TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › More Drama: Sandra and Michelle (long)
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

More Drama: Sandra and Michelle (long)

post #1 of 13
Thread Starter 
I posted this a few weeks ago:

http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/sho...andra+Michelle

It's gotten weirder since then!

On Christmas Day, Sandra called and invited our daughter to come to her place to play on that day or the 26. I told her that's great, and the 26th would be fine. Sandra, our daughter, and Michelle went to the wax museum (it's just a few blocks away), and then they played for an hour at her apartment.

We invited Michelle to come for the day that Friday, and she came and they played, and my husband took them swimming. All was good, I thought.

Sandra had said she would pick up Michelle at 4:30, and she called at 4:00, saying that her brother would pick up Michelle instead, since she would be about 20 minutes late. I told her Michelle was welcome to stay until Sandra could pick her up, but Sandra insisted that her brother come because she had said 4:30.

The next week (the kids were still off from school), we weren't able to invite Michelle again. We had two other friends come and play with our daughter, we had two doctor appointments, Lily had her vet appointment, and we had an appointment at the bank.

So... Monday school starts again, and we are outside waiting for the bell to go in, and Sandra walks past me, ignoring me again. I said hello to her, then followed her for a couple of steps, explaining that we had hoped to have Michelle over again, but had a busy week. She didn't say anything, but continued walking away.

This week at school, our daughter and Michelle played during recesses on Monday and Tuesday, but Michelle refused to play with her Wednesday through Friday! My daughter tried to call Michelle Wed. night, but Michelle said she couldn't talk and would call her Thursday night (never did).

I tried to catch up with Sandra Thurs. and Fri. mornings but she was completely avoiding me, leaving through side doors, etc. and I didn't pursue.

I'm really tired of his ridiculousness. The last time I had a conversation with Sandra, she told me I was one of her best friends. My family's discussed this at home, and can find absolutely nothing that could cause her to act like this! Like I said, I haven't been able to have a conversation with her... how have I offended her? I don't gossip or betray trusts!

My daughter is pretty upset, so I am going to try once more for her sake. I think I will try to call Sandra, and if she doesn't pick up, I'll leave a message that I'd like to talk to her, and to please call me back. If she doesn't, I thought I'd go by her apartment to try to work things out.

What do you think? How am I supposed to talk to someone who has totally shut me out? Can envy do this?

I'm confused and disappointed. How do we expect nations to get along when individuals are acting like this? I've never encountered anything like this! I don't know :censor::censor::censor: is going on!

I'll eagerly read any advice you have. I'll update if/when there's progress. Thanks for listening!

Cheers, from
SwampWitch
post #2 of 13
Your approach sounds reasonable to me. I know I would want to know what's up with Sandra and her hot/cold moments. Weird. If she has an issue with you or your daughter, you need to know about it.
post #3 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by SwampWitch View Post
I'm confused and disappointed. How do we expect nations to get along when individuals are acting like this? I've never encountered anything like this! I don't know :censor::censor::censor: is going on!
The IR metaphor may be better than you think: after all, you can't really expect nations to get along. In politics we talk about nations as actors - and not all actors are rational. Rational actors can bargain (negotiate); the future actions of rational actors can be predicted based on their own self-interest (at least in the absence of secretly-held information).

By the sound of it, there isn't much you can do about the situation with Sandra and Michelle, because Sandra isn't a rational actor. Michelle probably is a rational actor, but her capacity is constrained by her relationship to Sandra (Michelle is to Lebanon as Sandra is to Syria). Therefore, although Michelle's actions will be rational, they will be motivated by her dependence on Sandra (self-interest).

You can't predict Sandra's behaviour, nor is there any evidence that you can even modify yours to influence her behaviour in a predictable fashion.

There may be more going on than you know (secret information) but in the mean time it sounds like your best option is to withdraw. It's likely that no solution with be possible.
post #4 of 13
Thread Starter 
Thanks for the responses.

Satai, I think you are absolutely right.

I called a left a message for Sandra that I'd like to talk to her and please call me. If she doesn't, I'm going to write her a nice note, apologizing if I've offended or hurt her, and that's it.

Our daughter has seen everything that has gone on, so she's backing off, too. She has lots of other friends, but Michelle was special to her.

Cheers, from
SwampWitch
post #5 of 13
Thread Starter 
Sandra called me back! She said she'd call again at 2:00 to discuss our "issues." She called again, said she thought I was mad at her, and said a whole bunch of not-very-honest excuses. She also said that I talk to my other friends more than her!

Later, Michelle called and asked our daughter if she wanted to play at recess Monday.

So... "hello" and small talk to Sandra from now on, no invitations, and the kids can play at school. I don't want to play stupid, irrational games.

Cheers, from
SwampWitch
post #6 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by SwampWitch View Post
Sandra called me back! She said she'd call again at 2:00 to discuss our "issues." She called again, said she thought I was mad at her, and said a whole bunch of not-very-honest excuses. She also said that I talk to my other friends more than her!

Later, Michelle called and asked our daughter if she wanted to play at recess Monday.

So... "hello" and small talk to Sandra from now on, no invitations, and the kids can play at school. I don't want to play stupid, irrational games.

Cheers, from
SwampWitch
lady sounds like she has issues. seriously.
post #7 of 13
it just all sounds a bit fishy to me. i'd just give the lady some space and be polite if you see her, but don't go out of your way to persue anymore conversations with her. i'd leave her be. i hate that your daughter and her friend are affected by this- but at least they can play at school if they wish. it sounds like outside of school it's been a bit stressful for you and your daughter- i would just leave well enough alone. you tried, and you reached out- if the lady isn't receptive to it- it is her loss. you are a great friend and have done nothing but shower her and her little one with kindness. i would just leave it be for now sweetie. sorry this is so upsetting for you
post #8 of 13
I hate to say this, as I know it sounds judgemental, but Sandra sounds irrational, and obviously immature. The whole cold-shoulder thing at her age is not age-appropriate behavior, and could be a symptom of a larger problem or mental health issue. In any case, I'm glad you're choosing to distance yourself from her (even if that means less time that your daughter and Michelle are together), as you have more than extended your kindness and goodwill to her and her child...

It's tough when the kids are affected by these decisions, and hopefully Michelle and your daughter can remain friends. You did the right thing by the note and conversation, and you're best to abandon any possibility of further drama with this parent. Well done!
post #9 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by SwampWitch View Post
So... "hello" and small talk to Sandra from now on, no invitations, and the kids can play at school. I don't want to play stupid, irrational games.

Cheers, from
SwampWitch
Just remember, she probably will still want to play stupid, irrational games - but you are doing the right thing.

Generalised good vibes going your way, it's not nice to have that kind of stress in your life.
post #10 of 13
How old are your kids may i ask?
post #11 of 13
I think this lady may be suffering from depression/mood swings. It sucks, because it seems like she is transferring that insecurity to Michelle.

I believe the best policy is to treat them from afar. Let the kids play and have fun at school, but as far as home goes I think it would be best if they didnt visit eachother, at least until Sandra gets her moods under control.
post #12 of 13
Well I think that you are being very understanding to her. Just because she thought you were mad at her doesn't mean she should give you the cold shoulder and I don't know how she'd get that impression as you were trying to have conversations with her. OY, some people just need to grow up a little!
post #13 of 13
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by fwan View Post
How old are your kids may i ask?
The girls are both eight years old. (I've got just the one.)

All the things Sandra said on the phone were dishonest, like she told me Michelle tried to call my daughter back at noon the next day... they were in school at noon the next day.

Sandra was very friendly this morning, with a huge smile, but Michelle looked very gloomy, eyes cast down, wouldn't look at me... I thought "weird" and let it go...

Thanks again for all the well-wishes!

Cheers, from
SwampWitch
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: The Cat Lounge
TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › More Drama: Sandra and Michelle (long)