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How does one say goodbye?????

post #1 of 14
Thread Starter 
I am completely shattered at the moment since I put my Santino to sleep on Dec. 10th and I am still unable to move forward. I spent the last week on the Health & Nutrition board trying to get answers for what could have happened to my boy and why his end came so suddenly. I am unable to find answers and feel like it's impossible at this point to move past the guilt of giving up on him without a diagnosis. I just did not want him to suffer. I hope he can forgive me. But without a diagnosis I don't know if he could have gotten better so now I am left with wondering if I made the right choice for him. My vets were useless and incompetent and I believe they are the reason my Tino is gone now. My story is on the Health & Nutrition board under the title of Acepromazine. I'm hoping that by visiting this forum I might find a way to come to terms with this. But I don't even feel close yet.

My heart goes out to all of you here who are hurting over the loss of a dear and dedicated friend.

Thank you for listening.

Karen
post #2 of 14
It takes time to let go, especially if you do have doubts. I can tell from your posts that you did your best for Santino.

I had to put my Petunia sleep 4 years ago and even today I wondered if I did enough for her. But I also know that she was suffering something terrible and I couldn't fix it.

Take each day as it comes and remember the better times with your Tino.
post #3 of 14
Ahh We all feel that way when we have to make that choice but you did in your Heart what you thought was right, that's never easy.
The pain you feel will lessen when you are ready for that to happen.
I like to think of it like at least they don't miss us that would be so much harder, there over the Bridge Playing, Healthy and Happy and they will be waiting for us when we get there Happy to be reunited again.

RIP Sweet Baby, and Look down on your Mom she's in pain and hurting
post #4 of 14
We had to put a cat that found our home to sleep, he had feline leukemia, we tried treating him, but he was not responding to the treatment. His name was Houdini.

We also had to put our dog Sambo to sleep in March of this year, he was almost 16 years old, he had also been sick with fluid on his little lungs and he was also blind,(due to cateracts).

Both times we had to do this was very painful. I know that we did the right thing, but it still hurt like the dickens. But in both instances, I never said the words "goodbye". I just told them how much I love them, and how much I would miss them.
post #5 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by halfpint View Post
Ahh We all feel that way when we have to make that choice but you did in your Heart what you thought was right, that's never easy.
The pain you feel will lessen when you are ready for that to happen.
I like to think of it like at least they don't miss us that would be so much harder, there over the Bridge Playing, Healthy and Happy and they will be waiting for us when we get there Happy to be reunited again.

RIP Sweet Baby, and Look down on your Mom she's in pain and hurting

Very good post halfpint, that is the way that I feel too. It helps my heart when it is hurting to know that Sambo is running around and he can see again.
post #6 of 14
I'm so sorry for your recent loss.

Rest in peace and play Santino.
post #7 of 14
Oh Karen, my heart breaks for you myself having to deal with the loss of your sweet baby boy

You've come to the right place for comfort and support, because theres lots of members here who have been where you are right now and with the exact same thoughts.

Just take things one day at a time sweetie just like a human loss, and know that little Santino is happy and healthy again over at Rainbow Bridge. You will see him again you can be sure of that, and he'll be standing waiiting for you at the other end of the bridge when the time is right.

Have a wonderful time over at the bridge Santino, but keep looking down on your mum because she misses you so much

______________________________________________
post #8 of 14
oh after making the same decision for my dog, we were totally shattered and guilt-ridden, BUT we knew that this was the best & most loving decision we made. During the months after, a good neighbour said to me " it was the last loving thing you could do" and she was so right, it eased my pain, there was no way we could let him go on, he would have suffered. Our guilt subsided, as we realised that we would have been guilty to let him suffer
Sometimes there are no definate answers and we must accept things that life throws at us.
It will take time and you are right to take that time, you obviously need it, you have some wonderful memories of Tino and soon those memories will make you smile again.... ...you know Tino is safe and he is with his new fur-family, he knows how much you miss him and your love will make him purr again
God Bless all of you
post #9 of 14
I am so very sorry for your loss. Your pain is felt. Sometimes, we have to dig deep within ourselves and make that unselfish decision to let our baby's rest in peace, free from suffering. Thats what you did. Rest in Peace baby boy. Your Mommy misses you and loves you.
post #10 of 14
Thread Starter 
Thank you all so very much for your support and kind words. So many people in my life just can't seem to understand what I'm feeling and they certainly don't understand why I am not over this yet. Everyone just says "get another cat". They don't understand that first of all I DO have another cat, I have Tino's sister Misty at home who misses her brother as well. They've been together since the day they came into this world. So it's not about getting another cat, I'm grieving for Tino not just "a cat". And I am kicking myself for ending things so quickly.

But I did not want him to have an episode when I was not at home to help him. I worried that he would lay suffering waiting for me to come home. Of course, I don't even know if that would happen because I received no answers from the vets. I didn't know what to do so I put him to sleep out of fear that he was looking at a miserable existence. But now I can't helping wondering if he would have gotten better if I gave him more time. Of course it's too late for him now and that is what is tearing me apart. I didn't want him to suffer but at the same time I didn't know for sure that he would. I ASSUMED he would. I needed answers and I received none. I'm so confused and I'm hurting so badly that it's all I seem to be able to think about.

I had to put my dog down 9 years ago (also on Dec. 10th, how ironic that this happened on that anniversary), I was devasted then too but I KNEW why I had to put her down. She was a very sick dog and I knew it was time and I know I spared her the suffering. But with Tino, I don't know what happened. He was happy and playing one minute, itching the next, treated for the itch with Prednisone and Acepromazine, had seizures and declined quickly within a day and a half from what I think was neurological damage. But what if I gave him a couple of days? Perhaps he could have recovered. At the time though all I saw was a frightened kitty who seemed to be losing the use of his back legs and was sitting in a trance like state several times during the day. I was afraid he would have an episode and hurt himself or be at home alone and be frightened. I feel like I failed him though by not trying for a few more days at least. I feel he got desparately cheated at the age of 9. And I miss him terribly. He was ALWAYS at my side. He LOVED attention and he made sure he got it. What I wouldn't give to trip over him again.

Thank you all again for listening.

Karen
post #11 of 14
Karen, you made the right decision. Do not beat yourself up.

And it will take time to get accustomed to the feeling. We all have had it. I still feel guilty about not feeding my dog better food 28 years ago. The fact that it did not exist at that time has nothing to do with it.

It is part of grievingto wish you could have done more. We all do it.
post #12 of 14
I've been through this several times and I generally don't take much comfort in people telling me I did the right thing. I still second guess my decisions. No matter what the outcome, you wonder *what if*. I posted a thread when I first came here and several of the comments gave me some peace. Maybe they'll help you too.

http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=93943

As Pami put it...Love will never be questioned.
post #13 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by KittyKaren View Post
I have Tino's sister Misty at home who misses her brother as well. They've been together since the day they came into this world.
Poor baby Misty's going to need your support as well

Karen i've lost count at the times i've heard the line " It's just a cat " or " get another one ". They havent got a clue how we as animals lovers feel
post #14 of 14
I feel for you - I am still going through it after losing my Napoleon ten weeks ago. He was poisoned by something outside and I just keep asking myself if there was anything else I could have done. But we all just do the best we can for our kitties at the time, and trust in fate and our vets. Sadly, we sometimes get let down by both. I have almost lost my pony, Maisie, this last week, through vet incompetence and though she is now in the best of hands, she is still in danger. It is something we go through with animals and we love them and then sometimes lose them. I am so sorry.
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