waste of time.

theimp98

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So today is one of those days that does not pay to get out of bed.

First i get home yesterday morning from work,The wife tells me that she pregnant.
So i stay up really late into the day with her talking about plans and stuff. I know how
excited she is over this. how i like kids, and stuff, I never really wanted to be a father.
I know that alot of that is cause of my father, it was kinda rough growing up with him.

Anyway i come into work today, and have been talking to the wife on yahoo and the phone. It seems she wants to end the marriage. Says she cant take bouncing back and forth from indoensia and america. She never liked living here, far from her family and friends and during the times she is back there, said she cant take being that far from me, as she feels that she is being a bad wife. She would stay here with me during the summer and go back to indo once winter came. Plus she has her own business there to keep a eye on. She also said that she does not the baby being bounced around like that. I also know that she is getting alot of pressure from her family over me. For those that have ever done the interracial thing i am sure you know what mean.

I do understand her feelings, but there is nothign i can do about going back there. I have been kicked out of the country. Thanks to paper work screw ups, which we have been fighting in court. But there is little chance her govt will admit to the mistake.
I also do understand that since i broke my back things have been even harder on her as i am not as active and going all the time like i used to be. She is not the stay at home type. she always was go go go go. so that was just another issue that as been really eatting at her. Not only is she leaving, but i had invested my life savings + more when i moved there setting up a business, and buying my own house. Now for the really bad news, forgin people are not allowed to own things like that there. SO the house(she already had 3 houses of her own before we married) the business all are in her name. She says that she will sale them and put all the money in my bank account there. That not really the point as i dont want to sale them, i would like very much to go back.

So the wife said, we would talk more about once i get home, but i told her since she has already made up her mind about this, i see no need to talk more about it. that she should pack up her stuff, and her 3 cats call a taxi and get out tonight before i get home. I would fedex her what ever else she could not carry out tonight. Since we never did the paper work here in america or indo just in thailand, i guess there is nothing court wise here to do(the house here is all in my name, i payed for it) she has already booked a flight back to indo, was told she did that on sunday.

man i should have stayed in bed,

sorry, for putting this here, i guess for once i needed to write something out,
 

abymummy

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I'm so sorry for the angst and pain you're going through...I hope you can work it out.

Here's an option if you can figure it : Malaysia has a programme called MM2H - malaysia my 2nd home...since we are so close to Indo. I would suggest you google it and check it out (I can't remember the website, sorry!). The back and forth flying would be no problem and I'm sure you're a smart enough guy to figure out work options, etc.

Chin up dear, keep fighting and all will not be lost.
 

fwan

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I am sorry to hear youre going through such a rough time.
But does she really want to take the baby away from you? You are after all the Father. She shouldnt have married you if she wasnt going to accept the fact that there may be a possibility to live in America forever.

I hope it all works out, and that others have better advice to give.

 

rosiemac

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Oh good grief that's a bombshell she's given you?!


Remember her hormones are running riot right at the moment with being pregnant, and i would really sit down and discuss everything with her face to face before you fedex all her things and call it a day.

How often do you see each other?.
 
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theimp98

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Originally Posted by Abymummy

Malaysia has a programme called MM2H - malaysia my 2nd home...since we are so close to Indo. .
thanks, i will check that out. i have also been looking in sigapore for the last several months for something.. thank you again
 
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theimp98

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yea i did think about the hormone thing, along with the weather here in ohio is starting to turn cold again which means she wants to go back home.

the last 2 years she comes in march and stays until the snow starts to fall.

thanks for thoughts ladies
 

neetanddave

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Goodness, what a load of bombshells! Hopefully it is something you can discuss and decide what is best for all of you. It has to be tough being together, then apart. But sometimes things are how they are, and you deal with them as best you can. Which sometimes means giving up something you want very badly.

Hope you had some time to talk last night, and things are better for you today.
 

crittermom

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WOW!! I'm sorry you had such an awful day.Hopefully you all can work it out and she will stay there.I am sending good vibes your way!!!
 

trouts mom

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Oh no, this must be terrible for you. Did you see this coming?

Are you okay? If you need someone to talk to, you can PM me..I have no marriage expertise, but I'm sure the burden of this is weighing on you.

I am so sorry, I hope perhaps you two can work things out.
 

katiemae1277

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I'm so sorry to here you're going through this.... hopefully things can work out
and lots of good vibes {{{{}}}}
 

jenny82

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I'm sorry you had such an awful day. You sound like a wonderful person. I really hope things get better.
 

gailc

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Thats quite the siutation you have. I agree with the others on the hormone thing. Does she know how far along in the pregnancy she is. The child if born in American would be an American citizen. I don't have any other advice for you other than I hope you both work out a resolution.
 

pushylady

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So sorry to hear about this. I hope you do sit down and talk with her face to face. If she does end up leaving, it would be so much better for everyone in the long run if you could work out an amicable parting.
 

swampwitch

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So sorry to hear about this.

Just a thought, but if the baby is born in Indonesia, could that in any way get things speeded up legally for you? Since you'll have a child there?

It's probably not only hormones, but she wants to be with her mother during this time, too.

Keep us posted! I'm sending some good thoughts your way.

Cheers, from
SwampWitch

p.s. People who had difficult parents can be good parents themselves. We learn from our parents what to do and what NOT to do.
 

beckiboo

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Yikes! That is awful! I would say to risk anything to save the marriage and your chance to be an involved father. The idea that you can just split as if there were no child is a fantasy. Children who have no input from their fathers often have very poor self esteem. It is so difficult for a child not to feel worthless when one of the people who brought them to life doesn't become a part of that life. (The old...my own father or mother doesn't love me, how can anyone else. And to a kid, they will not believe they love you if they don't spend time with you.)

This is a very difficult situation. But I would say sell everything here and move to Malaysia if necessary so you are near her. Let her know that you want to try to work things out, by seeing her regularly, but you understand that she needs the support of her family at this time. Do what you can to hold your family together.

I will tell you one thing, the first time you see that baby you will know that you DO want to be a father. Not a poor father like your Dad, but a loving, responsible father, like only you can be. Whether or not you can save the marriage, do what you can to at least have a real prescence in the baby's life.

I am very sorry for your horrible day. I hope she is still there when you get home so you can talk some more. You must be hurting so bad!
 

starryeyedtiger

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I just ran across your post. I am soo sorry this is all happening.Any updates? I really think you should try and sit down with her one more time and try to talk it out....maybe she was just hormonal yesterday and missing her family back home. She must be scared to be pregnant and that far away from her family and mother. Maybe there is a compromise you both could reach
Eithor way, my prayers and thoughts are with you. I hope everything works out...
 

katachtig

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I'm so sorry to hear this. I often wondered how you did the long-distance relationship. I'm saying a little prayer for the both of you that you may be able to work this out. The cross-culture thing is hard.
 
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