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To just top off my week...

post #1 of 19
Thread Starter 
I have this friend - she's been dating her boyfriend for 1 year this August. Its been a long distance relationship the whole year, with them both at different schools.

She recently told him that if he doesn't propose to her by this weekend, she's breaking up with him. SO - Monday, she went out and bought a wedding dress - he had not even proposed, nor did she tell him that she bought the dress. She booked a photographer and a DJ...didn't tell him, he still had not proposed!

So, last night - he did it. Under the pressure, not because HE wanted to. It wasn't a surprise, she knew it was going to happen, beacuse SHE wanted it.

This disgusts me beyond belief! Why would you pressure your soon to be husband into something like that? This marriage is headed for divorce already - I think we need to call the show Bridezilla, cuz she's gonna be the worst one yet! UGH!
post #2 of 19
Oh my, that would have went over like a lead brick with Jerry!!! I sure as heck wouldn't want to start a marriage out that way.............
post #3 of 19
The only time I can see an ultimatum being good is if the guy says he wants to marry the girl, but has been putting it off for a LOOOONNNNGGG time (i.e., years).

I think she manipulated him into and I think he's going to resent her because of it. I also think she's more focused on the WEDDING than the marriage, and that in itself is the wrong way to think. Sure, it's great to have a nice wedding (mine is coming up soon), but if you're not thinking about what it'll be like to be married to that person, then what's the point?

I'm sorry for your friend, because she can't see what she's doing, and I'm sorry for the guy, because I don't think it's hit him yet what she's doing.
post #4 of 19
Oh my! If I were him (and no offense to your friend, Kenz) I would run as far away from this chick as I could!
post #5 of 19
I certainly wouldn't want a man in that manner.
Poor guy.
post #6 of 19
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by squirtle View Post
Oh my! If I were him (and no offense to your friend, Kenz) I would run as far away from this chick as I could!
I felt the same way!

She said the only reason she wanted to be proposed to so soon was because her brother is home on leave, and she thought he'd want to see the ring.

Seriously. Send a picture.

I think she used that as an excuse to seal the deal!
post #7 of 19
Gee, that's horrible!! And after a year of long distance dating, how could you be sure???? How well could you know all of their quirks?
post #8 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by babyharley View Post
I felt the same way!

She said the only reason she wanted to be proposed to so soon was because her brother is home on leave, and she thought he'd want to see the ring.

Seriously. Send a picture.

I think she used that as an excuse to seal the deal!
Go talk some sense into the poor guy!
post #9 of 19
It sounds like this girl wants a wedding....not a marriage
post #10 of 19
Maybe they will wind up on Dr. Phil Not a good idea to pressure someone into marrige, it's hard enough these days to get one to last.
post #11 of 19
Wow! Lee would never ever propose if I told him he had to by a certain date! He would walk out before I even finished the sentence!! I feel for both of them because I agree with you Kenz, this marriage isn't going to last.
post #12 of 19
She's only going to hurt herself in the long run.
post #13 of 19
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phenomsmom View Post
Wow! Lee would never ever propose if I told him he had to by a certain date! He would walk out before I even finished the sentence!! I feel for both of them because I agree with you Kenz, this marriage isn't going to last.
Same with John!
post #14 of 19
That's nuts!!

I'm going through something similar sort of... Chad & I have been together for almost 7 years and have just bought our first home- we've talked about getting married and kind of decided within the next year or two, which means around now is when we should/would be getting engaged.

Well it hasn't happened yet and I'll admit I'm getting kind of antsy- but my friend keeps trying to convince me I need to give him an ultimatum- either buy the ring or pack his bags! She thinks I need to demand he propose and even suggested I set a date & start preparing.... WHAT!? Why would I go and say something as stupid as that and ruin our relationship over a piece of jewelry?

Not only do I refuse to do that because it's not how we work, but that's not why I want Chad to propose!!! I don't want to force him to be with me- geeze! That is pretty much what she did with her hubby and they've only been married a little over a year- and they fight all the time. I think Miss Mew knows what she is talking about- your friend (and my friend) wants a wedding not a marriage!

I just don't understand how some gals think. Don't you want to be proposed to because HE WANTS TO not because he is being forced to!?

Yeesh! It bugs me!

And for anyone that cares- instead of me demanding a ring we talked about it and decided to wait until next spring/summer when the mowing season starts back up and his funds are a little more flexible See... talking it out is much better- now we are both happy with the plan as of now!
post #15 of 19
Well, I can honestly say I've thought about giving my own boyfriend an ultimatum like that (but with a longer time-frame, like say by the end of the year, or by the time I turn 30, or what have you), because after a while of being together, you start to wonder where things are going. Like, okay, he says he loves me, we've been living together for three years, we've discussed marriage and agreed it's something we both want ... Why the wait?!? So, if he's not willing to commit after a few years of knowing what you both want, I think it would be reasonable to cut your losses and find a partner who does know what he wants and is willing to go for it. And yes, I know in theory we women can propose too, but I know my boyfriend wouldn't think it "counted" because traditionally he's supposed to be the one doing the proposing, and I'm pretty sure he's not the only guy out there like that!

So, yeah, I've thought about it. But it's not something I'd do, because it would horribly, horribly backfire in one way or another -- it's a lose/lose situation. If he agrees to it, I'd be disgusted with him for being so weak-willed and for letting me walk all over him. If he didn't agree to it, either I'd have to break up with him because that's what I said I'd do, or I'd stay with him and he'd know I was incapable of following through on any threat, making me the weak-willed one who gets all walked over. Or he'd be disgusted at me for making the ultimatum in the first place, and would leave rather than be stuck with such a manipulative, controlling . In any event, not the best basis for a relationship!
post #16 of 19
wow...now i'm still waiting for Colin to pop the question....but I definitely wouldn't use that tactic! That's just wrong!! The guy should WANT to propose to you because he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you...not because he was forced to propose by a certain date or you would leave him! That's just wrong!!! You don't force someone into a proposal or marriage.
post #17 of 19
Hey kenz, you could make alot of money if you reported her on a funny tv show
post #18 of 19
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by fwan View Post
Hey kenz, you could make alot of money if you reported her on a funny tv show
We were thinking about calling the show - Bridezilla. I love that show so much - she would definately make the cut!
post #19 of 19
First of all, a year is not that long and it is a long distance relationship which means it is harder to commit.

There are situations where one's goal is marriage and a family. And there is only a short time span of about 15-20 years where it is reasonable and feasible. If your partner just doesn't seem to want to commit, then it is time to say "commit" or you move on.

This just sounds like "I want attention".
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