I love TCS and im sorry that I dont get to visit often but I understand
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- Thread starter valanhb
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What Karen said.
Also, we aren't saying that there can't be any inside jokes, or any little innuendos or whatnot. We're saying that the inside jokes and big innuendos and double entendres were mainly what was going on in here, and that really isn't what this site is about.
We are all happy that there are so many friendships formed here, and honestly if it wasn't a close group then there wouldn't be any inside jokes. No one is telling you what you can or can't say within the limits of the rules that have always been in place.
Also, we aren't saying that there can't be any inside jokes, or any little innuendos or whatnot. We're saying that the inside jokes and big innuendos and double entendres were mainly what was going on in here, and that really isn't what this site is about.
We are all happy that there are so many friendships formed here, and honestly if it wasn't a close group then there wouldn't be any inside jokes. No one is telling you what you can or can't say within the limits of the rules that have always been in place.
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No offense meant or taken - and I did speak in a generalization, and was not aiming my comment toward anyone in particular. It's just that this is something I have seen over and over and over.Originally Posted by Cinder
I'm not shy, GingersMom. And no offense taken. Maybe what you're seeing in these situations wherever you go is people who don't feel the interaction is something they want to fit into, or they just don't find the threads (or RL situations) as amusing or entertaining as you do. People come here for such different reasons. Many seek information and help with their cat problems. Duh...it's a cat board. Others want to have a social connection, a place to hang out and discuss their lives. Ideally, it's probably a mix between the two. I don't have a problem with fun, or people airing their private lives, or even lewd comments. I do feel a bit disappointed when I ask for information about SCC in cats and get no response, when someone making nut jokes gets dozens. Maybe that is why *shy* people just don't get it sometimes.
Not trying to be argumentative.
For example, I'll go to my motorcycle group meetings, and there are two types of new members: The first type join right in and are welcomed with open arms.
The second type sit back and don't join in, and then later complain that they aren't being made to feel welcome. Yet they sit back with their mouths closed - is it up to us to babysit them and drag them into participating? NO! It is THEIR responsibility to determine their own level of participation. No one is EVER excluded on purpose - those who feel exclusionary are those that stand back from the crowd while proclaiming that they aren't being made welcome.
The Cat Lounge is not a Q&A section of the forum - when people want specific info, they go to THAT section of the forum.
The issue of posting questions looking for information and getting no responses was well covered in a recent IMO thread, and that's not the issue being discussed in THIS thread. But I agree that it can be disheartening to get no responses. I just posted a thread with a funny story about my Ginger, and I got ONE response, exactly. I'm not feeling punished or ostracized as a result - I'm not taking it personally! As long as people have read it, I'm happy, because I've shared my story, which is why I posted it. If I want attention, I can get that elsewhere, LOL.
And I agree, we all come here for many different reasons - I'd like to see that continue!
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Hence, my suggestion that the Gutter Gang retire their comments to the Premium Lounge.Originally Posted by AbbysMom
It starts to become a problem when many threads were getting gutter comments in them. Many innocent threads were going "into the gutter". It happened to one of my threads. You have to remember we have a fair amount of minors on this site, and TCS is used as an educational tool in many schools. We certainly don't want a school administrator to suddenly see a student reading a gutter thread, and in turn they block this site for school use. The IMO forum can also still be seen by minors. Sponsors who essentially are paying for you to have access this site, could also easily get turned off by this and pull their advertising. It is not just the *new* members that were concerned with the many double entendres.
The Lounge is still a place to have fun, and learn more about each other. None of that has changed. We just need to "clean up" the gutter a little.
Regardless, it is QUITE obvious that TCS is one of THE best places on the net for us nutty (
To Anne, you have something really great here, and you know that we respect that, and love you for it, and want to play by the rules as best we can.
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I do agree with all that has been said.There have been a *few* comments that I wouldn't want my kids to read.So, yes I do understand we need to keep that in mind.
Sorry if I've ever posted something that was *too much*.
Sorry if I've ever posted something that was *too much*.
There are people who are rather retiring, and hesitate to complain, because they don't want to step on anybody's toes, fear that they'll be ostracized, or simply want to avoid confrontation in their spare time, as they see enough of that at work/home. They don't necessarily "later complain", but choose to do so to (a) moderator(s), as the mods are in a position to call such matters to all members' attention, and have basically grown "thick skins" over time. Hence this thread. TCS is all about cat welfare, and almost all TCS members currently have cats. The forums, ideally, should appear welcoming and "safe" to all (potential) members, and not drive advertisers away.
*I've been composing this for a while, so a bunch of stuff I say may already have been addressed by the time I hit "submit reply."
*
If TCS is doing its job correctly, friendships are going to form, and that will be apparent in the posting - especially in the Lounge. That is natural, and not discouraged here.
But I also believe that what has made TCS so special over the years and part of why it has been so successful as a site is that cliques have always been discouraged, and members are always encouraged to be inclusive and welcoming.
No offense taken. (I'm also not shy). But inside jokes by definition make new people feel left out, which is also a normal human dynamic in social situations. Friendships and jokes are going to happen, and I don't think that in and of itself is being discouraged. I think it's the number of threads addressed to specific people and the extent to which "interpersonal" conversations are taking place on the board that is being addressed by Admin. I think the point is that those are more appropriate for messaging (private messaging is provided by TCS) or chat rooms as opposed to a community board.
If TCS is doing its job correctly, friendships are going to form, and that will be apparent in the posting - especially in the Lounge. That is natural, and not discouraged here.
Again, I think that what is being addressed is not a question of discouraging friendships or personalities. It's a question of what's appropriate for a community oriented message board as opposed to a chat room or private messaging. I can't speak for TCS Admin, but as a long time member, I think the issue is not so much to curtail interaction as it is a reminder to members that this isn't a place to come to chat with other people by starting threads directed at individuals - it is a place to chat with a community of people.
I don't think anyone has a problem with the "silly talk." Being able to post about any topic and/or have fun was always the point of the Lounge. I do think the nature of the silly talk is at issue: if it's not appropriate for kids, it's not appropriate in the Lounge.
The issue here is that TCS is a board that children visit and it has members that are minors. It has to do with what is appropriate and what is not appropriate for a public board in which kids participate.
Originally Posted by KittenKiya
...I said it in a post before, the whole world could learn a lesson from the way we treat each other and help each other out when we have problems, or good times, or we lose our babies. There would be a galactic hole in my heart and life without this place.
Laurie
Yes - I was kidding! I don't think I've ever even used 12 in one post!Originally Posted by Hydroaxe
You're kidding, right?It had previously been set at 10 for more than two years straight before it got broken and there were no complaints during that time. I don't see how 12 will be a challenge.
I'm not sure this is the place to say this, or that I should say it at all...but I'm a long time member who has loved it here, but I am posting less and less. Partly because I am busy, and partly because except for WONDERFUL support when I begin a thread on a health issue one of my sweeties is having, if I post to a thread, more often than not, it is never acknowledged. I end up feeling invisible or as if what I have said, was not valued.
I've tried posting more when I can pop in, but so far, that isn't making any difference. I can't think of any reason why folks would question my sincerity... I might as well not post in a thread I've not begun.
I've tried posting more when I can pop in, but so far, that isn't making any difference. I can't think of any reason why folks would question my sincerity... I might as well not post in a thread I've not begun.
I think we have all felt that way at some point, I know I have. That sucks, I wouldn't want anyone to feel unacknowledged.
Originally Posted by LDG
No offense taken. (I'm also not shy). But inside jokes by definition make new people feel left out, which is also a normal human dynamic in social situations. Friendships and jokes are going to happen, and I don't think that in and of itself is being discouraged. I think it's the number of threads addressed to specific people and the extent to which "interpersonal" conversations are taking place on the board that is being addressed by Admin. I think the point is that those are more appropriate for messaging (private messaging is provided by TCS) or chat rooms as opposed to a community board.
I think the PM system should be used more than it already is, and for those threads being addressed to specific people, should be taken into the PM system for private matters only. I mean isn't that what thats supposed to be used for anyways?
I love TCS, for everything that it stands for. I'd really hate to see future members being pushed away because of some kinds of sillyness that had no harm intended in the first place
I think this would be a good idea, but don't know whether or not the mods would approve. The public certainly wouldn't be able to access the posts then. However, this is a family site, and I wouldn't want to see it taken too far in the PL either.
I think a number of people have been feeling this way recently, and I think it's part of the reason this thread was started.
I agree - that can happen at times. It's weird, too. Sometimes what I think is like my funniest post ever gets no acknowledgement, and it's hard to know what to make of that.Originally Posted by Trouts mom
I think we have all felt that way at some point, I know I have. That sucks, I wouldn't want anyone to feel unacknowledged.
When it happens a lot in a row, you get a bad run of it, it does feel a little demoralising.
Different forums are for different things, and people do seem to spend more time in the Lounge than other places. Having said that, I do understand why. It can just be too hard be faced with what seems like a constant barage of problems that you can't fix. I know I've had to take a break from all of the serious forums (except the Blue Room, because while it's sad, there is always something I feel I can say).
But I have felt that frustration as well, when I see a serious problem I don't know the answer to in one of the other forums. On the other hand, there's a reason we're not all emergency vets, paramedics or undertakers. Not everyone can deal with that level of sad and frustrated all the time.
Still, having been on both sides of that problem, I don't even anyone in either situation.
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I've felt that way also.
You've certainly gotten to the heart of the matter!Originally Posted by babyharley
I totally agree with what you've stated Laurie. Although I've been a member for over a year now, and feel as tho I 'know' a lot of the members, sometimes I too, feel left out, especially in specific threads that are addressed to certain people. If your not in the on the 'jokes' then its kinda a feeling like you don't belong there, and kinda shy away from it all. Being a long time member and sometimes feeling this way, I can only imagine how a newer member would feel seeing those kind of things, and not really 'knowing' anybody.
I think the PM system should be used more than it already is, and for those threads being addressed to specific people, should be taken into the PM system for private matters only. I mean isn't that what thats supposed to be used for anyways?
I love TCS, for everything that it stands for. I'd really hate to see future members being pushed away because of some kinds of sillyness that had no harm intended in the first place
Thank you for the hug - and the other comments I see relating to my postOriginally Posted by LDG
I think a number of people have been feeling this way recently, and I think it's part of the reason this thread was started.
I guess I should just try to practice more what I want.- posting to show I care. And to keep posting to let folks know of my brilliant insights, wonderful cooking skills etc etc etc (HAH! chuckle & snort) and just figure that even if no response, maybe it's being enjoyed/or is useful.
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LDG ~ I think you've said everything perfectly.
I know that when I joined, the lounge was intimidating. I tried to jump right in. For example, I tried jumping in the daily threads and it really felt rather pointless and after a while I just gave up. I know that people are going to be attracted to certain types of personalities and such more than others, but sometimes it honestly feels that you're being left out because of things that have happened or have been said in other sections of the forum...like IMO (at leasts thats how it seems to me) and because people just don't relate to you. It is a bit discouraging...I know I stay mostly for the pregnant cats and kitten care forum and for the valuable information that I can learn from others.
I know that when I joined, the lounge was intimidating. I tried to jump right in. For example, I tried jumping in the daily threads and it really felt rather pointless and after a while I just gave up. I know that people are going to be attracted to certain types of personalities and such more than others, but sometimes it honestly feels that you're being left out because of things that have happened or have been said in other sections of the forum...like IMO (at leasts thats how it seems to me) and because people just don't relate to you. It is a bit discouraging...I know I stay mostly for the pregnant cats and kitten care forum and for the valuable information that I can learn from others.
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I totally understand this feeling. I left another forum because of this and because when I had the nerve to privately express my feelings about it, I got ostracized because I had been mean (for lack of a better word) to a cherished member of a certain clique. Feeling invisible and unappreciated for the effort you've made to give an answer to the question somebody asked stinks. Makes you feel like you've wasted your time. My experience there has left a bad taste in my mouth to these forums so I'm sticking my toe in here tentatively. So far the only thing that has made me feel a little unwelcome are some of the basic rules like not being able to post in the IMO forum. Personally I think if you can't post there, you shouldn't be able to read there either. I'm not going to spend a lot of time in that forum anyway because I don't care or want to know what people's political views are - this is a CAT forum. I read a few of the posts and that was enough for me. I did want to say though that I will not be reading the OJ book! There! I got to say it anyway LOL.
