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Frustrated.. I need suggestions please!!!!! - Page 2

post #31 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom2SalemIsis View Post
i spend every minute i can with her. her fav thing to is os go for walks on the nature trail and walk from here to my moms ( 4 miles) we play barbies and ride bikes we go roller blading and look for animal tracks we camp out in the living room and watch movies we read for hours.

Then you would say you have a close relatioship with her right? Does she know that you know she sneaks out? Have you tried having a heart to heart with her and telling her the family situation. I know it may seem like a burden to her but if it helps her behavior it may be worth it. When your husband comes home will he add another income?
post #32 of 54
Saw your profile, and I see you have two or three other children at home as well - I really hope to God that you are not leaving a 10 year old in charge of 6 and 8 year old siblings!

I can't even address this anymore. Giving up is WAAAAY easier than continuing to TRY.

So I'm giving up on this thread. Good luck.
post #33 of 54
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phenomsmom View Post
Then you would say you have a close relatioship with her right? Does she know that you know she sneaks out? Have you tried having a heart to heart with her and telling her the family situation. I know it may seem like a burden to her but if it helps her behavior it may be worth it. When your husband comes home will he add another income?
yes we are very close, yes she knows i know. yes i have talked to her and explaind what could happen to her and how much it scares me that she is doing this. yes my husband will add a second income to the house
post #34 of 54
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by GingersMom View Post
Saw your profile, and I see you have two or three other children at home as well - I really hope to God that you are not leaving a 10 year old in charge of 6 and 8 year old siblings!

I can't even address this anymore. Giving up is WAAAAY easier than continuing to TRY.

So I'm giving up on this thread. Good luck.
My boys live with their father in Texas. they are not here
post #35 of 54
Thread Starter 
im done never mind just forget that i even mentiond anything or asked for help

i will know better from now on
post #36 of 54
Well is there any way you can talk to your boss or coworkers to have them help you out until he gets home. Like no closing until then. A lot more often than not the people you work with will be willing to help you out temporarily. I am trying to think of fresh new solutions for this. I am coming up with a dead end though.
post #37 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom2SalemIsis View Post
Im not saying no im saying i have tired everything suggested (well except the police station thing lol) so far theres has been no one that is willing to help me. i have gone to dhs 6 times and filled out paper work and i keep getting letters saying i dont qualify. i have gone to hud to get help with rent and again i dont qualify i have gone to the churches and i could put her in day care but then we would not be eating because every peny of my 30 dollars that is left over would go to day care. like i said im sorry i asked. i guess no one can help me. bye
I don't really have any suggestions to give, but I just wanted to say that I think your daughter is very lucky to have a mom like you. I can tell that you put her first and foremost and that is something that many kids don't get these days.
Hang in there, and I really hope that things work out for you and your daughter.

On a side note, I think that sometimes people post on the site looking for support or just a need to vent and get something off of their chest. Everyone here has done it... None of us can understand or comprehend exactly what a poster is going through because all we have to go on is what is explained in the post. Ovbiously every single detail can not be explained... It's very hard to give and receive specific advice for that very reason. I just feel like that should be taken into consideration in circumstances like this. It just seems that this thread has turned into everyone defending themselves, which seems to defeat the purpose of the thread.
post #38 of 54


This is a fine place to come to for "suggestions" but not for a "solution." That has to come from piecing together all the "advice" into an "answer."

We have a pretty diverse group here, and lots of "been there, done that" is what has been offered here. You asked for "suggestions", and no one is saying you have to act on any of them.
post #39 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by neetanddave View Post


This is a fine place to come to for "suggestions" but not for a "solution." That has to come from piecing together all the "advice" into an "answer."

We have a pretty diverse group here, and lots of "been there, done that" is what has been offered here. You asked for "suggestions", and no one is saying you have to act on any of them.
and you seem offended that we've offered suggestions. the original post sounded like you wanted some - did i misunderstand?
post #40 of 54
Im sorry that you came here to get advice and it turned into a judgement battle.I am sure that as a Mother you are trying your very best. I hope that you do not abandon this thread.

I have been a lurker on other sites and never joined because things seemed to ALWAYS get heated. This is the only one I ever stayed with because its such a strong, diverse group of people, who are very supportive.

Im sure there are people here who will listen to what you have to say and to what you are facing now and try to help you sort through it. Not one single person here is without fault or blame in their life.


Quote:
Originally Posted by GingersMom View Post
Saw your profile, and I see you have two or three other children at home as well - I really hope to God that you are not leaving a 10 year old in charge of 6 and 8 year old siblings!

I can't even address this anymore. Giving up is WAAAAY easier than continuing to TRY.

So I'm giving up on this thread. Good luck.
I can respect that you are a strong and an opinionated woman and you speak whats on your mind. But strong women do not always have to be so "in your face" with their opinions. Sometimes, its better to sit back and evaluate the the whole situation and give advice diplomatically. Its received much easier that way.
post #41 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pami View Post
Im sorry that you came here to get advice and it turned into a judgement battle.I am sure that as a Mother you are trying your very best. I hope that you do not abandon this thread.

I have been a lurker on other sites and never joined because things seemed to ALWAYS get heated. This is the only one I ever stayed with because its such a strong, diverse group of people, who are very supportive.

Im sure there are people here who will listen to what you have to say and to what you are facing now and try to help you sort through it. Not one single person here is without fault or blame in their life.




I can respect that you are a strong and an opinionated woman and you speak whats on your mind. But strong women do not always have to be so "in your face" with their opinions. Sometimes, its better to sit back and evaluate the the whole situation and give advice diplomatically. Its received much easier that way.
post #42 of 54
I agree with Pami as well
post #43 of 54
I became more strongly opinionated after being falsely accused of crucifying her. Now it appears that I am going to be crucified for being myself and being direct.

I'm not going to take it personally. I was not on the attack. Suggestions were asked for, given, and rejected.

I have a strong concern for the well being of the child involved here, and yes, I strongly voiced my opinion. That doesn't make me a bad person.

Who am I to judge? Just another mother, one who has walked a long and difficult road carrying many heavy burdens. I speak to what I can relate to and understand.

Some of you have PM'd me in support of my comments, now more of you have chosen to publicly berate me, excuse me, criticise me for giving suggestions that were asked for and backing up my statements.

That's ok too. If you all sit back and read through this thread, and read between the lines of all of the OP's posts, you may see where I happen to be coming from.

And it's ok if you don't.

I meant everything I said, and I did not say anything with the intent to be mean. I'm not a mean person, just very direct. And I've been through pretty much everything that the OP detailed. With one exception: I had no husband at all.

I said I wish I could help. I'm not going to apologize for being who I am.
post #44 of 54
We have gotten way off the subject on this post.
The OP came here asking for suggestions!
I too have walked a VERY heavy burdensome road, one that I wish on NOONE!!!
I wish the OP the best of luck and pray that a solution can be found and that all involved are o.k. and God watches over them!!
post #45 of 54
Often times we forget that words that are typed on a computer do not relay feelings, or the general context/nature of what we are trying to pass on to the other person.

One word that is improperly used could turn a sentence into a sour one. A person's mood while reading a post could turn what was typed into a different feeling than what was meant to be displayed.

Mom2Isis, I really wish you the best of luck. I do not have a solution, or alternate suggestion for you, but I really honestly believe that if you have faith on a resolution for the situation, something somehow will give you your answer.
post #46 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by neetanddave View Post
This is a fine place to come to for "suggestions" but not for a "solution." That has to come from piecing together all the "advice" into an "answer."

We have a pretty diverse group here, and lots of "been there, done that" is what has been offered here. You asked for "suggestions", and no one is saying you have to act on any of them.
Yes, I meant to quote myself.

I agree with Betsy, she is just stating things based on what she has been through. No meanness implied, just facts on how she handled things in a similar situation. That is what was asked for in this thread : "Frustrated...need suggestions please."
post #47 of 54
Thread Starter 
I appreciate everyone suggestions I really do. And I am sorry if this thread got way off track and out of line. I felt like I was being attacked and felt like I needed to defend myself because of it. I felt like I was being judged and that I was being considered a bad mother which I am not. I love my daughter with all my heart and would do anything for her. I have tried all the suggestions that were given and felt like people were more focused on the fact that she was at home by her self than the real problem of how to get some help. I spent all day at work crying because I kept asking myself "Am I a bad mother?" I am sorry if I gave you the impression that I was not listening because that is not the case. I actually wrote down every suggestion in my notebook and went over it so many times yesterday that I had to re write it on another piece of paper. All I can say is I hope things get better and I am doing all I can do at the moment. I hope you believe me.
post #48 of 54
We believe you are doing the best you can or you wouldn't have turned to us in desparation. I will again apologize if your felt like we were attacking you. Any of us. I assure you that we are just trying to help. And like it has been said many times that we don't get all the feelings we intend to get through by merely typing on here. The reader can take things as they feel they are meant, even if it is the opposite of what the poster meant by it. The best of luck to you and your daughter.
post #49 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom2SalemIsis View Post
I appreciate everyone suggestions I really do. And I am sorry if this thread got way off track and out of line. I felt like I was being attacked and felt like I needed to defend myself because of it. I felt like I was being judged and that I was being considered a bad mother which I am not. I love my daughter with all my heart and would do anything for her. I have tried all the suggestions that were given and felt like people were more focused on the fact that she was at home by her self than the real problem of how to get some help. I spent all day at work crying because I kept asking myself "Am I a bad mother?" I am sorry if I gave you the impression that I was not listening because that is not the case. I actually wrote down every suggestion in my notebook and went over it so many times yesterday that I had to re write it on another piece of paper. All I can say is I hope things get better and I am doing all I can do at the moment. I hope you believe me.
And I apologize for upsetting you - that was NOT my intention.

I was in your shoes once, and to make sure that my child was taken care of, I had to voluntarily place her in foster care, quit my job, go on Welfare, then get her back from foster care, and by doing all this, I was able to get ALL the resources that I needed to care for her.

I did all this because I was doing the best I could, but my best just wasn't good enough, and I had to go to extremes to make sure that my daughter's well being came FIRST.

My job was MUCH less important than my flesh and blood, and giving it up (becoming destitute on purpose) gave me a schedule that allowed me to care for my daughter, made me eligible for resources that I would have otherwise not qualified for, and got me grants to go to school with that I never had to pay back.

And then I went to college, got two degrees, and have been off of the welfare system for over a decade.

It wasn't easy, it hurt me VERY much to give up my child, even as a temporary measure, and I cried gallons and gallons of tears.

I do NOT think you are a bad mother, just one who is overwhelmed, and I really, honestly DO understand and appreciate how difficult your position is, and I truly hope that you are able to somehow find the help that you need. But you have to make opportunity happen, it won't just come to you. Sometimes you have to go backwards to go forwards.

But I am NOT telling you what to do - your life is your own. I have simply given you suggestions based upon my own difficult experiences, and I hope that you are able to get some benefit from at least one of them.

I DO care - and I WILL send out vibes that things work out better for both you and your daughter.
post #50 of 54
Thread Starter 
Thank you

Quote:
Originally Posted by GingersMom View Post
And I apologize for upsetting you - that was NOT my intention.

I was in your shoes once, and to make sure that my child was taken care of, I had to voluntarily place her in foster care, quit my job, go on Welfare, then get her back from foster care, and by doing all this, I was able to get ALL the resources that I needed to care for her.

I did all this because I was doing the best I could, but my best just wasn't good enough, and I had to go to extremes to make sure that my daughter's well being came FIRST.

My job was MUCH less important than my flesh and blood, and giving it up (becoming destitute on purpose) gave me a schedule that allowed me to care for my daughter, made me eligible for resources that I would have otherwise not qualified for, and got me grants to go to school with that I never had to pay back.

And then I went to college, got two degrees, and have been off of the welfare system for over a decade.

It wasn't easy, it hurt me VERY much to give up my child, even as a temporary measure, and I cried gallons and gallons of tears.

I do NOT think you are a bad mother, just one who is overwhelmed, and I really, honestly DO understand and appreciate how difficult your position is, and I truly hope that you are able to somehow find the help that you need. But you have to make opportunity happen, it won't just come to you. Sometimes you have to go backwards to go forwards.

But I am NOT telling you what to do - your life is your own. I have simply given you suggestions based upon my own difficult experiences, and I hope that you are able to get some benefit from at least one of them.

I DO care - and I WILL send out vibes that things work out better for both you and your daughter.
post #51 of 54
Dear Mom2SalemIsis,
GingersMom has given you some very good straight forward advice, and she has qualified her experience by sharing with you what she has gone through. I have also had some really tough times as a divorced mom E-3 in the Navy with no child support, no monetary help from anyone and no family nearby to help.

I ate on my ship at lunch time and never at home I would cook meals for my boy, feed him, put the leftovers in the fridge for his dinner the next day, and go to bed hungry myself in order to STRETCH what money I had for food. I rode a bicyle to and from the base from Chula Vista, with a child seat on the back of the bike and we took the trolley in bad weather.

A shipmate's wife provided overnight day care every fourth day (because we had duty and had to sleep onboard) for ten bucks and I pent something like 30% of my pay on day care at the base for my normal work days. Every penny I had each month went to Food, Rent, Utilities, I had NO phone, and Daycare. I was on the list but never got into base housing. Some months I was lucky to have a dollar left on payday. I had no bed, but my son had one. I had used furniture from the salvation army, and dried my clothes on a clothes line to keep the electric bill down. I even took in roommates at one point and moved into my son's room to make ends meet.

I don't have any idea how much money you make, or where you live, or what resources you have already tried. But if you can't make enough at your job to provide some form of childcare, your child is at risk. That is a tough situation for you both. I am glad that you asked us, and even if you get mad at some of us for what we say, I think that somewhere in all of the advice you get you will find a solution which will work for you.

A few ideas that I had while reading through the other posts are;

1. quit your job, and go on welfare (money still tight but your child is cared for)

2. move in with relatives, pay a smaller amount of rent and use the excess to pay for child care

3. barter with a neighbor for free child care....maybe you could clean their house on Saturday's top to bottom in exchange for free childcare

Believe me I am not judging you, just trying to give you some ideas, and remember with free advice you can take what you need and leave the rest.
post #52 of 54
Mom2SalemIsis, you and your family are in my prayers.
post #53 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by lakeriedog View Post
Dear Mom2SalemIsis,
GingersMom has given you some very good straight forward advice, and she has qualified her experience by sharing with you what she has gone through. I have also had some really tough times as a divorced mom E-3 in the Navy with no child support, no monetary help from anyone and no family nearby to help.

I ate on my ship at lunch time and never at home I would cook meals for my boy, feed him, put the leftovers in the fridge for his dinner the next day, and go to bed hungry myself in order to STRETCH what money I had for food. I rode a bicyle to and from the base from Chula Vista, with a child seat on the back of the bike and we took the trolley in bad weather.

A shipmate's wife provided overnight day care every fourth day (because we had duty and had to sleep onboard) for ten bucks and I pent something like 30% of my pay on day care at the base for my normal work days. Every penny I had each month went to Food, Rent, Utilities, I had NO phone, and Daycare. I was on the list but never got into base housing. Some months I was lucky to have a dollar left on payday. I had no bed, but my son had one. I had used furniture from the salvation army, and dried my clothes on a clothes line to keep the electric bill down. I even took in roommates at one point and moved into my son's room to make ends meet.

I don't have any idea how much money you make, or where you live, or what resources you have already tried. But if you can't make enough at your job to provide some form of childcare, your child is at risk. That is a tough situation for you both. I am glad that you asked us, and even if you get mad at some of us for what we say, I think that somewhere in all of the advice you get you will find a solution which will work for you.

A few ideas that I had while reading through the other posts are;

1. quit your job, and go on welfare (money still tight but your child is cared for)

2. move in with relatives, pay a smaller amount of rent and use the excess to pay for child care

3. barter with a neighbor for free child care....maybe you could clean their house on Saturday's top to bottom in exchange for free childcare

Believe me I am not judging you, just trying to give you some ideas, and remember with free advice you can take what you need and leave the rest.

That is a very excellent post. I definitely like some of the ideas
post #54 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rockcat View Post
Mom2SalemIsis, you and your family are in my prayers.
Val, there isn't anything that hasn't been said that I should add, I just want you to know that you are in my prayers - I'm always here if you need to talk
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