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I have some etiquette questions...:)

post #1 of 17
Thread Starter 
In July DH and I will celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary. Because we eloped we never really had a real reception, so this year I've decided to plan a party that will fill in that void. Here's the deal, I don't want gifts. Is it okay to print that on the invitations? I was thinking of something like this:

Instead of gifts the couple would like you to make a donation to charity in their name; the following is a list of charities close to the couple's heart:
www.childsplaycharity.org/
www.amfar.org
http://www.clevelandapl.org/

Is this okay? Please let me know if I am making a big mistake!
post #2 of 17
I think that's fine. I know a couple that asked for money, and donated half to charity and kept half, and another couple that are just asking for money.

We're going to ask for trailfinders vouchers, they are like a travel agent. You can set up a 'gift list' and people just donate money, then you can choose where to go.
post #3 of 17
I think that seems fine...that is nice of you guys
post #4 of 17
I would pick one charity, and put something like,

We ask that any gifts be in the form of a donation to: Charity Name.
Any cash gifts will also be donated.

Older guests will want to give cash, and might not have internet access. This tells those invited what you will do with their gifts, rather than what to give you. It's a fine line, but it makes a difference.

Someone who already gave you a wedding gift should have a line of "no gifts" on his/her invitation. You could use the classic, "We ask for your presence, not presents."

You are going to have great fun at your reception! I hope you post more about it here.

Cheers, from
SwampWitch
post #5 of 17
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trouts mom View Post
I think that seems fine...that is nice of you guys
Thanks... we figure we've been married for five years, and don't really want gifts. It also makes me feel uncomfortable going out to register for things that we don't really need. It would simply be a list of wants.

Also, there are people out there that need more help than a couple that have been married for five years and already have "good" china.
post #6 of 17
That's an excellent idea. Rewording like in Swampwitch's post is good, something to indicate that it's merely a happy celebration and gifts are not expected but if a person wants to do something, they know your charities ... and where cash will go.
post #7 of 17
Congrats on 5 years!!!
post #8 of 17
ya its ok 2 do that. (so says my mom) but maybe u could consider asking for donations to give 2 a charity or food bank. hope u have a happy aniversery!
post #9 of 17
I think that is a wonderful idea!!!
post #10 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by lookingglass View Post
Instead of gifts the couple would like you to make a donation to charity in their name; the following is a list of charities close to the couple's heart:
www.childsplaycharity.org/
www.amfar.org
http://www.clevelandapl.org/

Is this okay? Please let me know if I am making a big mistake!
I think the phrasing sounds a bit "pushy". Reading that makes me feel obligated.

I did a google search on this topic and came up with this:

We would like our guests to donate the money they would otherwise have spent on gifts to our favorite charity. How is that indicated?

Unfortunately, there is no tactful way of doing that. While enclosing a card reading, "In lieu of gifts we ask that you send a donation to the Special Olympics" may seem to you to be an innocent enough request, it may be seen by others as presumptuous.

It is never proper to let your guests know that you expect anything from them--except the pleasure of their company.


EDIT: I also found this online, which I think is quite nice:

We sincerely look forward to spending our special day with you, please no gifts

Your presence is our gift
post #11 of 17
i like the way of putting it and by the way.. happy anniversary.
post #12 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by SwampWitch View Post
I would pick one charity, and put something like,

We ask that any gifts be in the form of a donation to: Charity Name.
Any cash gifts will also be donated.

Older guests will want to give cash, and might not have internet access. This tells those invited what you will do with their gifts, rather than what to give you. It's a fine line, but it makes a difference.

Someone who already gave you a wedding gift should have a line of "no gifts" on his/her invitation. You could use the classic, "We ask for your presence, not presents."

You are going to have great fun at your reception! I hope you post more about it here.

Cheers, from
SwampWitch
I think this is a great way to word it!

Happy 5 year anniversary!
post #13 of 17
"We ask for your presence, not presents."

I like that one! I may use that for things in the future.
post #14 of 17
Be prepared to still get gifts. My father got re-married in May and on the invitation they asked for no gifts. There was still a full gift table at the reception. People *like* to bring gifts to people they care about!

But I really like the way SwampWitch has worded it, which makes it sound like it isn't mandatory, but definitely your preference.
post #15 of 17
Thread Starter 
I am so glad I posted this! I had no idea that it could sound pushy. I think I may void out the charity bit all together and just say your presence is our present. If people ask what we'd like I'll give them the name of a charity that a donation can go to.

I just want people to enjoy themselves, and not worry about running to Target and trying to find something to get us.
post #16 of 17
Etiquette is a PITA! LOL

I think what it ultimately comes down to is that you do what you feel comfortable doing and that you know your friends and family the best.

As for not asking for gifts, as someone said, be prepared to get some anyway. Most people don't like to arrive at an anniversary or wedding celebration empty handed.

Congratulations on your anniversary and may you both have many more to come
post #17 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natalie_ca View Post
I think the phrasing sounds a bit "pushy". Reading that makes me feel obligated.

I did a google search on this topic and came up with this:

We would like our guests to donate the money they would otherwise have spent on gifts to our favorite charity. How is that indicated?

Unfortunately, there is no tactful way of doing that. While enclosing a card reading, "In lieu of gifts we ask that you send a donation to the Special Olympics" may seem to you to be an innocent enough request, it may be seen by others as presumptuous.

It is never proper to let your guests know that you expect anything from them--except the pleasure of their company.


EDIT: I also found this online, which I think is quite nice:

We sincerely look forward to spending our special day with you, please no gifts

Your presence is our gift
Common etiquette dictates that you don't address the idea of gifts in the invitation (just as you wouldn't put your registry info in the wedding invitation). It is also considered improper to ask for money instead of a gift at any time, for any type of event. You can have your friends and family discretely spread this by word of mouth also but do not have this type of information printed on your invitation or risk insulting your guests.
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