fears!

He would complain if i didnt make dinner, or if it wasnt upto his tastes, he would complain about the litter box not being scooped more than 3 times a day, and he also complained if i didnt vaccum..

ALl he did? was just sit on his bloody PC!

Now i am glad that i am living on my own!
 

tavia'smom

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Apr 8, 2006
Messages
3,020
Purraise
11
Location
Kentucky
I hate men sometimes they are so irritating I think women should all keep a good rolling pin and knock them in the head once in a while. My dad is like that he says I don't work hard I just work in a nursing home and on my days off when I try to relax a bit he throws a tantrum because I am sitting around well I am sorry but I like to rest once in a while too. And if I am sick he thinks I should keep on marching anyway. And I have gotten to the point that I don't lift a finger until I am ready to. Men
 

anakat

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Oct 20, 2005
Messages
4,237
Purraise
2
I hope when you all have sons you remember this !!!
I have two grown up sons, they were doing their own washing and ironing by the time they were 12, they can both cook and clear up after, the younger one has now taken an evening job so that he can do the child care in the day. They were informed very early that having a dangly bit was no excuse for uselessness


Originally Posted by gailuvscats

It is definitely a man thing. And guess what, it is womens fault that it continues. Woman were brought up as second class citizens until world war two, when they had to be the bread winners, then after the was they were supposed to go back to serving men. We have been trying to break out of this mold ever since, but if mothers of son's keep perpetuating the myth that they are better than girls, it will never change.

It is not just the womans fault, I should say it is society, because there are a lot of subtle messages that men are better, but I do think parents, and mothers have a major influence.

Men just think they are entitled, we need to break this mindset, and the start would be to teach your sons they are not superior to women.
 

februa

TCS Member
Super Cat
Joined
Dec 9, 2004
Messages
1,143
Purraise
1
Location
Toronto, Ontario
I hate muttered under the breath comments that really arent that quiet....
BLAH
I cant complain about my man though, if Im at lab and he is home, I always come home to something done...dishes etc....of course, he does expect and demand recognition for it every time, and doesnt provide the same when these tasks *magically* get completed the rest of the time....
 

tavia'smom

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Apr 8, 2006
Messages
3,020
Purraise
11
Location
Kentucky
I love just love it when you get done cleaning the floors and they come thru the house with muddy shoes on that is so irritating and then you say something about it and like with my dad he says well you can't clean the carpet once and expect it to stay clean.
Well when I do clean it there is like five minute in which its clean.
 

katiemae1277

TCS Member
Veteran
Joined
Nov 28, 2005
Messages
20,445
Purraise
17
Location
NE OH
Originally Posted by Anakat

I hope when you all have sons you remember this !!!
I have two grown up sons, they were doing their own washing and ironing by the time they were 12, they can both cook and clear up after, the younger one has now taken an evening job so that he can do the child care in the day. They were informed very early that having a dangly bit was no excuse for uselessness
that is so true! if i ever have a son, you better believe he'll be washing dishes, vacuuming, cooking, everything! I will not subject a woman to another "entitled" man!


I'm sorry you're still dealing with Lee's butt-headedness, Brandi
but like some said, you need to sit down with him and lay it on the line- tell him he hurt you and that you will not stand for it anymore. Lee will only do what you let him get away with.
 

goosehazel

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 21, 2004
Messages
3,663
Purraise
2
Location
Up to my eyeballs in Thomas the Tank Engine undies
Men are a big pain, my son included and he's only 1! He's already obstinant like his father
Brent and I just bought a new house and it's being built. It won't be ready till July. If we aren't divorced by then, I'll be amazed
He is just difficult to work with. Oooh Oooh, I remember also, just after Brandon was born (remember, I was a little post partumly depressed)...he asked me if I was feeling trapped because the house was a mess, forget the newborn son I was taking care of on total sleep deprivation
 

katiemae1277

TCS Member
Veteran
Joined
Nov 28, 2005
Messages
20,445
Purraise
17
Location
NE OH
Originally Posted by lisasha3

I'm with you on this one!!
Solution ladys??? Dump the man!! We've got cats to keep us warm at night. Who needs a man?
Amen sista!!
 

lunasmom

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 7, 2005
Messages
8,801
Purraise
12
Location
Jersey Shore
Originally Posted by gailuvscats

It is definitely a man thing. And guess what, it is womens fault that it continues. Woman were brought up as second class citizens until world war two, when they had to be the bread winners, then after the was they were supposed to go back to serving men. We have been trying to break out of this mold ever since, but if mothers of son's keep perpetuating the myth that they are better than girls, it will never change.

It is not just the womans fault, I should say it is society, because there are a lot of subtle messages that men are better, but I do think parents, and mothers have a major influence.

Men just think they are entitled, we need to break this mindset, and the start would be to teach your sons they are not superior to women.


I'm the bread winner, cook, clean, do the dishes, change/play/feed the cats, WHILE going to school full time and teaching one night a week just to help pay for the gas this winter.

Ummm...while he does clean and pay for half the meals a week, he basically watches TV, has no ambition to get his Masters in Social Work (he thinks experience will count) and now plays his new Playstation game.

He does laundry too.

I just want ONE meal cooked by him per week and to do half of his errands less.
 
Top