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Pro's and Con's of Another Baby

post #1 of 18
Thread Starter 
I need honest opinions/facts here. I want to add a second child to the family, yet not right away. Here are my pro's and con's if someone could add to it, I think I need some sense kicked into me

Pro's-

I love babies (who doesnt?)
I want to breastfeed (probably to make up for not BF long enough with DS- I know crappy)
I want to try for a girl (but a boy would be fine)

- Here is the most selfish one: I want to hurry up and have another one so that I can get my tubes tied and not have to worry about getting pregnant!

Con's (and lots of 'em!)

I want to be able to enjoy my DS who is 16 months and the joy of my life
I cant provide a very secure future at the moment (i.e. we dont have our house yet, will though in about a year
I want to be able to stay at home, and cant right now
Daycare is out of the question financially with two kids
I dont want to keep getting fat (yea I know)
We are approaching the terrible twos with DS and I would not have the energy to deal with them both.


**If I decide on another baby (IF) it will be when DS is around 3 and ready for school. My DH is in the process of receiving compensation from a lawsuit (horrible police brutality) and we can possibly buy/build a house with the settlement money. If we dont have to get a loan for a large sum then I can stay at home with DS and baby while DH works.
post #2 of 18
Well it sounds like anohter baby is in the future for you in a few years. Wanting to do things better than with oyur first is normal. Its fine to want to BF longer and want a little girl! But if you ask me things will fall into place in time!
post #3 of 18
I knew when I was younger that I wanted 4 kids and I did just that.
The pros are
your DS will have someone to play with
someone to confide in other than you
someone to *protect*
someone to help/keep entertained
someone to read to

the cons are
someone to fight with
someone to take toys away from
someone to ignore

BUT.................in ALL honesty, 2 are NOT much diiferent than 1 is!!! And 4 is not much differnet than 1/2.
I say listen to your heart and you can't go wrong.
post #4 of 18
I don't have any advice, but I wanted to wish you the best of luck making your choice.
post #5 of 18
I would wait until you get in your house so you have more room and a certain roof over your head for you and your children. Also, if are you planning on working after they are born, if so, you said day care wasn't an option - what are your plans as far as that is concerned. / You sound like a lovely momma who want's what's best for your family- I applaud you for taking the time to weigh your options. Honestly, I would wait until you move- since you're planning on moving soon- but when it comes down to it- follow your heart and what your feel is right for your family. I'm sure whatever you decide will work out perfectly
post #6 of 18
I would definatly wait. Your cons out way the pros by alot. I would wait until your baby was a bit older and you have a house.
post #7 of 18
Regarding day care costs....is there any way you can provide home daycare for a few kids? The summer of 2005 I was paying $240 per week for 2 kids full time at a home daycare. Depending on what you are earning now, and if you have the right temperament and skills for providing childcare for other people's kids, you could actually earn more by staying home!

I have 4 kids, and always feel a little sorry for the only children. There is such a richness to be found with sibling(s). But my first two are 5-1/2 years apart. There is no rush to have your next baby right away, and things will be easier if you are more financially set.

I had my tubes tied after #4 was born. It is lovely not to have to worry about bc. But it is permanent, so be very sure. I was in my late 30's and had 4 kids. I have a feeling you are much younger...
post #8 of 18
I'm with Nikki. best of luck to you!
post #9 of 18
It sounds like you want to wait a couple of years, which is smart. Sometimes it just happens, though, and you manage and things turn out fine.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Beckiboo View Post
...I have 4 kids, and always feel a little sorry for the only children...
"Only" kids have advantages, too. We've been able to take our daughter with us travelling because the cost was just one more, but couldn't have afforded to go with two or more children. Many times, our one child is invited to attend an event, when "all the kids" (if we had them) would not be invited. Only kids are never bored and don't expect anyone else to entertain them, because they've learned how to amuse themselves. Our daughter will have her choice of University when the time comes, something we couldn't promise more than one child. Siblings may or may not get along... there are tradeoffs, but don't feel too sorry for only kids.

Cheers, from
SwampWitch
post #10 of 18
My parents had my brother Lee when my oldest brother was around 2, because they knew they could potty train John (the oldest) after they brought Lee home to make sure they spent plenty of time with John. It worked out really well. You can add that to your list of pros.
post #11 of 18
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by StarryEyedTiGeR View Post
I would wait until you get in your house so you have more room and a certain roof over your head for you and your children. Also, if are you planning on working after they are born, if so, you said day care wasn't an option - what are your plans as far as that is concerned. / You sound like a lovely momma who want's what's best for your family- I applaud you for taking the time to weigh your options. Honestly, I would wait until you move- since you're planning on moving soon- but when it comes down to it- follow your heart and what your feel is right for your family. I'm sure whatever you decide will work out perfectly
Thats the thing, when I said daycare isnt an option is that I dont want to work after baby is born. If I could work from home it would be wonderful, but I dont want to be away from my babies.

My heart says yes, but my head say NO!

I mean lets take today for example. I slept in (didnt go to work) woke up, got me and DS dressed, stopped at work, and went and payed a million and one bills, without so much as stopping for milk, or crying. Finished my errands, dropped DS at moms house and came to work. Now when I get home i'll play with DS for a while then clean, shower and plop myself down in front of the tv with Ceci in my lap. Then at 11pm im out like a lamp until 7am.

When we go out its just put DS in his carseat and lets go. I can only imagine it will be so much difficult with baby and DS. And if my pregnancy is anything like my first I will need DS to be in school or my mom to help out with him.

So now I am 100% sure i want to wait until a.) we have our own house and I dont have to work or b.) DS is in school.

Or maybe i'll decide DS is enough...lol
post #12 of 18
I hate to be a wet blanket, I have had 4 or my own.....but

Have you seen the schools lately, shootings, stabbing, drugs? You child would have to be in that environment for 12 years.

What about child care? Have you seen the price of that? With the child molesters running around, I wouldn't leave my kid anywhere. How about you?

Will you have enough to provide food, shelter, medical care, clothing, diapers, wipes, powder. Who will they play with? What kinds of kids are around your neighborhood?

God forbid, what if they are born deformed, mentally challenged? Are you prepared for that and the expense of running here and there trying to find help?

I know it sounds mean and I really don't want it to sound that way, but I for one am so glad my kids are grown up and have their own families. I would be a basket case.
post #13 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by JulieKit View Post
Thats the thing, when I said daycare isnt an option is that I dont want to work after baby is born. If I could work from home it would be wonderful, but I dont want to be away from my babies.

My heart says yes, but my head say NO!

I mean lets take today for example. I slept in (didnt go to work) woke up, got me and DS dressed, stopped at work, and went and payed a million and one bills, without so much as stopping for milk, or crying. Finished my errands, dropped DS at moms house and came to work. Now when I get home i'll play with DS for a while then clean, shower and plop myself down in front of the tv with Ceci in my lap. Then at 11pm im out like a lamp until 7am.

When we go out its just put DS in his carseat and lets go. I can only imagine it will be so much difficult with baby and DS. And if my pregnancy is anything like my first I will need DS to be in school or my mom to help out with him.

So now I am 100% sure i want to wait until a.) we have our own house and I dont have to work or b.) DS is in school.

Or maybe i'll decide DS is enough...lol
I think you're definitely making a wise decision by waiting. You sound like a very good mommy to your DS- and i'm sure when you are ready and the time is right down the road you will have the opportunity for another child when the timming is better and you are more financially secure. / Definitely follow your heart I think it sounds like you are making an wise, informed decision to wait, and I applaud you for having the courage and patience to wait and see what the future holds
post #14 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by KittenKiya View Post
I hate to be a wet blanket, I have had 4 or my own.....but

Have you seen the schools lately, shootings, stabbing, drugs? You child would have to be in that environment for 12 years.

What about child care? Have you seen the price of that? With the child molesters running around, I wouldn't leave my kid anywhere. How about you?

Will you have enough to provide food, shelter, medical care, clothing, diapers, wipes, powder. Who will they play with? What kinds of kids are around your neighborhood?

God forbid, what if they are born deformed, mentally challenged? Are you prepared for that and the expense of running here and there trying to find help?

I know it sounds mean and I really don't want it to sound that way, but I for one am so glad my kids are grown up and have their own families. I would be a basket case.
I don't think there has ever been a time in human history when it was "safe" to have a child. Violence isn't new. Diseases are as scary as ever. Pregnancy and delivery have always been dangerous (although safer now than in the past), and there have never been guarantees that the baby will be healthy.

But we keep on having children because they are one hope for the world to change for the better. We try to give them the knowledge and skills, and teach by example, how to improve things. We try to raise them right and hope that when they have choices, they'll make the right decisions.

Since your children are grown, what about your grandkids? Aren't they growing up in the world your described?

Cheers, from
SwampWitch
post #15 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by SwampWitch View Post
I don't think there has ever been a time in human history when it was "safe" to have a child. Violence isn't new. Diseases are as scary as ever. Pregnancy and delivery have always been dangerous (although safer now than in the past), and there have never been guarantees that the baby will be healthy.

But we keep on having children because they are one hope for the world to change for the better. We try to give them the knowledge and skills, and teach by example, how to improve things. We try to raise them right and hope that when they have choices, they'll make the right decisions.

Since your children are grown, what about your grandkids? Aren't they growing up in the world your described?

Cheers, from
SwampWitch

I agree. Also i'd like to add- that while today's society isn't perfect...I believe that children are a gift, and I truly look foward to the day when I am able to have my own. You can't live in fear or raise your children in a constant state of fear due to school shootings, violence, etc....but you can teach them to make wise decisions, raise them right, and love them with all of your heart.
post #16 of 18
I have always stated that if everyone waited untill they could afford children or were ready for children no one would ever have any. I think you just need to follow your heart and do the best for your family. Every family and every situation is different. Good luck on your decision you will know when your ready.
post #17 of 18
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by KittenKiya View Post
I hate to be a wet blanket, I have had 4 or my own.....but

Have you seen the schools lately, shootings, stabbing, drugs? You child would have to be in that environment for 12 years.

What about child care? Have you seen the price of that? With the child molesters running around, I wouldn't leave my kid anywhere. How about you?

Will you have enough to provide food, shelter, medical care, clothing, diapers, wipes, powder. Who will they play with? What kinds of kids are around your neighborhood?

God forbid, what if they are born deformed, mentally challenged? Are you prepared for that and the expense of running here and there trying to find help?

I know it sounds mean and I really don't want it to sound that way, but I for one am so glad my kids are grown up and have their own families. I would be a basket case.
You know what? That is so true. I live in Puerto Rico and things arent quite as outrageous as they were when I was growing up in New York, but things are still not great. The schools are crap for one. Economically, our island isnt at its best (though I personally am not starving).

My neighborhood is a close one, almost everyone is related or knows eachother in some way. Most of the kids are good kids, and the adults are fine.

What worries me most is the schools. I have a trust fund set up for DS so I can put him in a private school (one of the more economical ones) so he has a chance to excel.

But like the other members have said, we cant hold ourselves back because of the current situation. Things back in time have been better, but they have also been worse. We can only think that in the hands of our children is the future, and try to raise them to be good people, so the future will be brighter
post #18 of 18
Todays society and dangers are no different than they were when I was growing up!!! I have 4 kids and I wouldn't for one SECOND EVER NOT want to have them.There is ALWAYS a fear that something may happen to them.Just as there is ALWAYS a fear soemthing will happen to DH, or another loved one.
I am not one to think that you have to have a bunch of $$$ to have kids either.If that were the case, then I wouldn't have but 1 child because at that time,my first husband wasn't working all that much.Now, 4 kids later,my DH is working with a multi-million dollar company.That is AFTER MANY years of living from pay check to paycheck.
I say, talk it over with your husband and you BOTH decide what to do.
Don't let the fears of what ifs from society keep you from the joys of having other children.Children are a gift from God and are truly a blessing!!!
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