"Because I'm a Man" ~ an afternoon smile for ya

Because I'm a Man

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will
fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling
AAA
is not an option. I will win.
______________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I
will
pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking
at.
If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used
to
be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and
everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a
couple
of beers and break wind, as a form of holy communion.
_______________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to
bring
me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a
woman.
You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
_______________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic
groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to
find
exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the
same
thing.
_______________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops
working, I
will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just
cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put
it
back together.
_______________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote
control
in
my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss
a
whole show looking for it.....though one time I was able to survive
by
holding a calculator..... (applies to engin eers mainly).
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Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm
thinking
about. The true answer is always either s**, cars, s**, sports or
s**.
I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
_______________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or
have
your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think
about
her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is
okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something
for
my mother, too.
_______________________________________________

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the
movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I
didn't....and
if you are feeling amorous afterwards....then I will certainly at
least
remember the name and recommend it to others.
_______________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I
thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either
pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your
hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
_______________________________________________

Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2006, I
will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the
cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the
rest...... Like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering
what to do.


This has been a public service message for women to better
understand men.

My hubby is good for all of these except the remote....he would rather holler, "c'mon babe fast forward through the commercials, slacker!" to me than do it himself!

Does your hubby also laugh when you fast forward too far every time?!

Originally Posted by twstychik

Does your hubby also laugh when you fast forward too far every time?!

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Mine is the one who does that!

I usually tell him to do it himself if he thinks he can do better... but I think he enjoys laughing too much. We actually both have TV remotes though. My VCR remote works the TV too so we'll get into clicking wars... lots of fun.

I have a funny story about men and remote controls....

When I was in kindergarten, my teacher wanted to hold me back because she felt I was too immature to be placed in first grade. When my mother inquired as to how they figured I was too immature, the teacher said, "Well, she says 'taters and 'maters, for one thing." My mom explained that my grandfather taught me that, but that I did know the real words.

Now here's the funny part. The teacher continued, "Also, we asked all the students this question,'What do you do with a television?' Your daughter had the most peculiar answer. She said, 'You turn it.'" That is when my mother laughed, looked at her square in the eyes and asked, "Do you have a husband?" Perplexed, my teacher responded that yes, she did. "What does HE do with the television?"

I was promptly passed into the first grade.

"Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic
groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to
find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the
same thing."

This is SO TRUE! I do all the cooking (b/c I love to cook) and grocery shopping (b/c I love to cook with the proper ingrediants) but whenever I send DH to the store for me, I usually put on the list:
1. Name of what I want: Flat Leaf Parsley
2. What it is: A Vegetable/Herb
3. Where can I find it?: In the fresh veggie dept, along the wall, in a bag, between the cucmbers and the peppers--looks like a weed.

If possible I will write out the entire name including who makes it.

Once I sent Jack to the store for Phylo Dough (I was making crab puff shells for a party and was up to my elbows in appetizers). I sent him with the aisle number and who made it.

He came home with a pre-formed pie crust and a bag of frozen crab appetizers and a look of defeat.

Originally Posted by MissintheSouth

This is SO TRUE! I do all the cooking (b/c I love to cook) and grocery shopping (b/c I love to cook with the proper ingrediants) but whenever I send DH to the store for me, I usually put on the list:
1. Name of what I want: Flat Leaf Parsley
2. What it is: A Vegetable/Herb
3. Where can I find it?: In the fresh veggie dept, along the wall, in a bag, between the cucmbers and the peppers--looks like a weed.

If possible I will write out the entire name including who makes it.

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At our house, I do all the cooking and Pat does all the shopping (at his insistence...he figures this is a fair division of labor). This poses some serious problems at times, because the statement above is only too true. He does pretty good with things he's accustomed to buying, but any time I add a new thing to the list the results are totally unpredictable, even with very specific information supplied. If it's something I expect will be a regular item in the future, I'll ususally stop at the store and buy the first one myself, then cut out the label and save it so I can staple it to the next grocery list.

You guys are lucky, my hubby will NOT even go to the shop rite (in his defense our shoprite is a small slice of hell). He will however drop me off at the door, go to his friends, and pick me up when I call. Which covers all the basics that I need, help loading it into the car, and carrying it into the house!

because i am a man, tofu is not food

Originally Posted by theimp98

because i am a man, tofu is not food

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( I do agree with you on that 1!!!)