help!!!

Anyone here with mentally handicapt children? How to do you cope with behavior problems. I am almost at my wits end trying to deal with my 9 year old son.

He has been diagnosed with (mild/moderat) mental retardation, opositional defiant disorder, autisum charactoristics, and attention deficant. (sorry for spelling). I dont know where to turn for help and i guess i just need someones whos been there. His behavior is getting harder to control and i just dont know what else to do.
We have tried possitive behavior reinforcment nothing seems to work. He is physical to me and his sisters. He hits throws things and kicks and screams whenever he is told no. I know some of it comes from his disability but i think other times he knows exactly what hes doing.

Sorry i know im just rambling but im just so frustraited I feel like im failing him and my other 2 girls.

Oh, I am sorry you are going through this...I have no advice for you, just wanted to offer some support hugs

I hope it gets better

ty Sometimes i just feel like throwing my self out the window.

Originally Posted by april31

ty Sometimes i just feel like throwing my self out the window.

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Aw, don't say that..you will be fine you'll see. Things will get better..

I wish I could help you, but since i'm not near you, here's what i'd suggest- try going online and looking for special groups in your area that help parents and children with disabilities. It might do him some good to praticipate in something such as special olympics or to interact with other kids like him (and while he does that, you can talk with the other parents and see what suggestions they have for coping with certain issues)

I'm sorry to hear this

I think you need to find a support group. The best way is to search the internet for his various diagnosis and follow the links from one site to another looking for such groups.

I found one for you for ADD:

http://www.adders.org/

http://add.about.com/od/supportgroup...ort_Groups.htm

http://www.oneaddplace.com/resources/resources1.php

If you go to http://www.google.com and type in ADD support groups and add your city after it, you should find some links to support groups in your area.

Also you can call the local hospitals in your area and ask to speak to a social worker and they can direct you to some support groups in your area.

I'm sorry that you are going through this. Perhaps set up another appointment with the team that diagnosed your son and get them to outline a detailed treatment plan - this definately doesn't sound like something you should be expected to just "handle" on your own.

There are probably a lot of types of treatment, some of which can be stacked together. For example (just for the purpose of the post, not a treatment suggestion), maybe a plan could include behavioural therapy, couselling and medication (like ritalin); or perhaps he needs to be on medication for a while before there will be enough of an improvement to start other therapies. Or perhaps, medication is contra-indicated.

All I would say is keep an open mind about the various solutions you can try, get a clear guideline about when you can expect noticable progress with any treatment (so that you are neither giving up hope on a treatment plan to early, or waiting on something that isn't working).

And the suggestions about looking for a community (online or RL) of people in the same situation is a great idea. They won't have all the answers either, but they will definately be able to suggest much more specific approaches than we can.

Good luck, and remember that you are not failing your kids - you're all just still finding your way in a difficult situation. Things will get better.

Ok now that im calmed a little lol. They have him on metadate cd he was on a generic for ritalin but it wasnt working. This new meds seemed to work for him for the first month but now it seems hes going abck to the way he was.

Therre isnt any support groups around my area for parents of disabled children. This is his first year for special olympics.

Ok maybe someone has some new ideas. His testing thats done every year puts him at a 4 year old developmental age. When we talk about his tantrums the answer they give us is well 4 year olds have tmemper tantrums yes they do but hes bigger and is physical during them.

When he gets mad its usually cause we have asked him to do something like pic up his toys ect. We have tried takibg toys away but its like he dont remember having them. We have asked for help but we get told there isnt any help for him at home just for school.

I am afraid hes gonna end up hurting someone. But how do you say you cant handle yur child anymore. He throws objects at us kicks us and trashes tje house he tears down curtains and peels the walpaper off the walls.


I just dont understand how this happened. They are not sure where the mental retardation comes from but i think it might be genetic my husband has a few members on his side with some problems and im adopted so I dont know about mine. I know I have some mental health issues that my biological grandmother has told me about.

I cant give up on him. Alot of times hes the sweetest boy You could meets but his moods change so fast you cant predict it. He is in special ed at school but is starting to learn to read and hes very good with numbers.

Sorry for venting on all of you just a really rough morning.

Originally Posted by april31

I am afraid hes gonna end up hurting someone. But how do you say you cant handle yur child anymore. He throws objects at us kicks us and trashes tje house he tears down curtains and peels the walpaper off the walls.
....

I cant give up on him. Alot of times hes the sweetest boy You could meets but his moods change so fast you cant predict it. He is in special ed at school but is starting to learn to read and hes very good with numbers.

Sorry for venting on all of you just a really rough morning.

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Hey, please don't apologize. I've never been in your shoes, but I can guess how hard it must be, especially some days, and I'm confident that it's actually harder in real life than in the picture in my head.

If the situation has gotten to the point you're describing, you have to tell your son's treatment providers. They do hear these things all the time - this is what they do. If you don't tell them that the situation is this bad, they have to assume it's only as bad as you're telling them.

It's possible that there isn't anything more that they can do with your son right now - but maybe you can be given training in behavioral therapy, or something similar, so that you have a more precise understanding of what's going on. I respectfully suggest, too, that if you aren't all ready seeing a counselor, you should consider getting one for yourself, and maybe one for your daughters too. This is a tough situation, and while it's fine to face the world and take it on the chin when you can, when you can't, you have to speak up, for your own sake, and that of your ability to raise your children.

Feeling overwhelmed in the situation you're in is nothing to be ashamed of - it's an overwhelming situation.