A white lie

lookingglass

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
May 24, 2006
Messages
11,090
Purraise
4
Location
On the 12th floor
DH and I don't want to go to my SIL's for Thanksgiving this year, so I told him that I would lie and say we were going out of town for the holiday. Do you think I should do this?
 

fwan

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 5, 2004
Messages
13,279
Purraise
2
Location
Australia
Yeah but you might get caught out in a few weeks when they ask you how the trip was!
 

squirtle

TCS Member
Veteran
Joined
Nov 29, 2003
Messages
5,544
Purraise
1
Location
Sunny Florida
Using the out of town excuse is a bit risky... why not just say that you are going to someone else's house, in town? A lonely friend from work, for example
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #6

lookingglass

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
May 24, 2006
Messages
11,090
Purraise
4
Location
On the 12th floor
Originally Posted by SophieC

why not just say the two of you would like a nice, quiet day/evening at home together?
We would, but she would pitch a HUGE fit. The out of town thing seems like our best option because my father lives about an hour away. The main reason that we don't want to go is because we don't want to deal with her horrible horrible husband. Last Christmas he screamed at her in front of the entire family. It was so upsetting that I told my husband I didn't want to go back.
 

gingersmom

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
May 11, 2006
Messages
8,028
Purraise
22
I'm sorry, but if you tell her you want a quiet turkey day together, and she pitches a huge fit, I would simply tell her to get over herself - you are ENTITLED to a quiet holiday alone with your hubby, and that is nobody else's business!

send her over here, I'll take care of her for you!
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #8

lookingglass

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
May 24, 2006
Messages
11,090
Purraise
4
Location
On the 12th floor
Originally Posted by GingersMom

I'm sorry, but if you tell her you want a quiet turkey day together, and she pitches a huge fit, I would simply tell her to get over herself - you are ENTITLED to a quiet holiday alone with your hubby, and that is nobody else's business!

send her over here, I'll take care of her for you!
This is true, I'm starting to think I'm just going to tell her we are going to do it ourselves.
 

pushylady

TCS Member
Veteran
Joined
Jul 26, 2005
Messages
16,398
Purraise
451
Location
Canada
I say tell the lie, but make sure you have your stories ready in case it comes up again. From what I've read of you SIL's antics, you're not remotely obliged to go to her place for Thanksgiving.
 

jugen

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jun 8, 2001
Messages
5,124
Purraise
1
Location
IA. If you need me, just meow..
Originally Posted by lookingglass

We would, but she would pitch a HUGE fit. The out of town thing seems like our best option because my father lives about an hour away. The main reason that we don't want to go is because we don't want to deal with her horrible horrible husband. Last Christmas he screamed at her in front of the entire family. It was so upsetting that I told my husband I didn't want to go back.
I can't believe that someone didn't put him in his place right then and there!
If my husband yelled at me in front of any company, we'd be fighting like the gods of war when they all left and it would NEVER happen again.
Maybe you can tell her how upset and uncomfortable that made you feel, and hopefully it would be enough of an excuse to get you out of going there? Just say something to the effect of "I don't think we can be joining you this year". If she asks why, say "well, honsetly I was very upset and unconfortable at the way " " yelled at you in front of everyone. I think that is uncalled for and it made me not want to return and see it again. I'm sorry if this makes you angry, but it's the truth. I love you and don't like to see anyone arguing especially in front of other people. I hope you'll understand and forgive me for not coming."
 

starryeyedtiger

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Apr 5, 2005
Messages
22,317
Purraise
20
Location
USA
I would just be honest and tell her that you and your hubby want to spend thanksgiving by yourselves this year- that you haven't had much time with him lately because you've both been working hard and you just want a nice quiet dinner with him
....if she pitches a fit- tell her that you appreciate her offer, but that like you said before, you're spending thanksgiving alone with your hubby
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #12

lookingglass

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
May 24, 2006
Messages
11,090
Purraise
4
Location
On the 12th floor
Originally Posted by jugen

I can't believe that someone didn't put him in his place right then and there!
If my husband yelled at me in front of any company, we'd be fighting like the gods of war when they all left and it would NEVER happen again.
Maybe you can tell her how upset and uncomfortable that made you feel, and hopefully it would be enough of an excuse to get you out of going there? Just say something to the effect of "I don't think we can be joining you this year". If she asks why, say "well, honsetly I was very upset and unconfortable at the way " " yelled at you in front of everyone. I think that is uncalled for and it made me not want to return and see it again. I'm sorry if this makes you angry, but it's the truth. I love you and don't like to see anyone arguing especially in front of other people. I hope you'll understand and forgive me for not coming."
There's a lot more behind their fighting that meets the eye. He's more than just a jerk; he an abusive man. It's just hard to be around. I'm thinking that I'll tell her the truth and let the fur fly.
 

fwan

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 5, 2004
Messages
13,279
Purraise
2
Location
Australia
Just make sure that if anything to her happens with her hubby make sure that SHE is always welcome to your place.
 

gingersmom

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
May 11, 2006
Messages
8,028
Purraise
22
The truth is always better than a lie, even if sometimes it hurts.

I think that's the right thing to do, every time.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #15

lookingglass

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
May 24, 2006
Messages
11,090
Purraise
4
Location
On the 12th floor
Originally Posted by fwan

Just make sure that if anything to her happens with her hubby make sure that SHE is always welcome to your place.
Oh she is and always will be, it's just hard on all those involved.
 

fwan

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 5, 2004
Messages
13,279
Purraise
2
Location
Australia
Originally Posted by lookingglass

Oh she is and always will be, it's just hard on all those involved.
I know but incase you do tell the truth, conflict will arise and she may choose her husband over her family.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #17

lookingglass

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
May 24, 2006
Messages
11,090
Purraise
4
Location
On the 12th floor
Originally Posted by fwan

I know but incase you do tell the truth, conflict will arise and she may choose her husband over her family.
She has time and time again. It's rather sad, but I'm willing wait and help her when she asks for it.
 

jugen

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jun 8, 2001
Messages
5,124
Purraise
1
Location
IA. If you need me, just meow..
Noone should have to put up with someone that abuses them. Unfortunately she doesn't see it and noone will be able to tell her anything until it's gotten to the point she can't take it anymore, then you have to make sure that you're there for her. I had to have one of my ex's FRIENDS tell me that I needed to leave or I'd end up dead before I actually stopped and let it register.
She'll realize it. It's just a matter of time. And yes the fur is going to fly, but telling her about her abusive relationship is a good start towards her seeing the light. Maybe if she realizes what a horrible impact it is having on her family, it'll help her get out faster. Then again, it might not, it just takes time and patience.
 

lovinmom828

TCS Member
Super Cat
Joined
Aug 29, 2006
Messages
1,163
Purraise
1
Location
Oklahoma
Just tell them nicely that you would rather just spend a quite Hoilday at home this year I bet they will understand.
 
Top