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You have to read this - it's too funny

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 

: 1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
: 2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
: 3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
: 4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
: 5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.
: Call spouse from garden.
: 6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
: 7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
: 8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
: 9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
: 10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill.
Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
: 11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.
: Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink.
Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another
Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
: 12) Call fire department to retrieve the f------ cat from tree across
the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence
while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
: 13) Tie the little :censor::censor::censor::censor::censor::censor::censor:'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine
and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty
pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece
of steak filet. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and
pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
: 14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and remove pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
: 15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

: How to Give A Dog A Pill...
: 1) Wrap it in bacon.
post #2 of 10
that is too funny! I've never had to give a cat a pill, but i imagine it's a lot like that!
post #3 of 10
It's actually worse...when you start doing it. We were giving Gremlin a pill and half a vitamin twice a day. Ugh, pulling the head back, popping down the back of his throat, it's horrible.

Ah, but that's why they invented the pill popper. If you ever need to do pills, ask for one. But believe me, even with it, I'd rather do the insulin shots than the pills any day.
post #4 of 10
Oh my gosh.. that is so funny!! Knock on wood I have never had to give any cats a pill before. By the sounds of that doesn't look like I want to start anytime soon
post #5 of 10
Good Lord!
I'm glad none of my cats act like that...I just sedate them...<w>
post #6 of 10
OK, here's a tip I've learned on giving a cat a pill, because the above story isn't far from the truth. If you wait til' their curled up sleeping, you have pill in hand, approach and sit gently next to your cat. Then you rub his head and talk sweet to him. Then...


Of course, after about 3 days of that they get wise and when you come talking all sweet they just automaticly run and hide under the bed. Then, when the pill war is over after the week or so allotted to give it to them, they don't trust you for weeks and will have zip to do with you.
post #7 of 10
I gotta say that for all the complaining I do about Squirt and his ornery nature, he is so quick to forgive after being "violated". This includes, but is not limited to: vet visits, applying Advantage, giving a pill, and clipping claws.
post #8 of 10
That has to be the funniest thing I have ever read. I had tears in my eyes...sounds like my cat.
post #9 of 10
How about giving a cat a bath? That's loads of fun as well.

post #10 of 10
Oh my gosh Hell603, that was absolutely HILARIOUS!!!!!!
I was laughing so hard!!!! I have had to give my cats pills before, so I knew exactly how they felt!!!! HAHA!

Thanks for sharing that....I copied it and will send it out to several people on my e-mail list who will enjoy it as well!!!!
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