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A white lie

post #1 of 21
Thread Starter 
DH and I don't want to go to my SIL's for Thanksgiving this year, so I told him that I would lie and say we were going out of town for the holiday. Do you think I should do this?
post #2 of 21
Yeah but you might get caught out in a few weeks when they ask you how the trip was!
post #3 of 21
Can you arrange things so that you really do go out of town?
post #4 of 21
Using the out of town excuse is a bit risky... why not just say that you are going to someone else's house, in town? A lonely friend from work, for example
post #5 of 21
why not just say the two of you would like a nice, quiet day/evening at home together?
post #6 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by SophieC View Post
why not just say the two of you would like a nice, quiet day/evening at home together?
We would, but she would pitch a HUGE fit. The out of town thing seems like our best option because my father lives about an hour away. The main reason that we don't want to go is because we don't want to deal with her horrible horrible husband. Last Christmas he screamed at her in front of the entire family. It was so upsetting that I told my husband I didn't want to go back.
post #7 of 21
I'm sorry, but if you tell her you want a quiet turkey day together, and she pitches a huge fit, I would simply tell her to get over herself - you are ENTITLED to a quiet holiday alone with your hubby, and that is nobody else's business!

send her over here, I'll take care of her for you!
post #8 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by GingersMom View Post
I'm sorry, but if you tell her you want a quiet turkey day together, and she pitches a huge fit, I would simply tell her to get over herself - you are ENTITLED to a quiet holiday alone with your hubby, and that is nobody else's business!

send her over here, I'll take care of her for you!
This is true, I'm starting to think I'm just going to tell her we are going to do it ourselves.
post #9 of 21
I say tell the lie, but make sure you have your stories ready in case it comes up again. From what I've read of you SIL's antics, you're not remotely obliged to go to her place for Thanksgiving.
post #10 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by lookingglass View Post
We would, but she would pitch a HUGE fit. The out of town thing seems like our best option because my father lives about an hour away. The main reason that we don't want to go is because we don't want to deal with her horrible horrible husband. Last Christmas he screamed at her in front of the entire family. It was so upsetting that I told my husband I didn't want to go back.
I can't believe that someone didn't put him in his place right then and there!
If my husband yelled at me in front of any company, we'd be fighting like the gods of war when they all left and it would NEVER happen again.
Maybe you can tell her how upset and uncomfortable that made you feel, and hopefully it would be enough of an excuse to get you out of going there? Just say something to the effect of "I don't think we can be joining you this year". If she asks why, say "well, honsetly I was very upset and unconfortable at the way " " yelled at you in front of everyone. I think that is uncalled for and it made me not want to return and see it again. I'm sorry if this makes you angry, but it's the truth. I love you and don't like to see anyone arguing especially in front of other people. I hope you'll understand and forgive me for not coming."
post #11 of 21
I would just be honest and tell her that you and your hubby want to spend thanksgiving by yourselves this year- that you haven't had much time with him lately because you've both been working hard and you just want a nice quiet dinner with him ....if she pitches a fit- tell her that you appreciate her offer, but that like you said before, you're spending thanksgiving alone with your hubby
post #12 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by jugen View Post
I can't believe that someone didn't put him in his place right then and there!
If my husband yelled at me in front of any company, we'd be fighting like the gods of war when they all left and it would NEVER happen again.
Maybe you can tell her how upset and uncomfortable that made you feel, and hopefully it would be enough of an excuse to get you out of going there? Just say something to the effect of "I don't think we can be joining you this year". If she asks why, say "well, honsetly I was very upset and unconfortable at the way " " yelled at you in front of everyone. I think that is uncalled for and it made me not want to return and see it again. I'm sorry if this makes you angry, but it's the truth. I love you and don't like to see anyone arguing especially in front of other people. I hope you'll understand and forgive me for not coming."
There's a lot more behind their fighting that meets the eye. He's more than just a jerk; he an abusive man. It's just hard to be around. I'm thinking that I'll tell her the truth and let the fur fly.
post #13 of 21
Just make sure that if anything to her happens with her hubby make sure that SHE is always welcome to your place.
post #14 of 21
The truth is always better than a lie, even if sometimes it hurts.

I think that's the right thing to do, every time.
post #15 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by fwan View Post
Just make sure that if anything to her happens with her hubby make sure that SHE is always welcome to your place.
Oh she is and always will be, it's just hard on all those involved.
post #16 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by lookingglass View Post
Oh she is and always will be, it's just hard on all those involved.
I know but incase you do tell the truth, conflict will arise and she may choose her husband over her family.
post #17 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by fwan View Post
I know but incase you do tell the truth, conflict will arise and she may choose her husband over her family.
She has time and time again. It's rather sad, but I'm willing wait and help her when she asks for it.
post #18 of 21
or act like you're sick if she's that bad.
post #19 of 21
Noone should have to put up with someone that abuses them. Unfortunately she doesn't see it and noone will be able to tell her anything until it's gotten to the point she can't take it anymore, then you have to make sure that you're there for her. I had to have one of my ex's FRIENDS tell me that I needed to leave or I'd end up dead before I actually stopped and let it register.
She'll realize it. It's just a matter of time. And yes the fur is going to fly, but telling her about her abusive relationship is a good start towards her seeing the light. Maybe if she realizes what a horrible impact it is having on her family, it'll help her get out faster. Then again, it might not, it just takes time and patience.
post #20 of 21
Just tell them nicely that you would rather just spend a quite Hoilday at home this year I bet they will understand.
post #21 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by jugen View Post
Noone should have to put up with someone that abuses them. Unfortunately she doesn't see it and noone will be able to tell her anything until it's gotten to the point she can't take it anymore, then you have to make sure that you're there for her. I had to have one of my ex's FRIENDS tell me that I needed to leave or I'd end up dead before I actually stopped and let it register.
She'll realize it. It's just a matter of time. And yes the fur is going to fly, but telling her about her abusive relationship is a good start towards her seeing the light. Maybe if she realizes what a horrible impact it is having on her family, it'll help her get out faster. Then again, it might not, it just takes time and patience.
I know that she knows about it; that's the sad part. I just don't want to be in the same room with her husband anymore. He makes me sick. She'll leave him eventualy, but it's going to take a lot more that just us not coming over to Thanksgiving.

I'm going to tell her that we are going to have one at home this year. She'll have to deal with it.
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