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Does anyone else get annoyed by songs...

post #1 of 19
12/6/06 at 10:27am
Thread Starter 
...that make it seem like a woman's life just can't be complete without a man? I've been on a country kick lately, and just heard a song (female vocals) where one of the lines is "You're the only one who can make my life complete". And how many other songs are like that - Oh please don't leave me because I'm just not a real person without you in my life.

I actually started listening to Dance for a while because the female vocalists seemed to have more backbone. Like Kelly Clarkson's songs - she's a strong woman and I like that!

Pop songs are the WORST though. Part of why I just can't stand to listen to that genre.

Don't get me wrong - I like romantic songs and heartbreak songs and all that, but it seems like when females are singing they are portrayed as weak without a man by their side.

What kind of message does that send to young people who are listening to the music? That only a man/partner can complete you? You can't be on your own because you need someone else with you? Gimme a break!
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post #2 of 19
12/6/06 at 11:16am
I agree, it's a really bad message to have. I really grew up with that idea that unless I had a man in my life, I could not be really happy. Well, I've been single for over two years now and I've never been happier. So to them!

However, another song that really bothered me was from some boy-band (Backstreet Boys, maybe?) that said "I'd rather die than live without you"
What kind of a message is that for 12 year old girls? That as soon as they get their heart broken, their life is over??
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post #3 of 19
12/6/06 at 11:38am
Quote:
Originally Posted by valanhb View Post
...that make it seem like a woman's life just can't be complete without a man? I've been on a country kick lately, and just heard a song (female vocals) where one of the lines is "You're the only one who can make my life complete". And how many other songs are like that - Oh please don't leave me because I'm just not a real person without you in my life.
Well, country music is good for your heart. Too bad it has to go through your ears first.
Sorry - I had to say that.
To me, it really depends on the exact words. I feel that my husband and I complete each other. As long as its equal, its ok with me. On the other hand, IMO the old song by Tammy Wynette "Stand by your Man" is demeaning.
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post #4 of 19
12/6/06 at 12:01pm
I don't just have a problem with the songs, I have a problem with the singers. Jessica Simpson has said -- and I know I've brought this up before -- that she deliberately acts dumb in order to keep boys interested in her. Other singers seem to have the same mentality: it's okay to be stupid as long as it gets you a man. Personally, if a guy can't handle how smart I am, he isn't worth my time. Period. Fortunately for me, J is a really smart guy and he appreciates my own intelligence -- neither of us would be satisfied with someone who couldn't keep up intellectually.

As for the songs themselves, yes, I find a lot of them demeaning. "Strong Enough" by Sheryl Crow, for example: "Lie to me, I promise I'll believe/Lie to me, just please don't leave." I beg your pardon?!? That being said, however, there are men with similar songs -- like Matchbox 20/Rob Thomas, whose one song "If You're Gone" (actually, pretty much anything on any of their albums) is very needy and "I can't live without you"-ish.

I was a complete person before I met J. I'm still a complete person with him. I appreciate him and I'm glad he's in my life and of course I'd be devastated if I ever lost him, but I'd still be a complete person. I don't need a man in my life to be fulfilled or complete or whatever. I could use a couple million bucks, though.
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post #5 of 19
12/6/06 at 12:15pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by marie-p View Post
Well, I've been single for over two years now and I've never been happier. So to them!


Quote:
Originally Posted by Mirinae View Post
Personally, if a guy can't handle how smart I am, he isn't worth my time. Period. Fortunately for me, J is a really smart guy and he appreciates my own intelligence -- neither of us would be satisfied with someone who couldn't keep up intellectually.

I agree. Message to all girls, don't EVER let a man call you stupid or dumb. They're the dumb ones for not allowing you to believe in yourself to further educate yourself and not recognizing for how intelligent you are.

I've been with many guys that were threatened by me being in a "Guy's Field" (I.T.). OK lets see: I'm too loud to be a librarian, teenagers drive me crazy so I can't teach, I have no patience to answer phones, or file, I suck at sales, and as much as I love taking care of things i pass out at the sight of blood (so no vet tech or nurse or doc for me!!).

to all boys!
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post #6 of 19
12/6/06 at 3:06pm
Thread Starter 
Some days it just hits a nerve, and today was one of those days.

When I met Earl and one of the things I told him was something like this:

"I shoot rifles. I shoot large caliber rifles competitively, and I'm pretty damn good, if I do say so myself. If that intimidates you or you don't like it, you can leave now. But I'm not giving it up for you or anyone else."

Well, he obviously stuck around. In fact, his reaction was "COOL!" One of the things he says he liked about me, as opposed to many girls he had previously known/dated was that I wasn't ashamed of who I am, and I am an intelligent woman - that we can have good discussions on things like politics and history and religion. Why can't THAT be the message that music, and especially popular music, portray? Be yourself and anyone who can accept that is worth having in your life, whether that be friends or significant others.
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post #7 of 19
12/6/06 at 3:25pm
I broke up with my ex because he thought like that, so I really don't care to listen to it in the music I listen to. Matt loves that I am not all clueless and dumb, and while he will admit that it intimidates him on occasion, he also loves that I will grab some beer and demand to watch football all day on Sunday

IMO it sends the wrong message to younger girls as well. We were talking about the same thing at work today while listening to Christmas music, I can't remember what it was, but it was Britney and the whole song was about her needing a man for Christmas, it just doesn't send the right message.
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post #8 of 19
12/6/06 at 3:30pm
Some of my Boyfriends favorite songs are about men who cant live without the loving women in thier life lol...seems men kinda have the problem too.

If youve ever been in love you've felt as if you couldnt see yourself without your partner at one time or another. Sometimes it's just something that is so easy to write a song about.
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post #9 of 19
12/6/06 at 3:31pm
I love "Strong Enough"... if you listen to the rest of the lyrics, it's not really like that. It's about how she's in so much pain that she'll let him do anything if he won't leave her alone. It's not necessarily saying that it's a good or healthy thing though.

The one song I hate is "Stand by your man" like he can't do anything wrong and it's your duty to support him no matter what. Thinking like that makes people stay in the relationships that "Strong Enough" describes

I don't think it's sexist either way-- the idea that you can't be whole without an SO is pervasive in our culture. People call someone their "better half", when you get married you're said to be one person, etc. It is unhealthy to think that way.
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post #10 of 19
12/6/06 at 5:28pm
I don't really listen to country too much, precisely for the reasons listed above, but you really wanna hear some music demeaning to women? listen to some rap, prime example is Akon's new song "Smack That" Excuse me??!! it really seems like all rappers view women as straight booty, it makes me sick

A great song on the radio today is JoJo's new one, I think its called "A Little too Late" there's some girl power for ya!!!
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post #11 of 19
12/6/06 at 8:01pm
Yup, that's why i'm all about Destiny' Child's one song "Independent Woman":
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post #12 of 19
12/7/06 at 1:47am
Quote:
Originally Posted by valanhb View Post
Some days it just hits a nerve, and today was one of those days.

When I met Earl and one of the things I told him was something like this:

"I shoot rifles. I shoot large caliber rifles competitively, and I'm pretty damn good, if I do say so myself. If that intimidates you or you don't like it, you can leave now. But I'm not giving it up for you or anyone else."

You sound like me. In my early online conversations with potential dates, I inform them them that I am politcally INcorrect: smoke, drink, eat meat, own a gun, pro-military, pro-death penalty, believe in a hand UP not a hand OUT and refuse to play the gender/race/victim cards. I haven't been out on a date, in two months.

Back on topic: Gretchen Wilson fan here
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post #13 of 19
12/7/06 at 2:19am
I don't want to start a Britney bashing but the only thing that really annoys me about her are some of her song titles one being "I'm a slave 4 u" or something like that. I don't care about her personal life but those titles are bad.
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post #14 of 19
12/7/06 at 7:15am
Quote:
Originally Posted by valanhb View Post
When I met Earl and one of the things I told him was something like this:

"I shoot rifles. I shoot large caliber rifles competitively, and I'm pretty damn good, if I do say so myself. If that intimidates you or you don't like it, you can leave now. But I'm not giving it up for you or anyone else."

Well, he obviously stuck around. In fact, his reaction was "COOL!"
Rob would have loved you since he used to be a rifle instructor.

The first time I brought Rob up to my cottage, he couldn't get over that a 'city girl' could actually start fires, chop wood etc. When he saw that I started the sauna with a wood burning fire he was really impressed. He said I should have signed up for Survivor.

Rob, at that point, was so sick of dating women with materialistic attitudes that couldn't survive unless they had a cell phone. I told him you can take the woman away from the cottage, but you can't take the cottage out of the woman!
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post #15 of 19
12/8/06 at 4:18am
Quote:
Originally Posted by lunasmom View Post
Yup, that's why i'm all about Destiny' Child's one song "Independent Woman":
When I left my first husband, that CD was all I listened to for about two months. Wow, what a great album for women's strength, independence and confidence! It was great. It was the perfect adjunct to moving out on my own, filling my OWN house with my OWN stuff and living a life entirely answerable to ME.

Sounds selfish, yes, but it was so liberating! One thing my husband always used to tell me was that I had no backbone, and that I was hopeless and couldn't do anything on my own. Well, I landed on my feet in the biggest way after I left him, and went back to being the strong, independent woman I was before we met. HE was the one who made me weak and timid. The first time I saw him after we broke up was when he came over to my house one night. You could have knocked him over with a feather when he saw how well I was doing on my own. Though he struggled hard to hide his feelings.

Now, whenever I want a `I am woman hear me roar' rush, I listen to that cd. And as for my ex, well, he's worse off than ever, financially and in every other way. He married the woman he cheated on me with, and I just feel sorry for both of them now. In a genuine way, too. I really feel like he is wasting his life and his considerable intelligence, and he is very unhappy. I don't feel triumphant, just sad for him. Perhaps I should send them some Destiny's Child??
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post #16 of 19
12/8/06 at 8:01pm
Ever heard Jo De Messina's My Give A Damn's Busted?
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post #17 of 19
12/10/06 at 3:58am
Quote:
Originally Posted by DixieDarlin256 View Post
Ever heard Jo De Messina's My Give A Damn's Busted?

Just bought a Big Dog T-shirt, with that saying on it
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post #18 of 19
12/10/06 at 8:13am
YES!!!! I hate country I have to run and hide when I hear it. Now I'm getting sick of CHristmas song. I just love hearing the same sone 20 different song sung by 20 different people. Remember when the radio stations played "My heart will go on" over and over and over... every 15 mins at least. Yeah I can never listen to that song now.... ick
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post #19 of 19
12/10/06 at 8:52am
Hate country music. HATE IT. And being an Iowan, many radio stations pump it out endlessly. *sigh*

I love The Smiths, Morrissey (yes, they're whiney too, but in a good way), Tori Amos, PJ Harvey, Violent Femmes, and lots of other quirkier stuff.
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