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It's been two days, and things are not going well

post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 
It's been two days since he was taken away. I am absolutely grief-stricken, and can barely bring myself to do anything. It may have been the right thing to do, but I don't know if I can ever heal from this. The pain is beyond unbearable. I don't know when my heart will ever stop hurting. I hate my mind for taking him away from me, making me unable to care for him the way I wanted to. I wish I could turn back time and make things different. I wish I hadn't had to let him go.

I don't know what the future will be. Everything seems uncertain. The world is distorted and blurry. I don't know if I exist. I seem to be vanishing. I've cried so many times. I'm in therapy now. I would give anything to get better and have him here with me again. But he's gone now, I've lost him forever. He is never coming back and I have to live with this.

I don't even know what I'm saying. My sadness is beyond what words can describe adequately. My heart is completely broken. It may never be whole again.
post #2 of 12
Oh Honey, you sound so lost. You need to reach out and get any and all help that you can.
I'm sure in the Future, time will allow you to have another furbaby and then you will feel whole again.
PLEASE do NOT feel bad about placing him in another home.
post #3 of 12
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by crittermom View Post
Oh Honey, you sound so lost. You need to reach out and get any and all help that you can.
I'm sure in the Future, time will allow you to have another furbaby and then you will feel whole again.
PLEASE do NOT feel bad about placing him in another home.
I'm in therapy now, and soon I will be on medication, hopefully.

I don't know what the future will bring. I don't know if I can ever heal from this. It seems impossible.
post #4 of 12
You will heal in time.It will not come over night.But, you will heal when the time is right.
I wish I could give you a hug.But, know that you are in my prayers and that I am sending you a cyber HUG!!!
post #5 of 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by crittermom View Post
I wish I could give you a hug.But, know that you are in my prayers and that I am sending you a cyber HUG!!!
Me too

I understand about depression and how hopeless it can make you feel, having been there many, many times myself.

But that experience has taught me that it can and will get better - you have taken the right steps to get back in control of your life, and you will feel much of the weight that is on your shoulders lifted after you have been getting some help for a little while.

All is not lost, not by any means, and things can only improve for you. Your little man will be in a happy, loving home, and once you are better for yourself, you will be able to give a loving home to a kitty in need.
post #6 of 12
I'm so sorry for your loss and I wish you comfort in your grief.
post #7 of 12
It will take time but continue with your therapy and work with your doctors to get the medication sorted out. Depression is an illness of the thoughts and and feelings making them overwhelming. Take each minute, hour, day as it comes. You knew what was best for your little one and are taking steps to help yourself.

As you begin to heal you will still miss him but will be able to rejoice in his new life. And when the time is right, a new little one will walk into your life. Cats have a way of doing that.
post #8 of 12
I am so sorry you had to be parted form your baby. Depression is a terrible thing, and no one that has never been there can truly understand it. I hope you can begin to heal through your therapy, and have some joy in your life again soon.
post #9 of 12
I'm so sorry. I will be thinking of you. please take care of yourself.
post #10 of 12
Thread Starter 
thank you everyone for your kind words.

I just feel devastated. And angry at myself for not being able to keep him with me. I just can't accept what's happened. I feel so empty. I hope counseling will help, and medication. If only I'd gone on meds months ago, he might still be with me now.
post #11 of 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by bemyonlyone View Post
thank you everyone for your kind words.

I just feel devastated. And angry at myself for not being able to keep him with me. I just can't accept what's happened. I feel so empty. I hope counseling will help, and medication. If only I'd gone on meds months ago, he might still be with me now.
All of these thoughts are part of the illness you will be treating with the meds. Try to recognise them as unhelpful, even if you can't get rid of them.
post #12 of 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by bemyonlyone View Post
thank you everyone for your kind words.

I just feel devastated. And angry at myself for not being able to keep him with me. I just can't accept what's happened. I feel so empty. I hope counseling will help, and medication. If only I'd gone on meds months ago, he might still be with me now.
Try not to be so hard on yourself You are not feeling well and knew you were not able to take care of him. There are always "would have, should have, could have - but didn't" things that happen in life. Now is the time to take care of yourself, get yourself well. Then you will see everything in a better light. Forgive yourself.
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