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i'm Feeling Down

post #1 of 21
Thread Starter 
I'm really feeling down right now. I haven't been on for a couple of days - depressed and busy. We spent the last two days going to Pickering Flea Market to get an MP3 player for the oldest grandson (12) and then taking it back the next day because it didn't work Anyway, he's happy now.

Today was my father's tenth bout of cancer surgery. He has bladder cancer and this has been going on for roughly 3 1/2 years. He's had surgery, chemo you name it - nothng seems to work! Anyway - operation number 10 was today. Everything went well - he was very upbeat and I ws teasing him telling him he was on the express line. I just wonder where it's going to end. I spent the day "Mother-sitting" because my mother, whom he cares for, can't be left alone, so have to be in two places at once every time he has to have an operation.

I've been quite quiet about this until the other day when Susie posted a thread about a friend that had just started this - too much for me. My father is 77 and very upbeat about the whole matter, my mother is 86, leagally blind (AMD) and has had several strokes and I keep worrying that this is going to be too much for her.

I guess I just need some really strong TCS vibes right now - for my parents whom I love very deeply and am very upset that they are failing - and for myself - I'm very depressed and upset right now and need some support from my friends. My best friend is in Rome right now and I reallly need some help.
post #2 of 21
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope your father doesn't have to endure any more surgeries. It's so hard to watch someone you love go through so much, especially when you aren't sure of the outcome.
post #3 of 21
Colleen, I'm sorry things haven't been going well. I too have been experiencing some of the problems you face as your parents get older, and it is really hard. It's hard to deal with their depression and stay upbeat when you are feeling pretty bad about it yourself, isn't it?? I'm glad to hear the surgery went well today I'm sending you lots of good vibes, and healing vibes to your mother and father. If you ever need to vent, just PM me.
post #4 of 21
Thread Starter 
Thanks so much, Karen. That really helps a lot. I'm just feeling really down right now - actually have been crying as I posted this - your support means a lot to me. It's just very hard right now - I don't know how my father does it - he makes a joke about things - Oh, Colleen I guess your car could do this on "auto-pilot" by now, and that sort of thing. Thanks so much - I just really need some good thoughts for them right now.
post #5 of 21
I'm sorry your going through all this. Your wonderful for caring for your parents. I know of people who won't lift a finger to help their family.
post #6 of 21
*hugs*

I'm so sorry to hear all that you have to deal with. It's hard to watch the health of our loved ones decline.

Do you have access to homecare where you live for your mother? What about a respite for her in a home for the time that your dad is in hospital? She would be well taken care of and you and your dad would have peace of mind. That's what we did for my Uncle when my Aunt was in the hospital. His health was too poor for him to be left alone, so I made arrangements to have him placed in a home for respite care until his wife was discharged from the hospital.

Just take it day by day and try not to worry about the future. We don't have crystal balls and can't see with certainty what the future holds, so try not to worry about it.

Perhaps you can talk to the cancer society in your area and see if there is a support group or counseling service that you can get involved with. It would be good for you to be around and talk to people who have gone or is going through the experience that you are going through right now.

I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts.

I know it's not the same, but if you feel the need to talk to someone, please PM and we can hook up in MSN Messenger.

*hugs*
post #7 of 21
Colleen, I wish I could just find the right words to take away your depression over this, but I think it just takes time.............bad things are hard to handle without a doubt. My father died in 2003. When we first found out about everything, I fell into a real funk..........such a hard time for me. I had to stay upbeat around him, but at times I just wanted to be his little girl again and have him tell me everything was going to be ok.......there wasn't anything he couldn't fix for me as a child, and OH HOW I wanted to fix him........just know that by the love and support you show those you love, your doing more for them than anyone can ask for. You've been my pal since you first came on TCS and I'm here for you always........so if your ever down and want to talk.........I'm only a PM away...........
post #8 of 21
Thread Starter 
Thanks so much. My parents won't even consider home care or puting either one of them in a nursing home. My brother lives in BC, so it's me that does everything for them.
post #9 of 21
Well it's hard not to say don't worry but if he is upbeat that's alway's good, and You know that you have to take care of yourself so you can be there for them when they need you, and as of right now things seem to be ok right? So enjoy them and take good care of you. Lots of Vibes coming for you and Your Mom & Dad and Prayers also, I know it's never easy
post #10 of 21
I am so sorry to hear of your situation right now. It is so hard to go through times like this. I also think that you should try and find a support group. Sometimes just talking about your situation with people that have been through it before can help a lot.

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts.
post #11 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by kittylover4ever View Post
Colleen, I wish I could just find the right words to take away your depression over this, but I think it just takes time.............bad things are hard to handle without a doubt. My father died in 2003. When we first found out about everything, I fell into a real funk..........such a hard time for me. I had to stay upbeat around him, but at times I just wanted to be his little girl again and have him tell me everything was going to be ok.......there wasn't anything he couldn't fix for me as a child, and OH HOW I wanted to fix him........just know that by the love and support you show those you love, your doing more for them than anyone can ask for. You've been my pal since you first came on TCS and I'm here for you always........so if your ever down and want to talk.........I'm only a PM away...........
Thanks so much, Susie. I'm just in a bad place right now - it doesn't happen often, thank God, but I'm jsut very worried about my parents. I'm so sorry to hear about your father. I don't know what I'm going to do if he doesn't pull through this.

We just lost my step-daughter this year at age 27, so it's been a very tough year for me. Thank God for everyone at TCS! You're all wonderful and very supportive. I dont' know what I'd do without you.
post #12 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by LokisMum View Post
Thanks so much, Susie. I'm just in a bad place right now - it doesn't happen often, thank God, but I'm jsut very worried about my parents. I'm so sorry to hear about your father. I don't know what I'm going to do if he doesn't pull through this.

We just lost my step-daughter this year at age 27, so it's been a very tough year for me. Thank God for everyone at TCS! You're all wonderful and very supportive. I dont' know what I'd do without you.
post #13 of 21
Colleen, you are in my heart and prayers. Bless you for trying to take care of your parents, and your Dad for taking care of Mom. It is not a job that is easily done, as we are often too emotionally involved and usually not healthcare professionals. The balance is a delicate one, and often more than one can bear alone. My in-laws tried it with Pop's mom, and they managed to take care of her over a year before they got her into a care facility that was equipped to handle her. He always hated the thought of it, but finally admitted that he couldn't do it to the standard of living that she deserved.

PM me or hop on Yahoo IM if you need to talk.
post #14 of 21
Thread Starter 
Thanks, Neet. Everyone is being so supportive - it's what I need right now. I'm sorry for being so down, it's not usually what I'm like, but everything is just a little too much right now. I needed a place to talk. My daughter called me tonight and we talked for a long time, so I'm feeling a little better right now.
post #15 of 21
Colleen,
I will certainly keep you and your familly in my thoughts and prayers.
post #16 of 21
Oh no Sweety, I am very sorry about your father. You must be so frustrated and emotional seeing him go through surgery after surgery..

Lots of hugs and cheer up/healthy vibes for you and your family.{{{{}}}}


post #17 of 21
I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. I can only offer prayers and healing vibes to your dad and support for you during this time.
post #18 of 21
Don't apologize for being down, Colleen, situations like this can be very overwhelming -- even for people who are usually very strong and upbeat. My parents are both gone now, but I was the one at a distance while my brother tended their needs when Mum's health was failing, and I was the one on hand for the last 14 years of Dad's life after he moved here. Been there, done the primary care-giver thing, done the running back and forth, done the staying upbeat at all cost, etc. It's scary and mind-numbing.

I don't need to tell you, I'm sure, but I will anyway: take every opportunity to take care of yourself. It's not selfish. It's the best thing you can do for everyone.

I hope your Dad comes through this round well, and makes a good recovery. I'll be thinking of you and keeping you and your family in my prayers.
post #19 of 21
Colleen,

You are carrying such a heavy burden so it is no wonder that it is weighing on you. Your father's sense of humor is probably what is helping him through. So I'm sending prayers for strength to you to help you through. Remember that the caregivers need care too.

Jana
post #20 of 21
I'm sorry to hear about your Dad.My Dad was only 53 when he was diagnosed with Cancer.He passed away 6 months later and was 54.
I am praying that God gives you the peace and contentment to get through this all.
post #21 of 21
You are in my thoughts. Hang in there.
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