Christmas Rant- Inlaw Problems!

juliekit · Dec 26, 2006

I am really starting to dislike Christmas. The past two Christmas' it has been problem after problem with my inlaws.

Last year I felt really bad because my son was given an extremely cheap gift and the favorite grandson and god daughter were given 400 dollar gifts each. I know its the thought that counts but hey, its not right to throw my son off to the side and get him something crappy just because you dont like me and would rather spend your money on your two favorites.

Then this year, I thought things would be different because my FIL asked DH what he wanted for our son. FIL asked him if a Spongebob TV or a little ride on 4X4. DH said to get him a 4X4 since a.) it was cheaper and b.) DS would like it more.

So the day before Christmas FIL tells DH that my MIL is over at the store picking up a mini 4X4 for their oldest grandson that cost them over 1k and picking up a portable DVD player for the god daughter.

So DH asks if they were able to find the 4X4 for DS and his father says no, that they only bought him a little push cart because the 4X4 was too expensive!!! We are talking about someone who spent 1.5k on two gifts and they could not buy my son a 69 dollar 4X4 which we didnt even ask for!

DH was absolutely steaming mad and said they could shove the gift and he did not even pick it up. I feel bad because of what happened because I dont want to steam like a b*tchy person, but I feel really let down you know? It just hurts that my son isnt treated like an equal part of the family.

I dont care about the gift, i'll buy it for him, but it hurts that they can spend 1k on one gift but my son isnt worthy of a 70 dollar gift?

I havent picked up the gift, and in all honesty I dont want it. Its not ingratitude, I just cant let my pride down enough to accept it

Maybe im just over reacting? If I am please just say so!

katachtig · Dec 26, 2006

I don't think you are overreacting. Your son should be treated with attention and kindness also. This obvious favoritism is hard to accept as an adult and harder to explain to a child. To balk at getting the child a preferred toy because they spent too much on the other children, that just shows there isn't any thought in their giving (so nowhere is the idea that "it's the thought that counts" apparent in this).

I have only agreement that this isn't right. Unfortunately, no advice.

trouts mom · Dec 26, 2006

I think that you are only stressing yourself out with this. They obviously have no bother about it. You need to try to let it go that they spent more on the other kids and just accept the gift graciously. You "keeping your pride" by not picking it up is only affecting you, and in a negative way.

Try to move past this and just accept the gift. You know in your heart now how they really feel and there isn't anything you can do about it unfortunately.

I know its hard, but the negativity surrounding this is bad for you to dwell on..good luck!!

2dogmom · Dec 26, 2006

Do I understand correctly that this little boy is these peoples' flesh and blood? Because if so there is no good reason for them to be treating him this way. And if he is not realted to them by blood it is still an extremely crappy thing to do. I don't care what circumstances brought it on, in my book you are not supposed to be crappy to little kids.
If it were me (and I am about as combative as they come) they would never darken my doorstep again. Anybody who messes with my kid's Christmas is not someone I want as a guest in my home-not at Christmas not ever. Think about what memories your boy is going to have of Christmas. No you are not being a b**** you are watching out for your kid.

Heck, even you are starting to dislike Christmas.

sims2fan · Dec 26, 2006

That is so wrong! How could they do this to a child

How can they justify their grandson seeing his gift is not as nice as his cousins are? He may blame himself and feel unworthy. Please talk to him an let him know that grown-ups can be silly sometimes and this is not his fault. Glad to see your DH is on your side.

sherral46 · Dec 26, 2006

Good for you and our hubby! do not pick it up,go out and get him,the one he wants and the .... with your in-laws1 i have been there also. do Not let them ruin your Christmas,every again.

neetanddave · Dec 26, 2006

Originally Posted by sherral46

Good for you and our hubby! do not pick it up,go out and get him,the one he wants and the .... with your in-laws1 i have been there also. do Not let them ruin your Christmas,every again.

lsulover · Dec 26, 2006

Been there and done that before, I do not think that you are over reacting, and I would NEVER pick up the gift.

halfpint · Dec 26, 2006

My Granddaughter"s other Grandmother got my grandson a $100 gift card and Gave My Granddaughter $25.00, I was pretty darn angry about it. I could see if if it wasn't obvious that she knew about his gift card but they were there together, I told her don't go over there anymore, She even had to call and see if she was invited for Thanksgiving so she didn't call or go, she lives in Las Vegas not where I am ...Talk about an ego booster for a 19 year old I told her what a bunch of loosers they are, and I can't stand that women or the kids father anyway never could. She was hurt I know she was. I don't know how someone could do that to her.

luckygirl · Dec 26, 2006

and I would be sure that the 2 of you tell your in-laws that you are no longer visiting them during the holidays. That you do not want your child to feel less than or slighted on Christmas, when it's plain to see that the other kids get nicer/better/cooler/more expensive things than your child does.

luckygirl · Dec 26, 2006

also, when I was little we were always slighted by my dad's mom. She hated my dad his whole life, and so she didn't really love us. She would get my cousins stacks of presents, and me & my sisters would each get 1, and when we opened it, it was a paisley umbrella and a case for it.....something that an old lady would carry. It was very hurtful, and I can still remember thinking at 9 (my 2 sisters were younger), why doesn't she love us like she loves the boys? Knowing now that toys don't = love, but kids don't know that at all.

fwan · Dec 26, 2006

I can tell you that if it was my child i would be yelling my head off at the grandparents, as they have no right what to ever to treat my child that way, and i would exclude them to any family events and ignore them.

I remember years ago when my grandmother sent my mother a letter apologizing that she couldnt send me a present because she had bought her other grandkids stuff and she couldnt afford postage for my present.

My mother sat me down and told me that my granny didnt have money, and that she bought this big teddy bear and that it was from my grandmother.
None of my aunts and uncles have ever given me presents and i was really hurt when i went up to see them for the last time how much my cousins got for their birthdays, because they never even sent me a card!

So, if you can just cut them out of your life.

annabelle33 · Dec 26, 2006

One side of my ex's family clearly favored his sister over him and it caused a LOT of self esteem issues. Even since they've become adults, last year he got a $15 gift card and his sister got a $250+ steam vaccuum right in front of him. I guess it's been like that their whole lives. My family on the other hand may slightly favor my brother but they go FAR out of their way to make us exactly equal. Down to buying us the same EXACT toys, giving us the same exact present year to year.

juliekit · Dec 26, 2006

I feel a bit better knowing that (for the most part) I am not over reacting. I will repeat myself a million times if I have to: I do not care about the gift. When I told my mother what had happened she got together with my grandma and aunt, and since they dont have a ton of money to spare they said they'd put 20 dollars each and buy it for him. But thats the least of my worries.

It hurts to have my child pushed away. Just thinking about it makes me cry. I am the nicest, most simple person you will ever meet. I cry when I watch Spongebob cartoons...lol. What hurts most is the comment that my FIL made. He said the toy was 'Too Expensive' right after he finished telling DH that he spent 1k on Grandson #1. All he needed to add was 'It was too expensive FOR HIM'

My son is the nicest little person. He is kind and caring. He doesnt touch what isnt his, and when we go over to visit he sits on my lap content to eat a cookie or play with a book. Hes always been so sweet towards everyone, it just breaks my heart that they feel he isnt worth their time.

I really dont understand them. Their #1 grandson is rude to them. He curses at them and hits them and does whatever he pleases with them...and hes only 4. Now dont get me wrong I really like this kiddo because when hes with me he behaves and is really sweet, but I still wonder how can they have so much love for the one that is constantly manipulating them, yet the quiet little boy who has never misbehaved at their house, they have no interest for?

If it hurts me this much now, how much will it hurt my son when he is old enough to realize what they are doing? It will hurt him double because he will know he isnt loved as much by them, and because it hurts his mother just as much as it will hurt him. Theres no reason to treat a little kid, who is still a baby this way. If they dont like me fine, but please dont do this to my son.

katachtig · Dec 26, 2006

Keep instilling the kindness and sweetness into your son. Help him to make relationships outside of his grandparents which will support him when he realizes the truth about Grandma and Grandpa. He can live a truly enriched life without them. And they will be poorer for not having truly appreciated him.

scamperfarms · Dec 26, 2006

dont let him have contact with them until they realise whats up and at least treat him equal.

one side of my family, treated me that way and it still hasnt stopped....

this year everyone else got nice guift cards and cards..ect.

i got a box of chocolate.

lsulover · Dec 26, 2006

Originally Posted by JulieKit

I feel a bit better knowing that (for the most part) I am not over reacting. I will repeat myself a million times if I have to: I do not care about the gift. When I told my mother what had happened she got together with my grandma and aunt, and since they dont have a ton of money to spare they said they'd put 20 dollars each and buy it for him. But thats the least of my worries.

It hurts to have my child pushed away. Just thinking about it makes me cry. I am the nicest, most simple person you will ever meet. I cry when I watch Spongebob cartoons...lol. What hurts most is the comment that my FIL made. He said the toy was 'Too Expensive' right after he finished telling DH that he spent 1k on Grandson #1. All he needed to add was 'It was too expensive FOR HIM'

My son is the nicest little person. He is kind and caring. He doesnt touch what isnt his, and when we go over to visit he sits on my lap content to eat a cookie or play with a book. Hes always been so sweet towards everyone, it just breaks my heart that they feel he isnt worth their time.

I really dont understand them. Their #1 grandson is rude to them. He curses at them and hits them and does whatever he pleases with them...and hes only 4. Now dont get me wrong I really like this kiddo because when hes with me he behaves and is really sweet, but I still wonder how can they have so much love for the one that is constantly manipulating them, yet the quiet little boy who has never misbehaved at their house, they have no interest for?

If it hurts me this much now, how much will it hurt my son when he is old enough to realize what they are doing? It will hurt him double because he will know he isnt loved as much by them, and because it hurts his mother just as much as it will hurt him. Theres no reason to treat a little kid, who is still a baby this way. If they dont like me fine, but please dont do this to my son.

It sounds like they are having to buy their other grandsons love, and he probably don't appreciate anything that they do for him anyways, he sounds like he expects them to do that for him.

It also sounds like you have a very beautiful little boy, and it sounds like you are raising him the right way, keep on doing what you and your husband are doing.

lsulover · Dec 26, 2006

Originally Posted by katachtig

Keep instilling the kindness and sweetness into your son. Help him to make relationships outside of his grandparents which will support him when he realizes the truth about Grandma and Grandpa. He can live a truly enriched life without them. And they will be poorer for not having truly appreciated him.

Great post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

swampwitch · Dec 26, 2006

It stinks when adults use children to "send a message" and it also stinks that your inlaws have obvious favorites. I personally think your family is better off with these people out of your lives, relatives or not.

Cheers, from
SwampWitch

lunasmom · Dec 26, 2006

Just think of it this way: if the favorite grandson is acting like selfish spoiled bratty little kid, your FIL and MIL is just instilling the fact that he's going to be a selfish spoiled bratty teenager when he's older, a selfish spoiled bratty adult who probably will go through a couple of marriages before he either grows up at the age of 45 or dies from being alone.

If you're son was happy with the toys he got in the past, then I don't see why you should deny him happiness. If he just dropped the toy after opening it, then kindly ask for the gift receipt. actually say something to the tune of "Oh that's too bad, he already got ______. We were counting on you to buy the 4x4 which he was really looking forward to. Can we have the gift receipt?"

Then go out and use the $5 they spent on him towards a 4x4

Christmas Rant- Inlaw Problems!

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