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Oh No... - Page 2

post #31 of 41
IMO, dump the dude, adopt the kittens. He sounds like a control freak to me. He should NEVER make you choose between your heartbreaking/wanting a kitten & him. It's not right.
post #32 of 41
Thread Starter 
Ok so here is an update...

The kittens will be here tomorrow at 9:30am!!!!!!!

I told him that I would compromise and not get them but he HAD to PROMISE that we would get one in December. P.R.O.M.I.S.E!!! He didn't say anything- then he said do what you want- I don't care. I again said I would make the compromise and he said he was done fighting just get them if that's what you want. I said I don't want him to be mad he said he is resigned to the fact that I am going to do whatever I want. I gave him one more time to back out and he didn't.... so I was off to Target to get kitten supplies. So we'll see what happens!!! fingers crossed that Skye, Hannah, and he will like them...
post #33 of 41
Melanie...Good luck with those sweet kitties and we want pictures!!!!
post #34 of 41
Thread Starter 
Thanks Bella! And you bet! I'll get pictures of everyone and a picture of Nathan- even if he isn't physically here- he is still part of this clan!
post #35 of 41
Yes I want to see a pic of him, after all he is with my Bella right now in Heaven but I was afraid to ask you!!!
post #36 of 41
Thread Starter 
Perhaps they are sharing some catnip as we speak!
post #37 of 41
I'm happy you're going to get the kittens. You know maybe it's good you find out before you make any lasting commitments, exactly what your BF is like. Actually, I think he's shown you, by his being not willing to commit when you gave him until October, after a 10 year relationship. I would say, he doesn't want to commit, if he hasn't by now, and I think he's pretty selfish to only think of himself. Someone here said she would abide by her husbands wishes, if that's what he wanted. I guess that is why I'm no longer married, nor will I ever be married again, because a lot of men act that way, and they always want the LAST word, even if it makes you miserable. I sure would NOT abide by what he says, because what he says is not thinking of you, or your feelings. He hasn't even really given you a good reason why he doesn't want any new kitties right now, just that he thinks it's too soon. Why should he be the boss of everythig? Personally, it doesn't sound like he was raised in a home that cherished their pets, like family.
post #38 of 41
My DH wasn't ready when I was to get another dog last year, after we had to have our Corgi of 14 yrs pts. I was REALLY wanting another one (it had just been me and him and a cat or 2 or 3...) since I have been a "homemaker" for our entire marriage, except for some spurts of part time work when we first got married (have to pay for art supplies somehow ), and I missed him terribly- I love my cats, but my dog was ALWAYS happy to see me or go with me ). But I knew that he was still heartbroken, and that it would take him longer to get over it, because he didn't see Clint as much as I did, and I had all day, everyday to deal with losing him. However, I knew that the reason was just what he said- he wasn't ready, so I waited a year, prayed about getting a new dog, and when I came across the dog that was to be ours, he was ready and really felt that this was the dog for us, too.

I guess that I'm saying that if you don't have that kind of intimate knowledge of each other after 10 years- like,is he really heartbroken over the loss of Nathan, or does he just want to control your decisions? If you can't freely share your heart, and him with you (as much as guys do ) about something like this- and he threatens to leave you over a cat , whether he means it or not- My DH would be upset that I didn't discuss it with him , and that I didn't would hurt his feelings more than making him being angry over more cats before he was ready.
Please don't think that I'm putting our relationship up as some great and perfect thing-but the DH and I have known each other for 20 yrs, and boy, does it take some work, and even then we fuss and argue, disagree and pout just like anyone else . I have to say, my DH does know me better than I know him, probably because I talk more , but he does tell me that he wants me to talk to him more, bc he wants to know what is going on with me and what I'm thinking about- I want the same thing, and most times I get it, but only when he is ready- after all, he is a guy

But if you aren't telling your BF about major decisions you have made in the past, or are thinking of making now, and he doesn't have a clue that you are at this point, even though you live in the same place, maybe you should be looking to be ready get on with your life. It sounds like he is just biding time with you, while you are ready to live your life. It is so hard to make a decision like this, especially after 10 yrs., but if he really wants to be with you, he will wake up and move on with you, especially in something like career changes and marriage (be sure you get premarital counselling, even after 10yrs -it may give you answers about your relationship that you haven't even asked yourself, and answering yes to a marriage proposal from this man may not be the right decision for you after all- our pastor gave us free premarital counselling, and most of it was just plain, good advice about things like how to fight fairly, how to understand the differences in how men and women communicate, how to discuss major areas of your life for the future... etc.)

Sorry this is so long; I wish you the best in your decision,and will be praying for you to make the right one .
post #39 of 41
Originally Posted by Melanie&Nathan View Post
And this is a kitty website...
Pretty neat, huh?

Good luck with your dreams. They are worth fighting for.
post #40 of 41
I think you know in your heart that you have some serious problems in your relationship with this man. I don't know how you have stayed together for ten years. The cat issue is not the worse problem you have. I wish you success and hope things will work out with the new cats. I do think you need to make some other decisions regarding your relationship and why you have spent ten years with a man who trys to control your life and decisions.
post #41 of 41
Woohooooo you got the kitties!!!! Is your bf completely smitten with the kittens yet?
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