Christmas Rant- Inlaw Problems!

Not right. I have three granddaughters - the twins are 3 1/2 and the new baby is 10 weeks old. This Christmas (as always), the twins got equal gifts, as well as books and games to share. The baby didn't get as much but, as she gets older, she'll get equal to her sisters.

I can't believe that they would do that. They need to think of the poor childs feelings. He's obviously going to notice that the other children have nicer gifts than he was given. Then he's going to question what he did to deserve less than the other children. I would talk to them politely, ask them why they spend so much on one child, but so much less on your child. Explain that you don't care how much they spend, as long as it's equal and fair. If thier short on money than they shouldn't waste it all on one kid, split it between them all, even if it means lesser of a gift.

What happened to your little one happed to me a lot when I was a kid. My father never put a stop to it and it made me feel like I wasn't part of the family. To this day, I Christmas is still awkward for me. I'm glad that you put a stop to it now; it's really for the best.

I'm stunned - I truly don't know what to say. I can't imagine being treated that way, nor watching my child being treated that way by his own grandparents. I don't have advice, but wanted to let you know that I don't think you are overreacting.

Its not right to take it out on a little kid. I know what it feels like to be treated that way and it sucks. But my grandma was always fair. She would get everyone the same amount....even my cousins who werent related by blood. She would get me and my brother more because we lived with her for a while but she never did that in front of the others.

My oldest 2 are not my husbands children, so they got done the same way as your son.They got Goodwill stuff, while the younger 2 got stuff from Wal-Mart.Kids pick these things up when we don't think they do or care.But, mine would come to me and cry asking why they were being singled out and not getting what the other 2 were getting.It pi**** me off and I had a LONG talk with Dh.I told him if they couldn't treat ALL 4 of my kids equal, then NONE of them would go around the in-laws.The in-laws would call and ask why we weren't going around there any more.Shawn let it go for a few days and then told them that if they didn't do for all, then we wouldn't be going there anymore.Boy did that do the trick.Now, all of mine are treated as equals and there is no more favorites.
I agree with NOT getting the gift.Tell them to give it to someone else and that YOU'LL get your son the 4x4 that he wants and DESERVES!!!

I'm so sorry to hear of this, but I do understand.

My mother in law never much as calls Alan(DH) let alone our daughter, and in 19 years has given her approx 3 gifts, my father, yes my own father is always giving to my brothers kids, and never to my daughter and he has even done this infront of her several times!! She used to be hurt by this but now she is an adult she has let it go, she knows he is a very selfish man with no tact and knows I was always the black sheep to him, and she has said before " mum I remember what you said great nanny used to say, what they don't give you, you don't have to thank them for" but same as you it was the pushing out part, he always calls the others and not her, but she knows she doesn't need him, she has plenty of people who love her dearly but she is an adult so understands more now than your little one will.

All i can say is, if you can talk to them then do so, I guess it's best to try and get to the bottom of this before a big family fall out, and make feelings known to them and how much they are hurting you all and make a decision based on what they say, but I do hope it can be resolved in some way, no child should be pushed out, I decided not just because of my daughter, but personal issues with my dad to sever contact with him and I am now at peace of mind, and you should do whatever is best for your child in the long run, good luck babes.

Thank you for all the wonderful advice and support. I know I had to post this here and get some advice out of my family circle. Everyone in my family has told me to just forget about them, but in not so nice words .

I was up half the night thinking about this, and I am still at a loss how people can have such favoritism with kids. My paternal grandmother was the same way with me. My two half sisters were always treated so much better than me. They always got the nicer toys, the prettiest clothes, and I always got what was leftover. I was about two and I remember. Over the years I just accepted the fact that she would never love me as much as the others and I just got over it.

Since I moved to Puerto Rico over 3 years ago, I have seen my grandmother about 4 times, and she lives 10 minutes away. Sometimes I do think about what she did to me as a kid, but now that im an adult I hardly care.

My maternal grandmother on the other hand is a nut case. She is the queen of favoritism. But if you catch her with all the grandchildren you could never tell. I must admit her all time favorite is...me. I know if I ask her for something she will give, which is why I dont ask, so the smaller children arent uncomfortable. Her oldest grandson is her second favorite, his little sister third, my son fourth and so on. I can tell because of the tiniest things she does/says but its not a huge thing.

For Christmas she got my little brother and my son two small toy cars, and the oldest two money and a nice doll. But I know that because we celebrate 3 Kings Day she alternates on who gets good presents between two holidays. It may not be the best way to do it, but in the end they all get the same.

As for DH, he is definately the black sheep of his family. Combine that with their absolute dislike for me, and its a bomb waiting to explode.

But between me and Cat Site members, I think its sad that her favorite son is a drug addict, and that her favorite ex-daughter in law is sleeping with her husband. These people have got a bomb of their own waiting to explode, which is why I always told them not to wish other people bad things, because it will always come back.

I can not understand how some people can be so mean, especially to children.

I have no grandchildren, I do have "grandpuppies" though. I would NEVER treat any of my grandchildren different. I would spend the same amount on all of them.

My children were done the same way sometimes, but I finally had enough of it, and let them know about it too.

My children are adults now, so they just make their own minds up now. When my son got married, he didn't even invite one of his aunts to come to his wedding.

I can understand this, my mother's mother, decided when my mom died that me and my two sisters were no longer family. I was only 6 at the time and it really hurt and I have carried that resentment all my life. I now have been so careful that even though my grandchildren are actually from my DH's kids that I treat them all as equal as possible. Each will get a gift that best fits their personality and are always as close in value as I can make it. I hope that they understand that Grams always loves them for exactly who they are. I go so far as to always get a gift for my DH's ex-wife's little girl (the girls' half sister) at Christmas since they are usually here for the family gathering and then Dani doesn't feel left out. She is a good kid and I do not think it is right to punish her just because the ex-wife and I do not really like each other.
I hope that your son will come to understand that family doesn't always mean that you share blood but also that you share love!!
God Bless you.

Originally Posted by JulieKit

But between me and Cat Site members, I think its sad that her favorite son is a drug addict, and that her favorite ex-daughter in law is sleeping with her husband. These people have got a bomb of their own waiting to explode, which is why I always told them not to wish other people bad things, because it will always come back.

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You know, that might be a point. It's still not right...but if the favorite son is a drug addict and the fav ex-DIL is sleeping with her husband (which i take it as your FIL?? correct me plz if I'm wrong), but they're just trying to make up for what the kids will lack altogether in life.

again it still isn't right, but does shed some light as to what's happening.