Cat loves me but hates my girlfriend...

Hi everyone,

I need some advice from the cat pros out there. My girlfriend and I recently picked up a 2-year-old cat from the SPCA. She's an adorable little white cat who can be very affectionate at times and very standoffish at other times.

Specifically, she's come to love me. She'll follow me around, talk to me, stand on her hind legs to get pets, sleep on my lap, etc etc.

But if my live-in girlfriend is at home, she'll hide in the corner, only to come out when my girlfriend leaves. Rebecca is very kind to her and makes daily attempts to pet the cat. But the cat will go so far as to swipe at her when she tries to give her attention.

This has been particularly hard on her, as it was her idea/desire to get the cat in the first place. We've had her since September 2006 and we're not sure what to do.

A couple relevant points:
- I work from home, so I am around more often than she is.
- The cat was extremely shy when we got her, confirmed by the people at the SPCA, and it took her awhile to warm up to me as well.

So with all that said, does anyone have any advice/tips for us? It's very important that she learns to love Rebecca as she does me, because we want her to be part of our little family.

Thanks in advance for any help you can give!

I had the exact same situation with my last cat, Pandi, who was extremely protective and did'nt like any other animals or people around, yet she truely was my best friend and the sweetest with me! I also work at home and think that female cats combined with 24 hr. companionship with thier owner creates an amazing relationship but obbsesive sometimes on the kitties part! I would tell your girlfriend to stop trying, don't go to the kitty, let the kitty go to her. Also let your girlfriend feed her, maybe change her litter. It may sound stupid but it does work! If your girlfriend does'nt approach your kitty, O guarantee your kitty will start to approach your girlfriend . Cats need to feel they are always in control, queen bee's, so we have to allow this when sometimes a different approach on our behalf is needed to play thier game, but everyone wins in the end!

Yeah I would say maybe if your girlfriend becomes more involved in the cats everyday life (feeding, litterbox) then maybe the cat will get more accustomed to her.

Good luck!!

Do you know anything about the cat's history? Maybe it was abused by a woman in the past.

I would have your girlfriend take over feeding the cat, but otherwise she shouldn't approach it, and try not to look directly at it, as nervous cats can find this threatening. Hopefully as the cat feels more settled in her new home she will start to be less timid around your girlfriend, but she should wait for the cat to make the first move towards her and not approach it herself.

Hope it all works out for you!

Find a new girlfriend! Just kidding really! I couldn't resist!

She should take a more active part in the feeding and treat giving. But other than that completely ignore the cat. That was your kitty will be able to get comfortable with your girlfriend at her own pace. But if the cat does approach her for attention she should by all means pet it and softly talk to it. Good Luck!

I think the suggestion of getting the g'f to change her food and/or litter is great. Does you g'f ever give her treats?
If the cat is shy then it probably just needs time to get used to her

Maybe your girlfriend is trying too hard and your cat views her attempts to pet her as threatening. Because you're at home a lot more she's probably got used to you pottering around in a non threatening way just getting on with your work. I'd follow Epona's suggestions and encourage your girlfriend to back off a bit and let the cat approach her. Sitting in the same room and holding some treats or placing them on the chair beside her may encourage the cat to approach her without fear.

Besides the great advise given already, here's a thought..does your gf wear the same scent daily? Sometimes, a certain smell may trigger off insecurity issues. Try changing her perfume - in any way, buying your gf a new perfume will make You a good guy!

Its very possible that your kitty was abused by a female similiar to your gf and is associating her with the abuse.

Your gf should be patient. I would kinda ignore the cat (not avoid) but don't approach as she will feel more threatened. Your gf could get a long string with a toy on the end to entice her to play from a distance. Evantually your kitty will realize she is not in danger.

Maybe in the future, your gf needs to adopt a neutered male for "her" cat - males are more affectionate then females