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Girlfriend has 1 not very bright hiding cat. Help? :(

post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 
Ive got a great girlfriend with two cats.

One is a female who Ive become great friends with by bringing by fancy feats (She only feeds kibble and wont feed em the good stuff even when they push the plate and meow) I play with her, and all great stuff. Shes a hoot.

The other one though, well, weve been dating since May, and weve tried everything. Ignoring him for over 3 months. If he hides under the table in the living room, holding up the table cloth with a weight and make him deal with us sitting there.

We have no idea what left to do. My gf hates that he cowers and is frightened of him. My feelings are hurt because he associates me with fear.

Ive plopped fancy feast on a plate, given it to him under the table and left him alone.

Ive put treats there.

Weve exhausted everything. Weve even tried the faliway plug in stress reliever but hes the same.

Shes even tried the oral drops. No change.


Help guys, I've seen videos of them playing. They are so cute together, and hes a doll.

Were gonna take him to the vet and see if Prozac is the answer and what his advice, but you all seem quite intelligent so I decided to prod your thoughts.

All help is apreciated thanks.



BTW,

she always wants to know how to keep him from meowing nad scratching at her bed room door. Hes 1.5 almost 2.

Shes thinking of applying aluminum foil to the door and area but that would be a waste of money after a while.

Thanks again.
post #2 of 12
"The other one though, well, weve been dating since May, and weve tried everything. Ignoring him for over 3 months. If he hides under the table in the living room, holding up the table cloth with a weight and make him deal with us sitting there. We have no idea what left to do. My gf hates that he cowers and is frightened of him. My feelings are hurt because he associates me with fear. Ive plopped fancy feast on a plate, given it to him under the table and left him alone. Ive put treats there..."
Eric - I'm just a little unsure of exactly what is going on (and with who) after reading what you wrote :-). Is it the male cat who's afraid to come out from under the table? Is it him who won't eat ...anything? or only certain food? Please clarify what the problem is and which cat's doing what, so we can help (maybe someone else will understand better than I have).
post #3 of 12
I think what you have here is simply 2 cats with very different personalities. The male who is hiding is probably just timid and wary of strangers. How does he behave when you're not there? You say you've seen videos of him playing with the other cat? I'm guessing that he's fine when you're not there but just hides when you are there? The more you try to force him to pay attention to you the more he's going to hide from you. I know you say you've tried ignoring him but I'd just continue to do that and hopefully he will eventually feel able to approach you. Don't do anything that could be perceived as threatening to him, such as going up to him and attempting to pet him. Instead of taking treats to him or trying to make him interact, sit with some beside you or on the floor, or maybe place them on the floor near the table he hides under so that he has to come out a little way to get them. Let him dictate the pace. There's some good advice about dealing with nervous cats in this article

http://www.messybeast.com/nervous.htm

And I hope your girlfriend isn't seriously thinking about rehoming him just because he won't interact with you.
post #4 of 12
Do you know the history of these cats? Perhaps the shy one was abused by a man in the past and is now scared of men.

I agree with urbantigers, let the kitty come to you instead of forcing yourself upon him.
I think it's really awful to even consider giving kitty up just because he doesn't play with you.
post #5 of 12
Agreed - let the kitty come to you. There have been some folks here whose cats have taken more than a year to come around. You will need love and patience for this kitty.

Also, just to let you know, Fancy Feast is NOT a good food. It, in fact, is a very poor quality food. (Sort of like McDonald's for cats.)

Feeding a good wet food is a big plus for cats, particularly neutered males as dry foods can contribute to UTI's and crystal problems.

If you want to be a nice fellow, find a good quality wet food and try to get them eating more wet than dry, i.e., wet food twice per day (morning and night) and a small amount (1/2 cup for 2 cats) of dry for snacking on during the day/night.

If you visit the Health & Nutrition forum you will find loads of information about good quality cat food.

Don't seek out the cat, don't invade the space where he is hiding. Be patient, sit on the floor and talk quietly to him and let him come to you. Good luck with your kitty - he may turn out to be the most affectionate of the two in the long term. That's what happened with our Simba.
post #6 of 12
Thread Starter 
Quote:
How does he behave when you're not there? You say you've seen videos of him playing with the other cat? I'm guessing that he's fine when you're not there but just hides when you are there?

When im not there, hes perfectly normal. Well normal being a not very bright cat, but is fine. Ive seen him playing on videos from my GF's phone with her and the other cat. Cause he plays very funny, and yes, hes great when im not there, when I get there though, he hides and cowers in the corner of either her closet or under the table in the living room.

Yeah I use fancy feast, but i will go buy Dick Van Patten's food if you guys feel thats better.

I have never owned a cat, but shes always had one and never had one act like this.

Thanks for your help, and don't hessitate to add more guys, Im very fascinated with these animals, and would love to know more.
post #7 of 12
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Is it the male cat who's afraid to come out from under the table? Is it him who won't eat ...anything? or only certain food? Please clarify what the problem is and which cat's doing what, so we can help (maybe someone else will understand better than I
Yeah its the male that is afraid to come out. He wont eat the fancy feast i slide to him under the table. He also wont eat treats that he loves when i place em under there either.


The female cat does nothing wrong, shes totally fine.
post #8 of 12
This may be way off but i am going to give i a shot.

Some cats are intimidated by males...the deeper voice, the smell of an unframiliar stranger. Maybe he associates you with something. Try being really quiet when your there and speaking softly for a while. Leave stuff with your smell on it around the house. In time he might just start to realize your a nice guy.
post #9 of 12
Don't push treats (or even your hand) at him when he's hiding - he's looking for safety, and you're invading his space. Sounds cruel, but it's how they think. Allow him his safe places, and he'll respond a lot better in time. This may sound strange, but my cats (some anyhow) have always cringed from my husband's big clunky shoes in the house - so he now leaves them at the door. To them they're like tanks! And some male cats definitely will see you as alpha, and be afraid, so back off and let him see you're not threatening or anything... but it could take a long time... tiny increments.
post #10 of 12
Thread Starter 
Does anyone think the prozac would work in regards to being more comfortable with me.

That and rubbing towels on myself and leaving them laying around his "safe" area?
post #11 of 12
Actually, I disagree with the towel thing... he knows what you smell like (and it may be part of his problem - not that you smell bad, but that he's well aware of your presence) and would probably just as soon not have to sense it everywhere else (please don't take personal offense - it's temporary). I personally wouldn't use Prozac or anything like it, just stop trying to hard and give him his space(s). One of our males thinks I'm his personal girlfriend and shies every time my husband comes near him. This has gone on most of his life and while my husband can pet him in neutral territory, if not get a lot closer, he's very understanding about not approaching if I am holding the cat, because all that happens is that I get raked by his jumping away. He recognizes my H. as the alpha person here and respects it (not that either of us ever, ever tried to encourage it!) but I do the feeding and box cleaning, and am around more often, and we see no need in making the cat more nervous by forcing things. On the other hand, the new young male is one of our first to voluntarily sit on his lap - which he adores of course - and so he doesn't feel so rejected!
post #12 of 12
Thread Starter 
Yeah sorry, as cruel as it sounds, I couldn't live in a house where I had to think about sitting next to my wife or gf, because our pet is in her arms.

Call me a cat hater, but no, I don't think I could conform, THAT much.
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