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post #1 of 17
Thread Starter 
My cat, Kance, died a week ago. I have never lost anyone I loved and it was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. He was only 8 years old, and he wasn't sick. When I left for work in the morning he was fine, chasing me around the house. When I came home I found him laying on the floor. It was a shock to find him gone. I tried to keep him safe and healthy. It turned out that he had enlarged heart muscles and died of sudden heart failure. He was so beautiful. He was very gentle and timid, which made me very protective over him. I thought I'd have him for another 10 years, but I couldn't protect him. No one in my life understands the pain I have been in for the past week. It's impossible to believe that he no longer exists. Then I have moments when I wonder if he ever really did. But then I find a chunk of his soft white fur in a corner and I come back to the horrid reality.

I took very good care of Kance. I spoiled him rotten. He could not have been loved more. The only consolation I have is that he never suffered a day in his life, and he was always showered with love.

I feel guilty though. The morning before he died he wanted me to pick him up, but I was in a rush to get to work and I shooed him away. I felt guilty the second I closed the door behind me, so I opened it back up to say goodbye to him, but he had left the room already, so I left too. I also feel like I didnt give him enough attention the past couple of days. I will regret it forever. I would give anything to have him back just for a few minutes. Now I know why they say to never take anyone you love for granted, for tomorrow they may be gone. I wish I didnt have to learn that lesson the hard way.

I have never been without a pet. It was the first time I've come home in 8 years that Kance wasnt at the door waiting for me. I keep thinking I hear his meow, or see him out of the corner of my eye. I walk into every room and expect to find him curled up in one of his favorite places.

I got a new kitten yesterday. His name is Artoo. He helps get my mind off of Kance, and he makes me laugh. He's no Kance, but I love him already. I feel like I'm betraying Kance, but I've been living in a pit of sorrow for a week straight and it feels nice to smile. I feel like I'm making a confession. I haven't even told anyone that I've gotten a new cat, because I feel guilty about it.

Anyway, It's nice to get this all off of my chest, even if no one reads it. There's no one I can tell this to in "real life".

post #2 of 17
Many people will read it. And here you will find that people do understand how you feel.

I am really sorry to hear about your lost. You gave Kance a loving home for 8 year. Death is always to soon for loved ones. Kance may be gone in the real world. but his spirit is still there over the bridge. waiting for that day where the 2 of you can be together again. there is no gulit there, and Kance does know how much you cared for him.

RIP Kance play well,at the bridge.

No need to feel gulity over artoo, you gave a kitty a loving home,
post #3 of 17
Oh my goodness!, what a gorgeous fluffy boy Kance is

You have so many happy memories of Kance and because of these Kance will always be alive in your heart

Don't feel guilty or feel that you've betrayed Kance by getting another kitten, because he would understand that you needed another to help ease the pain.

Have fun over the bridge Kance. And i know you've got lots of new friends there from TCS

post #4 of 17
Condolences on your sudden loss of Kance. Heaven has a very beautiful boy in its midst I do believe that Kance exists; his spirit is just in another place, and will be there for you in that Forever Reunion.
I think that adopting Artoo is a beautiful way to give tribute to Kance - why should your arms and heart be empty when there are so many precious kitties still out there who need to be a part of someone's life?? In fact, Kance must looking at our other TCS kitties who have passed, nodding his approval!!
Godspeed over RB, Kance! And may Artoo make his "debut" soon, so that you can openly enjoy the treasure that Heaven has sent your way. Susan
post #5 of 17
Kance was a beautiful cat, and you and he loved one another. Do not feel bad about not picking him up. Neither of you knew that this was going to happen. You were kind to him and petted him and played with him for eight years. One day of 'no petting' would not cancel that out.

He must have gone quickly, without pain. That is a blessing for him. I do not take my girl for granted since she has a damaged heart and I dread coming home to find her gone or, worse yet, crippled by a clot. It's probably better not to know., and find out later about the damaged heart.

And there is nothing wrong about getting Artoo. He's making you happy, and Kance (if he could speak) would want that for you.
post #6 of 17
I'm so sorry for your sad and sudden loss.

Please know that Kance knew he was loved - and don't feel guilty for giving Artoo a home.

Rest in peace and play Kance, at Rainbow Bridge. Look down in love on those who miss you so terribly right now, and on your new little brother.
post #7 of 17
Sorry to hear of your loss. Play hard at RB Bridge Kance.
post #8 of 17
I am very sorry for your loss. Kance knows that you love him. Please don't feel guilty about giving another kitty a forever home. Kance is beautiful.
post #9 of 17
I'm so sorry for your sudden loss. Don't feel guilty when my Smokey Died I only waited a week. It is so hard to go home alone after having someone who loved you so much greet you at the door every day. Just make sure to take time to grieve your loss. He was a beautiful cat, but he would never want you to be alone. I truly believe that you will see him again someday.
post #10 of 17
Oh I was very sad to read your post, things like that are very hard to have some wonderful memories of Kance you are right he had a happy, healthy and loving home, he did not suffer.
He is a beautiful baby and your thoughts and love will fly high to the Bridge and he will know how much you loved him

RIP little one you are with your new fur-family now, run & play and the love from below will make you purr
post #11 of 17
Thread Starter 
Thanks for your kind words, everyone.

I got Kance's ashes back today. It doesnt seem to be getting any easier. In fact, it's getting harder. I miss him so much.
post #12 of 17
Getting the ashes back was one of the hardest things for me. I remember holding that little box thinking, 17 years and this is all I have. There are no magic words to make it better. Just remember it's OK to cry and more than OK to miss him. Time will make it better, I know it doesn't help to hear that, but each day you will get a little more used to living without him. He knows you miss him and love him. One of the things I found most helpful was writing my own poetry about Smokey. It doesn't have to be good and you don't have to show it to anyone, but it might help.
post #13 of 17
Originally Posted by Wolvena View Post
Thanks for your kind words, everyone.

I got Kance's ashes back today. It doesnt seem to be getting any easier. In fact, it's getting harder. I miss him so much.
It's okay to be upset. I know the pain that you feel and it does get better after time passes. We are here to help you through this.
post #14 of 17
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel. I lost my Alley on Saturday, the 12th and my heart is breaking.

I'm glad you have the new kitten to comfort you during the tearful time.
post #15 of 17
What a sweetie I'm very sorry for your loss

RIP Kance
post #16 of 17
You have much more than just a box, or a monument, or a poem. You have the memories of the wonderful times you had with your pets.
The worst thing about pets is that they do not live long enough--so they should never be taken for granted, neither should people.

My dog died nearly 25 years ago and I can still remember all the fun times we had with her. We let her go when she got really sick, and so those memories are smaller. I felt bad at the time but know that this was the last gift we could give her.
post #17 of 17
Oh honey, how terrible for you. Hugs and kisses and kitty kisses and soooothing headbuts and tearful licks from KittenKiya's Clan.
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