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What do you think about this?

post #1 of 24
Thread Starter 
Ok well as most of you know my sister just got married and had a baby. Well She married a black man who is one of the nicest guys I know. Black husband+ white wife = mixed baby right?

So my grandparents live in northern Indiana had no idea her husband wasn't white. They came down to visit on the 4th and nothing was said. Last night mom mom was talking to my grandmother and told her that John is black. She proceeded to ask "how black is John?" and "what color is the baby?" Add this to her telling my mom how black granite countertops and yellow paint won't look good (my kitchen has black and yellow!!)and her critisizing everything my mom does and it blew up into a huge confrontation. Well my mom threw them out.

Does anyone else see this as crazy? I know they grew up in an era where inter-racial relationships are not the norm and still have a hard time with it but to ask such stupid questions when it does't really matter "how black John is" and what color the baby is!!

Thanks had to vent!!
post #2 of 24
That's really unfortunatate...and the sad thing is it really isn't about what era you grew up in anymore...there are plenty of young people with the same views. Your mom did the right thing.
post #3 of 24
I know, it's difficult to get them to understand that it doesn't matter what colour you are these days does it

Your grandparents are what we call here in the UK as " Old school " because they still live in the past on subjects such as this.

I think coloured babies are so cute as well
post #4 of 24
Thread Starter 
Its really unfortunate. My mom just rekindled the relationship with her dad a few years ago. Now there is no relationship there again. I feel bad for her cause this is tough on her.
post #5 of 24
All I will say is that there is nothing wrong with an inter-racial relationship, a human-being is a human-being, especially if this man makes your sister happy, that really is all that should matter. Your grandmother unfortunately seemed to not I'm sorry your mom is having to go through this, hopefully they will be able to mend the fence
post #6 of 24
I'm so sorry your sister, her husband, and baby became victims of ignorance (no, I'm not saying your grandparents are stupid, ). I think it's hard for many of us in this generation to understand teh bigotry that seems to seep out from your grandparents' generation.

What part of Northern Indiana? I grew up in Gary, IN where race isn't as much of an issue, but my fiance grew up in Warsaw, where there is less tolerance for other races. I only ask because even though Indiana isn't that wide of a state, there are HUGE differences in different cities.
post #7 of 24
Well years ago in Green Bay its was "rumoured" that if one saw a black man he was most likely a football player!!! REALLY!!!!
Anyhow thats too bad for your mom-I think its do in part to ignorance and not enough exposure to different races/cultures.
My parents neighbors are Asian and to tell the truth mom and dad ahven't had much exposure to other races/cultures. But in interacting with them they have learned alot and have really changed their attitude/opinions to the better!!
post #8 of 24
Thread Starter 
They are from around South Bend. My grandmother still calls black people darkies. It is just ignorance on her part and she just doesn't accept it.
post #9 of 24
My husband's grandparents are exactly the same way! So is my step-mother's Mom.

When DH's sister got married to a Puerto Rican-American (born and raised in Charleston, SC), DH's grandparents asked Sean "what are you?" He had no clue what they were talking about... Then when they had their first son, the grandparents asked if the baby was "dark like Sean." They told Jack's parents that they hoped that Martha Elizabeth's paleness would "dilute Sean's ethnicity." They are morons!

When my parents decided to adopt Shaheim (my African American baby brother), my step-mom's Mother told them they should change his name to Sean so it wouldn't sound "black." My step-mother told her that he was black, and he was a human, not an adopted puppy--he knew his name! When they first met Shaheim, their first reaction was "well he certainly is black." The dumbest part of all of it is they wanted my parents to act like they had adopted Shaheim from Africa. They didn't have a problem with the fact that he had black skin, just that he came from the ghetto in NC.

Of course Jack's grandparents grew up in rural GA, and my step-grandparents are from Chatenuga TN.
post #10 of 24
My parents are from the South and have become a lot more tolerant, in the past few decades. As a child, I was told to NEVER bring home a Hispanic guy. Now, I have a Hispanic DIL and two (almost three) beautiful granddaughters. My parents think they are ALL just wonderful.
post #11 of 24
I'm very sorry to hear this. I think that they look like a wonderful couple, so happy and in love. And that baby is beautiful!! It's ashame that this is happening. I wish I could say something to make you and your mom feel better, but I don't know what. Unfortunately the older we get, the more set in our ways we get. And their opinions, however wrong they are, will most likely not change. Your sister and her hubby are very blessed to have the kind of union that they have and to have a baby to love and raise together.
post #12 of 24
You know anymore I am getting less and less tolerant about these sort of attitudes. My sons GF is mixed (Black/White, I am not sure if "mixed" is the proper word) and so are both of her younger sisters. They are the most beautiful girls.

I know I was raised with a different line of thinking but I have learned that people are people no matter what color/nationality they are.
post #13 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by goosehazel View Post
I'm very sorry to hear this. I think that they look like a wonderful couple, so happy and in love. And that baby is beautiful!! It's ashame that this is happening. I wish I could say something to make you and your mom feel better, but I don't know what. Unfortunately the older we get, the more set in our ways we get. And their opinions, however wrong they are, will most likely not change. Your sister and her hubby are very blessed to have the kind of union that they have and to have a baby to love and raise together.
I'm confused - is there a pic in this thread? Cos I don't see one :/

Racism irritates me. Luckily I was brought up that everyone is equal and skin color/ethnicity has nothing to do with ANYTHING. I've been in an interracial relationship for years though - I'm white and my boyfriend is Chinese. We've gotten looks when walking down the street together, and he has experienced some racism in my presence. The one time that really stands out is when he hahd to park his car across the street. It ended up parked there for three days (long story) so the neighbor left a note asking us to move it. Which in itself is fine - I wouldn't have left a note after only three days, but whatever. But the issue was how the note was worded "Don't park your car here again, you **** gook". I was so angry I was shaking - I didn't even want to show him the note but he'd seen it already and made me show him...having someone you love treated that way is really hard to take. It's just so ridiculous to judge someone based on skin color.

Phenomsmom, your mom did the right thing. xx
post #14 of 24
I have to admit I have never understood prejudice. I have a half-brother who lives in Missouri. We just found him about 15 yrs. ago. I cannot believe his attitude about black folk - it is totally ignorant. When he found out we had black friends, he seriously asked if we allowed them in our house! My sweet, gentle, laid-back husband almost got into a verbal match with them trying to change their minds. I intervened and later told him when we were alone that it was useless to try to change their minds.

I'll be glad when we can all judge people by how they treat us and others rather than by the colour of their skin or their religion.
post #15 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by goosehazel View Post
Unfortunately the older we get, the more set in our ways we get. And their opinions, however wrong they are, will most likely not change.
What I don't understand is, why is this considered acceptable? "They're old and set in their ways, we can't expect them to change." (I'm not ragging on you, Goosehazel -- your post just reminded me of a sore point when it comes to dealing with our elders.) We're always told to revere and respect our elders, but why should we, when we're also told that their opinions won't change no matter how outmoded and disrespectful they are? I don't care if I'm being a disrespectful "brat" -- if my grandmother makes a racist comment, I'm calling her on it. Respect is something you should earn, and I don't consider being older than me a way of earning it. Congratulations, you're old. You're also a bigot, you're intolerant of change, and you frequently insult people who are important to me. Respect what, exactly?

I'm not saying all elderly people are intolerant bigots, or that they're all incapable of change. My boyfriend's late grandmother was a cool, openminded lady, and even my racist grandmother has some good qualities and I love her in spite of her flaws. I'm just saying that it bugs me that because someone has lived past a certain milestone, they're allowed to get away with stuff we'd never let a twenty-year-old get away with. Having celebrated more birthdays than other people shouldn't give you carte blanche when it comes to basic etiquette and human dignity.

Sorry ... Did anyone else want to borrow this soapbox?
post #16 of 24
Thread Starter 
I am so glad everyone agrees with us!! When my sis and her husband first got together it was really hard on my dad. He just didn't beleive in the whole inter-racial thing. Now he accepts that she loves him and he loves her and skin color doesn't matter. He wasn't racist just thought whites with whites and that sort of thing. They are going to havea tough time around our area since we live in the south and its still not accepted around here.

I am just glad they are a happy family with a beautiful healthy baby girl!

Arcadian girl-I haven't posted any pics here but I will show of my neice here in a minute!
post #17 of 24
Thread Starter 
Here is my neice!!
post #18 of 24
Awww she's adorable <3
post #19 of 24
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by arcadian girl View Post
Awww she's adorable <3
Thanks! I think she is too! But of course I could be slightly biased!!
post #20 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phenomsmom View Post
Thanks! I think she is too! But of course I could be slightly biased!!
Maybe just a little I know the feeling, Brandon is the cutest baby boy ever
post #21 of 24
Brandi, thats really unfortunate. You would think that your grandparents would be so happy that they have a new beautiful granddaughter - who is HEALTHY! Why would her skin matter? Or her fathers for that much?

She is gorgeous
post #22 of 24
I can relate my whole family would disown me if I ever dated a black man. My cousin dated a black man and she had a baby with him and my dad doesn't really speak to her anymore. My aunt cusses about it all the time and Angela is her grandaughter, my cousin's mother said they baby was welcome in her house but not the baby's daddy. And I they said Lexi can't have any black friends over, the baby, and I said how are you going to stop her and they just refuse to give in. They love Angela and Lexi but they say its because Lexi can't help it and I said well last time I checked you couldn't choose what color God made you. They did not like that comment. And I don't even bother to argue with the family anymore mostly because I am not going to change them so there is no use trying.
post #23 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phenomsmom View Post
Here is my neice!!
What a gorgeous girl! look at those bright eyes
post #24 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mirinae View Post
What I don't understand is, why is this considered acceptable? "They're old and set in their ways, we can't expect them to change." (I'm not ragging on you, Goosehazel -- your post just reminded me of a sore point when it comes to dealing with our elders.)

Sorry ... Did anyone else want to borrow this soapbox?
well, i agree with you - but also...my grandmother is 92. while she is way too polite to say anything to a person's face, i know she would not want me to date/marry a black man. it was simply not done for so much of her life - & it's hard to change after so many years. i love her, & i'm not going to ruin the relationship with an argument about this unless i have a man worth fighting about then i might reconsider.
the baby is a real cutie
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