what to do?

Sephie went after Isis today. I don't know if i should let them play it out as long as Isis doesn't get hurt or what.

I tell them both off because she isn't the most social either and will grumble but he goes after her. He has been doing great but I heard hissing, scuffle and saw a standoff.

I took sephie in the bathroom for a time out and he is not happy. I tried the meeting thing and that just seems to aggravate him more.

I act like the alpha, no hesitation but he's not listening.

What else can i try? I don't want to alienate sephie either.

I'm not sure there's a good answer. I've never found one (male dominating (older?) female, and have looked hard, including a zoologist/behaviourist, vet school teacher, etc. What we do is have a 'safe' place up on a pillow covered milk crate, in a corner of a wide shelf, that once the 'chased' cat gets onto, she's higher than the chaser, and even if he gets onto the shelf, she's got the upper paw! A good place for the whole thing is somewhere she likes to hang out anyway, and he's not necessarily into much. Not too sunny, if there are choices. When we go out for any length of time, she's closed in that room with her own box and water (& nibbles if necessary).

She does have her own area. Sephie doesn't like to go under or behind things so behind the couch is a perfect area for her. Gabriel has joined her there but she sometimes tolerates him and sometimes doesn't. Sephie will be 2 in May and she is probably 6, that's the vet's guess.
I think the fact that she is a girl has really made a difference in his behavior. I think for now I'm just going to let them figure it out for a while and I make sure that I spend a lot of time with sephie.

Hi!

Cat trees, window sills, any kind of different levels of space for lounging, are a great idea for cats that are not getting along. Cats seem to prefer to move UP or DOWN rather than horizontally into or out of a space when they are threatened.

If you have the time and the patience, also try and reward every little positive encounter that they have. You could look into Clicker Training, which lets the cats show off how much they can learn and their tricks, in return for treats, you could just praise them if they tolerate one another while they eat their meals. I always think that the sign of real progress in cases like this, is when you can get both cats to play in the same room, at the same time, without either seeming to be wary of the other! So if there is a way that you can give them *simultaneous* special time, that would be ideal. But if not, you can still make sure that the time you CAN spend with each one alone, is quality, and that you have more good times than bad together.

Personally, I have grown to be much more tolerant of cats spatting to work things out themselves, than I once wasy. It might not sound or look pleasant to us humans, but a lot of the time the actual action is a lot less dangerous than it sounds or looks, I have learned. Sometimes just that, letting them work it out, seems to result in more peace in the household, although it is not always a household ordered the way you and I think it should be.