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Being okay around other people's cats--what to do

post #1 of 15
Thread Starter 
I can't help but be reminded of my loss when I see other people's cats. I don't mean to be a jerk, but it's just so hard right now. I don't know what to do. Should I just avoid other people's cats for awhile? I just feel terrible asking something like this. I just can't help but feel sad.
post #2 of 15
Honey, you are going to feel sad. That's is just natural after a loss.

You might want to avoid other cats for awhile......or if you are like me......go to the nearest shelter or pet store and get another couple.

Look in the newspapers and see if there are any ads for cats. You would love to give a beautiful cat or kitten a loving home, wouldn't you?

When I lost my DiddoKahli, I got another Torti and named her ChanKahli to carry on Kahli's name.

You have so much to give an animal. Let your heart not be saddened any more but reach out to an loving pet that you call your own.
post #3 of 15
Feeling sad after the loss of a pet (whether voluntary or otherwise) is a normal thing - give yourself some time to heal and try not to think about what could have been, instead, focus on what can be in the future.
post #4 of 15
Give yourself time to heal - grief is a powerful emotion, and brings many of its friends with it.
post #5 of 15
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by KittenKiya View Post
Honey, you are going to feel sad. That's is just natural after a loss.

You might want to avoid other cats for awhile......or if you are like me......go to the nearest shelter or pet store and get another couple.

Look in the newspapers and see if there are any ads for cats. You would love to give a beautiful cat or kitten a loving home, wouldn't you?

When I lost my DiddoKahli, I got another Torti and named her ChanKahli to carry on Kahli's name.

You have so much to give an animal. Let your heart not be saddened any more but reach out to an loving pet that you call your own.

I'm sorry. I should have been more clear. I gave up my cat because I was depressed and realized I could not take proper care of him. Having another cat right now would be a terrible idea. I need to undergo treatment before I open myself up to that possibility again.

So my loss is not really the same as someone whose cat died. Although the pain of giving up my cat multiplied the previous pain I had of having two cats disappear and likely die--my sister's cats, who disappeared back in the summer.

I feel badly because my "loss" would not be considered so by many, but I have grieved terribly over this. I can't help thinking if only I'd been right in the head, he'd still be with me.
post #6 of 15
A loss is a loss, Lamb, doesn't matter if it was voluntary or otherwise, it is still a loss. The emotions you have now about it are every bit as acute and painful as if it were a death. Again, treat yourself gently now and allow yourself some time to heal. Take peace from knowing that you did the right thing for both your cat and for yourself.
post #7 of 15
Quote:
I feel badly because my "loss" would not be considered so by many, but I have grieved terribly over this. I can't help thinking if only I'd been right in the head, he'd still be with me.
It IS a loss!!! No matter how it came about.It is a loss and you need time to grieve and then give yourself time to heal.If it hurts to be around other cats, then I would stay away from them until the pain has eased anough to allow you to be around them.
As for being right in the head.......you are right in the head!!! YOU not anyone else figured that it wasn't the right time to have him.YOU placed him in a loving home when others would have just thrown him outside to fend for hisself.
post #8 of 15
Of course you are going to feel some sadness. It's a natural part of the grieving process. While other peoples cats will probably in some way remind you of the cat that you lost, don't forget that these wonderful creatures also have the ability to help mend your wounds and move on from your loss.
post #9 of 15
However you lose someone it is a loss. I lost my Napoleon a few weeks ago and I still cry for him. Sometimes I feel terribly guilty when I look at my other cats and almost blame them for not being him. Not that I would ever have wanted to lose one of them either but these feelings come and go. And I cry when I visit friends with cats. We need to grieve, and anyone who has cats will understand totally if you explain that you have lost one (you don't need to explain how). You would not be normal if you did not feel like that. But you can take some comfort in the way you made the right decision for your little guy and one day you can look forward to having another one.
post #10 of 15
I am so sorry for your loss. It is perfectly understandable to grieve, however your loss came about. You did a very unselfish thing giving up your kitty when you could not care for him. Please try to take some comfort in that. I hope you continue to come to TCS and let the rest of us share our kitties with you until you are strong enough to have one of your own again.
post #11 of 15
My most abject apologies for the misunderstanding and I REALLY hope I haven't added to your problem.

The others are right, give yourself time and space. They say that time heals all things and it may sound trite, but it is true. Hugs and kisses and extra shoulders and ears if you need them.
post #12 of 15
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by KittenKiya View Post
My most abject apologies for the misunderstanding and I REALLY hope I haven't added to your problem.

The others are right, give yourself time and space. They say that time heals all things and it may sound trite, but it is true. Hugs and kisses and extra shoulders and ears if you need them.
No, don't be sorry. Thank you so much for your kind words.

Before I had to give up my cat, two of my sister's cats disappeared. They were indoor-outdoor cats. I know in my heart that they are no longer alive. I grieved a great deal over them. Losing my cat added to and conjured up the grief I had already felt over the loss of the other two cats. But in a way, I know at least he is well, and will never be let outside. The one thing I would say is never let your cats outside...but I know many disagree and think it's depriving a cat of their true instincts. Leroy was only a year old, Ruffles was only 7 and now they're gone. I buried this grief away along with my grief over giving up Thurston. It's hard for me to say their names, really, it brings me a lot of pain. But being here and reading about other people's cats is actually helping me heal, I think.
post #13 of 15
All of us here, in one way or another have had to deal with a loss such as this.

TCS is the very best site in the world, with people who REALLY care. I'm glad that you found us. We will do all we can to help you through this situation.
post #14 of 15
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. But just remember that you did what was best... a very unselfish thing to do.

I am here for a shoulder to cry on or to just listen
post #15 of 15
I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. Hugs
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