The Kid Next Door!

Ok, so we got new neighbors about a month and half ago. They have 2 kids. A boy 14 and a girl 17.
The 14yr old wants to hang out and play video games and such with my 9yr old... and I let them, supervised of course.
When they are all out in the yard playing, Deacon (my 5yr old) will always come in crying saying the kid hit him or pushed him or shoved him... So I got to the point where I've had to talk to his parents about it. When I did they seemed like it wasn't a big deal. They just agreed and shrugged it off and acted like it was no big deal. Which made me MAD!
So today he comes over to play with Justice. I let Deacon go outside and play with the hopes that the kid has calmed down.
Well withen 15 mins I had to go outside and tell him to knock it off. As I was walking to my truck he starts screaming at Deacon because he was play fighting with Justice. I told him "Don't yell at him like that! If you have a problem with him, you come to ME and tell me! I am OVER you trying to "parent" him and I WILL tell your parents!" He just rolled his eyes at me and says "They're not home" I was FURIOUS!
DH told Deacon to go in the house and I said he was not allowed to be around him anymore. So then less then 5 mins later he was rough housing with Jake a little to roughly. I told him to stop and so did my other son. He just rolled his eyes at me again!!!!!!! I told him "That's it! GO HOME"
He ignored me! I walked over to him and got face to face and said "I told you to go home... NOW"
He got right in my face like he was going to say/do something and just walked away!
I don't know what to do now! I've talked to the mother about it and she seems like she didn't care. Should I talk to the father since he seems to be the diciplinarian of the family? Or should I just NOT let him play with the kids?
He's the type of kid that no matter what you do, he still comes around and I don't want to involve the police.

Sorry I just hate to vent!

thats so rude!!!IMO, i would not let him come back. i cant believe his mom did nothing. if his parents are going to let him act like that they need to know that he cant come back to your house.

sounds like the kid never got any dicipline when he was younger and is just running wild. Watch out with your kids associating with them at all.

yep not allowed over anymore,

Originally Posted by catcrazyperson

thats so rude!!!IMO, i would not let him come back. i cant believe his mom did nothing. if his parents are going to let him act like that they need to know that he cant come back to your house.

Click to expand...

What is WRONG with some parents?

I would just not let him play with your kids anymore. You've had the talk with the parent(s) on more than one occasion now. They don't seem to care. Make it clear to your kids that the neighbor is the one that has been bad and not them, and that you are not trying to punish them (that is if they enjoy playing with him anymore). From what I've read here you have good kids, they'll understand.

If he still continues to come around even after you tell him no a few times... I don't know what to say. Eventually he should bore of hearing no and find something else to do.

Good luck. You're in my thoughts.

kids these days, alot around here are completely out of control and dont listen to nothing so I know how u feel...ecspecially in the one place my brother used to live which wasnt a good neighbor hood had let their kids 4-5 in ages run around unsupervised...my nephew never left the house with out an adult usually me !!! and some of those kids were mean !!! There was this one incident were it was cold out and kids were randonly spraying kids with water and i didnt want my nephew to get sick so i asked them please dont get him wet, so instead they kept pushing him and everything, then they told their mom i asked them to be stopped (mind u she was in the house) and she came out screaming at me because they were pushing my nephew so I simply left the situation with my nephew (mind u he was 3) and I told my brother about it and he tried to talk to the lady but ended up in an arguement and those kids werent supposed to play with my nephew again according to the lady but they were always unsupervised. Also this year my nephew is now in 1st grade some kid randomly came up to him and knocked him down and started hitting him...so my nephew didnt hit back because he didnt want to get in trouble so he and others told the teacher and they had a meeting with my brother and the kids parents and they were mad that my nephew didnt get into trouble or suspended like their child did. And they really didnt seem to care or want to listen to the situation they were mad because their son got suspended! And my nephew got nothing ! All they seemed to care about was trying to get my nephew in trouble since that went on their childs record! and they didnt see anything wrong with it...they said that he must have tripped and misjudged the situation, there son wouldnt do such a bad thing, and that my nephew was lieing !! People these days !!!

Some neighbors of mine were like that where I grew up. Neighbor A's son would constantly pick on Neighbor B's son. I mean it was neighbor B who got beat up, made fun of, etc etc etc.
Neighbor B mother would call the mother of A and tell them what happened, how her son came home with bruises and stuff.

Mother A's response? "Boys will be boys..." she didn't care one bit.

I don't understand parents nowadays.
I know my kids aren't angels... If someone told me my kids did something wrong, I wouldn't doubt they did it.. I know they are handfulls.
When I talked to the mother, she didn't even get off the couch. Not even to the front door. She just sat on the couch and looked at me like I was an idiot. She said "yeah, he can get out of hand sometimes" and that was it! My mom would have let me have it
This kid just looks at me like he doesn't understand a word I'm saying. Just a blank stare. Doesn't answer or anything... I was taught that if an adult is talking to you, you answer them!

IMO...I would not allow him to be around my kids. While on one hand it may be good for him to see a family where there is loving discipline, chances are that because he is older, your kids may want to emulate him and what not.

Problems like the ones mentioned are why DH insists that we will move before having children. Not that there is a perfect neighborhood out there, but still. When I was in elementary school I was best friends with the girl everyone else picked on and I stood between my classmates and my friends many times when they wanted to beat her up for no reason. Come to find out later, she was in a very abusive home. That's why she acted 'different.' Things like this make me so mad. And people wonder why kids take guns to school? I know it's just my opinion and there are a lot of reasons. But if you were like my little friend, by the time you got to high school, you could have a lot of rage built up inside you.

First, I think you did excellent by holding your ground to that kid, He probably never gets that much from his own parents. I would not allow him to come over anymore. He obviously has a respect problem and I'd say until he can shape up, I wouldn't want that type of behavior being modelled for my son.

Perhaps if you continue to allow interaction, but are very strict with him like you were, then maybe he will begin to accept your authority and you could have a positive influence on him. Just a thought.

If I had EVER talked to an adult like that when I was growing up I would have had a hard time sitting down for atleast a week. But my sister and I never even thought about acting that way. We didn't go to someones house and make little monkeys out of ourselves so to speak. And if we had dad would have been the second to paddle our behinds he would have had the other parent, of the friend paddle us first if they hadn't already. And maybe others see it different but when we were kids we walked the line especially when at someone else's house maybe more so because we were wild kids when at home we were raised in a home by our dad and uncles and a few aunts here and there so were little tomboys but we still showed people respect. And as said before if we didn't our backsides felt it and I would have never even thought of telling my daddy no either.

I'd send all your kids to a self defense class so they can at least defend themselves in a respectful manner, and maybe once the neighbor kid finds out your kids won't tolerate being bullied he won't be coming back. IMO any martial art is a good investment not only for self defence but for focus in school/work and morals as well.

If the neighbor kid rats on your kids for beating him up, you can always say that he was trespassing on your property and harassing your family. As long as it's on your property, they really have no legal foothold.

I work at a kindergarden/day care, and nothing in this thread surprises me, some of our parents are complete idiots. I think they could sign some papers and go get a crazy check.

I do not deal with these parents at work, I take care of the kids and that is it. Parents are idiots.

Wow, in our neighborhood there was a well known pact between some of the parents that if the kids got out of line, they were free to paddle our behinds! My mom had to do it to one neighbor kid and his mom said, "So, what did he do this time?" and then thanked my mom.

What is going on in the world? I could not imagine being that rude to any adult, let alone the parent of a supposed "friend."

I am thinking it has to do with the father not being home alot. He's a truck driver so he's gone quite a bit. DH said he's going to go over tonight when the father is home and see if he can talk to him man to man. I hate to see the kid miss out on things just because of his parents. I think children are a reflection of thier upbringing. I have noticed that the mother is very mouthy and rude but the father is more civilized and understanding. If it doesn't work, then he's not going to be allowed over here anymore!

First, that kid seems awfully old to be hanging around with your 9 year old. (Maybe he's alienated any older friends he had with his behavior).
Second, yes kids today are not like when we were growing up. I went to a parent education meeting about this topic. How kids treat their parents and others so badly. The speaker actually said it was kind of a good thing cause the kids aren't afraid of us like we were of our parents. Boy, do I wish my kid were afraid of me. Basically he was saying we don't beat our kids anymore cause we'll get thrown in jail now or we use time outs--like that really works . (Of course, my parents never beat me and I was a perfect child --really! ask my mom )
So what do people do now adays for discipline? I'd love to know. My older son has never been a problem. But my 10 year old definitely pushes all the wrong buttons. THankfully, he saves his button pushing for home, and is well behaved in school. And we have a good neighborhood--the kids aren't angels, but when they fight, its usually fun fighting --and there are no innocent victims.

As for the mom, she may be in a lithium/valium/alcohol induced conscious coma after having to live with her son for 14 years. I know there are plenty of days when I wish I was at least a wine drinker --something to get this constant whining out of my head.

In conclusion, have cats, not kids--they're so much easier!!!

I don't think it's the beating that's lacking in parents today. You can still do effective discipline by enforcing their punishment.

I hear SO MANY times at the stores "Jessie, I told you if you do that one more time I'm going do..." then fill in their punishment. Kids figure this out QUICKLY as they know that the parent(s) won't actually do what they threaten.

Also, sending them to their room is joke too. Mainly if they have their video games, a TV a DVD player in there. Kids are spoiled rotten today because of how affordable technology is. So when you send them to their room as "punishment" its really not punishment, its a reward because then they get to be left alone for an hour to play whatever.

Plus every one that I meet who is a parent now is SO WORRIED not to treat their kid like their parents did. But you know what, I got spanked on my bum. I cried at the time and I got over it. I didn't always get the toy I wanted...I got over it. Parents today are so worried about not pleasing their kids (or reverse psychology "I never had this as a kid, but I wanted it so therefore my kids get it) that its ridiculous...then we wonder why our kids are fat, lazy, depressed, etc.

Oh but to focus back on this kid, he's learning to beat your son from somewhere.

Maybe his mom or dad gets a little physical with him or did when he was your sons age.

Originally Posted by lunasmom

I don't think it's the beating that's lacking in parents today. You can still do effective discipline by enforcing their punishment.

I hear SO MANY times at the stores "Jessie, I told you if you do that one more time I'm going do..." then fill in their punishment. Kids figure this out QUICKLY as they know that the parent(s) won't actually do what they threaten.

Also, sending them to their room is joke too. Mainly if they have their video games, a TV a DVD player in there. Kids are spoiled rotten today because of how affordable technology is. So when you send them to their room as "punishment" its really not punishment, its a reward because then they get to be left alone for an hour to play whatever.

Plus every one that I meet who is a parent now is SO WORRIED not to treat their kid like their parents did. But you know what, I got spanked on my bum. I cried at the time and I got over it. I didn't always get the toy I wanted...I got over it. Parents today are so worried about not pleasing their kids (or reverse psychology "I never had this as a kid, but I wanted it so therefore my kids get it) that its ridiculous...then we wonder why our kids are fat, lazy, depressed, etc.

Click to expand...

They just had a story on the Early Show on CBS this morning about the epidemic where parents just never say no. And I would say I'm stricter than my parents--my mother would do anything for us. (She still cuts my kids pancakes for them when we visit