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I need some major vibes right now

post #1 of 100
Thread Starter 
I'd really rather say why I need vibes at the moment.....but I could really use some major vibes and prayers if ya'll don't mind sparing a few. It's really personal and at this point in time I have no idea what to do. Sorry to leave ya'll kind of blank at the moment....but until I figure some things out, that's the best I can do.I'll update when I figure out everything on this issue... I don't normally ask for vibes, but it's a pretty aweful situation, so I would really be thankful for some. Thankyou everyone.
post #2 of 100
Nikki - you got major positive vibes coming your way from way over here...I hope it will all work out for you!
post #3 of 100
Thread Starter 
Thankyou...I really appreciate that. I'm absolutely heart broken at the moment...this all happened recently....I have no idea what i'm going to do. I really appreciate the vibes.
post #4 of 100
Thread Starter 
I can't stop crying...I'm gonna try and go to bed or something.
post #5 of 100
Major vibes here for you. I hope things work out.
post #6 of 100
I hope that everything is going ok for you.
post #7 of 100
Nikki, you know you have MANY friends here for support and vibes.
Hon, I pray God gives you the right answer and eases your heart in making the right choice.You know you can always PM/e-mail me too.
post #8 of 100
Thinking of you, Nikki, and send many vibes and prayers your way.
post #9 of 100
for you Nikki. You are a very sweet and special person, don't ever forget that. {{{}}} coming your way, to get your through this tough time.
post #10 of 100
*Hugs* and happy thoughts your way.
post #11 of 100
Sending vibes tht things turn out the way you want them to.
post #12 of 100
Not sure what the vibes are for, but consider me sending lots of positive vibes your way...

I hope whatever it is, it works out sweety
post #13 of 100
Oh Nikki,

Of course I'll send lots of good vibes to you. And prayers to guide you and give you the wisdom you need to address your problem. You are a wonderful person and I appreciate all of the help you have given me with Lucy.

post #14 of 100
Vibes coming your way from your neighbor to the South!
post #15 of 100
Tons of major vibes as you work through this tough time. We're all here for you. Major headbutts from Rambo!
post #16 of 100
Nikki, lots and lots of {{{vibes}}} and {{{hugs}}} coming your way!
post #17 of 100
Lots of vibes and thoughts and prayers and whatever else you need coming your way Nikki. Hang in there. We'll all be here when you're ready to talk
post #18 of 100
Sending positive {{{{vibes}}}} your way!
post #19 of 100
Sending lots of vibes, Nikki and a
post #20 of 100
Sending you some major vibes{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}!!
post #21 of 100
Think Positive and DonĀ“t give up Nikki!


My best wishes and my prayers are with you!
post #22 of 100
Whatever you need that we can provide, you KNOW we are here for you!!!

Sending MAJOR (!) strength and coping and calming vibes your way so you can deal with whatever it is that you need to handle.

post #23 of 100
Hey you, you know you have all the good vibes I can muster for ya........I'm here if you need me. We all are!
post #24 of 100
Here goes hope this helps you out

)))))))~~~~~~*********GOOD VIBES*************~~~~~(((((((

post #25 of 100
Thread Starter 
Thankyou soo much for all of the prayers and supportive vibes everyone. I can't possible tell you how much it means to me. It is always good to know how much my TCS friends care- that's an awesome feeling during a rough time. I know I left ya'll a bit blank early this morning as to exactly why I needed vibes...so since I don't know what else to do at this time, and ya'll seem to be good on advice....I will post my problem:

Ok....so here's my problem and the reason I need some major vibes. Last night I was in Colin's Office in his desk looking for the tape measure to measure around my stomach and figure out what my current BMI was.(I know, it sounds stupid, but I've just recently been given the ok to go back to the gym by my doctors, so I wanted to see if i've made any progress in the past two weeks.)
Now Colin has told me on numerous occassions to get whatever I need out of the desk because that is where we keep all of the office supplies, etc of that nature. Well, last night while I was reaching for the tape measure, I noticed that I knocked some little business cards over....not the snooping type, I just picked up the tape measure and was getting ready to close the drawer on the desk until I noticed that those weren't just any business cards....those were business cards to one of the most popular strip joints in the state. I sat there for a few minutes just stunned at what I saw.....at that point I did something very uncharastic of me and snooped at those cards. (i felt awful for snooping....I never do that because I trust him...but at that point I just had this gut instinct telling me to look). When I examined those closer, I realized that they weren't business cards, those were free passes! 3 of them! Now here's the issue- the desk that I got those out of, Colin just finished building in August- it is a brand new desk....so it's not like those were something thrown in there that he had forgotten about....those were recently added to there and he had obviously recently acquired them!
It gets even better.............At this point I had just this gut instinct telling me to look in the little business card book underneath those free passes that I found. I don't know if i'm glad that I did that or now.....when I flipped to the last page in there I found 10 more free passes, neatly tucked away and in plastic so they wouldn't get damaged. He has 13 free passes to that strip joint!!!!

Here's the kicker.....please do not try to judge me so harshly for this......I really can't believe i'm telling you this about my past.....,- but it will make more
sense as to why I am soo upset if I do. Please don't be too harsh.
When I was 18...I was very young and stupid for about a month there...I became a stripper to make ends meet at a very high end strip club in the city. (I never did drugs, smoked, or gave out any "favors" ...I strictly danced.) I was in high school at the time and my mom and I were struggling to make ends meet- at the time I had a design job in a flower shop and was also working at a hotel....both jobs weren't enough to make ends meet. So for a month that winter...and I feel awful for posting this...I was a stripper. I feel aweful for it, but I can't take back my past- only learn from it. After about a month of that job, I realized that what I was doing wasn't right for me or my future and that I deserved better....so I left and never looked back. I graduated with honors from school and i'm planning on going to med school now for dentistry. So while I feel absoultely horrible about my past "job"...there's nothing I can do to change what happened. Here's the thing...from the beginning, I was VERY open and honest with Colin about the mistake I had made by stripping. I let him know that for those reasons, I was never ok with him going to a strip club. (I know what goes on...and while I did not praticipate in the things that some of the other girls did....I was definitely aware of it.) Colin assured me that he didn't go to the strip clubs here and that he wouldn't, especially since I was so uncomfortable with it and disagreed with it soo much. - that is what I think hurts the most...

So now that you know my background and exactly why I don't want him in one of those clubs....you can see why I freaked out last night when I found 13 free passes to a strip club. The thing is, that nobody hands those passes out except for the strippers....I know this becase at the club I was at previously, that's what we would do, we'd pass out free passes to customers in our club and also go out to local bars and other hang outs and pass them out. So at some point, Colin eithor took those 13 free passes from a stripper at the club or was in a place where strippers were handing out free passes, and talked to a stripper and took them home. Also, no stripper is going to give him 13 free passes at one time (it costs money to print those and she'd loose business for the club if she "wasted" free passes like that...the most they usually give out per person is 2 or 3 at a time- certainly not 13! Which can only mean one thing....he has spoken with multiple strippers at some point and multiple strippers have given him free passes....I don't know if there was more than 13 and he has used those already, or if he has never had an intention of using these 13 now- but if he didn't he should have told those strippers that he was in a commited relationship and that he wasn't interested and he should have respectfully declined their invitation to free passes....I guess he doesn't love me enough to do that huh???

This is absouletly breaking my heart... He's been with me for two years now....and here I thought he was ready for marriage and children and he's supposed to take me house hunting with him next week for a bigger house (which he talks of frequently)
and I find 13 free passes to one of the most popular strip joints in the state. What did I miss??? What did I do wrong? He's always about an hour or so late from work every night....but that wouldn't give him enough time to drive all the way out there for a dance or two and all the way back- plus I would smell smoke on him (i'm like a human smoke detector thanks to my astmah and allergies.) When could he have possible gone? I'm with him all of the time. / I just don't undertsand how he could do this. Especially since he knows my past and the positive changes i've made since then. How could he???? I feel soo betrayed and aweful right now. I was ready for an engagement ring, not a free pass to a strip club! And what gets me is the fact that that desk is new and he recently added those to it...he knows I go in that desk all the time for pencils, whiteout, etc....did he think I wouldn't stumble across them??? Did he "want" me to find them? / I honestly don't think he has a sexual addiction or anything of that nature (we've been studying that lately in my Psych II class, plus that's what i'm doing my project on...so I would hope that I would have noticed something like that).

So here's the deal...he's out of town until tomorrow night. He's been in Florida with his mom and aunt. (I hope they're giving him hell and working him to death!) I don't want to call him and talk about this over the phone- I want to be face to face with him and I want him to look in my face and tell me exactly what's going on. So tomorrow night after I pick him up from the airport and take him home...i'll let him get settled in and then I'll bring it up I think. Here's how i'm planning on brining this up. I'm simply going to bring him into the office and sit down in the floor by the desk...(we always sit down and talk things out openly and honestly..we never scream or anything like that.) I'm going to tell him that "On Monday night, I was in the drawer looking for your tape measure to measure my waist and find out what my BMI was. While I looked in the drawer for the tape measure, I started to take it out and while I did that, it was close to some paper and knocked it over...since i'm not a snoop, I was going to just take the tape measure and close the drawer until something cought my attention....when I looked down I saw 3 free passes to the strip club. Colin, you need to be completly honest and open with me right here and now and tell me the truth about those free passes. This desk is realateive new and you have recently added everything that you want to be in there to it...including those free passes, what is going on? Why do you have them? Why haven't you been honest with me about having them?" At this point I plan on hearing what he has to say. When he's done i'm planning on saying, "Colin, if you love me and care about our future and our relationship, you will throw those three passes away ---then I will look him in the eyes and tell him Colin- If you love me, I expect you to throw those three passes away......and any other passes you may have as well (I'm not planning on telling him that I know about the other 10 in that book in the bottom of that drawer- I want to see what he does)

Here's where I need help - what do I do if he only throws those 3 away and not the 10 in the drawer? What do I do then? Do I tell him I know about those also??? That would seem like the right thing to do, but I also don't want him to think that i'm a snoop.

Also...here is what he did on thursday night...two nights before he left to go to out of town I just copied and pasted a previous post... (sorry for the long length)

"Colin came home late from work last night as usual...then asked if I minded him getting a drink with some of his cop buddies....I said ok as long as it was only one or two...-well...this was at 11:30....he didn't get home till 4:00 in the morning- I had been sick as a dog all night (throwing up, coughing, sneezing)...the thing is, he told me he'd be right back when he left and would only be gone and hour....well, by the time 4:00 in the morning rolled around I was really upset because he had lied,and I was worried about him - I had told him to call me if he had too much to drink, but I was worrying that something happened and I didn't know what....so at 4:00 in the morning I sent him a text message that said "It's 4:00 in the morning Colin...."...I left it at that....and boy did that work...not even 5 minutes later he was home. When he got home he said "Hey" and tried to kiss me....I told him "It's 4:00 in the morning....you know, I don't mind you having a drink with your coworkers, but I do mind you lying to me and comming home at 4:00 in the morning- I don't do that to you and you are not going to do that to me ever again...I was worried about you and didn't know if you had gotten hurt....then he tried to say don't you trust me not to drink and drive...and I told him - I trusted you when you told me you'd be home in an hour....and it's 4:00 in the morning now....he sure shut up after that. Then he tried to kiss me -my response was this..."You smell like an ashtray - I have astmah, and i'm allergic to smoke...and in case you missed the memo, i'm sick....so you smelling like an ashtray doesn't help- you need a shower". (he doesn't smoke...but the bar he was at was a smoking one and he was covered in it when he got home....which made me really sick...I had already had 2 astmah attacks by that time....and then he made the whole room smell like it- very considerate huh ...yeah...I was a little mean..but I was sick and he had been out drinking all night...he totally deserved it...I don't tolerate that junk- I don't do that to him and I don't want it done to me. I asked him if this was going to turn into a habit...and he said "has it been"...and then I repeated my question...and he repeated his answer.....finally I said .....if it becomes a habit, you're gonna be comming home to an empty house. - after that he took a shower to get the smoke off of him and appologized for being a jerk. I was soo upset...I was crying the whole time. I don't do that to him and I don't like it done to me....not to mention I was worried sick about him when 4:00am rolled around and he still wasn't home....he never does that. So yeah, I was rightfully upset, and I let him know I didn't appreciate it. I stand up for myself....I'm not putting up with that...I think he got the point after that....he said he wouldn't do it again...which is good....and if he does, he's on his own...I'm not gonna be done that way....so yeah...that was my morning. And i'm still sick..I missed my Psych II class because I couldn't get my astmah under control- stress doesn't help... ....he tried to be nice this morning and made me breakfast and appologized again. which is nice, i told him if it happened again though, I was going back to my house and he'd be on his own- no woman deserves that." -------that's from this thread

---and on an update, after finding those free strip club passes last night, I was suspecious and I called the bar where he claimed to be at that night to see "what time they closed during the week....the man sayed that they stop serving alcohol at 2:30am and close at 3am....(it's not even 5 minutes down the road from Colin's house.) ....that night that coiln went out "drinking"...he didn't get home until after 4:00 am...well after the bar had closed..it should not have taken him that long....so now i'm wondering if that was where he really was. I don't know right now, i'm just questioning everything and i'm beyond upset.

Oh, and for the final straw- as if things couldn't be any peachier! Here's what happened last night when I was sitting on the couch crying over what I had found in Colin's desk drawer....I'm having the worst possible week

Also, not even an hour after I posted this message....things my night got even more "super" when I was sitting down in the living room on the couch crying over my current problem, the garage door opened. Nobody has the garage door openers- there is one in my car and one in Colins. Also, nobody has the code to the garage door to open it. At first I thought maybe Colin flew home early...but then I was like "wait"...it's almost 4:00 in the morning, no way that's Colin and his truck is in the garage. At that point I started to flip out. I called Colin in tears and then I went on telling him that the garage door was open and that nobody has access to open it except us. The thing that freaked me out is that Colin is a cop and has arrested a lot of ppl- if someone has an agenda against him...the squad car in front of the house is like a big red target. Colin asked me if i saw or heard anyone outside and I told him that I didn't, but that didn't mean they couldn't be there....so at this point I was crying hysterically and having a hard time breathing (I was already sick and crying before this, so that definitely didn't help.) Colin told me to go in the closet and get the shotgun and the pistol....so I ran in the bedroom closet, go those and ran back into the kitchen by the garage door and looked out the window...at this point I had my shotgun pointed straight at the window ready to shoot and crying my eyes out. Colin convienced me to get off the phone for 2 seconds so he could call his police friends and have them check out the house. Thankfully, they showed up not even 2 minutes later (Anytime they get a call that a fellow officer's house has something going on- they show up in no time flat- they're good about taking care of their own- i'm definitely greatful for that.) Well, two of his police friends searched the outside of the house as well as every nook and craney of the whole house, including the attic? lol. They assured me that it was safe and said that what likely happened was someone was driving by the house, and the radiowaves interfeared with the garage's frequency...that or another person tried to use their garage door opener, and it accidently set off ours (I live in a very poor part of town...i've never had a garage in my life- so i've never had anything like this happen- which is what i explained to them...Colin lives in a really good neighborhood, with a garage...so even though i'm somewhat used to it, i still know nothing about garage doors.) - the guys were really supportive and assured me i was ok.....so after that they left and told me to call if i needed anything else. They were really sweet. Thankfully last night I didn't have any more issues with the garage after that- it sure did scare me though- I left all of the security lights on and slept with a shotgun right beside me and a pistol under my pillow. Thankfully though everything as far as that goes is ok now.

Once again guys, i appologize for the length of this thing, but I really hope you read it so you can hopefully give me an ounce of advice as to what to do I don't want to break up with him...at least not till I hear his "explainitaion" when he gets home tomorrow night for those free passes to the strip club. Please help
post #26 of 100
Nikki, I'm really sorry that you're having to go through this. I have had similar problems with my husband lying about pornography so I can imagine how you must feel. And I don't think that anyone here is going to judge you about your past, so please don't be worried about that! I think that the only thing that will make you feel better is talking to him and hearing his explanation. Try not to be too upset when you're talking to him because I can almost guarantee that he will become defensive, and it could turn into a bad argument. It is always best to talk in person, but if it were me, I might not be able to wait until he gets home from Orlando. If you can wait until then, then you are very strong! I definitely like your idea about only telling him about finding the 3 passes and seeing what he says. If he doesn't admit to the other 10 passes, then I would tell him about finding those. In my opinion, being a snoop is not nearly as bad as lying. I hope that it works out well for you.
post #27 of 100
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by Jenny82 View Post
Nikki, I'm really sorry that you're having to go through this. I have had similar problems with my husband lying about pornography so I can imagine how you must feel. And I don't think that anyone here is going to judge you about your past, so please don't be worried about that! I think that the only thing that will make you feel better is talking to him and hearing his explanation. Try not to be too upset when you're talking to him because I can almost guarantee that he will become defensive, and it could turn into a bad argument. It is always best to talk in person, but if it were me, I might not be able to wait until he gets home from Orlando. If you can wait until then, then you are very strong! I definitely like your idea about only telling him about finding the 3 passes and seeing what he says. If he doesn't admit to the other 10 passes, then I would tell him about finding those. In my opinion, being a snoop is not nearly as bad as lying. I hope that it works out well for you.

Thankyou Jenny...I really appreciate your help. I'm so upset right now it's aweful. I just took a quick shower and my friend is on her way over to take me out for a bit- I called her the minute I accidently found those last night so she knows what's going on thankfully. I am going to wait till tomorrow night to talk to him when he's home....and I will definitely be calm (or at least try - we never do the whole yelling and fighting thing...so hopefully it will be ok..we always just sit down in the floor and talk- it works for us...). I hope he's honest and fesses up and throws all 13 away...but if he only throws away those three...then we're really gonna have a talk about it... Thanks again...I really appreciate your help on this one.
post #28 of 100
Nikki, first off..........

Now, after reading all of that, you need to calm down........take a deep breath......... As far as your past, beleive me, I nor would I think anyone else here would judge you. Everyone of us has some kind of thing in our past that we're not proud of. I'm so proud of you for realizing it wasnt' right for you and moving on from it.

Ok, for what it's worth, here are my 2 cents!

Men and strip clubs...... .....something I don't understand, but men seem to love them. Jerry was to his share in his younger days, and he tells me about them. It's not something he does anymore, and he knows I would have a fit if he went. One thing I think men have to do is learn to respect thier partners........that to me is something if a single guy wants to waste his money on, go ahead. Porn is another big thing for most guys, but not all. Done in privacy of home and where it doesn't hurt anyone, I don't see a problem with it. Lying is a whole other ball game with me though. I cant' stand and will not tolerate it. No ifs, ands or buts.

Before your ready to behead Colin, I would tell him what I found and see what he has to say. I know when my brother in law, who's as staight laced as they come, has clients come in from GM, he has to entertain them. Lots of the married ones want to go to strip bars. They figure they're away from home, their wives won't know. (idiots) SO, Bob takes them and he says they make him very uncomfortable to go into, but he goes. He comes home and tells my sister all about it, and we have a good laugh.

If Colin lies, tell him about the other 10. It might not be as bad as what you are thinking. He sounds like he's basically a good guy.

I'm sorry you had to go through the garage door thing. My exhusband was a cop, so I know kind of what you went through. One night he was working midnights, and we were talking on the phone. Our then puppy was chewing on the phone cord and cut us off. Next thing I know, 3 cops are in our apartment, checking in closets, behind doors, etc. I kept telling them I was fine, and it was Scruffy, but they wanted to be sure........

I would be mad at him too for going to these strip clubs, but I would definitely give him a chance to tell his side..........I hope it goes better than you think it will Kiddo................

Remember, we're all here for you..........
post #29 of 100
Nikki, I am in a hurry here so I have to be short, but one thing quickly crossed my mind reading your thread... Colin is a cop, right? Is it possible that he was given the passes by some strippers he pulled over or had to deal with? Maybe they gave them to him to him as sort of a bribe to let them go... If he is assigned to a certain section of town as his territory it would be possible this happened more than once. Maybe he just kept them as souveniers, for lack of a better word, and that's all it is?

Just a thought... I don't know him, but for your sake want to assume the best case scenario...
post #30 of 100
I've got no advice Nikki. Never had a boyfriend or dated. I'm sorry that you are going through this. Hopefully you can get things worked out with Colin. My sister found out after dating a guy for 1 year the he was a jerk....lining up "escorts" when he went to visit his buddies in another town. Those "escorts" were like my age...no wonder he liked to come visit me! Sometimes, a guy just does stupid things. You never know, so keep an open mind when you talk to Colin. It makes things easier that you & Colin don't scream when you fight, just talk.

Let us know what happens!
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