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Cat died, other cat acting crazy with new cat. _ SOS

post #1 of 27
Thread Starter 
Hello Fellow Cat Lovers.

I got a big one for ya. Please HELP. My cat, lola, died 6 days ago from what we do not know. It was a shock, we ran her to the vet, where she died minutes later. Lola's brother, Aristotle, is still at home, he is well.

He began to act very withdrawn, sleeping in between my partner and I, clawing our skin with his nails. he would wimper for hours. We spoke to him often, looked into his eyes, explained what happened, we did this on and off everyday, more than i can count. this seemed to help a bit, but he remained sad. understandably.

they say cats pick owners. Lola was "my" cat and ari was "my partners". I am having such an awful time dealing with her death. Alot of our family members told us that a new cat would help the male who is still alive. and also help us as a family to heal.

So we went a picked up the cat who was in the very room Lola died in. The recpetion area. I felt this cat, who we named Apple, had a part of Lola in her, sounds nuts I know.

Anyway, I made a huge error in introducing the new cat to the resident cat. i had no idea there were methods. The male cat hisses and growls, he sits on my lap purring and rubbing one me, hissing in between at the new one.

Is there anyway this will still work? right now I have the new cat in our den and gave the resident cat the run of the house. So i guess my questions are......

1. was it too soon to get a new cat? perhaps I should not ever have a new one?

2. did i give him enough time to grieve?

3. since i failed to introduce them right, can it be fixed?

thanks so much in advance
Joe
post #2 of 27
Hi Joe and welcome to TCS! I'm so sorry for the loss of your Lola to answer your questions, to the best of my ability,

1. was it too soon to get a new cat? perhaps I should not ever have a new one? you say its been 6 days since Lola's passing? that *may* have been a bit quick, but I have been know to take in another cat within days of a cat passing (I take in leukemia cats) and I never have really had a problem, in amongst bonded littermates, so if you were ready for a new baby, then it was time

2. did i give him enough time to grieve? only Ari knows that, and unfortunately he's not talking but given time, I think he and Apple will become friends

3. since i failed to introduce them right, can it be fixed? yes it can, you just have to start over from the beginning. Since you say you didn't realize there was a method, I'm guessing you have done a search on here to find info? if not, there is lots of helpful hints on that subject here. I would also suggest picking up some Feliway, it is diffuser that plugs into a wall socket that emits "happy kitty" phermones and can be a great asset in calming down our babies, many members have had success with it


I'm sure others will be along shortly to offer even more advice!
post #3 of 27
Most of us feel that it is never too soon to get another cat. LOL Jus ask.

However, if your resident cat was having grieving issues, this may be too much, too soon.

Keeping them separate for a while is a very good idea. Also, if you plan with one, when you leave it, go to the other one so that they can become familiar with the scent of the other cat.

After a while, they may want to seek each other out. Please be patient, as I know you will, this may not take as much time as you think. Oh yes, cats are very forgiving.
post #4 of 27
Thread Starter 
Thanks so mcuh. I do understand, NOW, that it may have been too soon. I am just so numb and empty over Lola being gone. Strange, I feel like my heart does not work the same. As for Ari, he is so sad, I will do anything for him. I truly felt there was some connection between lola dying in the waiting room and apple being a cat that was dropped off that nite by an owner who said "i just dont want" her. At the time, I did not think much of it, except for what an awful human that person was. After a few days I felt like it was part of lola, as if her spirit could inhabit the new cat. i know it sounds cazy, maybe is kinda nuts but Its what I felt.

I was also wondering if anyone can offer any tips on how to deal with this grief process. The new cat makes me smile-she is an active funny little thing, ari is still my little fella, but I miss my princess something awful. I feel like I am disrespecting her. anyone else ever have these kinds of issues?

this was a picture I took with my webcam when I was injured 2 years back, lola never left my side.

post #5 of 27
Thread Starter 
Thanks so much for your help!
post #6 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by LolasDad View Post
Thanks so mcuh. I do understand, NOW, that it may have been too soon. I am just so numb and empty over Lola being gone. Strange, I feel like my heart does not work the same. As for Ari, he is so sad, I will do anything for him. I truly felt there was some connection between lola dying in the waiting room and apple being a cat that was dropped off that nite by an owner who said "i just dont want" her. At the time, I did not think much of it, except for what an awful human that person was. After a few days I felt like it was part of lola, as if her spirit could inhabit the new cat. i know it sounds cazy, maybe is kinda nuts but Its what I felt.

I was also wondering if anyone can offer any tips on how to deal with this grief process. The new cat makes me smile-she is an active funny little thing, ari is still my little fella, but I miss my princess something awful. I feel like I am disrespecting her. anyone else ever have these kinds of issues?

this was a picture I took with my webcam when I was injured 2 years back, lola never left my side.
If that's what you feel, than it very well may be so It's not nuts at all!

I don't really have any tips other than cherish your memories, remember your love for her and her for you. She will always be in your heart, and that awful crushing feeling will slowly disappear, it may help if you like to post a tribute to Lola here: http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=19 no kitty will ever replace Lola, but that doesn't mean you can't love another

Aww, what a beautiful girl! kitties do seem to know when they are needed most, don't they?
post #7 of 27
Hi Joe if you to the forums and Look at the Crossing the Bridge there is a link in there called links of Love for those in Mourning, that may be of some help. It's never easy loosing part of your Family and we all understand how you are feeling, feel free to ask anytime about anything on this site, Everyone is very helpful here. and you can pay tribute to your Sweet Lola in the Crossing the Bridge also, sometimes that helps people and then you will get support from people also... Good Luck and RIP Sweet Lola over Rainbow Bridge and watch over your Dad his Heart is Broken..
post #8 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by LolasDad View Post
Thanks so mcuh. I do understand, NOW, that it may have been too soon. I am just so numb and empty over Lola being gone. Strange, I feel like my heart does not work the same. As for Ari, he is so sad, I will do anything for him. I truly felt there was some connection between lola dying in the waiting room and apple being a cat that was dropped off that nite by an owner who said "i just dont want" her. At the time, I did not think much of it, except for what an awful human that person was. After a few days I felt like it was part of lola, as if her spirit could inhabit the new cat. i know it sounds cazy, maybe is kinda nuts but Its what I felt.

I was also wondering if anyone can offer any tips on how to deal with this grief process. The new cat makes me smile-she is an active funny little thing, ari is still my little fella, but I miss my princess something awful. I feel like I am disrespecting her. anyone else ever have these kinds of issues?

this was a picture I took with my webcam when I was injured 2 years back, lola never left my side.

Hi and welcome. Do not feel like you are disrespecting her. She has gone to the rainbow bridge and is happily playing with some of our kitties that have passed before her. Personally I believe in karma/fate or whatever you want to call it and I can totally understand your feelings when you saw that kitty in reception. God works in mysterious ways and it just may be that little girl was meant to live with you.

Ari's grief will fade as will yours. You'll never forget your Ari and your new little princess is not replacing him because he'll always have a special place in your heart - she is making her own place in your heart.

Re-introduce your kitties correctly and love and enjoy them both.
post #9 of 27
You are NOT disrespecting Lola by getting another cat. When I lost my Diddo Kahli, I got another Calico.

One way I found to deal with a cat that is grieving, is to every now and then, just pet them, look into their eyes and tell them how much you love them and that yes, we have lost a loved one, but we will stick together, we will be here for each other no matter what.

It took my KittenKiya 6 months to get over the loss of Old Pete, but he is my lover today.
post #10 of 27
Thread Starter 
thanks so much. so many of the people in my life do not understand the pain, the stabbing empty feeling, the disconnection I live with now. I keep trying to make sense of it. she was only 6 years old. they do no know why she died. she went blue in my arms. the fear in her eyes haunts me. but i am so glad i found this site. so good to see people who know where I am at. it helps a great deal. so many have told me, "it is just a cat". they just dont know she was the only real friend I had in many ways. she loved me no matter what. when I was injured 2 years back, she just knew and would actually make sure to wake my partner up every day at 5 am to get my meds. i swear she knew the times after he did it for awhile. she was amazing, thanks so much.
post #11 of 27
Oh my, how very interesting. When I found Diddo Kahli, she was starved and had been abused. She didn't know what food was and spent the first three days with us, backed up against the wall, screaming.

I brought her in bed with me and petted her and told her she was safe and after a while she settled down. Three weeks later I got the flu and was in bed for three days. Diddo Kahli never left my side.

They are NOT "just cats" or "just animals" they are our friends, companions, helpers, lovers. When I got upset and cried, Diddo Kahli would come over and lick the tears from my cheeks.
post #12 of 27
Thread Starter 
i know, it greatly angers me how people close to me have reacted. but i guess no use wasting time on em. lol. i love the name Diddo, so beautiful.

i am trying to figure out if the resident cat will eventually accept this new one. who has soooo many of lolas traits, it is a bit spooky.
post #13 of 27
Just please be patient and give it time. I have managed to run a household of 4 cats, 2 neutered males and 2 spayed females, and while we do have issues once in a while, most of the time there is peace in the house.

Give it time, I think you seem to have a way with cats and well as a heart as large as Texas and Alaska put together. Your babies will be fine.
post #14 of 27
Thread Starter 
thanks, been told that before. i love these guys. and i thank you so much for your support. really. many blessings to you
post #15 of 27
You shouldn't feel bad about getting another cat so soon after Lola's passing. There is no right or wrong time to get another cat, & I believe that Lola sent you to find Apple. She knows how much you hurt right now.

Don't give up so soon....it is normal for cats to hiss & spit at each other for days, or weeks, after being introduced. With time, they will get along & Ari will be so much happier having a friend, even if it isn't Lola.
post #16 of 27
I lost my Napoleon three weeks ago, suddenly of poison and it was a total and traumatic shock. I and all my cats are still grieving terribly, especially his brother, Wellington. He is meowing and searching, and only just beginning to relax into real petting sessions. But although I could never replace Napoleon (he was too special for that) I do feel sometimes that what Wellington needs is another male cat to rough-house with and playfight. None of my girls will do that as he is so much bigger than they are, but I do not think that he, or they for that matter, would take well to another cat yet. I am watching the situation carefully, and I am sure every household is different. But what I am sure of is that a cat needs time to grieve and work things out, just as we do.
post #17 of 27
Hi Joe!

I don't have any additional advice, but I just wanted to say that I understand how you are feeling, and welcome to TCS.

post #18 of 27
I definitely think you did do the right thing because I've found that it's not just about the cat who's gone - cats seem to really need another one of themselves around (after all being surrounded by us all day can be hard on them). We've gone through months and months (various times) of literal 24/7 nonstop meowing from remaining cats after a loss, even if they seemed to ignore or dislike each other, only to find the noise stops dead as soon as a new cat comes in... regardless of the hissing and all that happens until they accept each other. So sorry - it is harder when it's sudden like that!
post #19 of 27
Thread Starter 
God bless each and everyone of you. the help I recieved may seem so small to those who do not understand. this is the first day I smiled. I will always miss Lola, will continue to morn her but also, today, I learned that maybe I should celebrate her life as well. she was amazing. like lola may have led me to apple, someting led me here. thanks so much, there is, after all, humanity in the world.

Bless all of you
Joseph
post #20 of 27
Anytime you need support you just come here and post, there are some of the most wonderful supportive people I have ever seen, we are alway's here to be support, and we certinally know how you are feeling were all carzy cat folks And you can come here and talk about your Beautiful Lola
post #21 of 27
My most favorite cat I lost a little over two yrs ago and the cat I got about 6 weeks later just did something tonite that Sheba used to do-jumped and scratched in the kichen sink-so I think you are right in that a new cat can have some traits of a past pet even though they have never physically met.
Good luck in getting the cats to bond to each other-they will it will just take a bit of time.
post #22 of 27
I just found this thread now, I am so sorry for the loss of your cat. I also wanted to mention that even if you didn't introduce your cat the right way, if yours was loving and purring on you and just hissing in between, that is great. If you said they flew at each other and fought and bloodshed and everything, I would be worried, but just hissing is nothing. My cats have been together for 3 years and still hiss and growl at each other occationally. Although there are 7 of them, I contsantly have cats coming and going as I rescue them. I don't even bother properly introducing anymore. There will always be hissing and growling.

I still highly recommend you do do it properly, but remember that hissing and growling, and even batting at each other and tumbling on the floor or all normal. Cats will also have to determine who is alpha. As long as there is no bloodshed, it's fine! Good luck!
post #23 of 27
Thread Starter 
i have to let you guys know. things are getting better. they "talk" to each other through the door. its so beautiful to see my little man so mobile again. i was so scared when the doctor told us he could die of what is essentially a broken heart. if that is to happen, i want to know I tried everything for him.

as for the new cat, well, i forgot about kittens. she spends most of the day at the desk with me, cashing the words i type, shes doin it now. lol. she is crazy, makes me smile, helps me to celebrate the life of lola.
post #24 of 27
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by GailC View Post
My most favorite cat I lost a little over two yrs ago and the cat I got about 6 weeks later just did something tonite that Sheba used to do-jumped and scratched in the kichen sink-so I think you are right in that a new cat can have some traits of a past pet even though they have never physically met.
Good luck in getting the cats to bond to each other-they will it will just take a bit of time.
I love those kinds of moments. No matter what religion you are, what you believe in, those moments are the face of God, life whatever. Those moments, I think, are what life is all about.
post #25 of 27
I'm very sorry for the loss of your Lola.

It is wonderful that you saved a kitty and brought her home. No matter the challenge at home with your new little one, please remember how prescious it is to rescue and love a thrown away pet. Lola would be very proud of you.

=====================================================

And God asked the feline spirit
Are you ready to come home?
Oh, yes, quite so, replied the precious soul
And, as a cat, you know I am most able
To decide anything for myself.

Are you coming then? asked God.
Soon, replied the whiskered angel
But I must come slowly
For my human friends are troubled
For you see, they need me, quite certainly.

But don't they understand? asked God
That you'll never leave them?
That your souls are intertwined. For all eternity?
That nothing is created or destroyed?
It just is....forever and ever and ever.

Eventually they will understand,
Replied the glorious cat
For I will whisper into their hearts
That I am always with them
I just am....forever and ever and ever
post #26 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by LolasDad View Post
i have to let you guys know. things are getting better. they "talk" to each other through the door. its so beautiful to see my little man so mobile again. i was so scared when the doctor told us he could die of what is essentially a broken heart. if that is to happen, i want to know I tried everything for him.

as for the new cat, well, i forgot about kittens. she spends most of the day at the desk with me, cashing the words i type, shes doin it now. lol. she is crazy, makes me smile, helps me to celebrate the life of lola.
Sounds as though Apple is helping mend more than 1 broken heart

My kitty hissed and growled at our newer cat Lily, who was kept in a room for 3 days with supervised introductions every day, then by the 4th day they were fine with each other. When we got our current foster, the 2 cats hissed and growled for a week or so at her, but now they've been great friends since.

As was mentioned earlier - hissing and growling - Ari is just telling Apple who's boss
post #27 of 27
I am glad things are working out!
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