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I had a bad night

post #1 of 13
Thread Starter 
Last night watching Bagheera playing and being all cute and funny. Made me very very sad. I kept thinking that I wont have him much longer. The vets are saying he has 2 months tops. Right now he looks and acts so healthy. Its so hard to believe in reality he is dieing.

So that got me really upset. I started thinking about when I had to put my dog to sleep earlier this year. So I really started bawling. Then I realized my life is a total mess right now. Eveything that could go wrong has gone wrong.

So I called my mom up at 3 in the morning crying like a baby. She just told me I needed to calm down and go to bed.

So I called John. He was awake anyways and really bored. So he listened to me rant for about 30 minutes about how everything that could possibly gone wrong has. And was very sweet about it and then he just started talking and talking and talking. I ended up falling alseep talking on the phone with him.

This morning I woke up with a runny nose and a sore throat and fever. The kid I watch is also sick with the same thing. So I'm feeling just rotten. I cant stop thinking about the fact that I wont have Bagheera for 15+ years like I thought I would. He looks so healthy and is growing so big. But he's DIEING! It really just hit me last night that he really really is not going to make it. I dont even know what made me think of that. He wasnt acting sick or anything. He was just playing and bouncing around.

Yet another vent from the crazy pregnant girl. My life is a big horrible mess.
post #2 of 13
I know what you're going through with Bagheera. I'm putting Freckles down today. Two and a half weeks ago I was told he had up to 6 months, and he did rally for 10 days or so. Then it just turned - he wouldn't eat, he would meow all night and want to sit in the tub with running water. I'm trying not to cry at work (I'm leaving at lunch).

I too was hoping Freckles would be around for 15-20 years. He's 9, but I've only had him for 17 months. It just guts me.

Enjoy your time with Bagheera. I'll keep you in my thoughts.
post #3 of 13
Enjoy the time yoyu do have with Bagheera and cherish those moments. Sorry you don't feel well on top of everything else!
post #4 of 13
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bob'sMom View Post
I know what you're going through with Bagheera. I'm putting Freckles down today. Two and a half weeks ago I was told he had up to 6 months, and he did rally for 10 days or so. Then it just turned - he wouldn't eat, he would meow all night and want to sit in the tub with running water. I'm trying not to cry at work (I'm leaving at lunch).

I too was hoping Freckles would be around for 15-20 years. He's 9, but I've only had him for 17 months. It just guts me.

Enjoy your time with Bagheera. I'll keep you in my thoughts.
Thanks. Bagheera is only 5 1/2 months old. Ive had him since he was 4 weeks old. He's been sick off and on since I got him. The last month and a half he has been really sick though. He seems better for now though. I'm sorry to hear about Freckles.
post #5 of 13
Awww sweetheart, firstly I wasn't aware that Bagheera was ill so I'm so sorry to hear about it!

Secondly, yes, you might think that your life is one big mess at the moment but your hormones are also playing tricks on you (who am I to talk... I've never been pregnant!). You've also been through an accident recently so you are still recovering from shock and with John in hospital, you are dealing with making him happier too!

Things WILL get better and your life will quieten down, trust me! This post isn't meant to move onto my sorry excuse for a life but I've been very depressed lately... I've moved out of my mothers house and into my own flat, my job is getting more pressurised by the day and I am not coping, I am working 3 jobs to try earn enough money to get me out of overdraft and I sorely miss home! BUT let me tell you something... I honestly and truthfully believe that right now I am just going through a very low patch in my life and everything seems over bearing and too difficult to deal with - is that how it is feeling with you?

Bagheera has a wonderful meowmy who cares so much for him, and yes, he might be ill and he will one day pass over the Rainbow Bridge but right now, he's happy and loved and that is all that matters. He's been brought into your life for you to do all you can for him! You've been brought into his life to make it worth living, even for the very short time he has! You've made a difference in his life and so have all your other little kitties!
post #6 of 13
Everyone is dying. Some are just doing it quicker than others. While it is sad that you don't get to keep Bagheera for 15 years, just remember that this is the time when you have him. This is the happy time...the real grieving comes later.

I lost a kitty to FIP, and I lost my Mom to a brain tumor. I KNOW the time of counting down the days is hard. I KNOW! But, this time of joyfulness and playfulness for him is a time you must cherish. There will be times of sadness like last night. But there are also times of joy and love, while you have your baby.

And look closely at the kitty...because kitties deal with this so much better than we do. When Mattie was in the last few days of life, she had a real peacefulness about her. I felt awful except when I was with her...then I felt the peace and acceptance that she had for this process. Kitties don't add all the human emotions and worry, they just take one day at a time.

I'm sorry you are sad, and getting sick. But look for the glimpses of happiness...they are still there.

Please pm me if you want to chat...I will do my best to be supportive as you go through this.
post #7 of 13
I am so sorry, sweetie. I had no idea Bagheera was sick and just make the best of the time you have with him left. It's never easy knowing your beloved furbaby doesn't have much time here on Earth..sometimes it feels like we never have enough time with our beloved furbabies. I mean their life on Earth is too short. ya know?
if you need to talk, I am always here to listen, please know that.
post #8 of 13
I know how you feel. My cat that lives at my parents house is dying too. My parents said if she lives until the weekend, they are going to put her down then. My mom, dad and sister are all sad about it. The cat never liked me though. She is also like 17 years old.
post #9 of 13
Thread Starter 
I thought everyone knew Bagheera was sick! He has a very bad heart murmur which caused CHF. The heart murmur keeps getting worse. And they cant find what is actually causing it. He's had every test that they could do and told me there was nothing they could do for him. Just keep him calm and comfortable. The test were over 600 which I didnt have and had to borrow. Only to be told they cant figure out what is causing it.
post #10 of 13
Many prayers for peace during this hard time.Sweetie, you've given him soooooooooooooooooooooo much love and because of that,he's made it this far.
post #11 of 13
It may seem like your life is crap right now, but remember that you have life growing inside you that you created, and a wonderful guy to help support you. Who cares that he's not the baby's father, he sounds like a much better guy, and I reckon you're going to love being a mum.

You definitely have a lot going on right now with the accident, John being badly hurt, and dealing with pregnancy hormones - and Bagheera on top of that.

It sounds as though you have good family support though, and use them while you can.

We only had our kitty for less than a year, and we loved him so much, and he got killed by a snake, and we found him the next day completely stiff, and it completely broke my heart that he died without us. I was there when he got bitten, but had no idea what had happened - I thought he was just being a crazy cat leaping around, and was off to go for a bike ride, so unknowingly left him to die on his own while the poison slowly killed him. I still have so much guilt about that, and would much prefer to have an illness where I have a timeframe rather than finding his body like that.

I know it doesn't make Bagheera's situation any less heartbreaking, but be comforted by the fact that you can make sure he passes away knowing how much you love him, and he can go to the rainbow bridge with much love in his life. You've made his life a happy one, which he may not have gotten elsewhere.

I hope you feel better soon - and remember that it's ok to cry.
post #12 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phenomsmom View Post
Enjoy the time yoyu do have with Bagheera and cherish those moments. Sorry you don't feel well on top of everything else!
post #13 of 13
I am so sorry to hear of all the troubles in your life. All the ladies before me have pretty much said it all, so there isn't much left for me to say. All I can do is tell you something my mother always tells me:

Every cloud has a silver lining, sometimes you just have to look extra hard to find it.

Everything happens for a reason.


I hope you find your silver lining soon! And if you ever need to talk PM me.
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