Strong Vibes Needed For Me.... PLEASE?

dixie_darlin

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What a crappy Christmas Present....
My husband and I have split up. After almost a year of being sober he decided he was going to chose his drinking over having a family. My dad and our counsilor tried to intervene and help but it didn't. He left about an hour ago and I can't help but think maybe this is my Christmas present. Maybe God wanted it to be this way. We've been fighting like crazy the last 2 weeks and I should have seen it coming. He lied to everyone's face tonight by saying he was just fighting an urge and was over it. That he wasn't going to drink. Even told them he was going to stay here and he would call his mom back and tell her not to come pick him up but 10 mins after everyone left, so did he. I tried to call his mom but all of a sudden she's not answering the phone now. She's never stood behind me when I have supported him through his drinking issues. She will say she doesn't want him at her house drinking but yet give him money to go get the alcohol and let him stay at her house while he's doing it. I'm VERY upset about it and I don't think it's sunk it yet.
He knows how important Christmas and this time of year is to me and I feel like he's done everything in his power to ruin it for me because he's always talking about how bad his Christmas' always were growing up. Like he doesn't want anyone to be happy because he had a crappy childhood. We've spent THOUSANDS of dollars in rehabs, and counsiling the last year, lost a couple jobs, his driver's license, and been totally embarrassed because of his drinking, and I've supported him through the whole thing just to be slapped in the face.
Yeah, I might lose my house, my truck, and literally everything I own, but I'm thankful because I know myself or my children won't be going through the stress anymore and having to put our want/needs aside because of him.
About a month or so ago he went to work and never came home. No phone call, nothing. I found him at a bar, drunk. He spent $50 that night and we were literally BROKE at that time. I forgave him, like an idiot and figured that all alcoholics fall off the wagon once in awhile. He swore he wouldn't do it again.
Today it was all about how I wanted cupcakes and he wanted brownies. How stupid is that?!
I think he was looking for an excuse to drink... no, I KNOW he was looking for an excuse. Told me he couldn't afford to get me anything for Xmas and in the same breath asked me "I guess you aren't going to let me drink at all through the holidays are you?" I was floored!

I'm sorry... I'll stop rambling... I'm just SOO confused. I don't want him here anymore but am scared at the thought of doing all w/o him...and will I be strong enough the next time he comes crawling back?

So I sit here in an empty house, (mom has the kids) with it all decorated for Christmas a plate of nachos on the stove (made for him) and in absolute shambles....I want to scream and yell but then I want to be strong and I want to cry....
 

halfpint

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Oh No I'm so sorry this had to happen to you, it doesn't matter what time of the year it is, though it does seem to make it worse.
I hope you can make a choice for you and the Boys for what's right, and I can't tell you what that choice should be. But I don't think you need that in your life, Your a strong young women who needs someone to be strong for you, Drugs and alcohol can cause such a mess I have been living through it for almost 15 years with my oldest daughter, she is once again trying to start a new life, she lost another friend 2 weeks ago, she also lost one to suicide the first part of the year now I think she is very scared, she's been clean now for 4 months and all anyone can do is Pray that anyone with those problems can sort them out.
I know it must be very hard for you Sweetie, And one thing Don't settle for anything less then you and those Boys deserve, don't keep putting up with that, My daughter is 43 years old she has wasted half of her life, And when they choose to do it they have total disregard for who it effects, so just take sometime to decide what it is YOU want not what he wants you to have...I'll be thinking about you,, Chin Up kiddo
 

katachtig

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Alycia,
I'm so sorry to hear this. I know that you have done everything within your power to help this man. Unfortunately, he chose the wrong path again. I'm praying that you find the strength to do what is best for you and your boys. It is never easy. I watched my mother stick with my father until his death. And he drinking was getting so bad that he was stealing from estates he was supposed to be overseeing as an attorney.

I know you will do everything to make it a good Christmas for the boys.
 

trouts mom

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Oh I am so sorry, what a horrible time to go through this
I am sending many prayers that you and the boys will be alright.
 

pami

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Oh Alycia
You have a strong family support system with your Mother and Father, stick close to them. Im sure they will help you through any decision you make for you and your boys. Wether with Reggie or not.
 

4crazycats

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Alycia all I can realy say is that Ive been threw the same thing as you. Its very hard but it does sound like your hubby isnt willing to try atleast right now. So the best thig for everyone involved is to take a step back. I stayed with Stan for 4 years because I didnt know how I would be without him! I was young and stupid. He was doing drugs and drinking and I stuck with him. I wanted him to act better to get better. But sometimes things dont go like they are supposed to.
If you need to talk please feel free to PM me I know what your going threw. Im sorry sweetie. Get rid of those nachos! Its the little things that will knock you down at this point. Have a good cry and be the strong person you are.
Im sorry.
 

sharky

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I may not know about an alcholic husband but I did live with six by the time I was 18
 

pat

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I am so sorry. I had an alcoholic grandfather, and way too many memories from early childhood up as to the damage it did to us all (and to himself).

I wish you strength and wisdom...sounds like you have loving supportive parents, a good counselor, lean on them as you figure out what is best for you and your children.
 

gailc

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Oh man I don't know what to say. One of my good friends was married to an alcoholic and I saw how crummy her life was with him. Its might sound bad but he passed away a couple of years ago (she wouldn't leave him) and that was the best thing that happened in her life. Please spend Christmas with your family as they will be a great comfort to you at this time. Sending you many hugs!!!!
 

swampwitch

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I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. I know things are very confusing but just keep doing the best you can, and somehow it'll all work out. My thoughts are with you and your boys.

SwampWitch
 
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dixie_darlin

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Thank you all for your vibes. I need them... He just called me AFTER his mother called and cussed me out because "He's a Grown Man" in which I told her in several different ways, where she could go. He wants me to either pick him up or bring him a guitar because "He's bored"... I told him "You chose to do this, you chose to drink and go to your mom's house. You made your bed, you lie in it!" We argued for about about another 10 mins and the payphone he called from hung up.

Now I'm torn... Should I go get him or let him sit there bored?
 
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dixie_darlin

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Originally Posted by sharky

Was he sober??
He said he's "Had a few".....whatever that means


My mom told me that I should let him home, long enough to do these roofing jobs coming up and when the bills are paid, tell him to leave.... But wouldn't that make me a bad person?
 

4crazycats

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Originally Posted by DixieDarlin256

He said he's "Had a few".....whatever that means


My mom told me that I should let him home, long enough to do these roofing jobs coming up and when the bills are paid, tell him to leave.... But wouldn't that make me a bad person?
Yep it would. I would say either make him stay out or let him come home. Dont bring him back just to do that stuff. Thats not very nice. I would also say let him sober up and then have a good long talk with him.
 

tavia'smom

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Sorry this is happening to you hun and all I can say is do what you feel is best for you, the kids, and the animals.
 

icklemiss21

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Sorry this is happening to you, especially at Christmas.

You are married, so you have every right to make him pay the bills he also ran up while living there without taking him back.
 

babyharley

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I'm so sorry that your dealing with this thru the Holidays. My prayers are with you and your family
 

kittylover4ever

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When I read about things like this, it takes me back to the end of my first marriage.........the feeling I thought when he left, and how after the initial,
"oh my God" feeling, how much better my life became. It wasn't easy at first, but with each day and each triumph, I got stronger and stronger..........he was the next best thing to an alcoholic too......I would have stayed if I really felt we were meant to be together and tried to help him, but like you, I think it was meant to be that we go our seperate ways.........we're here Alycia if you need us......
 

sharky

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I would likely bring him home and have a real talk .... just the two of you ...
I beleive should should make sure jobs are done and bills paid , but remember he is sick
 
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