I feel like I made a huge mistake.

I know that a post like this is likely not welcome here, and I will probably get flamed.

I adopted a cat two days ago. At the time I went to visit him I wasn't sure I wanted to adopt him. But I went ahead with the adoption anyway.

Since he's been with me, I haven't felt joy. I feel incredibly trapped, helpless, and depressed. I feel like he will be hurt by my behavior because he will feel he isn't loved. I just find myself feeling horrible, wishing I hadn't adopted him. I don't know why I'm feeling this. I know this isn't normal.

I don't have a lover or partner to help me with these feelings. My life in general has not been what I wanted it to be. I don't know why I adopted him when my life wasn't ready for him in it.

I feel horribly guilty and I feel I've made a huge, huge mistake. I don't want to feel this way. I want to be happy with him and my days filled with joy. Instead I am feeling more miserable than I have in months. Last night I was crying. I have had thoughts about returning him to the woman who originally took him in. If I did so, she would likely be very angry and look down on me for not taking care of him.

I feel like it's not good for him to stay with me if I'm not going to give him all the love and attention he deserves. He's a very affectionate cat and someone in the right frame of mind would adore him. He's FIV positive as well which is stressing me out in other ways, even though I thought it didn't matter.

I'm feeling really upset over these feelings. I hate that I'm feeling this. But I'm just feeling incredibly depressed and hopeless.

By all means, bring the kitty back. Explain to the woman that you realized now is not the time for you to take him...I'm sure she won't be as upset as you think. Then I'd suggest making an appointment to talk to a counselor about how you've been feeling lately. Trust me, it makes a huge difference. Good luck!

you think I should take him back?

If you can't provide the loving home he needs, by all means bring him back and let him have another chance at the perfect life... at least you have the kitties best interests at heart by knowing now is not the right time for you to adopt him, so they shouldn't be too angry at you. At least you are being responsible by bringing him back instead of turning him loose on the streets.

Adopting a pet is like adopting a child... a life long commitment.

If you are feeling like this, please take the kitten back to where you got it and explain the situation and let them find a new forever home for the baby.

Originally Posted by bemyonlyone

you think I should take him back?

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I do. Especially since he's FIV+, he needs special attention and extra loving. Don't force yourself to take on something you can't handle during this time...it sounds to me like you should focus on your self right now.

You poor sweetie. Yes, I agree - take him back to be fair to both of you. Also, don't worry about the lady being mad. If you know in your heart that you aren't ready, just explain that to her. If she is unable to accept it with grace, just let it go. You at least will know in your heart you are doing the right thing.

Are you comfortable talking to your doctor about your own feelings about yourself right now? That would be a good place to start. Then when you have resolved your own feelings maybe you would be in a better frame of mind to adopt a kittie then.

Kind thoughts and hugs from me to you. I hope you feel better really, really soon.

Originally Posted by LoveMyBabies

I do. Especially since he's FIV+, he needs special attention and extra loving. Don't force yourself to take on something you can't handle during this time...it sounds to me like you should focus on your self right now.

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Yes I agree, this kitty deserves the best home..and you deserve the best for you too.. And if you are not sure about this, perhaps you should rethink it before you get too attached.

Realizing your limits is nothing to look down upon! You've taken on too much at this time and should take him back if you can, or find another home for him. Don't beat yourself up over it, either.

Cheers, from
SwampWitch

If you're not happy with your kitty, your kitty will pick up on this and it isn't good for either one of you. I agree with everyone else. Take your cat back. Who cares what the lady thinks? And please talk to your doctor and explain how you're feeling lately. Sounds like there is more going on then you realize.
Feel better soon.

I am just going to state what everyone else has said. If you do not feel like its the right time for you, take him back. It really doesnt matter what the lady thinks at all. This is your life and you have to do what is best for you regardless of what anyone thinks. Good luck to you and I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

Let me add my support to what everyone else has said. Some day, after you have taken care of your own issues, and are in a better space, you will likely make a great kitty mom, but now is not the time.

Hi I just wanted to welcome you to TCS and let you know that we are all friends here We are not going to flame someone who is seeking advice. We definitely welcome that. I honestly think that if you are feeling trapped with the kitty at the moment and are unable to devote your energy and time to him right now- returning him would be the kindest thing for both the kitty and for you. Adopting a cat is a life long committment- some kitties can live well into their twenties, so if you are not currently up for the challenege, i would kindly recommend returning him to the woman you origionally adopted him from. You are a very kind and sweet person for seeking out advice as to what to do with your current sitauation and the little guy- i applaud you for seeking help Have a good night. If you need to talk, you are always welcome to pm me. My name is Nikki.

first of all, welcome! and I doubt anyone is going to flame you. you are just looking out for the best interest of the kitty and I applaud you for that. I am sorry that things are not going well for you right now. If you feel you can not provide for the cat's needs, then please bring him back and adopt one when you are back on your feet and know that you are ready. I wish you the best of luck and hope things get better for you soon! and I have no doubt in my mind that you will be a great kitty mom and I am not by any means saying you are a bad kitty mom. it's just not the right time for you to have a cat right now but believe me you will someday when you are back on your feet and feel you are totally ready for a kitty. you can always PM me if you need to talk. take care!

Just the fact that you are able to admit that you won't be the best kitty mommy right now, leads me to believe that at some point in the future, you will. Cheer up. When you are ready, you will know. And at that time, I feel you will be great.

~Amy

I agree you should take him back if you feel you won't grow to love him. But before you do that perhaps it would be useful to sit down and have a good think about why you aren't enjoying him and why having a cat hasnt lived up to expectations. Did you feel pressurised into adopting him? Why did you go to the shelter in the first place - was it specifically to adopt a cat or where you there with a friend or something? Maybe go out somewhere for a cup of coffee or at least soemwhere where you can get away from the cat. Have a think about why you adopted him, why you think you aren't bonding with him - is him as an individual you just can't bond with? do you think it would be different with another cat or do you think you just aren't cut out to be a cat owner? are you finding him difficult to look after? is he noisy, destructive or demanding? I'm not criticising you, but 2 days is a very short time to bond with a cat so I'd suggest removing yourself from the situation and having a good long think about it before you make a decision. If you still feel that it's just not working out then it would be best to return him - and no-one should condemn you for that.

I'd just like to add that I'm pretty impressed that you looked for help so soon after realising your feelings - many, well, really most people - would not have been so mature about this.

It sounds to me that you are not very happy yourself, and that is perhaps part of the reason you adopted this kitty - to bring yourself happiness, and to make another creature happy. But you are right in realising that this is a big change to your life, and for putting the needs of the kitty that you adopted first, which is actually what you are doing by coming here and seeking advice.

I don't think the lady will be mad - disappointed for the cat, I'm sure - but actually if she cares and works in animal welfare she will probably thoroughly appreciate your honesty, and the fact that she has a chance to give this cat a home where the people are ready for him. I would imagine she deals with many unfeeling, uncaring people who didn't care less about the life of a cat, and you are NOT one of those people. Explain your situation to her, and she will see that you want what's best for this cat, even though you've had him such a short time.

Cats are very resilient - don't worry about him, he's with a lady who can find him a home. The person you need to look after right now is you, and I urge you to stick around and get to know the people here, and learn as much as you can about cats and their care, and who knows? Before long you may feel happier in yourself, and will be able to give another kitty a wonderful home.

Please let me add my support for what the others have said - it's our responsibility to look after our pets to the best of our ability, and if you feel that the best thing you can do for this cat is to return him, then that is what you must do.

Your maturity in this is to be commended, not condemned.

Please consider seeing a counsellor - the adoption may have triggered these feelings, but somehow I doubt it's the cause.

Welcome to TCS. Please consider sticking around - you'll learn a lot of amazing things about cats - and frankly, everything else! here, which will be useful to you if someday you become ready to adopt again.

I can't stop crying. This is incredibly, incredibly painful.

My dear ... someone very wise once said something to me that I will never, ever forget ... "If something ~feels~ wrong, then it probably is".

While I can completely understand you are feeling overwhelmed with it all right now, this cat has only been in your home a very short time. Maybe giving it a little more time is the answer - time for both of you to get to know each other, learn each other's little quirks - you know?

But, if you know in your heart this isn't the right time for a companion then if it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.