It's official: I'm an Evil, Untrustworthy Meowmy.

gingersmom

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Ferris has officially decided that I am NOT to be trusted. He has decided that my roommate, who pays absolutely nothing toward his care or keep, is the human he prefers to spend time with.

Why? Because I am pure evil.


I trim his claws, give him meds, attempt to brush him - oh, that's REALLY a bad thing to do - and every time over the last two months that he's allowed himself to start to get close to me, I wind up grabbing him by the scruff, stuffing him in a cat carrier and taking him to the vet.

I wouldn't trust me either.


I'm feeling quite a bit down about this today, as I contemplate this coming Friday morning, when I will have to pretend I'm going to give him some food after starving him all night long, then grab him, stuff him in the carrier and take him to the vet for his neuter.

I'm going to have to trick him yet again, because he won't let me come anywhere near him anymore, not even to pet him, unless I have food in my hand. Because I keep proving to him that I can't be trusted - because I'm being a good meowmy and taking care of him.

I've tried to explain it to him, several times, but he hurrumphs, twitches his tail at me and shows me his butt as he walks out of the room while I am in mid-sentence.

How can I get this little guy to trust me, when over and over again, I am so "mean" to him?
I'm only doing what I'm supposed to!

I could really use a little emotional support about this - it's really starting to bum me out, and I don't see it improving. I'm afraid he's going to become a one-person cat, and choose to belong to someone who is NOT the one paying for all the food, litter, toys, vet care, etc. That hurts me more than just in the heart, it hurts my wallet, too.

My roommate is being a jerk, rubbing it in that Ferris likes him best, yet he's straight out said that he's not paying for him, that he's MY cat.

Yes, I got Ferris as a companion for Ginger, not me, but it still really hurts when I come home to see Ferris all cuddled up in my rommie's lap, and as soon as he sees me, he BOLTS!
I just can't help but feel a bit sorry for myself this morning.

Anyone want to come to my pity party?
 

juliekit

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Do you think your roomate would be willing to stuff Ferris into the carrier for a trip to the vet? Maybe if he starts doing all the 'bad' things then Ferris will want to be more with you!

You can trick your roomie into it. Say something like 'Can you put Ferris in his carrier for me, since he seems to like you so much better he wont struggle much' Same thing with the meds.

I think those would be the only two. Brushing and trimming nails should be a negative experience. Lure him over with food and while your petting go over his paws a bit, then extend a claw. You will eventually get to the point where he doesnt mind. You can do one paw one day, and the other the next.

Good luck witht that boy, hes a beauty!!
 

twstychik

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After his neuter, how often will you be taking Ferris to the vet? If this is it except for checkup you can begin to regain his trust after his neuter. When you bring him home offern him some treats and let him rest. Then, if you have to bribe him, then bribe him and eventually he'll know when his bread is buttered.
 
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gingersmom

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Originally Posted by JulieKit

Do you think your roomate would be willing to stuff Ferris into the carrier for a trip to the vet? Maybe if he starts doing all the 'bad' things then Ferris will want to be more with you!
That would be great, and is an excellent suggestion, except that my roomie is never home when I have to get the cat in the carrier, or believe me, I would! I HATE being the bad guy all the time!

Same issue with the meds - my roomie works over 60 hours a week, and on top of that, he is a functional alcoholic - there are times when I wouldn't trust him to scoop the litter box, nevermind give meds to the cats. When he isn't working or at home, he's at the bar, and whn he comes home loaded, I stay the heck away from him - can't even have a simple conversation at that point.

Originally Posted by JulieKit

I think those would be the only two. Brushing and trimming nails should be a negative experience. Lure him over with food and while your petting go over his paws a bit, then extend a claw. You will eventually get to the point where he doesnt mind. You can do one paw one day, and the other the next.

Good luck witht that boy, hes a beauty!!
I did post a thread just the other day saying that I was happy because I was able to trim the claws on two of Ferris' paws before he took off, and I wasn't even holding him. He IS taming up a bit, it's just that I am the caregiver, therefore I'm the bad guy.

I'm not worried about actually grooming him, I can do that no problem, and I'm not scared of getting scratched or bit, it's that he has zero trust for me now.
And I have no choice but to trick him again on Friday morning. I don't want to, but I have to - he HAS to get neutered.

He really dislikes being brushed at all, and food treats don't matter to him when he's that offended. He literally runs from me when I enter a room, like I'm always out to get him or something. I keep telling him that it isn't always all about him!


Arrrgggghhh.....
 
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gingersmom

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Originally Posted by twstychik

After his neuter, how often will you be taking Ferris to the vet? If this is it except for checkup you can begin to regain his trust after his neuter. When you bring him home offern him some treats and let him rest. Then, if you have to bribe him, then bribe him and eventually he'll know when his bread is buttered.
Well, he's only been here since August 31st, and has already had two vet visits in 2 months, this will be the third, so it is true that there hasn't been much "calm" time.

I do believe that unless there are complications, or if there is a follow-up visit needed after his neuter, then that should be it for vet visits until next fall (please, God, don't let him develop anything in the meantime!)

I don't go after him, I try to ignore him as much as possible - I learned my lesson the last time I tried to cuddle him: he attacked me and I've got some lovely scars on my hands, arms and leg to show for it.

But I love him so much!
At this point, I think I'd be happy if he wouldn't run when he sees me!

Then again, if he sees me at the sink washing out his dish, well, I can't get him to stop wrapping himself around my legs! He's a total beggar!

It's all about the food...I'm going to have to go and buy some more cheddar cheese, I think. We have a looooong road ahead before he accepts me as something other than just a food giver or a threat to his well-being.
 

katachtig

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How much more will he have to go to the vet after the neuter?

I would say if you can (because I know we all have obligations like school and work), put him in a room and just sit with him. Talk to him, read to him, just don't interact unless he initiates it.
 

jkrodger

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Originally Posted by katachtig

I would say if you can (because I know we all have obligations like school and work), put him in a room and just sit with him. Talk to him, read to him, just don't interact unless he initiates it.
I agree, when we took in our stray and she started to distrust me (after a very unfortunate attack on me), I started to carry some treats with me and would give them to her when I saw her, then she started to follow me around a bit (but a safe distance away) and when I went into a room, I had my FI close the door and just sat there reading and talking to her. At first she hid under the futon, but eventually she came out and fell asleep on the opposite end. Now whenever I go and sit on that futon she immediately finds me (from anywhere in the apartment) and jumps up on my lap or curls up next to me.
 
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gingersmom

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Originally Posted by katachtig

How much more will he have to go to the vet after the neuter?

I would say if you can (because I know we all have obligations like school and work), put him in a room and just sit with him. Talk to him, read to him, just don't interact unless he initiates it.
I don't know if he'll have to go back soon afterward, I hope not.

I already do that - although I ignore him physically, I talk to him ALL the time - that's how I got him settled into our home, by sitting on the floor near his cage, not looking at him, but talking out loud to him and to myself so he gets used to my voice.

I'm wondering, though, since they can sense things, if he's being extra scared of me this week because he knows what's going to happen on Friday.
 

larke

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I also wonder how absolutely necessary it is to trim his claws so often (if at all). We don't do them on our cats and don't have any negative consequences. They scratch us only if mishandled, suddenly startled, etc., and don't tear up the furniture, but do scratch on the cat tree and occas. the carpet (which thank goodness does not come apart much). They do their own grooming so that we find nail sheaths to vacuum, but otherwise don't even think about them. It just seems like adding fuel to fire in your case.
 

AbbysMom

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When we adopted Abby from the shelter, she had quite a few problems that brought about frequent vet visits, medications, etc. She absolutely hated us. It has taken quite a long time, but she "mostly" trusts us now. She doesn't like it when we clip her claws, or anything like that, but she seems that any grudge she has afterword's is fairly short. Just have some patience. You will eventually win Ferris over.
 

abigail

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after the neuuter he will be a little less feisty and you will have an opportunity to forge a relationship with him. but i know so much what you are feeling with this cat rejection thing. abi spent none days recovering froma cortisone shot and wouldn't be lovey or get close and i felt jilted and a little heartbroken. first sorry for her because she was hurting and then sorry for myself for not getting her warmth and attention. it will change.
 

2dogmom

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Hey I can relate.
Except that it is ME that Brady likes and he is extremely cautious about DH. I have tried to tell DH (who is trying very hard BTW) that his constantly clearing his throat and other little low-pitched noises he makes without realizing it probably sounds like growls to a skittish kitty. Any chance you are making noises?

I am probably not qualified to give advice (YOU know my story about as well as anyone) but I would try to be a tad more aloof. Don't bother talking or getting him used to your voice. If it bothers him, lay off. Give him less food in his bowl. That will make him more willing to work for the treats and other food he can only get by interacting with you. And don't trim his claws. Pay the $$ to let the vet be the bad guy. Every interaction with you has to be positive. If you see that it is not going well, break it off and go away.

My two cents, and it may not be worth THAT much. But good luck! And get a bag of shredded cheddar!!
 

rubsluts'mommy

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There was a point where I had to give Jack pills... I tried the whole sequestering thing in the only room in my (then) apartment, a studio apartment. So for months afterward, if i was in the bathroom, he'd sit at the doorway. If he was in there and I walked in, he'd bolt. I only tried that a couple times... one with drastic consequences... I'd be traumatized too... heck I WAS. trying to get his pill down his throat, with the pill gun thingy, he pulled back with his jaw wide open so much one of his fangs caught in a loose loop from the stiches on his neck from a small secondary issue (odd lump... full of fluid) they took care of while doing dental work. His jaw was stuck open and I had to fight holding on to him to get his fang uncaught.

Now, there's a reason to hate your meowmy.

If Ferris has to do ongoing meds, I'd ask your vet Friday if there's a liquid alternative. I started adding his liquid meds to his food... voila! no more fights and pills being spewed across the bathroom.

Jack has long since forgiven me. trust me, it will pass.

Claw clipping... now there's JoJo's issue with me. I used to get a CLAW at a time... by the time she's let me near her, that one had sharpened up again and I had to start over. Now, she lets me clip nearly a whole paw and if she's REALLY relaxed, finish that paw and get at least half the other front paw. I let her get comfy on my lap. But like Larke, mine don't annihilate my furniture... Jack occasionally goes for the carpet... I do give them scratching items... it helps.

Give Ferris time... let him come to you... he'll trust you again, don't worry.
 
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gingersmom

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Originally Posted by Larke

I also wonder how absolutely necessary it is to trim his claws so often (if at all). We don't do them on our cats and don't have any negative consequences. They scratch us only if mishandled, suddenly startled, etc., and don't tear up the furniture, but do scratch on the cat tree and occas. the carpet (which thank goodness does not come apart much). They do their own grooming so that we find nail sheaths to vacuum, but otherwise don't even think about them. It just seems like adding fuel to fire in your case.
I'm sorry, but I just can't understand why grooming is such an issue in this thread
Ferris' claws are VERY sharp, I have lots of fresh scars to prove it. They keep getting snagged/caught in my bedclothes, my curtains (he pulled down the curtains in the livingroom the other day because one of his claws got snagged and he panicked. Ripped the whole bracket out of the wall.)

I trim Ginger's claws about once every month or two, not all the time - why on earth would I want to be continually trimming claws?


Also, despite the fact that I have scratching posts and scratchers all over the house, Ferris really enjoys pulling at the industrial carpet on the floors. I do not own, and I can't afford to lose my entire security deposit because of a few pulled rug loops, so being a GOOD cat parent, I am going to be sure to keep this boy manicured. It is a necessity, not a luxury. Soft Claws are out of the question unless I want to lose an eye. I'm not willing to want to make him hate me THAT much.
 
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gingersmom

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I guess I should have stated that I wasn't looking for ANY advice about grooming Ferris. I was simply looking for some empathy, and thank you to those of you who have an understanding of my self-pity at the moment.

Whether Ferris or I like it or not, I am his caregiver, and that means the good as well as the bad. I raised my daughter completely all by myself, and she's now 22 and on her own, and she doesn't hate me now for having had to be the disciplinarian as well as the nurturer. There were lots of times that she was really, really angry with me, though, but she got over it.

I know that Ferris is a cat and not a human child, but my love and caring for him falls along the same vein. I have to do the tough stuff, because I'm the only one there to do it. Because I made the choice to take him in and be his meowmy. I can't make every experience with him a positive one - that's not how the world works, unfortunately, and I am essentially by myself in caring for him.

I'm NOT going to keep taking him to the vet every other month to get his nails trimmed, it would be much less traumatic for us BOTH if I don't have to stuff him in a carrier every 6-8 weeks, don't you think??? I certainly do - that's why I'm starting to do a few claws here and there when he is most relaxed, lying on my bed.

Don't get me wrong, he does come to me, he doesn't completely shun me, but he comes to me usually when Ginger is by my side, because he's nosy and doesn't want to be left out.

Ferris talks to ME all the time, he's VERY vocal, and I know it's just a matter of time and patience. I think for a feral, he's come a loooooong way from two months ago!!!

If I were home all day during the day, I think we'd be much further along with our "relationship" but as it is, I work 45 hours a week, plus just started a second job, so the kitties only get to spend quality time with me for a few minutes in the mornings - Ferris jumps on my bed for scritches in the mornings, every morning, just as Ginger does, and he lets me pet him THEN, but that's on his terms, and I'm ok with that.

Then in the evening, I'm home to scoop the litter boxes, talk to them for a few minutes, then off I go to my other job, or my board meeting, or my motorcycle group meeting, etc., etc. Then I'm back home again around 8:30-9 p.m., and the kitties and I commune over their dinner - I have to sit in the kitchen with them or else Ferris chases Ginger away from her supper and eats her food instead of his.

When we are in the kitchen during supper, Ferris lets me pet him, and will play with me, with a ball, or a wand toy. After supper, though, it's back to bolting if I move toward him.

I don't make any strange noises, although sometimes I do move too quickly - when I catch myself, I slow down on purpose. I almost always speak in high voices to both furkids, and I think I'm doing everything right. It's just that today I'm feeling really bad about always having to be the "bad guy," and again, I have no choice about that, it is what it is.

I was just looking for some mental hugs, is all.
 

anakat

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If you make a breakthrough I could do with some tips
we got Tolly from the breeder at 16weeks, he is now two and half so he has had no traumas etc. Once he voluntarily sat on my lap for a few mins. if I am a bit quick when I go to stroke him he flinches as if I was going to beat him, that damn cat is all over my DH like a rash. So you are not alone, it's a good job Chloe likes me.
 

2dogmom

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Gee sorry. I guess I was acting like a guy and giving advice instead of
.
The only reason I brought up the grooming is I didn't think nails needed to be trimmed that often?


So here you go:


Now do you feel better?
 
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gingersmom

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Originally Posted by 2dogmom

Gee sorry. I guess I was acting like a guy and giving advice instead of
.
The only reason I brought up the grooming is I didn't think nails needed to be trimmed that often?


So here you go:


Now do you feel better?
Yes, thank you.
 
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gingersmom

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Know what? I only had 5 hours of sleep last night, and I need 8 to be human. Maybe that's why I'm feeling sorry for myself today.
 
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