How I get him to help me out?!!

Originally Posted by Jenny82

This is a great idea! I've tried it and it really works too. Also I've heard that you should do the same thing with children.

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OMG mom used to do that to me. I always took the bathroom so I can take my time and listen to music.

Originally Posted by crazyforinfo

OMG mom used to do that to me. I always took the bathroom so I can take my time and listen to music.

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See? She got you to clean the bathroom. I think mine did that too.

Brandi John is the SAME way that Lee is. John lived at home until we moved in together almost 2 years ago, so he was about 23 when he moved out of his moms place. His mom did EVERYTHING for him. Cleaned his room, did the laundry, all of it. So now, he has NO idea when to pick up his clothes or when to help out. I came home today from being back home for a week, and there was a weeks worth of dirty clothes in the bathroom, dishes in the sink - oh boy, was I MAD! And of course when I came home to find it a mess, and was mad, he didn't understand why. Gee, I wonder?

I've talked to him about it many times, and it doesn't get anywhere. I've given up - he knows it makes me mad. He tries.... sometimes. But its not much of an effort.

Originally Posted by Phenomsmom

What about if I just clean the things I used and do my own laundry and let his stuff get nasty?

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yep, wash your stuff, leave his alone.
same goes for dinner stuff. If he ask whats for dinner say, what are you cooking.
or if you want me to cook then you have to wash.

i think the excuse of they dont know how is bull.. its not rocket science to pick up clothing and put it into the hamper. but thats me. i think its just a case of thinking someone else will do it for them.

steve and i share the chores. although hes not as good at it..as i would like..

what's a hamper??

Originally Posted by Rosey

what's a hamper??

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laundry basket type thing usually with a closeing lid..least thats what we call them

no i know what it is...my husband doesn't know what they are...i wonder if he knows WHERE they are.

Originally Posted by Rosey

no i know what it is...my husband doesn't know what they are...i wonder if he knows WHERE they are.

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oh LOL i get it now

my hubby learned well..when i put his sox in the litter box..

see that wouldn't fly in my house cause I do the litter box too... lol

Originally Posted by crazyforinfo

My fav is when he complains about the litter stinking when sitting right next to it, playing video games. Mamma boys are the WORST!

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Mine will actually get up and cover the kitty poo with a scooper if he thinks it smells. Then leaves the scooper in the box. Not sure why he couldn't use the same amount of effort to just scoop the mess OUT of the box.

Most people don't like to be nagged or pestered or told what to do. I know I don't and that's the surest route to getting me to sit down and do nothing.

My advice is to not go on strike because doing stuff like that is childish and probably hurts you more than him anyway. I can't live in a pig sty and I wouldn't even attempt to while trying to get someone to help me around the house. I'd tell them to move out and get their own place before I'd start living in filth.

By the sounds of it your boy friend went from living at home with "Mommy" to moving out and in with "Mommy". He probably hasn't lived on his own and has never learned the responsibility of having to do things for himself or they don't get done. This guy has a great deal of growing up to do and it would be my personal advice for you both to live apart and for him to get his own apartment and learn how to live on his own before you commit to anything long term permanent such as an engagement or a marriage.

Failing that, I suggest that you sit down with him and calmly talk to him. Don't yell and don't point fingers and don't call him lazy etc. Simply talk openly and honestly about how overwhelmed and exhausted you feel with having to work and then come home and make dinner and do dishes, laundry, cleaning, vacuuming etc. etc. etc.

Tell him that you love him and that you do appreciate the help that he does give you (that boosts his confidence .

Ask him to help you come up with solutions. One solution you could suggest is cutting back your actual out of home work hours to 2 or 3 days a week so that you can spend the other days on the household work like cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping etc. Most guys, especially young ones, won't like the reduction in overall household income, so they are more keen to find another alternative.

Another thing is to stop focusing on the negative aspects of what he isn't doing. Instead praise him for what he does, in a sincere way. Take notice that he picked up the clothing off of the floor (leave it at that. Don't harp about not following through with the laundry.... baby steps). Take notice that he took out the trash. Thank him, and while you don't have to pat him on the head and say "good boy", let him know he did a good job and that you appreciate his help.

Also, when making dinner ask him nicely "sweetie, can you come help me for a minute", and then give him some salad stuff and ask if he could make the salad. Then during dinner compliment him on making a fabulous salad and how yummy it is.. make a point to have seconds. That too will boost his confidence and realize that he can do stuff.

Communication is the basis of a sound relationship and if you can't sit and talk and work through issues then the relationship really doesn't stand a chance because there will be bigger issues in a relationship than division of household chores.

Anyway, here are some links that give you suggestions on how to get your partner to help with household chores.

http://www.drjoshuacoleman.com/My Husband Won't Help around the house.html

http://love.ivillage.com/lnm/lnmprob...ndRef=msnwomen

http://www.babycenter.com/expert/bab...msex/3267.html

Good points! Men don't hear things the same way as women, they need praise for every little deed. A simple "thanks for all you do" doesn't work.

Originally Posted by neetanddave

Good points! Men don't hear things the same way as women, they need praise for every little deed. A simple "thanks for all you do" doesn't work.

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True, if you keep complaining about it he will tune you out,
DO your stuff leave his alone, and if he wants to eat, like i side before let him do the dishs, or no food

Ok so I tried to talk to him calmly about it. That doesn't work for him. His reply is I did one thing all week long. Or then he says but I do the upkeep on the cars (umm well if you did that the oild would have been changed in the truck 3 months ago instead of STILL needing to be changed and my car would have had oil in it when it ran hot...) So I blew up. Not bad to the point of yelling but I did go off. I told him I couldn't do it anymore and that if he didn't start pulling his wiehgt in the house I was going to move out. That ot his attention. I told him that I loved him to death but couldn't take him being out of work all week and going hunting or fishing or whatever and leaving the house without even taking out the garbage. I think it hit home. We will only see in time. Hopefully he pitches in and does his part.

Good luck with it Brandi!

I don't know why, but it just irks me to no end when people's advice (and this is in no way directed at the person giving the advice, just the concept of the advice) consists of lavishly praising the guy for lifting one little finger- where is OUR praise for doing ever gosh darn little thing? this advice was also given to me about my ex and I refused to go down that path, he's a grown man, not a child, and needs to be treated as such. Sorry just had to vent about that

Lee told me "I thought I was helping" When I asked for examples he could only tell me one or 2 things. So I replied with so I am still doing 95% of the cooking and cleaning? How is that fair? I am really hoping that he starts helping. I am at my wits end with this. I told him I was serious about moving out. I made sure to tell him that repeatedly.

Originally Posted by katiemae1277

Good luck with it Brandi!

I don't know why, but it just irks me to no end when people's advice (and this is in no way directed at the person giving the advice, just the concept of the advice) consists of lavishly praising the guy for lifting one little finger- where is OUR praise for doing ever gosh darn little thing? this advice was also given to me about my ex and I refused to go down that path, he's a grown man, not a child, and needs to be treated as such. Sorry just had to vent about that

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But if I come home & the house looks nice, I do say "wow the house looks nice".....when he comes home he'll say "what did you do all day watch soaps?!" ummm, no, I had them on while I was cooking, doing the dishes, scooping the litter, taking out the trash, scrubbing the bathroom, running up & downstairs with the wash, and vaccuumming.....I'm supposed to do that in silence now?

Brandi, if my 2cents are worth anything.......Jerry is a slob, but there is no way in heck I'd ever leave him for that........somethings I just accept. It doesn't hurt that I really like to do the housework myself. That way it gets done to how I like it. But the main thing here is, make a list. Pros and Cons about Lee. Hopefully his good points outweigh his bad by a mile........... I always remember my grandma saying, what she wouldn't give to be able to pick up Grandad's underwear after he passed on.......