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Gave bad advice

post #1 of 9
Thread Starter 
B decided a while ago that he's going to quit smoking. He's never been a heavy smoker until he got this job...now he's up to a pack a day.

Well he got a huge shipment of those Commit Lozanges. He started complaining because you can't eat or drink anything for 45 minutes (15 minutes prior to taking one and then 20-30 minutes). I counteracted with "Well the whole idea is that it not only feeds your nicotine, but it also teaches you control over oral fixations". In which the response went right into the toilet after that...

Anyhoo, well I Had given him bad advice by saying to keep an emergency pack. He didn't listen and say hide or have someone else (me) hide it. So then you know if its an emergency you're going to LOOK for it.

Well, it didn't even last a full day with him. I went to bed, woke up and he told me he did have an emergency pack and had a few last night.

I really hope he quits...I am so sick and tired of walking out of the house and smelling like I was at a bar (the air ducts travel well in the house). I was OK with him smoking, but once he upped his habit, it just became very digusting to me...plus he smoked a brand that really made him smell like he never even took a shower...like he had gone without showering or brushing for days.

I would tell him my other remedy for quitting was to reinforce exercising...the more I exercised, the more I felt like crap if I did have a smoke.

But now he's talking about switching to the patch instead. I vote just to pay the hypnotist $50 and be done with it.

Well, day 2 begins in an hour...or actually Day 1 x2.
post #2 of 9
I would say to support him in what ever metehod he chooses, patch, gum. There are alot of cessation groups that your health insurance might pay for. Sometimes the employers sponser them. I would suggest getting into one of those as well. Smoking is extremely addictive and hard to beat without support.
post #3 of 9
I quit smoking back in 1990.

Smoking is an addiction and the only way to quit is cold turkey. Keeping an "emergency pack" in the house is like an alcoholic keeping a bottle of whiskey in case they get the dire urge to have a drink. It doesn't work like that!

When I quit it was because I had lost my full time job due to downsizing within the company, and had broken my ankle 2 days later which required surgery. I was laid up on UIC and it came to a point of keeping a roof over my head and food on my table, or burning it up in cigarettes.

One day I just stopped. It wasn't easy. Lord! It wasn't easy! A day without cigarettes and I was looking through my ashtrays and garbage for "butts", and then I remembered that when I was a teenager a friend of mine brought me a silly gift of a cigarette and wooden match sealed in a glass tube that said "Break in case of emergency". The thing had to be 25 years old, but I remembered that I still had it somewhere. So there I was with a heavy plaster cast on my leg, not able to stand on the leg, and rifling through boxes in my walk in closet! I couldn't find the glass tube. If I could have I would have smoked that cigarette as dry as it might have been! LOL

I think the secret to my success largely had to do with a change of habits until the constant urge/desire/craving to smoke passed.

For me I found there were triggers that caused me to want to smoke:

1. after a large meal;
2. when I was in a bar;
3. when I was talking on the phone;
4. when I was drinking coffee
5. made my home a strictly "no smoking", and anyone who wanted to smoke had to go outside.

I stopped going to bars or places that I was tempted to smoke. I gave up coffee and switched to tea or water. I reduced my time spent on the telephone. And avoided going out to fancy dinners where I would be tempted to have an 'after dinner cigarette'. When I was out for dinner we sat in a no smoking area.

I also found that doing something with my hands helped too. Crafts, drawing, etc. I also found that chewing on coffee stir sticks helped with the "need to do something with the hands" kind of thing. I chewed up a whole lot of stir sticks, LOL

In time the constant urge to smoke declined and I was able to incorporate the things I had given up back into my life.

I smoked my last cigarette April 14th, 1990. And I can tell you that the craving never really goes away! There are still times that I get a real craving for a cigarette. About 4 or 5 years ago I actually bought myself a package. I didn't open them. I had them sitting on my coffee table and I must have looked like a crazed person the way I would sit and stare at them, and then get up and pace around the room, constantly staring at them, and then picking them up to smell and fingering the little cello tab to open them. I never did though!

Finally I put them into my deep freezer. I happened to mention to one of my co-workers what happened and she bugged and pestered me to go home and throw them out. Finally after 6 weeks I did. Only I opened them, put them into a plastic bag, and threw coffee grounds and water on them in order to spoil them and then took them right down to the dumpster. I felt that had I not done that I could seriously have seen me dumpster diving for cigarettes, LOL

Anyway, tell your DH to not give up on trying to quit. He needs to quit because he wants to, not because he feels he needs to because of society etc. etc. It has to be because he wants to. And he has to change his habits in order to succeed. Have him sit and figure out his triggers to smoke. And then avoid them like the plague for a month or so...or for however long it takes to get rid of that "I MUST HAVE A CIGARETTE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!" kind of physical response.

I wish him great success.

He will find that he breathes better, smells things better and that food tastes a whole lot better.

You can also show him the picture at this link if he needs more encouragement:

post #4 of 9
Originally Posted by lunasmom View Post
Anyhoo, well I Had given him bad advice by saying to keep an emergency pack. He didn't listen and say hide or have someone else (me) hide it. So then you know if its an emergency you're going to LOOK for it.
Awww don't feel bad. I smoked for 22 years, and I can tell you one thing about quitting. There actually isn't any advice that you can give....only suggestions. What will ultimately work most likely won't be the "best plan" or the most popular method. What will work, is what works.

I woke up the morning of Nov 22nd, 1998....with my face in a layer of ashes. Turvy Demeter had knocked the ashtray out of the bookcase headboard and I was laying in it. Uggh, it was nasty. While stripping the sheets off the bed, I scattered ashes everywhere, including on the curtains. When I took the curtains down, I noticed that the walls were yellow........

By late that night, I had washed everything and had one coat of fresh paint in the bedroom and still hadn't had a cigarette. So I guess that I've never quit.....I just keep putting it off
post #5 of 9
Thread Starter 
Well, now he's in there smoking again. Basically he was honest and said that he realises that he didn't plan things right about quitting. Plus he realises that he likes smoking too much.
Like smoking too much?! What pathetic excuse is that?!

I was honest and said that I'm tired of smelling like smoke. So I get the response: "Go find a new boyfriend"...it is just tempting let me tell you!!!

Its tough on my behalf as I don't want to be that person that "forced" him to quit. I would rather make it his choice. I'm not sure if I should step in at this point.
post #6 of 9
Hey, I'm sorry you're having a tough time right now. I am a qualified hypnotherapist, and for it to work, the person has to really really want to quit. If you want any advice on that route, feel free to pm me, or of course, write on here
I know it's really difficult but you both need to be positive right now.
I hope it all works out well for you both
post #7 of 9
Thread Starter 
Thanks Jessy...that's an important part to know. I remember that was going to be his first route in quitting was to get hypnotized. He and I both know a couple of people who did quit through this, but one still lites up now and then. The other hasn't craved a smoke in years.
post #8 of 9
Both of you could go to lungusa.org (american lung association) website for tips.
post #9 of 9
Originally Posted by lunasmom View Post
Its tough on my behalf as I don't want to be that person that "forced" him to quit. I would rather make it his choice. I'm not sure if I should step in at this point.
You can't force him to quit. He has to do it all on his own. And if he enjoys smoking like he says he does, then he's not ready to quit.

All you will do by badgering him is drive him away from you and probably break the 2 of you up.

Tell him the smoke bothers you and let him know that you understand his addiction, and ask for a compromise; if he could possibly make it a policy to smoke outdoors instead of inside the house?

If he cares at all about you he will compromise with you. If he gives you the response to "find a new boy friend", then I would suggest that you do because the guy obviously doesn't care about your feelings.... or health (second hand smoke is more deadly than smoking the cigarette).
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