Need Advice

nonstop · Sep 23, 2006

Hello,

I'm new to the forum. I recently had my life turned upside down and the biggest issue for me right now is what to do with my cat. Here's the deal:

About 1 year ago my girlfriend and I (we had lived together for 2 years) decided to get a cat. He was the best thing that ever happened to us, a third family member. We both love him to death. Fast forward to 5 days ago, I caught my girlfriend cheating on me (with someone who I thought was a good friend of mine no less). Needless to say I moved out and the relationship is over. Well I took the cat and the rest of my belongings (which was just about everything in our apartment) and am currently shacked up at my fathers until I figure out what to do next and where to live.

Here is the big problem. I am an airline pilot, so I'm gone too much to be the sole provider of a cat. Here are my options:

1) Return the cat to my x-girlfriend. Problem is I'll essentially be giving him up and never see him again. My x-girlfriend loves the cat to death but has a very low paying job. She's also had issues in the past involving drug use. I have no doubt she'll take good care of the cat if she stays sober, to the best of her ability. She at least said she'll get pet insurance.

2) Get a condo/apt near my mothers house. I could keep the cat with me half the week, the other half when I'm gone I could keep it at my mothers. One issue here she already has 2 cats and 2 dogs... not sure how they'll all get along. Also not sure how healthy it would be for the cat to change homes twice a week. Can they adapt to a situation like that?

I ultimately want the best for the cat, and don't want to be selfish... which is why I'm seeking advice from the cat lovers here, I know you'll base your decisions on what's best for the cat. Thanks for taking the time to read and any suggestions you can offer.

icklemiss21 · Sep 23, 2006

Most cats will not take well to changing homes so often (not all cats - some are fine with change) but it doesn't seem like a long term solution.

Perhaps look for someone to share the apartment who doesn't mind cats and would keep it company and feed it / clean its litter while you are gone. It seems a little too often to just have your mother come by daily to check on it.

Or, if you feel she will look after him well, give the cat back to your ex knowing that at least if something does happen she has the insurance to cover it.

crittermom · Sep 23, 2006

I agree with trying to find a roomate.Cats get stressed out so easy!

lovemybabies · Sep 23, 2006

Aww that's really sad, I'm sorry you have to deal with it! I definitely agree that the cat shouldn't be moved around so much. Maybe you could try a trial period at your mom's house? Have your kitty stay there a week or two and see how they all get along?

gailuvscats · Sep 23, 2006

Well, here's a solution. Move close to your mother, get another cat, and hire a petsitter to come by when you are out of town, and your mother could stop in once in a while to visit. Eventually, you will move another girl into your place and have a permanent helper, or the roomate idea is good too. Get a two bedroom, and have the understanding with the roomate that catsitting is part of the deal. But, two cats, so when you are gone, they have a buddy to play with. I find the same age and gender usually make the best match.

willie'slove · Sep 23, 2006

Well, Willie lives at a different home 2/7 days a week. Although, he jhas been doing this all his life, so heis used to it.

When I visit my dad on the weekends, Willie comes. So from Saturday morning to Sunday afternoon.

Its hard work though, packing everything up and moving it. So, I think what you would want to do is have two of everything. Literbox, food, water, toys.

one thing that i would recommend though, is that if you do decide to switch the cat back and forth, DO NOT LET IT GET OUTSIDE AT ALL. The reason for this, is that it they are two different worlds, but yo kitty may not know that, and may get lost!! Willie had been outside with me at both houses, but I dont do that anymore, because hes getting older, and because of his new disability.

Hope this helps!

willie'slove · Sep 23, 2006

One more thing! Willie has one room at both houses that are HIS! My bedroom! So you dont have to worry about other animals as long as he has an area without them, that he stays in when you aren't around, or your mother.

I have 4 dogs, and one other cat at one house, and two dogs at the other. So thats one of the reasons I keep him in the room. We have a doggy door at one house also, so his new thing is that he climbs out after the doggies go out, which is not a good thing AT ALL.

Definitely consider this though.

Thanks, Julia

sims2fan · Sep 23, 2006

If you think its highly likely that your girlfriend will go back to her old lifestyle then I urge you not to take him back. Getting a roommate would be idea that way your cat would ony have to move once.

Good Luck!

nonstop · Sep 25, 2006

Thanks for the advice everyone!

Currently I have the cat in a stable situation with me, and when I'm gone there will be responsible people around him. He's even got large windows to stare through into where other woodland creatures venture. I should be able to keep things status quo for a month or two before I make my next move. The roommate suggestion was a good idea and something I'm considering now.

I am also considering just giving him to my mother, and being able to visit. He's a Russian Blue so I think he stands a good chance of socializing well with her other animals. However I really, really would like to keep him for myself (as long as it doesn't sacrifice his quality of life).

Getting a second cat is something I may look into as well.

The x-gf option is still open. I don't think it's *likely* that she could regress but unfortunately I don't think it's out of the question. Giving the cat back to her is a last resort. She does love the cat very much though.

If anyone has any other ideas I'd love to hear them. I certainly am no where near making up my mind yet. Thanks again!

gingersmom · Sep 25, 2006

First of all, I'm VERY sorry about your relationship ending that way - that really bites, and no one deserves that.

As far as advise, I'm all for the give the kitty to your mom idea, that way you can visit whenever you want to, and your kitty will still love you and you know he'll be well taken care of, and you will be released from the worry and the stress of responsibility. And if it will help you feel good about it, you can offer to pay for all kitty care, that way your mom won't feel put upon with the extra furfamily addition.

luckygirl · Sep 25, 2006

Hi!!! Welcome to The Cat Site!!!

I'd just like to say, that I too am sorry you are going through that. It totally sucks, and it's never fair.

I don't know if it works for guys, but when I have a breakdown I always pick up a pint of Ben & Jerry's to help get me through it, and a bottle of wine.

Maybe that'll help mend your broken heart....

As for the kitty, I would also like to say, that you are obviously a very kind & caring person, to search out the best care for you cat. I commend you on that!

Alot of selfish people would not care so much. You have several option that would work:

*try giving your baby to your mom, on a trial period, but research socializing cats with animals so that it's done right. You can visit, and he has someone to love him at all times.

*if you keep him with you, move closer to home, so your mom is available to stop by the days your away (she can collect your mail too!). And definately get another cat. Half the time my 2 don't even notice I'm home, they're too busy playing kitty WWF, or kitty nascar through my house. Also, make sure you have plenty of trees/climbing things to keep them busy. But if you get another cat, make sure you have several days in a row to police the 2 during their introduction period.

*get a roomate, a cat-lover (we recently had a fellow TCS-er who left her roomate cause the roomate was mis-treating her kitty), and explain that you'd need someone to care for your kitt while your away, and maybe you could give them an extra $50 off the rent for taking care of your russian blue.

The other members have given you some great advice to your post! I hope it works out for you & your kitty! And welcome to TCS!!!! You seem like a very responsible pet owner who loves their kitty very much!! We're glad to have you here! And we're glad to help you anytime!!!!

starryeyedtiger · Sep 25, 2006

Originally Posted by LuckyGirl

Hi!!! Welcome to The Cat Site!!!

I'd just like to say, that I too am sorry you are going through that. It totally sucks, and it's never fair.

I don't know if it works for guys, but when I have a breakdown I always pick up a pint of Ben & Jerry's to help get me through it, and a bottle of wine.

Maybe that'll help mend your broken heart....

As for the kitty, I would also like to say, that you are obviously a very kind & caring person, to search out the best care for you cat. I commend you on that!

Alot of selfish people would not care so much. You have several option that would work:

*try giving your baby to your mom, on a trial period, but research socializing cats with animals so that it's done right. You can visit, and he has someone to love him at all times.

*if you keep him with you, move closer to home, so your mom is available to stop by the days your away (she can collect your mail too!). And definately get another cat. Half the time my 2 don't even notice I'm home, they're too busy playing kitty WWF, or kitty nascar through my house. Also, make sure you have plenty of trees/climbing things to keep them busy. But if you get another cat, make sure you have several days in a row to police the 2 during their introduction period.

*get a roomate, a cat-lover (we recently had a fellow TCS-er who left her roomate cause the roomate was mis-treating her kitty), and explain that you'd need someone to care for your kitt while your away, and maybe you could give them an extra $50 off the rent for taking care of your russian blue.

The other members have given you some great advice to your post! I hope it works out for you & your kitty! And welcome to TCS!!!! You seem like a very responsible pet owner who loves their kitty very much!! We're glad to have you here! And we're glad to help you anytime!!!!

I think LuckyGirl as well as many of the other lovely member on here gave you some excellent advice!! I definitely agree with LuckyGirl- I would try out those suggestions first. Best of luck to you!! Feel free to pm me if there is anything you have a question about or need help with! I'd be happy to help you! You sound like a very loving and kind animal owner! I definitely think you should be applauded for trying to figure out what's best for your kitty!

I would suggest trying to add another kitty and just hiring a pet sitter to stop in once a day on the days that you are out of town. (I've had EXCELLENT expreiences with CritterSitters before...they were very kind and took great care of my animals the last time I went out of town and didn't want to kennel them). Good luck whatever you decide! Also, I wanted to welcome you to TCS!

Everyone is soo nice here! You'll love it!

lokismum · Sep 25, 2006

I'm so sorry! I agree with Lucky Girl. Russian blues are very sociable kitties and he should adapt well, even if he does have to move back and forth. However, I would think that letting your ex have him would be a last resort unless you were positive that she wouldn't regress. I have my daughter's Russian blue with me now (for over a year) - while he still loves his meowmy and gets excited every time she visits, he's much better off here where he gets the attention (she's gone too much for work) and has Loki to play with.

shengmei · Sep 25, 2006

I think you should just give the cat to your mother. You can still take him back sometime in the future, when you find a good roomie. Three cats in one house is not a lot. I have five cats in my apartment.

catsknowme · Sep 25, 2006

Welcome to TCS. I'm very sorry to hear that your ex was so fickle - I think that you definitely deserve to keep the cat. I also think that your cat would do fine with staying with you and your mom, although 2 cats is a good idea, too. I found myself in a period of shuffling Joey and JC back and forth from my mom's. They have their own room there, with the boxes & feeding stations set up. I am very careful to keep them in their carriers during the transition time - coming to & from the car. JC would love to enjoy my mom's yard, but she lives too near a busy road, were he to jump the fence.
BTW, sounds like you have a very interesting job - I'm sure that we'd love to hear all about it

See ya in the forums! Susan

shengmei · Sep 25, 2006

It concerns me greatly that you are considering to let your ex keep the cat.

Your ex could probably take care of the cat perfectly, but that is not the issue. The issue is that if she befriends unsavory characters, the cat would be in danger.

My Chester was perfection in ten pounds. He was the most innocent, exquisite creature known to man. He did not deserve to die on account of me. His life was worth way more than mine. I loved him greatly and yet I failed to protect him. I let him get snatched right under my nose and I lost him.

I never could forgive myself and I never will. If you let your ex keep the cat, and someone close to your ex decides to kill it........you will only give your ex years of regret and pain. It cannot be worth it.

crystal211 · Sep 26, 2006

I would go with option #2 so you could make sure he's being taken care of properly...and I personally wouldn't give up my animals.

You really don't need to have your cat stay with your mom if she's willing to come over and feed him.

nonstop · Oct 13, 2006

First I would just like to thank you all for your helpful suggestions once again, this is a great community. I've read all the replies, several times.

I'm still not sure what path I'm going to take... I seem to change my mind daily. Sometime I will have to make a decision, the time is coming but fortunately I have a few months. Right now I'm leaning toward getting another kitten from the same breeder. Raiden is only 1 1/2 so I think he's young enough to be able to get along with a kitten, but I think he'll have a better chance if it comes from the same breeder.

I'm going to toss the idea out to my mother and my sister, about them being able to visit once a week for me. If they're okay with that... I think it may work out. That would mean the cats would generally just go a day in between human interaction. Here's an example of what I have in mind:

I leave early Monday. Mom comes Tuesday. Sister comes Wednesday. I get home late Thursday. Repeat every week. Throw in a pet sitter if needed. Do you think that they would be happy with a life like that? 4 days a week with limited human interaction? Keep in mind these are Russian Blues, and Rai is basically my shadow when I'm home. I understand some cats are more independent but this breed is really fond of their humans.

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