Originally Posted by twstychik
Wow, is it really that hard to say "Thanks for helping honey" even if it's only something little?! It doesn't have to be patronizing or demeaning or even childish. Heck, my honey thanks me for doing things like cooking and laundry and I really appreciate. It makes me feel like my hard work isn't going un-noticed and it makes me feel appreciated. Don't you think a guy might do more work if what he already does is appreciated?!
I agree with you on this. Hubby and I have been together for 30 years and when he does things for me I still say thank you, e.g., change my car oil, rotate my tires, do my brake pads. I don't thank him for taking out the garbage because he does that every week and it's "one of his jobs". I do 99.9% of the cooking and washing up, 100% of the laundry and ironing (I even press his jeans which he loves), 99% of the vacuuming, 100% of the litter cleaning, bathroom cleaning - you get the idea. I NEVER have to mow a lawn, clean an eaves trough, worry about my car running smoothly or any major repairs on our home. After 30 years he still thanks me for making a nice dinner, mentions how nice the house looks after I've spent several hours cleaning, thanks me for pressing his jeans, etc. We also both have a good work ethic. He gets home almost an hour before I do and does not start dinner - honestly that annoys me sometimes, but then I realize that if I don't feel like cooking, he never complains and will find something quick and fix it for himself with no hard feelings towards me because I didn't cook.
If your significant other is not working and just laying around playing video games, you have a problem. I honestly don't think fighting about it is going to help. If you can make a list, divide it so that both of you share the chores and you both continue to do those chores without backsliding, then perhaps you will succeed. If after a week or two you find you are back to doing everything yourself again, then this is what your future will be with this man. Now you have to make a decision - can you live with him for the next 30+ years and accept this without being upset or resenting him? If you are this upset now, believe me time will NOT make it easier. Once enough resentment has built up, your relationship will fracture and you'll be another divorce statistic.
It isn't the big things that break up relationships and marriages, it's the little things that pile up until the heap is so high you can't seem to get beyond it.