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Wow, I'm lame. Anyone sympathize?

post #1 of 18
Thread Starter 
Geez, this KEEPS HAPPENING, and maybe it's the holidays. Maybe, it's also an indication that I should stay away from social netorking websites.

Anyway, the long and the short of it is that I keep seeing people's "messages" and "walls" on these sites and everyone is asking to hang out with everyone else...in 2 cases, it was two very close mutual friends wanting to hang out and no one calling or "messaging" me. And it shouldn't be a big deal, but I feel very left out and very sad every time it happens.

I JUST called one of the close-but-out-of-town friends and we set something up for this weekend, and she was very nice and warm, so I know they don't mean to do this, but it still makes me sad. why am I so laaaaaame? And how do I get people to call ME? My best friend told me to start calling people and then they'll call me eventually.
post #2 of 18
Call them!
ps...
your not lame!
post #3 of 18
My advice, for what it's worth.

If you're the only one doing the calling, then there is probably an imbalance in the friendship - unless the friend is the kind who never calls anybody - in which case you can't take that personally (some people are just hermits).

Doing some of the calling - even most of the calling - is ok. Don't worry about it unless you're the only one ever doing it. And if the other person really is busy, cut them some slack. Even a PhD doesn't last forever.

Know your boundaries. Know what you are willing to do, and to put up with, in the cut and thrust of relationships. Expect to make exceptions for some people, but don't let yourself can taken advantage of. I saw this posted somewhere here and saved it. I don't know the original source:

AFTER AWHILE YOU LEARN THE SUBTLE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HOLDING A HAND AND CHANGING A SOUL,

AND YOU LEARN THAT LOVE DOESNT MEAN LEANING AND COMPANY DOESNT ALWAYS MEAN SECURITY, AND YOU BEGIN TO LEARN THAT KISSES ARENT CONTRACTS AND PRESENTS ARENT PROMISES

AND YOU BEGIN TO ACCEPT YOUR DEFEATS WITH YOUR HEAD UP AND YOUR EYES AHEAD WITH THE GRACE OF A WOMAN NOT THE GRIEF OF A CHILD.

AND YOU LEARN TO BUILD ALL YOUR ROADS ON TODAY BECAUSE TOMORROWS GROUND IS TOO UNCERTAIN FOR PLANS AND FUTURES HAVE A WAY OF FALLING DOWN IN MID FLIGHT.

AFTER AWHILE YOU LEARN THAT EVEN SUNSHINE BURNS IF YOU GET TOO MUCH SO YOU PLANT YOUR OWN GARDEN AND DECORATE YOUR OWN SOUL INSTEAD OF WAITING FOR SOME ONE TOO BRING YOU FLOWERS,

AND YOU LEARN THAT YOU REALLY CAN ENDURE.... YOU REALLY ARE STRONG... YOU REALLY DO HAVE WORTH... AND YOU LEARN AND YOU LEARN WITH EVERY GOODBYE, YOU LEARN

If it turns out you're the one doing all the running... turn around and walk away.

And if you don't do anything else, please stop calling yourself names. You're not lame.
post #4 of 18
You scared the daylights out of me. I was going to ask if you had arthritis.
post #5 of 18
OMG hun, I honestly know how you feel. Right after high school, no one ever called anymore. I called, but got no calls back. I think I'm just a big loser or something. College was the same way. The only people I'm close wih now are my fiance of 5 years and my 2 fur boys. (Cats count as friends....right??) But I also don't understand where I tuned so pathetic. I think I'm a great person to have as a friend, I'm loyal, caring, all that stuff. Maybe I just find the wrong people to befriend. All I know is that I'm 24, my fiance's 25, and we live a lonely existence together. Even my grandmother has more of a social life then me.
Sorry to give you my sob story,but I just want you to know, you're not alone out there. And maybe we're better off without these superficial so-called friends. It hurts to see everyone else connect and be left in the sidelines. But I try to look at it in the way that my 3 boys ( 1 human, 2 feline ) are the best, and most loyal friends I'll ever need.
*big hugs*
post #6 of 18
If I can say, I am extremely guilty of never calling anyone back. It has nothing to do with them, or not wanting to talk to them, or see them. I HATE talking on the phone to anyone but my mom or my sister. Sometimes it feels like I am on the phone all day long.

Anyway, there was a time before I moved when nobody called me. Your friend is right, start calling people and just ask them if they would like to do something. Most people feel the same way you do, I've never met someone who said "I have too many friends, I can't possibly make any more".
post #7 of 18
No your not lame..we all feel left out sometimes.

I would start being more proactive and calling more people first Good luck!!
post #8 of 18
I called you ... want me to call you again? 8-)
post #9 of 18
The thing you have to realise (and it took me MANY YEARS and MANY LOST FRIENDSHIPS) is that not everyone returns messages...right away.

They could be going someplace that either you don't like OR they know you don't like. Just because they don't invite you doesn't mean that you're lame or anything. Your friends probably just know your taste.

Also what can happen is that not everyone thinks of everybody else. What I mean by this is that 2 of your other friends can be talking about something get into the conversation (i.e. maybe a movie they both want to see)...then decide to go. Not because they hate you or anything, just umm..honestly without trying to sound rude, you're not the forfront of their conversation.

Yes it does come across as rude when you're "left out", but trust me, its' not always intentional.
post #10 of 18
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by gayef View Post
I called you ... want me to call you again? 8-)
Gaye, that was totally awesome and made my day I will never know how you did it, but you sure tracked me down, and it was a good thing because that morning was AWFUL. We had a really complicated adoption and a big inter-departmental fight about how to handle it AND we had a dump of 13 completely feral 7 week old kittens. Baaaaad day.

But I'm only at work once a week when school is in session, so if you want to call me again you'll have to have my real #

And as for the rest of you, THANK YOU so much for your kind words and advice. At least I know I can count on you ladies (and guys!)
post #11 of 18
I would call you but I dont have the # ...lol.. I have this difficulty also ...
post #12 of 18
Well it seems that the older you get , less and less friends are around.
until the day comes when you stop working. then like my mother got more busy with social stuff until she passed away. How my father just sits at home and became a even more angry bitter person.

I know when i was in my mid 20's i was to busy working and only had time for a couple of friends, and sometimes not even them. I lost touch with alot of friends from college. But that seems normal i guess. At least from the stories i here.

lol i will be in your area in a couple of weeks to visit a friend that is moving back to taiwan( and 2 weeks after she gets there i know she will want to come back to the US)
i can call you then(just kidding)... hm but really i think that is one of the reason i have seemed to have made lots of chat friends over the years. Of course moving as much as i used to it is hard to keep real life social friends..
post #13 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by theimp98 View Post
Well it seems that the older you get , less and less friends are around.
until the day comes when you stop working. then like my mother got more busy with social stuff until she passed away. How my father just sits at home and became a even more angry bitter person.

I know when i was in my mid 20's i was to busy working and only had time for a couple of friends, and sometimes not even them. I lost touch with alot of friends from college. But that seems normal i guess. At least from the stories i here.
I agree.
I am no longer in school and I keep in touch with only a handfull of those friends and only two of those I see/talk to often.

I focus a lot of energy into my cats () my home with dan and work. The weekends I like to spend with family and an ocassional girls night out. Mostly I am home alone with the boys. I find the friendliest faces here on TCS
post #14 of 18
I qualify as a hermit, but I do understand. In my wedding party I had 7 bridesmaids and 6 groomsmen and we probalby only see.....ok none of them....regularly. Some live out of state, some moved, and some fell off the face of the earth. I don't know why either. I'm just glad someone is always on TCS. Sometimes I wonder if it's because of my friends, I'm the only one of the married ones that doesn't have kids or isn't trying for kids. It's like my life is so different from theirs, we're still friends, but just don't have as much of thoes things in common anymore.
post #15 of 18



Yup, I know how you feel I've been home this week for Christmas, and so are all my old high school friends - I've seen on message boards and stuff that they are getting together, and I'll send them a message, but hardly ever get anything back

I did talk to a few of my old friends while I was home, but thats about it. I never see them, and they never call. I definately know how you feel.
post #16 of 18
I think as you get older you will only ever have one friend, and that will be your partner, and the rest of the people will only be your "coffee" buddies.

It hurts, i know.. but thats just how it goes
post #17 of 18
I'm like Leighann, a total hermit I've been burned by too many "friends" in the past and I figure its much safer just to be friends with my cats and family. I have a couple friends that i do stuff with occasionally.... wouldn't it be great if more of us lived closer together? all us friendless folks could hang out and BE FRIENDS
post #18 of 18
I agree with everyone else. You really only have enough friends in life to count on one hand....including your mate. And with those friends you need to know your limits. My best friend is also my SIL, even though we talk every day, she has a baby & is pregnant, and I have the kitties....so we don't always get to see each other, even though we are only 2 blocks away. We try to make the 1st Friday of each month our night, we go to a restaurant & have dinner & a glass of wine. pathetic right? That's how it goes when you get older, and to be honest....I don't have too much extra time to be able to invest in another really close friend. I'm just too busy. It doens't mean that I don't my "friends" that are more like aquaintances (we chat every 2 weeks or so).....I just know my limits with them that's all.

But I will tell you, I have come to value the "friends" I've made here on TCS more so than some of the friends I have in the real world. But I guess I've just found a great few that I can totally relate too, and relate to me, and have really been the best friends when I've needed them the most....
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