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blue

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i have a hiding place
(whisper freedom)
even if my tears fall naked
even if my breasts bear the stains of winter
even if you kiss my lips and cry
(whisper freedom)
hang your head in my garden
breaking moonlight
with breath born of pain
even if
you scream my name
turn your head
and
(whisper freedom)

relentless, release, rapture?
 

kittyfoot

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I don't know if it will help,but here's a place I go to ease the glums sometimes...www.ishaah.com. No religious beliefs promoted,but some beautiful imagry and prose.
So many fine people here are apparently hurting and feeling alone. Our material,money first society tends to isolate anyone who is seeking anything beyond the price of things. I think we all need a place where we can contemplate the beauty that abounds in the world around us. Spend a little time watching the butterflies dancing on the face of heaven.
 

yosemite

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I've typed a reply here several times in the last hour and it doesn't seem to want to go.

At any rate, what I wanted to say was that I've read this whole thread and feel in my heart that each of you have had burdens you should never have had. Other persons in your lives have tried to undo you - they must have need to make you look or feel bad because they themselves were feeling inadequate.

Get all of those demons and bad feeling out - whether to a therapist or friends (true ones who understand and do not judge) or on-line friends. Burdens don't always seem so heavy when they are shared.

You all sound like you are beautiful people inside - let some of that beauty out so we can share in it, but let those demons go. Each of us has something to give - all of you are proof of that.

My heart and sincere wishes go to all of you to give you strength to go on with life. God bless each of you.
 

yosemite

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Just another note I'd like to add. I've dealt with my demons by having a strong mind. I do that by not blaming myself for what others have said or done to me. I take full responsibility for my own actions, but let them carry their own blame. Fair is fair! I've survived cancer, sexual abuse, and an alcoholic father to name a few and I don't intend to give in now. I'm 54 years old, in pretty good physical health and a "talker". Talking to trusted friends in my life has allowed me to get rid of a lot of demons - I hope you can too.

You are all too good inside not to conquer your demons and share some of the beauty you have with the rest of us.
 

deb25

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Simba's Mom:

My feelings exactly! You have shared some of the more traumatic experiences of your life and shown that there is a way to overcome them and have peace. Sometimes we are not responsible for the hell that comes into our lives, but we can control whether or not we choose to hang onto it and mkae it rule our lives. My hat's off to you for your strength-providing words!
 

airprincess

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I'm from the same school of thought. One of my best friends has been through so many horrors that I feel phyically ill for him. he has suffered at the hands of family members in every possible way there is to suffer, and he doesn't let it hold him back. he struggles with it every single day but his life is proof that he has never given up. i know that it's incredibly hard for him but he refuses to let it win.

[Edited by airprincess on 05-09-2001 at 09:59 AM]
 
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blue

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i have a hiding place
i believe there are ways to overcome any and all things that
happen to us, as children, and as adults.

for me, finding peace comes in writing, and in therapy.
i need to release all the thoughts, all the demons, before i
can find my peace.

but i believe it's there, and i will find it.

i am not a "tortured" soul, or a weak individual, i am only
20, and am only now really getting into the depths of my
pain/demons, only now letting that spill over into my work
(writing) only now accepting those things and talking about
them all, one by one.

therapy is like being raked over the coals, but i push
myself to go, because afterwards, every time, i feel a little
lighter.

there are more things to laugh about then there were before.
more simple pleasures open to me then there were before.

that's why i go. at 20, i have time on my side
and i am making good use of it (i think).
 
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blue

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i have a hiding place
i know my heart is so full of passions, full with Life, Love.

my struggles are in my Soul. my writing is my Church, in my
head are my pews, my knees bend there, and my heart breaks
but i will my hands to help me up, unravel my hair, let it all fall down
over me, and walk into the day.

everyday, we go forward with Strength, with Hope,
without it, i wouldnt be here today.

everyday i choke, and stumble backwards, but I Rise.

i am not defeated, i am just doing what i have to do, which
is, and always will be,

dancing with the Source.
dancing with the Fire.
dancing with the Beauty.

and i will write it all down, because i cant not.

thank you for allowing me this thread, this space to use
as my beautiful weapon, catharsis, my unraveling heart.

[Edited by blue on 05-06-2001 at 05:24 PM]
 

catarina77777

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Dearest Katie,

Seeing your last posting brings a huge smile to my face


God Bless You Always,
 
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blue

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i have a hiding place
Linda

yes, i'm about 6hrs away from Vancouver, in a slightly
smallish town called Penticton


i grew up here, but i was born on the Island.

 

debby

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Katie....your posts so deeply touch my heart.

Simbas mom....thank you for your words of encouragement, it sounds like you have been through it all, and have survived to help others. Bless you. I am so glad to have met you.
 

kittyfoot

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Blue..I spent many lost weekends in Penticton back in 69 when I was working for the CPR out of Hope. It was a real good party town back then full of gorgeous ladies. Glad to see some things haven't changed. I learned many interesting things on those weekends.
 
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blue

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i have a hiding place


thanks Kittyfoot


it is a beautiful place in the summer, isnt it? i take it
for granted because i have been here for so long, though i
have moved away, i always tend to gravitate back here.

every once in awhile i have to remind myself how gorgeous
this place really is.

it's still quite the busy town in the summer, full of tons
of people and things going on, lot's of people from Montreal,
Vancouver, the States, Europe, Australia, all over


i think that's amazing, every time i meet someone on-line
that knows of my hometown or has actually been here
(because it is in Canada, and it is fairly small)
 
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blue

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i have a hiding place
today burned, broke and fell in my hands,
like ice on my feet in winter, i am frozen.

barefoot and walking toward what i cant change.

frozen with nothing to say,
so much to say.

incomplete is how i live, and how i will exist.
 

debby

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Blue, your poetry is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, and touches my heart so much!!

My thoughts for today are :

I feel confused.
I feel unable sometimes to tell who is my friend and who is not
I feel it hard to trust anyone sometimes since I have been hurt so badly
I guess I am paranoid
I feel others are talking about me
I hate this pain
 

kittyfoot

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Debby... you are just like everyone else on the planet. We spend our lives searching for that mythical perfect friend and/or partner and pass up the many less than perfect people along the way. Where do we get our ideas that there's a perfect person out there just waiting for us? I don't know,it would be easy to blame the media,or literature,or movies;whatever. But the mark of maturity,I think,is when we finally realize that perfect does not exist;that we are all flawed in some way or other. Have you ever had someone turn away from you whom you tried to be a friend to? Have you ever turned away from someone who was trying to be your friend?
That is not to say that you should throw open your doors to everyonee who happens by. There are some truly evil people out there and it's your responsibility to learn to tell the difference. You will make mistakes and be hurt along the way,you will unknowingly hurt others too. That, unfortunately, is life. The trick is to hurt others as little as possible because that is really the only thing we can control. Life is a hard journey,but we have to keep moving along;picking a pretty,friendly flower from the weeds as we go. Even if we never find that perfect rose,we will still have a beautiful bouquet at the finish.
 

catarina77777

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Thank you Kittyfoot...:angel2:
There are so many things left unsaid in a conversation to inpsire someone to "get up and live" I have had many days when I have felt so bad just like anyone else. The only way I was saved was through my will of the need to LIVE and not just settle for existing. Why, should I keep punishing myself? :confused3:

Hey...life is soooo short and I'm not willing to let loose of this bouquet...not yet.

How delightful your comments were and I'm looking forward to hearing them again soon
:
 
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