Well my parents have been married 26 years or so and lately have been fighting alot. It seems to be both of them but the problem is that my mom doesn't think she could ever do anything wrong, it is all my dad's fault. There was a big fight Monday night. My mom told my dad to leave if he doesn't love her and he did. Not that he doesn't love her at all but he just can't put up with her anymore and he doesn't love her in the same way as he did.
Well he was gone a few hours and realized he wasn't ready to talk to her right away so wanted to come and get some of his things and go sleep in the spare room. He asked my sister and I to keep her in the living room so he could come in to get his stuff. Maybe this was not the right way to go about it but she sure didn't want to stay in the other room. We just figured their emotional levels were already so high, if they speak to each other, things could get really bad.
She wanted to see my dad and it got to the point where we were physically holding her back. Mom threw dad's clothes all down the stairs because she didn't like that we were holding her back and "trying to help dad". In the process, my sister got wacked in the face, and trampled over (absolutely by accident). My dad I think thought it was a lot worse then it was and called the police. So now things are even worse. She was basically calm until we started holding her back from getting to dad. She partly blames my sister and I as getting her so worked up to the point where she was throwing things down the stairs and everything. My dad decided he would just leave and so we decided to get some things for my dad so he wouldn't have to come in. She just said if he wants his stuff he can come and get them himself. Then proceeded to throw the clothes all down the hall and stairs.
A little about my mom/family:
My mom is extremely introverted, depressed (like sitting for a long time in the dark alone with her bible, I was ust recently made aware of this), anxious, emotional, keep to herself type of person in the first place. She rarely goes out, except to grocery shop. I can't imagine how terrified she was when the police came and I feel awful about it. Our family has never had anything like this happen before. Even in my parents extended family, police were never involved in anything. We are the average, sit around the fireplace playing board games type of family.
Well she is still thinking things will be all right in a day or so and waited all day yesterday for dad to call or come over like he originally said he would. He did, to get his truck, and left without coming in. He said he is too emotional and not ready to talk to her yet. Well she took this just awfully of course.
Some history:
In the past 2 years, mom almost lost her middle child to attempted suicide (my sister who got wacked in the face and trampled earlier in this story), she lost her father, 2 close aunts, and a cousin and then my sister married, moved to arizona and had a baby she would never be able to see due to distance. And my youngest sister moved away for school. She is also alone all day because my dad works and she doesn't. So she was depressed reasonably. Then the arguing with my dad. She should have gotten help then and we all suggested it but she wouldn't. She blamed my dad, said he is the one with problems so he should go get help himself. Of course if couples are having a problem, they should go together, but she wouldn't do it.
Last month, my sister and her husband and baby moved back and moved in with her and dad. She was obviously extremely happy to have someone there again. She had people around to talk to and see during the day. To keep her mind off things with my dad and keep them from getting in arguments with each other. And she loves being a grandma and seeing the baby all the time and babysitting.
After this big police involved fight, my sister and husband felt like they were not comfortable living there right now. They went somewhere else to stay. They also didn't want the baby in a negative, depressed environmant. They thought if they stayed she wouldn't be able to get over my dad and not deal with that as she should. They also worried about how when she got hysterical during the big fight and accidently pushed and trampled my sister, what if that happens again? what would happen if she was holding the baby? Or if she gets depressed to the point of sitting in the dark all alone and ignores the baby? Personally I think they may be overreacting, but I also don't have a tiny little life I gave birth to and who's life you put in to another persons hands when the baby is in someone elses care. Maybe it would be better for them to be there because I don't think my mom should be left alone. If I went there she would feel like she was keeping me from my home and work and school and everything because I don't live there in the first place. My sister was living there and moved out so she is really upset because the "fight was between her and dad, not my sister and her family so there is no reason for her to leave".
I just don't know what to do. I feel awful for my mom. She hasn't worked in 25+ years. She was very very dependant on my dad and literally can't do things on her own. She is extremely depressed and upset. And on top of it all, the one thing that made her happy (the baby) is gone because my sister ddn't feel comfortable being in the house with her. Partly because of how she is acting and partly because of the bruises she got from mom. It is just a huge mess. We are normally a really close family, like I said earlier, sit around the fireplace playing video games, family Sunday dinners, etc...
I don't know what I am looking for from you guys. I just wanted to get this out. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I need to do either. How involved do I get? My mom knows dad is gone but like I said, she thinks they will work it out. My dad said he has already contacted lawyers and opened his own checking account and is finding out about filing for divorce. Dad said he loves her but not the same way and he has already moved on. Not in a mean, uncaring way either, he was crying and feels awful. I don't see my dad cry so I know he means it. He also hasn't called or visited her yet. When she finds out he is never coming back, I am afraid of what she will do. My boyfriend said he could see her having to be hospitalized. I HIGHLY doubt she has eaten anything since this fight either. I am worried. She has spent the last 2 days sitting in the dark and not doing anything.
I am worried about my mom. When I went there she got up and went downstairs with the lights on, she fed the dog and cats and let him out and then went right back upstairs. But that's it. Please tell my sister and I what you think we should do if anything.
Thanks for listening. BTW, I am 24, my married sister is 22 and my youngest sister is 18. I know this is really hard on little kids which we aren't. I am not upset really that they aren't going to be together anymore, just my mom's reaction to it all. Do you think my dad should have called her by now?
Well he was gone a few hours and realized he wasn't ready to talk to her right away so wanted to come and get some of his things and go sleep in the spare room. He asked my sister and I to keep her in the living room so he could come in to get his stuff. Maybe this was not the right way to go about it but she sure didn't want to stay in the other room. We just figured their emotional levels were already so high, if they speak to each other, things could get really bad.
She wanted to see my dad and it got to the point where we were physically holding her back. Mom threw dad's clothes all down the stairs because she didn't like that we were holding her back and "trying to help dad". In the process, my sister got wacked in the face, and trampled over (absolutely by accident). My dad I think thought it was a lot worse then it was and called the police. So now things are even worse. She was basically calm until we started holding her back from getting to dad. She partly blames my sister and I as getting her so worked up to the point where she was throwing things down the stairs and everything. My dad decided he would just leave and so we decided to get some things for my dad so he wouldn't have to come in. She just said if he wants his stuff he can come and get them himself. Then proceeded to throw the clothes all down the hall and stairs.
A little about my mom/family:
My mom is extremely introverted, depressed (like sitting for a long time in the dark alone with her bible, I was ust recently made aware of this), anxious, emotional, keep to herself type of person in the first place. She rarely goes out, except to grocery shop. I can't imagine how terrified she was when the police came and I feel awful about it. Our family has never had anything like this happen before. Even in my parents extended family, police were never involved in anything. We are the average, sit around the fireplace playing board games type of family.
Well she is still thinking things will be all right in a day or so and waited all day yesterday for dad to call or come over like he originally said he would. He did, to get his truck, and left without coming in. He said he is too emotional and not ready to talk to her yet. Well she took this just awfully of course.
Some history:
In the past 2 years, mom almost lost her middle child to attempted suicide (my sister who got wacked in the face and trampled earlier in this story), she lost her father, 2 close aunts, and a cousin and then my sister married, moved to arizona and had a baby she would never be able to see due to distance. And my youngest sister moved away for school. She is also alone all day because my dad works and she doesn't. So she was depressed reasonably. Then the arguing with my dad. She should have gotten help then and we all suggested it but she wouldn't. She blamed my dad, said he is the one with problems so he should go get help himself. Of course if couples are having a problem, they should go together, but she wouldn't do it.
Last month, my sister and her husband and baby moved back and moved in with her and dad. She was obviously extremely happy to have someone there again. She had people around to talk to and see during the day. To keep her mind off things with my dad and keep them from getting in arguments with each other. And she loves being a grandma and seeing the baby all the time and babysitting.
After this big police involved fight, my sister and husband felt like they were not comfortable living there right now. They went somewhere else to stay. They also didn't want the baby in a negative, depressed environmant. They thought if they stayed she wouldn't be able to get over my dad and not deal with that as she should. They also worried about how when she got hysterical during the big fight and accidently pushed and trampled my sister, what if that happens again? what would happen if she was holding the baby? Or if she gets depressed to the point of sitting in the dark all alone and ignores the baby? Personally I think they may be overreacting, but I also don't have a tiny little life I gave birth to and who's life you put in to another persons hands when the baby is in someone elses care. Maybe it would be better for them to be there because I don't think my mom should be left alone. If I went there she would feel like she was keeping me from my home and work and school and everything because I don't live there in the first place. My sister was living there and moved out so she is really upset because the "fight was between her and dad, not my sister and her family so there is no reason for her to leave".
I just don't know what to do. I feel awful for my mom. She hasn't worked in 25+ years. She was very very dependant on my dad and literally can't do things on her own. She is extremely depressed and upset. And on top of it all, the one thing that made her happy (the baby) is gone because my sister ddn't feel comfortable being in the house with her. Partly because of how she is acting and partly because of the bruises she got from mom. It is just a huge mess. We are normally a really close family, like I said earlier, sit around the fireplace playing video games, family Sunday dinners, etc...
I don't know what I am looking for from you guys. I just wanted to get this out. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I need to do either. How involved do I get? My mom knows dad is gone but like I said, she thinks they will work it out. My dad said he has already contacted lawyers and opened his own checking account and is finding out about filing for divorce. Dad said he loves her but not the same way and he has already moved on. Not in a mean, uncaring way either, he was crying and feels awful. I don't see my dad cry so I know he means it. He also hasn't called or visited her yet. When she finds out he is never coming back, I am afraid of what she will do. My boyfriend said he could see her having to be hospitalized. I HIGHLY doubt she has eaten anything since this fight either. I am worried. She has spent the last 2 days sitting in the dark and not doing anything.
I am worried about my mom. When I went there she got up and went downstairs with the lights on, she fed the dog and cats and let him out and then went right back upstairs. But that's it. Please tell my sister and I what you think we should do if anything.
Thanks for listening. BTW, I am 24, my married sister is 22 and my youngest sister is 18. I know this is really hard on little kids which we aren't. I am not upset really that they aren't going to be together anymore, just my mom's reaction to it all. Do you think my dad should have called her by now?