Promise Rings

I've never understood the concept behind "promise rings". To me they are so high school/first crush; something teenagers do for their first crushes.

As a responsible adult involved in an adult romance, if you care about the person enough to want to "promise" to get engaged to them one day, why not just get engaged?

NOTE: The term "you" is not used towards any given person. It's meant in the general sense.

Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

I've never understood the concept behind "promise rings". To me they are so high school/first crush; something teenagers do for their first crushes.

As a responsible adult involved in an adult romance, if you care about the person enough to want to "promise" to get engaged to them one day, why not just get engaged?

NOTE: The term "you" is not used towards any given person. It's meant in the general sense.

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While I see your point, a lot may be cleared up if the rings were called what they traditionally are, a betrothal, which is not an engagement, but typically the promise of one.

They help to remove any misunderstandingss as far as intent goes.
Jeremy has promised an engagement to me, the ring symbolizes that promise.
But there will be no official engagement until he can afford the ring and find the right time to present me with it.
We are both very traditional in that aspect.
But I still have his commiment, and his promise on my finger, making his intentions very clear.

In the general sense, a promise ring can be given for almost any reason:
Friendship, commitment to a cause, etc.

Jason and I had one a while ago when we were dating and before we were engaged/married

I never got one, and never would have expected one. It's a very mushy thing that I'm sure is right for some couples... I doubt my hubby's even heard of a promise ring - this is certainly the first I've heard of it!

Are you sure he even knows what it is? If you want one, talk to him about it - he wouldn't know that it would mean so much to you unless you told him.

Originally Posted by sarahp

this is certainly the first I've heard of it!

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I think it's more of a North American thing I'd never heard of it either.

Originally Posted by Arlyn

But there will be no official engagement until he can afford the ring and find the right time to present me with it.

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Why does an engagement ring have to be outlandishly expensive? What's wrong with getting engaged with a lovely simple ring that the person can afford to buy?

It's a special occasion when a "promise ring" is presented, which is just a symbol of a promise to get engaged and then marry. So why not just use that ring as the engagement ring and just get engaged?

Like I said, I've just never understood "promise rings" outside the 15 and 16 year olds in school who crush on each other...kind of like "pinning" them in the old days.

Yup - I have one

I knew John for a little under a year before we started dating. We were 'seeing' eachother for about a month, and for my birthday he gave it to me - I love it - its a 1/2 platnium carat princess cut ring, its gorgeous and I love it. We've been together for a year and a 1/2

While I love the ring - when we are ready to get engaged, he can take this ring back and put it towards credit to an engagement set. I liked that idea - but I'll miss the ring - I wear it 24/7 - the only time I take it off is when I go to the YMCA!

Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

Why does an engagement ring have to be outlandishly expensive? What's wrong with getting engaged with a lovely simple ring that the person can afford to buy?

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I agree. In fact my engagement ring was originally a moissanite stone that 1.25 carats set in a silver setting that he had gotten from eBay. Brian told me this when he gave it to me, but he didn't have any money, and I didn't have any money, and I've never been materialistic anyway so I could've cared less.

Right before we got married I wanted the stone reset into a white gold setting so that it would match the wedding rings that we had gotten. The jeweler that we took it to raved over how beautiful and flawless the stone was for about a minute and then fell quiet. I forget what it was that he saw with his microscope, a shadow in the stone or what, but he was afraid to say anything because he thought I didn't know. Brian spoke up and was like, "She knows its not a diamond..."

What really annoys me is when people who rave over it about how beautiful a ring it is and how it must have cost Brian a FORTUNE react when I tell them it wasn't really expensive because its moissanite. They're always like "OH" and get this look on their face like its not good enough and they feel sorry fo rme to have to wear it. Whatever, they're the ones who thought it was all that to begin with, and we're the one with extra money in our savings because we didn't blow it on a ring!

(Sorry to go on and on.... )

I have never heard of a promise ring

Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

Why does an engagement ring have to be outlandishly expensive? What's wrong with getting engaged with a lovely simple ring that the person can afford to buy?

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I don't remember saying that it did have to be expensive, but with one income, we don't even have the money for a bubblegum machine ring, much less a marriage license.

The promise ring was given when we still lived three states apart and did not see moving in together in the immediate future.
I will not use my promise ring as an engagement ring because to be honest, I don't want any diamonds.
I'd prefer something much less cliché and much more understated.

It's a shame you think promise rings the equivilent of 'pinning' I assure you, the history is much older than that.
Like so many traditions, they either become completely different over time, or lost entirely.

Originally Posted by emily_325

What really annoys me is when people who rave over it about how beautiful a ring it is and how it must have cost Brian a FORTUNE react when I tell them it wasn't really expensive because its moissanite. They're always like "OH" and get this look on their face like its not good enough and they feel sorry fo rme to have to wear it.

Whatever, they're the ones who thought it was all that to begin with, and we're the one with extra money in our savings because we didn't blow it on a ring!

(Sorry to go on and on....

)

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Yah I know!!! And I find people over here in the US are very obsessed with that sort of thing! I find people are constantly comparing wedding rings!! Then they look at mine and say "oh.. sweet", and move on. And that REALLY annoys me! I tell them that the rings belonged to my husband's mother who died when he was a baby, and his father passed them down to him to do whatever he chose with them, and he chose to give me the option to wear them! That normally shuts people up...

I love my rings for the sentimental value! I don't care if DH didn't have to spend a cent on them (except for resizing...).

We really were engaged pretty soon within our relationship, so even if a promise ring were something we'd have thought of (it wasn't), we went past it. However, while waiting for my engagement ring which I didn't receive for some months, I did wear his dog tags

All that was important to me, on the topic of rings, was that he pick it for me, and that it be pear shaped. I don't find diamonds cliche, to me they are full of fire, and beautiful.

Yeppers i have one and after 14 years of Marriage i still wear it

Originally Posted by huggles

I have never heard of a promise ring

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I only know about them from films!

Tony gave me a promise ring when I got back from my first vacation back to South Africa. He'd spend 2 weeks there and I'd stayed on for a week after so that I could catch up with some friends who were flying in from Mauritius especially to see me but couldn't come while Tony was there!

When I got back, Tony gave me my ring! It's just a gold band with diamante's and another little band that slides underneath that says "I love you". It means the world to me and I never ever take it off"!

My Sister are both soooooooooooooo into "how big can I get my diamnond ring" that it makes me sick!! Both of them have a 1 carat diamond ring and FLAUNT it EVERY chance they get.
Before anyone thinks I'm putting down those who love diamonds that big......I AM NOT!!!!
My Sisters just have to see who can outdo who.When they see mine,they are very polite about it.But, it's obvious that they don't think it's as nice as theirs.I don't care how much a ring costs.It's the thought that counts MOST to me.
Shawn got me a copper ring for $5.00 and I wear it as proudly as I do my engagment rings.Why?Because he picked it out for me!!!!

Don't get me wrong I am not all about the diamonds. I have actually seen several promise rings that are less than $100 that are gemstones that I absolutely love. I think i mostly want it so when he is away I can look and see that he loves me since he won't be able to show me like he does while we are living together.

Fran I am not worried about him cheating by any means. He could never do that to me knowing that it would hurt me so much and I would never forgive him. And I could never do that to him or anyone else for that matter.

As others have said, its a personal thing, but I do have one (as does Patrick) and I love mine! It looks sorta like the "eternity bands", its white gold with little diamonds around half the band. Me and Patrick have been together nearly 6 years, about 4 1/2 when we exchanged promise rings. We have been together since I was 15 years old, and have known for quite a while that we want to get married. But at the stage of like we were in at the point, our parents would not have wanted us to be engaged yet and he wanted to buy something small for me while he continued to save for my engagement ring. I think it will always be very very important to me, even after I get my engagement ring. I plan to get it resized and where it as a right hand ring.

I'm getting one!

Hopefully! Our 1 year anniversary is in January and I think J will get me one.
I am getting him one... it's much to early for diamonds. I dont care for them to much anyway but I will get my yellow topaz birthstone with a white gold band, with some nicely cut glass!

HAHA not expensive! I hope!

I have one. It's 19 years old and so small you can hardly see it. I never where it anymore, one it doesn't fit and two it snags on everything.

Eric gave it to me when we were dating in high school. That ring was so precious to me and I loved it. Still do! My dad about had a fit.

19 years later we are still going strong!