Need Advice... ASAP!

dixie_darlin

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Ok, so thursday night my MIL (whom I hate
) borrowed $40 until she gets paid.. I wasn't happy because ANYtime we've needed money she's turned us down or if she did loan it to us, she bugged us every day until we paid her back.. Literally calling us at work 4-5times and at home another 4-5 times. And DH said she does NOT have to pay us back, which made me even more angry.
Well, last night she asked for another $20....
Why, I don't know... I thought she got paid
DH told her ok.. Well I wasn't home when she asked, otherwise I would have said NO... If you all knew the history between her and I you would understand... (She's EXTREMELY verbally abusive to me... Has even burned me once).. and not too long ago, she told me she wants me dead!

Sooooooooo, Should I loan her the money? I don't think I should. She's calling over and over to the point I've turned the ringer off. She thinks she will get DH to answer the phone (Which he never does). The woman is LITERALLY crazy!
I called her last night and told her I wasn't loaning her anymore money. I know, It's mean but you have to know the woman and the situation. When she was over here Thurs. she didn't even acknowledge that I was there. Not a Hi, or thank you... nothing. Just took the money from DH and left. I know it's not just MY money, but I manage it. This woman just ENRAGES me with her presence.

I know she's a single woman and lives alone but I am SOOO tired of hearing her complain about NO money but she will only do security jobs, and part time at night so she can sleep

When we were down and out, literally NO money before Christmas, she told us "Tough
. Go live in a shelter."
Anyways,
Should I loan her the money?
 

lookingglass

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No, you need to set limits. Remember the thread about my MIL not coming for dinner because we wouldn't lock up 8-Bit? Think of it like that. If you loan her the money it's going to open the door to further problems.
 

starryeyedtiger

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In my personal opinion- there's no way in
i'd loan her money after the way she's treated you. I definitely agree with what Heather has said on this one.
 
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dixie_darlin

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Originally Posted by lookingglass

No, you need to set limits. Remember the thread about my MIL not coming for dinner because we wouldn't lock up 8-Bit? Think of it like that. If you loan her the money it's going to open the door to further problems.
That's what I was thinking. I mean she's been nothing but terrible to me since we got married. If I told you guys HALF of what she's said and done, I'd be here for a week!
Including but not limited to telling people I was cheating on him w/my best friend because her and I go shopping

A few weeks ago when DH and I had issues she told me she hoped I died and she would have her son back.
Just since I've posted this, she's called 4 times. I know what it is, she's on her way to work and wants money.
She was VERY abusive to him when he was younger and is verbally abusive now and he STILL does things for her. I don't know why
but he does. I'm not even gonna TRY to understand it

WHen she comes over, she will kick the animals because she hates them. Especially Jake... She was bit by a dog when she was younger. I keep threatening to put a smelly dog treat in her purse and let him follow her around
But I'd be afraid what she'd do to him.
 

libby74

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When we were down and out, literally NO money before Christmas, she told us "Tough . Go live in a shelter."
Wow, sounds like a lovely woman!
There's no way I would 'loan' her any more money. I hope you don't mind me saying so, but I think you & your DH need to sit down & talk this out. Your MIL is totally disrespecting you, and that should never be ok with your hubby.

I'm also of the opinion that you should never loan money, especially to a family member, unless it's an emergency.

If you can't get your DH to see your side & he ends up giving her another loan, how about making her sign an IOU? If she doesn't pay you back, you could sue her!
 

bella713

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Alycia, she is scary I would never leave her alone with the kids or the animals, I don't know how you put up with it, but your husband needs to put his foot down you are his wife he chose you and she needs to get over it.
 

lookingglass

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Originally Posted by DixieDarlin256

That's what I was thinking. I mean she's been nothing but terrible to me since we got married. If I told you guys HALF of what she's said and done, I'd be here for a week!
Including but not limited to telling people I was cheating on him w/my best friend because her and I go shopping

A few weeks ago when DH and I had issues she told me she hoped I died and she would have her son back.
Just since I've posted this, she's called 4 times. I know what it is, she's on her way to work and wants money.
She was VERY abusive to him when he was younger and is verbally abusive now and he STILL does things for her. I don't know why
but he does. I'm not even gonna TRY to understand it

WHen she comes over, she will kick the animals because she hates them. Especially Jake... She was bit by a dog when she was younger. I keep threatening to put a smelly dog treat in her purse and let him follow her around
But I'd be afraid what she'd do to him.
If I were you, I'd tell her it's not the best time to come over. If she decides to show up anyway calmly tell her that you don't have the money to loan. If she goes as far as to hurt one of your animals I'd call the police and have her removed from the house. She has a lot more issues going on than just $20.00, and you don't want to get involved in them.
 
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dixie_darlin

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Originally Posted by libby74

Wow, sounds like a lovely woman!
There's no way I would 'loan' her any more money. I hope you don't mind me saying so, but I think you & your DH need to sit down & talk this out. Your MIL is totally disrespecting you, and that should never be ok with your hubby.

I'm also of the opinion that you should never loan money, especially to a family member, unless it's an emergency.

If you can't get your DH to see your side & he ends up giving her another loan, how about making her sign an IOU? If she doesn't pay you back, you could sue her!
I'll tell you what's funny... She never calls (can't come over, I won't allow her to) unless she knows we have money. DH told her about how well business is going about a week ago.
He keeps saying he's going to confront her about how she treated me a few weeks ago but hasn't yet
That was one of the conditions of loaning her the money.. he would say something to her. But nothing's happened as of yet.
If I try to, she will just go into a psychotic tyraid on me and try to push me in an oven like last time! (Should put her rear in Jail!
)
He's in the other room playing guitar and has no clue she's calling.
He gets VERY upset when I don't answer it when she's calling... I think he takes her side because she lays guilt trips on him. I want SOO bad to tell her to go to "Day Labor" like she's told us sooo many times in the past.
 
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dixie_darlin

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Originally Posted by Bella713

Alycia, she is scary I would never leave her alone with the kids or the animals, I don't know how you put up with it, but your husband needs to put his foot down you are his wife he chose you and she needs to get over it.
Oh I won't let her around my kids! No way! She's not allowed to babysit or anything! She was physically abusive to DH growing up, god only knows what she'd do to my kids.
Originally Posted by lookingglass

If I were you, I'd tell her it's not the best time to come over. If she decides to show up anyway calmly tell her that you don't have the money to loan. If she goes as far as to hurt one of your animals I'd call the police and have her removed from the house. She has a lot more issues going on than just $20.00, and you don't want to get involved in them.
She's literally crazy... to an extent!
She knows right from wrong.. no doubt about that! But she uses her mental illness to get away with being flat out nasty to people..
She thinks she is so different from everyone else and that anyone else in the world is wrong.. and I don't mean like she thinks her stuff don't stink.. I mean literally thinks she's the only one who knows anything about everything. I can't explain it.
I've never met a person like her before.... Never.
 

natalie_ca

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Originally Posted by DixieDarlin256

Should I loan her the money?
You've posted several times about being in a bad financial way and couldn't even go to the dentist to get a tooth fixed. You should be keeping whatever money you do have to look after your family.

Tell her that you guys can't afford it and that you are already living less than hand to mouth.
 

lsulover

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I can assure you that there is no way on God's green earth would I loan her or give her any money.

I can also assure you that if she ever kicked one of my animals she would NEVER NEVER NEVER set foot in my home again.

I think you should sit down with your husband and try and talk to each other about what to do with this woman. I do understand that it is his mother and he does love her, but enough is enough.
 
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dixie_darlin

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Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

You've posted several times about being in a bad financial way and couldn't even go to the dentist to get a tooth fixed. You should be keeping whatever money you do have to look after your family.

Tell her that you guys can't afford it and that you are already living less than hand to mouth.
Well, we're doing rather well now, since Christmas is past, we've been working daily... making more then we did before and she knows this.
I think the only reason he doesn't say anything is because he knows that she will ALWAYS be there no matter what he does in life. She's a safety net to him
 

lsulover

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A mother is always supposed to be there for her children, no matter what, it doesn't matter what is happening, but she is also supposed to be a mother too.

I just don't think I would want a mother like that.

It sounds like your husband is gonna hafta choose something here.

And if he doesn't say anything to her about the way she has treated you, then heidy ho, I would be doing it, and it wouldn't be pretty either.
 

trouts mom

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Originally Posted by LSULOVER

I can assure you that there is no way on God's green earth would I loan her or give her any money.

I can also assure you that if she ever kicked one of my animals she would NEVER NEVER NEVER set foot in my home again.

I think you should sit down with your husband and try and talk to each other about what to do with this woman. I do understand that it is his mother and he does love her, but enough is enough.
listen to Belinda, thats some good advice.
 

katachtig

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Originally Posted by DixieDarlin256

Well, we're doing rather well now, since Christmas is past, we've been working daily... making more then we did before and she knows this.
That may be for now, but your husband's income is not steady and you really do need to be funding emergency stashes because especially with kids emerencies come up. Remember being able to afford helping her out is more than just paying current bills and having money left over. From everything you have told us of this woman, you can't argue with logic. You need to use the "broken record" technique (i.e. No, No, No).
 
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dixie_darlin

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Oh I've said ALOT to the woman... and she turned around and called CPS on me.

I have told her MORE then once what I thought of her with no holds barred!
I'm just tired of stooping to her level!
I've gotten to the point that if she continues to do this, and he doesn't say or do something about it, that I can't handle it ANYMORE!

She hasn't called in the last little while. Maybe she got the point?
I hope so.
I just can't wait until this woman realizes something's wrong.
Im suprised she's not in a mental hospital... seriously!
If I could have her baker-acted, I would! In a heartbeat!
 
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dixie_darlin

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Originally Posted by katachtig

That may be for now, but your husband's income is not steady and you really do need to be funding emergency stashes because especially with kids emerencies come up. Remember being able to afford helping her out is more than just paying current bills and having money left over. From everything you have told us of this woman, you can't argue with logic. You need to use the "broken record" technique (i.e. No, No, No).
That's exactly my point when I told him NO!
It may be good right now, and we're getting our business established but who's to say next week? We don't know! Small family owned business' fail EVERYDAY! So why should I loan this
money when I know darn good and well that if we needed anything from her, she won't help?
 
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