12 Murders in 14 Days here....i'm terrified to go back home.

starryeyedtiger

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I am really freaked out right now. There has been 12 homocides in the past 14 days in memphis. Just this weekend alone, there has been 4 murders. There has been numerous shootings and murders right by my duplex
. Here's the thing and I would like some honest opinions please. I am petrified to stay at my duplex anymore. I live with my mom in a 2 bedroom duplex in a pretty bad part of Memphis. We've lived there 13+ years. I love our duplex- but i hate our neighbors and the violence around the area. It's gotten to the point that in the past few months- i've just been living at Colin's house out in Bartlett, Tennessee (right outside of memphis- literally down the street). It's much safer in Bartlett- and Colin is a Bartlett cop as well as his neighbor and my good friend Tony. I feel sooooo much safer out here and don't have to worry about getting shot or worse if i walk outside for two seconds. Here's the thing- i really wasn't planning on living with Colin before we're married- but at this point- it's my only option aside from staying in my really bad neighborhood.He doesn't want me moving anywhere else and insists i stay with him- he wants to take care of me. And i am happy to have that. I work full time and help out too
. Colin says he doesn't mind and has insisted i stay with him- he won't even let me go to my duplex by mylsef anymore- he always goes with me and brings his weapon (he is lisenced to carry a conceled weapon). For the past few months- i've pretty much been living out of my suitcase- all of my clothes are at Colins - he fixed me up a pretty chest of draws in his room and i have everything here i need to get by- but all of my other things- furniture, etc...are at my house with my mom. I have my foster kitten at Colins house with me. But my girls - my 4 kitties, my rabbit, and my dog are at my mom's house (she has been so kind to take care of them there for me.) I'm really worried about my mom- Colin has offered to let her move in here with him and I for her own safety- but she refuses. However she doesn't have any extra $ to move to a better area
/ Here's another thing- i'm REALLY missing my girls. My mom said this week that if i wanted, I could bring them to Colins with me. (i was waiting to have the ok from her.) I will be leaving Ginger (my dog) and Abilene with my mom- they are sooooo bonded with her that even though they're mine- i could never take them away from my mom- it would break her heart. So I would be taking Sophie (my bunny), Isabella, Jasmine, and Velvet with me if Colin agreed as well as my bettas. I just don't really know how to ask him. What do you think? I don't want to impose on him...but he's already insisted i live with him. And if i'm living somewhere- i want my girls to be with me. I really miss them
. I just don't feel safe staying at my Duplex...not with the sheer amount of murders we've had in Memphis lately. I really want to have my things with me as well. Right now i kinda feel like i'm not really living anywhere- at Colin's i'm safe- but i don't have most of my things or my girls with me....and at my house....i feel lost without Colin. It's like Colins home is my home now. What do you think i should do/talk to him about? I've pretty much been living with him since August. I'm really lost as to what to do. I know I don't feel safe going back to my duplex though
I miss my girls and right now...i'm not really sure where i live anymore..i guess i live with Colin now- i just feel incomplete without my girls with me and my other things. you know...
I'm up for any suggestions ya'll might have. I'm really not sure how to bring it up to Colin- i know i can talk to him about anything- i'm just not sure how to ask him if i can go ahead and "finish" moving in with him- i just feel like he should do the asking and it would be rude of me to
 

natalie_ca

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Murders aside...

You have been living with him for months already, so why not just make it official and move in permanently? It's cheaper and you don't have to pay for a second apartment.

Now as for the murders. There is really no such thing as "safe" anymore. Crime is rampant in most large cities, with some cities worse than others. I live in a city with a population of almost 700,000 and for several years (not the last 2 or 3) we were the "Murder Capital of Canada", and had more murders per capita than even Detroit! Murders were the result of domestic violence and/or gang activity. I personally have known 6 of the people who have been murdered in my city over the last 20 years.

All you can do is move to a "safer" location. However that doesn't guaranty that there isn't any crime there either. Crime expands and eats up areas. For example, I have lived in my current apartment for the past 10 years. It was considered a desirable/nice area when I moved here. While I've been living here I've witnessed a decline in the types of tenants moving in. There have also been rapes and abductions within a few blocks of where I live. A biker gang related shooting ended up being a body dump on a church yard a few blocks down the street. I live near a bridge and I've lost count of the number of bodies found at the base of the bridge.

If you don't feel safe in the place that you are renting, then my advice is to move. You say you don't want to live with your boy friend prior to marrying him, but that's what you have been doing. So make it official and just move in.

What about your mother? You said that you were renting with her. What does she have to say about this? Can she afford to pay the rent herself? Is she planning on moving somewhere else?

As for how to approach Colin about moving in. Just simply say that you have been giving it some thought and you have decided that you love him and want to move in with him and ask if he's still ok with the idea.
 

scamperfarms

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If you two are engaged..you would be bringing your girls to your joint household eventually, right? so i dont see why there would be an issue now. your girls are like your kids and should be treated as such
but thats just MO
 
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starryeyedtiger

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Thankyou Natalie
That's some good advice. / As far as my mom- since i'm in school she pays the rent.....(me not living there much too has something to do with it.) but i give her money every month for whatever she needs to put it towards. I really wish she'd come out to Bartlett-Colin's already offered...but she's stubborn and wants her own place
/ so until we can convience her to move, i'll continute give her money for whatever she needs even if i move out. she took care of me growing up- and i plan to help take care of her too
she's my mom. / I think you're right about Colin- i guess i should just work up some nerve and just see what he thinks about it since i've been living here lately anyways. / Crime aside- i do realize that it spreads...Colin's a cop- so i hear stories every day. I know that i'm not completly safe anywhere i go- but Bartlett is definitely a massive step up from my duplex- in the area of my duplex alone- there has been several murders- so it's directly in my own neighborhood. it's such a shame
Thanks for the advice....i guess i'll think about what i need to say and bring it up to him this week.
 
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starryeyedtiger

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Originally Posted by ScamperFarms

If you two are engaged..you would be bringing your girls to your joint household eventually, right? so i dont see why there would be an issue now. your girls are like your kids and should be treated as such
but thats just MO
we're not engaged (although i'd like to be - that's an entirely different story for another day
) we have however been together for over 2 years now and get along better than many married couples i know./ Thankyou for the advice....i think it's definitely conviencing me to at least say something about it to him- i know he won't mind....i just don't want to feel like i'm imposing on him....i know it wouldn't be but still...
 

silentnate

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I'd sit him down for dinner and go over the financial benefits of moving in with each other- I'm sure he would appreciate the extra money in his wallet

Otherwise I'd consider showing him this thread as I think what you have written in clear, concise and shows how much you love him and your furkids
 

dragoriana

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Wow Starryeyed, i can't imagine how stressful it is. SInce we moved 6 months ago we've heard of alot of 'incidents' on our train line and a couple of people have been killed on the same day i'd head out on that line. I think everyone has given you great advice. The thing is with parents that they can be stubborn and worry more about their kids than themselves. Just let your mum know the offer is still there if she changes her mind but she sounds like she's made up her mind. Silly question, but if your mum wants to be independant, are there any places near your SOs that she could move into? That way she would be in a safer area, you'd all be close to eachother and the furkids but she would still have her own place.
 

lsulover

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Originally Posted by silentNate

I'd sit him down for dinner and go over the financial benefits of moving in with each other- I'm sure he would appreciate the extra money in his wallet

Otherwise I'd consider showing him this thread as I think what you have written in clear, concise and shows how much you love him and your furkids
Good suggestion, I was thinking along the same lines.

If he has already told you to move in with him, then I would sit down and just talk to him again about it. Just ask him if he is sure that is what he wants.
 

trouts mom

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Originally Posted by LSULOVER

Good suggestion, I was thinking along the same lines.

If he has already told you to move in with him, then I would sit down and just talk to him again about it. Just ask him if he is sure that is what he wants.
You need to feel safe Hun, and living with a buff cop would do that
Wow, that is a ton of murders..I'm certain Toronto doesn't even have that many yet this year
 

tavia'smom

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Perhaps once you two decide, which I don't think will take longer than 5 minutes, if he wants you there and I think by what you have said he does. Then maybe you can begin checking out apartments in your area for your mom or small houses sometimes they accept pets more readily than apartments.
 

luckygirl

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Philly is getting really high too Nikki....we are in the top 10 in the country for highest murder rate, and I think now, we're over 1 murder per day....we've already topped our rate of murders from last year....
I lock & double lock my doors....
 

4crazycats

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Nikki I know how you feel. When I moved here it was supposed to be a short stay. Just to get out of Stans house. Its an awful neighborhood. Drugs, murders, gangs, shootings you name it its here. Im scared to go out at night. John wants to move into his house. Which is out in the country but Im worried about how the animals would react! Lily doesnt do well with change and niether does Annie.

Anways back to you. I would just come out and say to Colin if you want me to stay here then my girls will have to come too. Be straight forward. Im sure he knows thats how you feel. And since he said your mom could stay with you guys too then Im sure he knew the animals would come too.
 

tavia'smom

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I think he knows that you want your girls with you he accepts your foster kittens. And your babies can adjust it might take some time but you have to do whats safe for you all.
 

tavia'smom

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Originally Posted by 4crazycats

Nikki I know how you feel. When I moved here it was supposed to be a short stay. Just to get out of Stans house. Its an awful neighborhood. Drugs, murders, gangs, shootings you name it its here. Im scared to go out at night. John wants to move into his house. Which is out in the country but Im worried about how the animals would react! Lily doesnt do well with change and niether does Annie.

Anways back to you. I would just come out and say to Colin if you want me to stay here then my girls will have to come too. Be straight forward. Im sure he knows thats how you feel. And since he said your mom could stay with you guys too then Im sure he knew the animals would come too.
I also think that given time your cats would adjust change is hard on everyone but sometimes it is nessacary and besides you don't want your daughter growing up in a neighborhood like that when you can happily live out in the country trust me its much more peaceful.
 

Moz

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If I were you I would ask to bring Sophie and the girls because they are your babies and you can't bear to be without them any longer. I would try and convince your mother to move in as well--you wouldn't want your mother to be another casualty, would you?
Hopefully you can get this sorted out soon.
 
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starryeyedtiger

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Thankyou soooooo much for the excellent advice everyone. I can't beging to tell ya'll how much i appreciate it. I think i'm going to ask him about it soon. I'm just not sure how to really bring it up
I am looking into apartments/houses by Colins house for my mom- the thing is- the rent where we are now is super cheap- so anything in bartlett is going to be a lot more expensive...but i really think the extra cost is worth it for her safety you know. I wish money weren't an issue- but it is. I think maybe if i offer her a few extra hundred a month to put towards rent- maybe i could convience her to move? What do ya'll think?
 

4crazycats

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Originally Posted by StarryEyedTiGeR

Thankyou soooooo much for the excellent advice everyone. I can't beging to tell ya'll how much i appreciate it. I think i'm going to ask him about it soon. I'm just not sure how to really bring it up
I am looking into apartments/houses by Colins house for my mom- the thing is- the rent where we are now is super cheap- so anything in bartlett is going to be a lot more expensive...but i really think the extra cost is worth it for her safety you know. I wish money weren't an issue- but it is. I think maybe if i offer her a few extra hundred a month to put towards rent- maybe i could convience her to move? What do ya'll think?
Its worth a try. Tell her how worried you are leaving her there alone. Hopefully she will move.
 

clairebear

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It sounds like he really wants you to live with him. And if that's the case he needs to know that your pets are part of your life as well and must be brought along. I don't think that it's rude of you to ask. If he cares about you, he should be open to doing something that will make you much happier.
 

lunasmom

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Originally Posted by StarryEyedTiGeR

Thankyou soooooo much for the excellent advice everyone. I can't beging to tell ya'll how much i appreciate it. I think i'm going to ask him about it soon. I'm just not sure how to really bring it up
I am looking into apartments/houses by Colins house for my mom- the thing is- the rent where we are now is super cheap- so anything in bartlett is going to be a lot more expensive...but i really think the extra cost is worth it for her safety you know. I wish money weren't an issue- but it is. I think maybe if i offer her a few extra hundred a month to put towards rent- maybe i could convience her to move? What do ya'll think?
If you're going to live with Colin and you have the extra money, then yes, I would get her out of there if its as bad as you say.

Parents are stubborn as they get older. My mom refuses to move out of her house too...she basically said her and Dad are going to die there. However they still have to mow the lawn and such and they're hitting 70 this year or next year.

Anyways, do what is best. Even if you find something cheap in Bartlett, I think its still better than the duplex neighborhood.
 
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