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Is there any way to make those dating sites work?

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 
Ok, so I've been on some dating site for a little over a week now and so far... well... things aren't great. It's not that I was hoping to find my soulmate that way, but I was hoping to at least meet a few interesting people.

So here's the problem... so far I've had around 6-7 guys contact me. But none of them has actually contacted me more than once (they send me an email, I reply and they never write back). There's one of them I added to my messenger thing and he seemed interesting (we actually talked more than once.. that's a good step, right?) but I'm not sure how interested he is. (some times he seems interested, other times I'm not sure)

I think I'm really starting to be bothered by the whole attitude of "either you catch my attention perfectly right away, or I'll just look for someone better" that seems to be the norm on these sites. Kind of like channel surfing
Has anyone ever been able to meet interesting people through dating sites? If so, HOW??
Am I just being unlucky so far or is what I'm experiencing pretty much the norm?

I'm starting to think that I might have to give up that strategy for meeting people.
post #2 of 7
i dont know of any way to meet people on those things fast. I used to hang out at couple of them. would send messages to people that caught my eye.
lol in truth i was not looking for dates just people to chat with to take up slow times at work or when i was home alone.

maybe cause i was not really looking for "love" i did have some success. i dated a lady for 5 years, and end up getting married to another one. i made serveral friends that i still chat with,over time i seen all of them in person.

There is not any difference in the online thing vs real world, I had women not like my pic, i did not make enough money, my sense of hurmor, i had people stop talking to me cause my spelling sucks.

lets see, the ones that i did meet in person and not fun.
i had women lie about having kids, there job, post fake pic, not show up for the meeting. one was married. One refused to give me a home number, only her office number( i think she was married also). i had one that asked me to come fix her computer, and then she almost raped me( i was 21 at the time) she was 56 i left there with a my shirt torn apart and a lump on my head from her throwing something at me as i was trying to leave haha.

there is no need to give up your strategy . just dont expect it to happen over night. men like women will find small to dumb reasons to no longer chat or to meet you(i had one friend who stopped seeing a guy just cause she did not like how he placed his shoes at night) just take it slow, and see it as something for fun. you may have better luck that way. just cause internet dating looks like dinner menu does not mean you can place a order for the hmm the nuts of your choice(lol sorry with all the nut jokes going on i had to put it that way) , there is a real person at the other end. who may or may not like the way you dot your i or fix your hair etc, it all takes time.

good luck
post #3 of 7
I've ben using online dating, for about 7 months and my results have been so-so. I get a lot of hits on my profile and have been out with 7 men and dated 3 of them for a month or so each. I have also exchanged e-mails, IMs and phone calls with a few. So far, no one has worked out but, I've had some fun and several nice dinners.

I've also acquired a good friend. We talk, get together for Sunday breakfasts and he plays Scrabble He's a real estate agent and is helping me steer through the house-hunting and home-buying process.

Online dating sure beats the bar scene and it has provided a safe place, for this middle-aged grandma to find companionship. SOMEONE out there is worth waiting for - I am.
post #4 of 7
Well, I think it takes alot more than a week to find anyone worthy..My uncle did the whole thing on a few sites I think for about a year..but then he found the right woman and they are buying a house together now..

Just have some patience my dear, the interesting people will come before you know it
post #5 of 7
I met a few people, but most importantly the great guy I'm with now on a dating site. I'm on myspace right now and it's awesome, if not for dating, just for a friend site. It's a lot of fun!!! If you join, let me know and I'll be your friend! And yes, it does take a while, there are always new people coming on there so give it a while and have fun in the meantime.
post #6 of 7
Here are my experiences with online dating services. I've tried most of them including that one that matches you on "29 dimensions". Here are a few of the more memorable ones in no particular order:

*Note: My ad was placed in long term relationships and dating*

1. I spoke to one guy who was a bit younger than me. He had long hair down to his butt, a snake as a pet, and he lived with a girl who was "friends with benefits", but he was looking for a steady girl friend.

2. I spoke to another guy who seemed really nice for the first few conversations in MSN, and then he asked me if I enjoyed wrestling. I thought it was a strange question, but I told him that I've seen it on TV, but wasn't much of a fan. He clarified that he wanted to know if I "enjoyed" wrestling.. meaning with him! LMAO

3. I spoke to another guy in MSN who seemed rather interesting. He told me his first name, what he did for employment (advertising), what he did for a part-time job (band), that he had 2 children. He gave me his cell phone number (not his home number). His name, occupation combined with being in a band seemed familiar. Turns out he was the husband of a girl I work with. They were still very much married!!!! I confronted him about it and he blocked me and created a new ad using a different user name.

4. I spoke with and met in person a guy who was 12 years younger than me. I had reservations because of the age difference but he and I had an incredible amount in common. He was separated for almost a year and had a small son who lived with the mother. He picked me up and brought me an ice breaking gift of "Lego" (I told him that when I used to babysit I would hog all of the kids' Lego bricks, LOL). He remembered that and thought it would be something to break the ice. We went for a long drive and talked. We stopped for hot chocolate and some snacks and drove some more. It was a really nice date. He came up for a glass of wine after and he behaved himself. After an hour of more talking and laughing he left saying he would call me. Weeks passed and finally he called. We got together for dinner at my place and had another really nice evening. He gave me a nice hug and kissed me on the cheek and said he would call. Weeks went by without hearing from him. Then the same thing happened. We went out and then he didn't call for weeks. Finally I saw him in MSN one day and said hello to him. He apologized for not calling, but he said that he was freaked out with how well we had gotten along and it reminded him of his relationship with his wife and told me that he wanted to try and work it out with her.

Some months later he calls me and tells me that she doesn't want to work it out with him and he would like to go out with me again. I told him that I can't deal with all of the back and forth and that he needs to go off and be single for awhile. We got together once or twice after that, but it was strictly on a friends only basis for dinner and a movie. He was really emotionally screwed up and not someone I wanted to get involved with while he was on the rebound.

5. I spoke with and met a guy who sounded just great in MSN. Tall, well educated...employed! LOL We made arrangements to meet. He asked if he could call me on the phone so he could at least hear the voice of the person he was going to meet. I was quite eager to talk to him on the phone because he sounded too true to be real in MSN. So we talked on the phone for a few minutes. The dream went out the window! I'm sorry if this sounds really shallow, but from the moment he opened his mouth I wanted to run out of the room. The man is 6 feet 4 inches tall and when he talked it was like he was holding his nostrils closed. It was the most nasaly sounding voice I'd ever heard and when he said the word "Tuesday", it came out as "Tee-ooz-day".

Anyway, we did meet. He was tall, but was about 75 pounds heavier than he had said. We had a so-so date. At my request we drove around the city looking at Christmas lights (some were walk throughs). He surprised me and took me to a huge display put on by the city that you pay to view and you drive through it with your car. The club we were going to go to for drinks was closed, so we went to a piano bar we both had been to before. Turns out it was across from where he lived so he parked his car at his apartment and we walked across the street. I had 2 drinks and he had 2 or 3. When it came time to leave I suggested I take a cab because the police were out in full force looking for drunk drivers and he sounded like he was slurring his words a wee bit. He agreed that he didn't feel ok to drive. We walked back to his place and he called me a cab. When the cab came he grabbed me, crushed me to him practically smothering me, and kissed me on the mouth practically drowning me in spit (yuck), plus he didn't even offer to pay for my cab home!!!!! It cost me almost $25.00 in cab fair to get home!!!!

6. I spoke with and met up with another guy. From the beginning of our conversations he told me outright that he was "seeing" someone. I asked him why he had his ad up if he was involved with someone already. He said that it's a long distance thing. She lived in Quebec. We agreed that he was unavailable because I refuse to step on anyone's toes, long distance or not, so we figured that there was no harm in chatting from time to time in MSN as friends seeing we lived in the same city. We didn't talk often, usually once a week or so and it was basically "how was your day" or what happened at work type stuff. He talked about his "girl friend", and how they have flown back and forth to see each other over the last year. He wasn't sure what he would do if they got serious because he was divorced but had 2 kids here that lived with their mother and he had joint custody of and he didn't want to be away from them, and this woman wasn't keen on moving from Quebec.

Anyway, after about 8 weeks or so he asked me to go out to dinner with him (he called it "supper"). We had been talking and I had mentioned that I had been to "The Keg Steak House" the week before for lunch with a friend. He said he loved that restaurant and suggested that maybe we could go one day. I said "Sure". So he asked me out for the next day. I agreed. He is in his mid 40's and he arrived at my house about 8pm looking less than nicely dressed. He was wearing old stained and torn up/ragged jeans and he absolutely stunk like cigarette smoke . His manners were nice though. He held doors for me and my chair. I don't smoke, but we sat in the smoking section so he could. He smoked and ate at the same time! I wanted to pay my 1/2 of the tab because it wasn't a "date", but he insisted on paying. I did insist on leaving the tip.

After that he was in my MSN every single day sending me emotes with little hearts and roses. At one point he told me that he had bought a house trailer in the country and said that he would like me to see it and give him some ideas on how to decorate it because he wasn't good at that stuff. About a week or 2 after we met that one time for dinner, he brought up the topic of "us". Well stupid me thought he was talking about him and his girl friend in Quebec, but he was referring to him and me! I told him that there was no "us" and that he and I are just friends and that he has a girl friend who is living in Quebec. He told me that she sees other people, so why can't he? I told him that I don't "group date". OMG! The guy literally begged to get into my bed. It was pathetic!!!!

7. I talked with and met another guy. He sent me a picture of him on a beach in Hawaii from his last vacation there. He was quite nice looking and very fit. I forget what he did for a living but it was his own business, and he always called me while he was in his car (red flag!!! LOL). He and I had talked in MSN or on the phone for about 5 months before we met. I wasn't up to going out so I suggested I cook us dinner and we could watch a DVD. For 4 days before our date he called me a few times a day. The day he was to come for dinner he must have called me 50 times!!!! I was feeling stalked!!!

He arrived for dinner about 30 minutes late. He did bring wine. He looked nothing like he did in the picture he sent me. He was shorter and had such a gut on him that he looked like he was going to pop out triplets any moment. I've never seen a gut on a man so large and round in my life! Dinner was good because I cooked it, hehe, but he wasn't hungry because he had a large late lunch at 4pm so he barely ate anything. And the conversation sucked! All he did was ask me questions about computers. I figured that maybe it was nervous chatter. After dinner he went and laid down on the couch while I put the left over food away. I popped in the DVD and within 5 minutes he was snoring on my couch!!!!!!! I had no idea what to do so I watched the movie and let him sleep, then woke him up and told him it was late and that he needed to go. I sent him an email saying that I'm sure he must agree that there was no chemistry between us. According to him he wanted to see me again. I declined. LOL

8. Then there was the guy who was living up north and was moving to the city. He was looking for "female companionship" to go to movies and dinner and theater with. Nice ad. Not a nice guy! I can't remember how he put it in email, but he was looking for a no strings attached sexual partner, basically someone to get together with that wouldn't mind him getting together with others and vice versa. I told him thanks, but no thanks!


There are a number more, many I only talked with in MSN or ICQ or on the phone, others I met in person. All turned out to be toads with the exception of that one guy who was 12 years younger than me, but so emotionally screwed up from his marriage that he wasn't ready to get involved with anyone until he learned how to be single and on his own. Most guys were looking for no strings attached sexual get togethers and many, many, many were married looking for "discrete relationships".

My advice is to get in touch with a real dating agency in your city that actually screens the applicants. The kind that have people matching you up, not personal ads and computers. Most cities have single events through local dating services. I've been to a few. I didn't meet anyone of interest, but I know 2 friends who met their husbands through them...one met her current husband one evening while we were on a single's boat cruise.
post #7 of 7
The online dating thing can be a bit of a rough road and it might take some perserverance on your part. I have a number of crazy stories just like others have posted, but I will post the good news. I have met several wonderful guys online, and I'm now with one that swept me off my feet the first time we met. I'm so glad I took the chance to meet him. Don't give up!! My one word of advice, is trust your gut. If when you are talking to someone, if something sounds, or makes you feel the least bit off in your gut...stop right there!! When i've overruled my gut feeling is when i've ended up on the worst dates!
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