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Problem with our 'reserved' kitten coming home :( - Page 3

post #61 of 70
Thread Starter 
Well things have gone from problematic to bad... It looks like we're probably not getting this kitten at all now. I got this email from the breeder and it seems like my brother is going to choose the refund and look for another breeder... He hasn't replied yet but from what I've gotten out of him that's what it looks like. I am so upset...I don't know how many times I've cried over this kitten from dissapointment, frustration trying to find a way to get down there to pick up this kitten and now this...

I had emailed the breeder early this week to see if I could come and pick the kitten up this weekend, since I found out my cousin would be available and figured out that there's a train that goes to the town where my cousin lives so I could take the train there and then he could drive me up to Indiana to get the kitten. I thought this would be acceptable to the breeder since she had mentioned before about picking up the kitten 2 weeks ago, so I assumed this meant it was ok if *I* picked up the kitten, that she just did not want to have my cousin who she has never spoken to pick him up. I assumed this because she was talking about how I could pick him up that weekend in Jan. when she knew that my brother was not available at all in January, so I thought this meant it was ok for me to pick him up, and I figured the breeder maybe could email a copy of the contract for my brother to sign and then I could bring that along with the rest of the purchase price when I picked up the kitten, and she could explain the paperwork to me and/or over the phone to my brother...
The reason I had not emailed her for a while is I was trying to get ahold of my cousin first to find out if he was free this weekend and if he would be willing to have me stay with him overnight after I took the train down, and then drive back up with me...so I was waiting for his reply before emailing the breeder... I was kinda annoyed about her the tone of the email she sent, the part about not hearing from me, when I had several times before where I did not recieve replies to questions I asked her for quite a while, including never recieving updated photos of the kitten after she said she would send them...

Here's the message I got from the breeder--
I haven’t heard from you in almost 2 weeks and I have already made plans for the weekend. Can you please clarify who the kitten will be living with? If it is your brother, he really needs to pick up the kitten in person so that I may go over paperwork and he may sign the sales agreement. I have February 3-4 open, so please let me know if he can come down for the kitten at that time, if not I will return his deposit on this kitten, because I don’t feel like this is going to work out.
post #62 of 70
I'm sorry,

I know this is frustrating and I know I'd be upset but just looking on from afar, this is what I see.

I see a caring and diligent breeder who is concerned about the welfare of her kitties. I also see two people who are looking forward to owning a new kitty.

But it seems both sides are extremely busy and wires keep crossing. Experience has shown me that email is NOT the best way to do business and phone conversations are much easier. There is less chance for someone to misunderstand the 'tone' of your voice.

If you keep referring to 'my brother' 'my brother'. . .the breeder may be getting frustrated that she is not actually speaking with him. She may be thinking if he's too busy to talk to me, then he's too busy for my kitty.

It also sounds like there have been a lot of questions about can we do this, can we do that and she has stated that she'd like it to be a certain way. I'm sure she's happy to keep the kitten until she can meet who it is the kitten will be living with.

I know it's hard and frustrating when you are so excited about a kitty - but try to understand that she really is looking out for her kitty. she may be feeling that it's hard to hold conversations over email with so many people and perhaps is thinking that if anything were to go wrong with the kitten, he/she may be caught in a whirlwind of: who's working, who's got a car, who's available to call and make a vet appointment, who can take the kitty. . .blah blah blah.....

I hope this makes sense.

Good Luck.
post #63 of 70
Thread Starter 
I see what you're saying but if she had problems with the situation I don't understand why she waited until now to mention these things...we were supposed to have already picked up the cat at this point. I've been in contact with her since before the kitten was born, almost 5 months or possibly more now ... She has talked to my brother and I on the phone but she seemed to prefer email.
I was working all month to try to figure out a way I could go pick up the kitten, I did not realize she meant ONLY my brother could pick him up (especially since she mentioned a time when she was available in January, after we had told her my brother was unavailable in Jan.) so I kept trying to figure things out ever since I found out we could not pick him up in December like were were supposed to... If I had realized she meant that it must be just my brother I would have saved myself the effort of trying to find a way for me to get there.
There is no problem with taking him to a vet or anything like that...My brother has owned two cats and there's never been an issue with that. If they were worried about that they could have asked for a vet reference and they could find out from them that we both take good medical care of our animals. Heck, my brother had a cat who needed sub-q fluids 2x a day for months and 1x a day for over a year and she never missed a dosage. I helped him because it was really a 2-person job (1 to hold her, the other to place the needle and control the fluid stream) and we never had any issues.
post #64 of 70
I understand your concern, I'm just offering some insight from an outsider. From an outsider's standpoint the whole thing just seems a bit confusing. I'd call the breeder and nicely state that you'd like to work something out and email doesn't seem to be working out. She may have already made up her mind that it's turning in to 'too much trouble' and you'll have to be prepared for that.
post #65 of 70
Sounds to me like she's looking for a way to back out. For whatever reason, she's having reservations about you and your brother adopting the kitten. Your relationship with your breeder shouldn't end once you have posession of the kitten. If you for any reason feel that you will have issues with this person down the road, I would seriously reconsider getting this kitten.

I also see a tone in her e-mail to you. I don't know her side of the story, but this whole thing sounds like a bad idea to me.

Keep in mind that I was supposed to have my bengal kitten around christmas time and he's still not here yet. My breeder and I have communicated almost exclusively via e-mail. We have both been understanding and able to work things out.
post #66 of 70
Our oriental kitten Sonic came home with us today. I have been in constant contact with his breeder since I first phoned her to ask if we could come look at her kittens. There has barely been a day go by where we haven't communicated. I even phoned her today when we were on the way there to let her know exactly what time we would be arriving. She has sent us photos of the kittens, we have told her all about our other cat Radar, we have had chats about non cat related things. We have also arranged to meet her at a show in the summer to catch up and have a chat.

I think you have to look at it from her perspective - as far as she is concerned, she doesn't know who her beloved and precious kitten is going home with - you or your brother. It doesn't seem that straightforward to me from reading your posts. I would phone her and set the record straight. Of course a breeder is going to be concerned about who is picking up the kitten, you have to remember that they are her babies! And 2 weeks is a long time without contact, it may seem to her that you're no longer interested. I would contact her by phone tomorrow and make sure she knows exactly what the situation is - who is paying for the kitten, who it is going to be living with, what the vet care arrangements are.

You need to set her mind at rest.
post #67 of 70
I agree with Epona. I'm not a breeder, but have fostered litters of kittens for the past few years. Believe me when I say that in some ways, adopting out kittens feels almost like giving up your own kids. You watch them and tend to them from birth, and just really want to be sure they end up truly loved, in happy homes.

It sounds to me like she wants to meet your brother before handing over the kitten. I agree with Epona that you should try to contact her and let her know who will be responsible for the kitty, etc.

And remember, that she has a certain window of time to adopt the kitten out. If she is afraid you will not be able to pick him up, she may want to make him available to someone else.
post #68 of 70
As a former breeder, I much prefer to talk to the perspective owner(s) of my kittens in person and meet them at least once or twice before handing them over.

I think that a phone call from you AND your brother might straighten things out. But if your brother already agreed to accept the refund and try elsewhere, you have to accept that. It sucks when things just don't work out. But perhaps your brother will find a better kitten that is closer to pick up.

Most of my contact with Charlie's breeder was by email. However, we also met her initially at a show and talked to her briefly, and I talked to her on the phone a few times before we drove down to pick her up. Meeting in person, they were a lovely couple and very gracious/pleasant. If she gets more into the chocolate-silver ocicats (which I think she will), then we will definently get another oci from her

It does sound like a lot of back/forth and not really knowing who is picking up the cat. I've read your thread on this and it seems to me that you knew that she wanted to meet your brother in person - that you could not "sign" for him. I think its a lot of misunderstanding.

Hopefully you and your brother will have better luck in finding another breeder/kitten.
post #69 of 70
I know when I bought my Ragdoll, the whole family had to come when we picked him up. The breeder wanted to meet everyone to make sure that the kitten would be okay in our family. I can see the breeders point she invested alot in the kittens she just wasnt to make sure everything is okay, and the kitten wont be sold to a pet store or a lab . IMO
post #70 of 70
When we got Hopey my mentor insisted on meeting my husband. I went over there quite a few times before we took her home, and DH because of work comitments could not come.

As a future breeder, I will also insist on meeting everyone who will be living in the same house as the kitten.

You are a member of the catsite, which shows that you care and will be a great kittymom, but the breeder does not know this. She needs to meet you and your brother and see this for herself
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