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How do I tell someone they cant stay with me??

post #1 of 17
Thread Starter 
I have been having so much stress about this.

My aunt (who lives in Florida) want to come visit in February. Thats fine, I miss her like heck and shes young and fun to be around. But the thing is, its a long stay (1-2 months). That wouldnt be such a huge problem except she has these two very rambunctious (sp?) kids, and I am very worried.

First off, I live in a rented house. The owner left the screen door half broken, and we've patched it up as best we can. The hinges/frame is on its last life. It closes and opens just fine, but you cant slam it or it will break.

These kids have probably never seen a screen door in their lives and I can imagine them slamming and slamming my door, and leaving me with no screen. If I dont have a screen door I have to keep the door closed because the kitties will get out.

What Im mostly thinking about is the cats. By the time she gets here, I will have two. I dont know how cat #2 will react, but im scared that they will be careless and the cats will get out. Im terrified that the kids will handle them roughly (they have two dogs and its a miracle the dogs are alive!)

The last thing is, my aunt has two dogs. Tiny dogs mind you (teeny Maltese and Tiny Yorkie) but they have never been around cats. The Yorkie, being a terrier is very prey driven.

I dont know how to tell her that staying at my house wont be such a good idea!

My grandmother has a spare bedroom where she parks the car and I am willing to loan my aunt a bed, fridge and stove so she can stay there. It all depends on if my granmother says yes. Please help! I love my aunt to death, but I have to think about my kitties and my home.
post #2 of 17
Explain to her your concerns at tell her that you just can't have the kids and the dogs at you home.
post #3 of 17
I'd just tell her that your home is not ready for kids and dogs. Sometimes it's just better to get it out there. Reassure her you want to see her. But with bringing another cat into the home and your current cat your not sure they would be kid or dog friendly.
post #4 of 17
Honesty is the best policy here.....tactfully said though.
post #5 of 17
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by kittylover4ever View Post
Honesty is the best policy here.....tactfully said though.
Thats the thing, I am not a tactful person!! I try to avoid conflict as much as possible because everything always comes out sounding so wrong
post #6 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by JulieKit View Post
Thats the thing, I am not a tactful person!! I try to avoid conflict as much as possible because everything always comes out sounding so wrong
You could send her a note in a card. That way you could post the draft of what you'd like to say here and members could offer specific suggestions on how to soften it if they had any.
post #7 of 17
Tell her your lease does not allow dogs and you can't afford to get into trouble with your land lord. Also tell them about the option you mentioned above.

That should work..
post #8 of 17
Just explain to her what you told us.

Its not hurtful or mean, it's just pure honesty. "I'm excited your coming and would like you to stay with me, but..."
post #9 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phenomsmom View Post
Explain to her your concerns at tell her that you just can't have the kids and the dogs at you home.
If it was a week, I'd say, ok suffer through it....but 1-2 months. That's too much to stay with someone.... you've gotten some great advice here....
post #10 of 17
I agree with everyone! Just be honest with her! It sounds like your grandmother's spare bedroom would be the ideal solution. A 1 to 2 month stay is very long and it shouldn't be automatically assumed that someone can come and stay with anyone (particularly with kids and dogs) for that length of time.
post #11 of 17
I agree - try to be honest - but I also think that you can use the landlord as an out as well. Just say your lease prohibits dogs and that there is a limit to how long you can have "overnight guests". I have friend who always want to stay over at my house when she and her SIG are passing thru and I just won't let them because of their dogs - I do tell them that. Although they are not happy, they do come without dogs and also for a much shorter time! I like them alot, but I don't want to stress my cats and I am not an alternative to a hotel. You shouldn't be either.
post #12 of 17
Explain it to your gandma and get her to call your aunt and invite her, insist that she, stay with her siting that you rent and the landlord would be mad and granny wants them around anyway.
post #13 of 17
I personally think its best said to her rather than written. You might take the chance of offending her by not speaking to her directly about it if you just send her a note. However, you can always write down what you want to say before hand and have it with you when you call her. Posting it here so we can help you soften it is also a good idea.

I had a similar problem about a year and a half ago. My cousin wanted to come stay with me and my husband for several weeks and bring her dog. We were living in a TINY studio at the time and simply just did not have room for an extra person, let alone an extra person and their very energetic dog.

I told her point blank that I would love for her to come and visit, but that we simply did not have the room. She was angry at me and didn't speak to me for at least a year. That doesn not mean that yours will end the same way however, as my cousin is bipolar and has issues with social interaction and conflict resolution to the point that she has been medicated for it in the past.

We have since moved into a bigger place and I made a point to tell her that NOW she can come and visit, that we had plenty of room. We've since ironed out our differences.

Good luck!
post #14 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by gailuvscats View Post
Explain it to your gandma and get her to call your aunt and invite her, insist that she, stay with her siting that you rent and the landlord would be mad and granny wants them around anyway.
I agree. Arrange it first with the grandma, then tell your aunt everything's all arranged for her to stay there.

Wow, now that's a long visit!

Cheers, from
SwampWitch
post #15 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phenomsmom View Post
Explain to her your concerns at tell her that you just can't have the kids and the dogs at you home.
can you just do that?
post #16 of 17
I think she would really be taking advantage for your hospitality!!
If it was just 1 week it might be ok-but personally 1-2 months with kids and dogs-without even asking it thats ok-I would have no problem saying no.
Aren't the kids supposed to be in school??? How is she suppposed to get around town, eat, laundry etc?????
Just tell her the truth about your place, the cats, etc... She should hopefully understand.
post #17 of 17
I wish I had advice for you! It's hard to say no to family, but I know exactly how you feel.

My cousin, his wife, and their son stayed with me for over a month when they were buying a house near me. It was only supposed to be for a week. It was very stressful for all of us.

They had trouble with the sellers but it was partly my cousin's fault because he is too cocky to get help from people who have bought homes. If he had talked to me or someone else, we could have helped him understand the contract he was signing.

Their son has a disability brought on by a stroke, so he seems like a 2 year old trapped in a 5 year old's body. He's a terror! My older kittie, Gunner, was very stressed out and bit their son once. For the most part my cats stayed away from him. Taylor was very good. The terror didn't bother him one bit.

Long story short, that much family for that long of time is just not good.
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