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More Church Ladies with Typewriters!

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 
Subject: Church Bulletins

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually
appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

2. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER FASTING CONFERENCE: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals."

3. "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

4. Don't let worry kill you off, let the Church help.

5. Miss Charlene Mason sang "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.

6. For those of you who have children, and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

7. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

8. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

9. During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of
hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

10.Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

11. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

12. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

13. Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

14. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

15. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

16. The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

17. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 P.M. prayer and medication to follow.

18. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

19. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

20. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

21. The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

22. Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."
post #2 of 7
Those are great, Jeanie.

I will always remember one of those that my parents pulled. They put an announcement in the bulletin that they were celebrating the 5th anniversary of their engagement. They got some really strange looks from people after church. My sister had just turned 17, so it couldn't be 15th anniversary, and there was no way that it was 25 years unless they got married in their early teens....Finally one brave soul quietly asked my parents if it was a typo or what the deal was. The Answer: My father wanted to ask my mother to marry him on a special day, and Valentine's Day was way overdone. He asked her to marry him on Leap Day - February 29. Dad thought that was hilarious!
post #3 of 7
Oh Jeanie, I just love those!!! Some of them I had heard, other's I hadn't, but I laugh every time!!!

Heidi!! That was a funny story!! I'll bet they did get alot of strange looks from people trying to figure that one out! :laughing:
post #4 of 7
Sometimes the truth is a lot funnier than fiction and these are some great examples of that! I chuckled for a long time over these and fondly remembered that my mom was one of those women with 'the typewriter' for our church at the time!
:tounge2: :tounge2: :tounge2: :tounge2: :tounge2: :tounge2: :tounge2:
post #5 of 7
I love those! I sent those to co-workers who needed a giggle today.
post #6 of 7
OMG - I laughed so hard tears were rolling down my face...

THANKS!!! :tounge2: :tounge2: :tounge2: :tounge2: :tounge2: :tounge2:
post #7 of 7
Jeanie!! those are hilarious!!!! :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:!!! I love no 6 about having children and not knowing it!!! :LOL:
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