I'm soo upset! I can't believe he said that!

starryeyedtiger

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I am soo upset right now! I can't believe what Colin just said!
When I came home from my Psych II class earlier (about 2 1/2hrs ago)...he had Kenzie out of her cage and Kenzie,Fosters, and Colin were all three playing in the dining room. So of course- I thought that was sweet and maybe Colin was considering adopting Kenzie. Well...about 15 minutes ago, Kenzie....who mind you is still a very sick little kitten and is still growing into her bladder, had a small accident in the dining room (which is Colin's computer room)...on the carpet. She only went pee pee and it was a very small spot. Colin told me and so I immediately appologized to him and went in there and cleaned it up- you can't even tell she had an accident now. Well....while I was cleaning up her accident Colin said "Stupid B#t@h. I hate cats"....he didn't scream...he just said it calmly and annoyed. Well that really upset me!
First off, he NEVER uses the B word around me- I don't tolerate it and I find it degrading...so can you imagine how I felt when he called little Kenzie that! That really hurt my feelings! I put Kenzie in her carrier and then talked to Colin. I told him "I'm sorry she had an accident- she is still very small, and just like a small child has an accident sometimes....kittens are the same way, sometimes in a large room, they forget where their litter pan is or just can't make it in time- she's still growing into her bladder...and this is the first little accident she's had." I told him I was sorry about it and then I asked him I would be happy to go back to my house and take little Kenzie back with me if he hated cats soo much. - he quickly said..."no don't do that, Fosters really likes her" Then I calmly said- well I don't appreciate you cursing at a helpless little kitten who doesn't even weigh 2lbs yet. I let him know that I wouldn't tolerate that and that if it happened again, I would just pack up little Kenzie's things and mine and go back to my house" (I've been staying at Colin's because Kenzie, Colin, Fosters, and I have ringworm...and I don't want to give it to the rest of my animals...so my mom has been graciously watching my girls at home so that I will not expose them to ringworm, just until I heal up.) Well, Colin appologized and said he just thought cats were kind of stupid! - then I said "what kind of appology is that? Cat's are anything but stupid! They are very intelligent...as are many other types of animals. I do not appreciate you degrading one of my foster animals....or an entire species of animals for that matter." Then
I said- You know I like cat's right...I would think it's pretty obvious between my cats, my foster kittens, my obsession with TCS, and the amount of volunteer work I do.
Then he said "Yes, I know you love cats and I respect that. I'm sorry".....Well, I relunctantly forgave him...but i'm still quite upset over that. He has never said anything of that nature around me and especially not about cats- that's a big
....I let him know that I loved him and I appreciated him letting Kenzie and I stay with him through the whole ringworm thing....but if he said anything else negative about her or cats in general for that matter....that I would be more than happy to leave. I told him that I do a lot of volunteer work to help many different types of animals...I told him that my volunteer work and fostering is a special blessing in my life and something that I WILL NOT sacrafice. (he also knows that if we ever get married- the kitties go where I go
...and he's said before that he's fine with that) I also let him know that I didn't appreciate him demeaning my work or a part of God's creation simply because he was upset. I let him know that cats, just like other animals are very special to me and I set aside a special part of my life for them, so that when he demeans something I love soo much- that really hurts me as well as my feelings. He appologized and said that he was sorry for his comments...and that he liked having Kenzie around because Fosters is soo happy having a little friend....then he gave me a hug and a kiss before he left for work. I know he just said what he did earlier because he was upset that she had an accident....but I feel that it was totally uncalled for. I let him know that what he said ealier really hurt my feelings and that while I forgave him, I expected him not to repeat that...he was really sweet about it when he left for work a few minutes ago and insisted that Kenzie and I stay....but i'm still a bit upset.
It just really hurt my feelings that the man I love soo much- who knows how much I love and care about my cats and foster animals would say something so hurtfull without even thinking first.

I know there are several of you lovely folks on TCS who have delt with similar situations. I was wondering what ya'll thought. I am still a bit upset, but I also know that Colin is human too and makes mistakes. I don't wanna hold it against him- but I certainly will not accept comments like that. I let him know that and I think he understands now and sincerly means his apology.

(just a little side note- Dumping Colin is not an option....he knows that if he loves me, he has to accept and be kind to my cats also (which i think he has...he always lets me bring over foster kittens to his house and even helps feed and socialize them)...I think he was just maybe having a bad afternoon and said some words he should have without thinking.) -By the way, we never scream or anything when we fight- we just sit down and talk...which is what we did ealier..and we always resolve our arguments before one of us leaves the room.- I am not the type of woman to let a man walk all over me...so that's why I immediately addressed the issue and stood up for myself and my cat. I think Colin was sincerly sorry and had just spoken without thinking. What do you think??
 

tari

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Originally Posted by StarryEyedTiGeR

It just really hurt my feelings that the man I love soo much- who knows how much I love and care about my cats and foster animals would say something so hurtfull without even thinking first.
Sounds like you may have it right there. His temper probably got the better of him and he engaged his mouth before he engaged his brain.
It happens to the best of us sometimes.

If it were me, I'd forgive it and let it go...this one time. But I'd also keep my eyes open. The fact that he called you a name once could just be a lapse in judgement, but it could also be a sign of potentially abusive behavior. Also, if he really doesn't accept your love of cats, that could be a problem in the long run. I'd just keep a lookout for bad patterns of behavior. If it was just a one-time problem, OK...but if it happens again you'll probably really need to address it.

Sorry you're having such a bad day.
 

fwan

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Hi,
My bf has made stupid comments before but we have only been together for about 2 months.
He has never been brought up with animals because his mother has really bad allergy to cat/dog spit.
My bf has always made jokes that i should leave my kitties for him, and i put my foot down and said. Look if you dont like my cats then bloody well F*** off, because i have no need for a man who doesnt understand my children.
I told him that if he kept on saying stupid things like that then ill just break it off because it just makes me angry what he says.
Well so far its worked
 
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starryeyedtiger

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Originally Posted by Tari

Sounds like you may have it right there. His temper probably got the better of him and he engaged his mouth before he engaged his brain.
It happens to the best of us sometimes.

If it were me, I'd forgive it and let it go...this one time. But I'd also keep my eyes open. The fact that he called you a name once could just be a lapse in judgement, but it could also be a sign of potentially abusive behavior. Also, if he really doesn't accept your love of cats, that could be a problem in the long run. I'd just keep a lookout for bad patterns of behavior. If it was just a one-time problem, OK...but if it happens again you'll probably really need to address it.

Sorry you're having such a bad day.
Thanks Tari! You're a sweetheart! I'm glad to hear your input!
-Also, just to clarify- he didn't call me a B$%^&...he was refering to the kitten's accident.....if he had called me that...let's just say he'd be missing part of his face
.
 
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starryeyedtiger

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Originally Posted by fwan

Hi,
My bf has made stupid comments before but we have only been together for about 2 months.
He has never been brought up with animals because his mother has really bad allergy to cat/dog spit.
My bf has always made jokes that i should leave my kitties for him, and i put my foot down and said. Look if you dont like my cats then bloody well F*** off, because i have no need for a man who doesnt understand my children.
I told him that if he kept on saying stupid things like that then ill just break it off because it just makes me angry what he says.
Well so far its worked
I hope your bf stops cracking jokes like that. I'd be upset too
. Colin i think was just being stupid and didn't think before he spoke...he's never done anything like that in the two years i've been with him...so it startled me when he did that. He did appologize though- and definitely knows that if he loves and accepts me...he has to love and accept my kitties too now
 

fwan

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i dont know if i shared this on this board before, but once my ex pushed away kaylee so hard that she flew and smacked her self really hard against the wall, i went crazy and pushed him and smacked his head against the wall too, too bad it didnt hurt him as much as it did to Kaylee though :/
 
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starryeyedtiger

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Well...I think I have to forgive him now- He just stopped by for a moment while partoling this area (his district for the next 90 days includes his house and the area around it)....he stopped by for a minute and said that he was really sorry, he loved me, and was sorry that he didn't think before he spoke ealier. he even stopped for a minute to take Kenzie out of her carrier and kiss her goodbye too. Well...that was pretty darn sweet. I think I have to forgive him after that lol...
 

fwan

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Originally Posted by StarryEyedTiGeR

I hope your bf stops cracking jokes like that. I'd be upset too
. Colin i think was just being stupid and didn't think before he spoke...he's never done anything like that in the two years i've been with him...so it startled me when he did that. He did appologize though- and definitely knows that if he loves and accepts me...he has to love and accept my kitties too now
Yeah well my bf has only met my kitties once, i am sure he will fall in love with them once he spends more time with them!
 
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starryeyedtiger

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Originally Posted by fwan

i dont know if i shared this on this board before, but once my ex pushed away kaylee so hard that she flew and smacked her self really hard against the wall, i went crazy and pushed him and smacked his head against the wall too, too bad it didnt hurt him as much as it did to Kaylee though :/
I think you did share that actually...I want to say that I remember commenting on that. Wasn't it at that point that you decided to leave your ex? By the way, I think your a strong woman and applaud you for sharing your story and getting out of that type of relationship. That took a lot of guts!
I would have if mine ever hurt one of my animals or verbally abused me or tried to physically harm me. Thankfully with Colin though...I know he won't try that.He is usually VERY respectfull and gentleman like and always helps me out with my family and my animals when I need something or my family needs something. I think we have a good "argument style" as well....we sit down in the floor and talk...we never "scream or fight so to speak..we sit down and let each person talk about what upset them and why...and hear each other out...and we always resolve our arguments before going on with the rest of our day. I think our relationship is valued a lot by both of us- so we both work hard to address issues as soon as they pop up so they don't drag out into something more...that's why I instantly talked to him when he made those comments earlier. By they way-i'm sure Colin would NEVER harm me but if he ever did....he'd be toast....and i'd be gone! I don't do second chances in situations like that. I value myself more.
 
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starryeyedtiger

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Originally Posted by fwan

Yeah well my bf has only met my kitties once, i am sure he will fall in love with them once he spends more time with them!
Well, i'm sure you're right on that note!
Once he gets to know them i'm sure he'll love them too.
 
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starryeyedtiger

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Originally Posted by kittylover4ever

Given the circumstances, I wouldn't hold this one time against him.
I think your right. He seems sincerly sorry for his comment earlier. He even stopped in while on the clock to kiss me and appologize for a minute before going on with the rest of his night. He said he didn't want me to be upset all night over his comment and was really sorry. He's a good man...and I know he's not perfect...so if he slips up just this once, i think i'll have to forgive him
 
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starryeyedtiger

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Originally Posted by fwan

yes a few days after that i went back to my parents place
That's good
I'm glad you were brave enough to do that!
 

miagi's_mommy

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aww..he had no right to call her that.
hopefully he won't do it again.
I hope tomorrow is better for all of you.
 

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While I was reading the story, it really sounded to me like he just really, REALLY wasn't thinking. Especially after he tried to qualify it with the "kinda dumb" statement, then he just really put his foot in it. I guess they get to do that once in a while, LOL. Plus he really apologized well - to you AND to the kitty.

He was probably bummed out because he had to go to work and leave you all.
 
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starryeyedtiger

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Originally Posted by Miagi's_Mommy

aww..he had no right to call her that.
hopefully he won't do it again.
I hope tomorrow is better for all of you.
Thankyou
I don't think we'll have a repeat
..../ Tomorrow is his first day off work in a while- he's been worked to death lately since one of the other cops committed suicide a few weeks ago....it was in his district and on his shift - so I know he's really stressed (which is no excuse, and he knows that
...but If that's the worse he's ever done...and he was sincerly sorry...i'll accept his appology
...he's cooking his own dinner though!
I'm going to the gym in a minute. I'll let him fend for himself on that note
 
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starryeyedtiger

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Originally Posted by kluchetta

While I was reading the story, it really sounded to me like he just really, REALLY wasn't thinking. Especially after he tried to qualify it with the "kinda dumb" statement, then he just really put his foot in it. I guess they get to do that once in a while, LOL. Plus he really apologized well - to you AND to the kitty.

He was probably bummed out because he had to go to work and leave you all.
I agree...he was just not having a good day and wasn't thinking when he said it- which definitely does not justify it...however, he was sincerly sorry (and I could tell
). He even came back a few minutes into his shift (he's a cop) and stopped in long enough to appologize again, kiss me, and even get Kenzie out of her carrier and kiss her too - it was cute. He ment it
. / I'm about to go to the gym and destress a little bit! - as soon as Oprah goes off
lol....hopefully we will have a better night tonight
 

tari

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Originally Posted by StarryEyedTiGeR

-Also, just to clarify- he didn't call me a B$%^&...he was refering to the kitten's accident.....if he had called me that...let's just say he'd be missing part of his face
.
I'm glad you clarified that...and glad you wouldn't put up with it! My DH knows that there's no way I'd put up with being talked to like that either.


I'm glad he came home and apologized to you and Kenzie. That's so sweet! I think he was just having a bad day and once he calmed down he was over it.
 
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